Chapter Twenty

Just one more evening , Lucien told himself as he left his room that evening.

Just one more evening to get through, and then the house party would be over. Vagrippa was hosting a large party tonight, with all their neighbors invited. Aksel's engagement to Dylan would likely be officially announced tonight.

Lucien had been so focused on keeping a smile on his face as he entered the ballroom that it took him a while to notice that someone had approached him.

He stiffened when he caught a whiff of the person's scent.

His heart beating faster, he turned his head and looked into a pair of eyes very much like his own.

Lohlan Deveraux was no longer the strong, physically imposing alpha he had been when Lucien had left his home. There was gray in his hair and a few deep lines around his eyes. He was thinner now too. But he exuded the same air of confidence and authority as the man Lucien had looked up to all his childhood.

"Lucien," he said, his voice very neutral.

Lucien blinked, bewildered and thrown off balance. It was the first time his father had acknowledged him by name in two decades.

"Mr. Deveraux," he said, just as neutrally. Hewas acutely aware that there were many eyes on them. No doubt people were as baffled by this development as he was.

A muscle jumped in his father's jaw. "There's no need for such formality. I'm your father."

"Are you?" Lucien said with a crooked smile. He hated that there was a small part of him that felt raw, vulnerable, and disgustingly hopeful. He hated that he hadn't managed to completely eradicate the fourteen-year-old boy who had once worshiped this man and missed him so much.

His father's lips thinned as he regarded him for a moment. "You should smile more sincerely if we're to do this or no one will buy our ‘reconciliation.'"

Lucien stared at him. "What?"

His father huffed. "Don't pretend you don't understand," he said, his voice pitched very low, only for Lucien's ears. "I don't know how you convinced the Cleghorn whelp to part with such a huge sum for you, but I'm a man of my word and I intend to keep my end of the deal."

It took Lucien a moment to understand what he was saying. Aksel had paid his father to make nice with him in public. Lucien wanted to laugh. Or maybe cry. Or both.

He did none of those things, of course.

He knew better than to waste Aksel's money.

He smiled. "You know me, Father," he said. "I'm very convincing. You always said I could catch a king with my smiles if I wanted to."

His father looked at him sourly. "You could. I had high hopes for you. That's why you disappointed me so much."

Lucien smiled brighter. "Sorry for having the gall to get gang-raped during my heat. That was naughty of me. I understand your disappointment. Poor you, being saddled with a soiled, pregnant omega of a son. Of course you had to throw me out."

"Don't take that tone with me, child."His father's jaw worked."I admit that I might have... overreacted at the time. But I did have high hopes for you, which was why I might have overreacted."

Oh, wow. By Lohlan Deveraux's standards, that was practically an admission of being wrong. It was almost an apology. Almost.

Too bad Lucien didn't feel charitable enough to accept a half-assed apology two decades later.

"You're a bit too late, Father," Lucien said with a wry smile. "I neither need nor want your excuses. I've grown up. I've moved on with my life."

His father's eyes bored into him. "You've always been a good liar," he said, taking his hand and putting it on his elbow. "Come."

"What are you doing?" Lucien hissed, barely moving his lips.

"Young Cleghorn has paid my debts in exchange for me making nice with you in public. A stroll around the room should do it. Smile."

"I don't want to smile at you."

"The Cleghorns must have been incredibly soft if you think it's fine for an omega to be so rude toward his father."

"Only fathers that kick out their teenage children," Lucien said through his teeth, but he did put on a smile and didn't resist as his father led him toward a group of socialites. His father joined their conversation, with Lucien's hand still tucked in his elbow.

People stared. But none of them said anything about Lucien's presence. And none of them excluded Lucien from their group. After a few minutes, Lucien found the courage to make a comment—and for once, it wasn't completely ignored.

The next hour passed like that, with his father guiding him around the room and letting everyone see that they had reconciled.

It was vaguely embarrassing—and infuriating, because it was working . Lucien had been spoken to in the past hour more than he had been spoken to at society events in the past twenty years. Most of the conversations were largely meaningless, stuff he didn't care about, but one of the subjects made Lucien freeze.

"So are we getting the announcement of the engagement tonight, Deveraux?" one of the guests asked. "We all heard the rumor."

"No," Lohlan said with a sneer. "There was something of a misunderstanding. Cleghorn should have asked me first. I accepted another offer for my son. It's just as advantageous, but without the baggage that comes with being mated to a Xeus."

Lucien couldn't even hear the rest of the conversation, his heart beating in his ears.

They had broken the engagement? Lucien had been wondering if something was amiss, since the engagement hadn't been announced officially and Aksel was still nowhere to be seen, but he hadn't thought…

At long last, his father seemed to be done socializing. He led him away from the crowd, toward the refreshments table.

"Are you sleeping with Cleghorn?"

Lucien choked on his drink. "What?" he stuttered.

His father's gaze was pensive. "There must be a reason the boy parted with such a huge sum for this farce. And he doesn't want to marry Dylan anymore."

So it was Aksel who had broken things off.

"Your insinuations are insulting," Lucien finally managed, realizing that he had to say something.

His father scoffed. "My insinuations are logical. No one pays that kind of money to help their stepfather. I'm not judging. Frankly, it was the smartest course of action you could take, given your lack of social standing. If you were smarter, you would have made your marriage to Garrick real years ago. But one of his heirs makes sense too. The eldest son would have been a more expected choice, of course, since he's your peer, but a younger, more virile alpha might be a better choice given your age."

Lucien didn't know whether to laugh or punch his father. He did neither.

"Thanks for your input," he said, very dryly. "I'm so glad you are not judging me." His father's expression didn't change, so Lucien had a feeling the sarcasm had flown right over his arroganthead. "I'm surprised you aren't angry because of the broken engagement."

His father's lips twisted. "I would be, if Cleghorn didn't offer to pay my debts. Frankly, this is more advantageous. I've received another excellent offer for your brother. He will accept it."

Lucien shook his head faintly. For the first time, he pitied his brother, whose opinion on his own future wasn't relevant as far as their father was concerned. For better or for worse, Lucien had never been treated like that. Before his first heat, his father had still treated him like a child. Sure, given Lucien's small build, it was practically expected that he would present as an omega, but he'd still been a child—a beloved, spoiled child.

"Maybe it's for the best that I never got to see you treat me like a tradeable commodity," Lucien said softly.

His father's throat worked. "Don't be an idiot," he ground out. "What happened to you was—" He cut himself off, his scent turning bitter with fury. With anguish?

Lucien stared at him, his mouth falling open.

Before he could say anything, his father's arrogant mask was back on his face.

"I've done my part tonight," he said stiffly. "It'd be best if we never speak again."

Lucien blinked rapidly, his throat closing up. He told himself it was for the best. This man was part of his old life. This man was the reason he'd been thrown out of that life. This man was heartless and cold-hearted.

"Dad?" he said, the word slipping out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

Lohlan Deveraux froze. He looked at Lucien wordlessly, without saying anything, but his expression was full of questions. And doubts.

"Have you ever regretted it?" Lucien whispered.

He knew it was stupid. He knew it wouldn't change anything. But he needed to know. He needed to know, for the sake of the fourteen-year-old boy whose world had come crashing down on him when the person he'd trusted more than anyone had turned his back on him.

His father's jaw was stiff, unyielding. After a long moment, he said testily, "Yes. But it was too late." And he strode away before Lucien could say anything.

Not that he had any clue what to say.

He had no idea what he was feeling: a confusing mix of grief and relief. There was gratitude too. Not to his father; to Aksel. For doing this for him. For giving him this priceless gift. It wasn't about the money or his social standing. It was the closure Lucien hadn't even known he needed. It felt bittersweet, but he felt curiously light, as if a heavy burden he'd been carrying in his heart for decades was suddenly lifted. And it was all thanks to Aksel. Aksel, who'd done this for him despite being rejected and pushed away over and over and over.

Lucien looked around the large room, searching for Aksel among the guests, suddenly desperate to see him.

Where was he?

At long last, he found Aksel at the other end of the room, close to the door. It seemed he'd just arrived. He was speaking to another alpha, but as if sensing Lucien's gaze, he turned his head.

Their eyes locked across the room, and Lucien's heart squeezed painfully, aching with gratitude and love. From the day they'd met as children, Aksel had always been there for him, no matter how hard Lucien pushed him away. And now Aksel had parted with a fortune for his sake, without any expectation of recognition, without asking anything in return. Lucien had to thank him. Just thank him. He could thank him, right? That would be only polite.

He walked forward.

"Jerome, you know Lucien, right?" Aksel said as Lucien approached them.

The alpha next to him gave Lucien a smile. "I think we've crossed paths a few times but have never been properly introduced." He shook Lucien's hand. "Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Cleghorn. I'm Jerome Adams. Aksel and I served together."

Lucien gave a polite nod and murmured something noncommittal, but his gaze gravitated back to Aksel.

Aksel's blue eyes were watching him intently. "All right?" he said, his voice low and careful, his pheromones soothing Lucien's frayed nerves. God, he was such a good alpha, the sort of alpha Lucien's father could never be: steady, utterly dependable and fiercely protective. Lucien wanted to move into his personal space, tuck his face under Aksel's chin and just be, knowing that he'd be taken care of, always.

His throat thick with fierce affection and yearning, Lucien could only nod. "Thank you," he whispered, looking Aksel in the eyes. "You shouldn't have done it."

Aksel's expression was unreadable.

Lucien wet his lips, hesitating. He had thanked him. He must go now before people took note of their interaction and started wondering. He usually stayed away from Aksel in such a public setting.

Lucien had started turning away when a hand on his arm stopped him.

"Dance with me."

Lucien froze.

After a moment, he laughed a little, painfully aware that they were starting to attract curious looks. "You know I don't dance."

"Dance with me," Aksel said again, looking at him steadily.

What was he doing?

While theoretically there was nothing inappropriate about dancing with a member of your pack, this was a terrible idea. Lucien hadn't danced in more than twenty years. Dancing with Aksel at such a huge social gathering while everyone knew Aksel was looking for a mate would raise more than a few eyebrows. And the truth was, Lucien didn't trust his body not to betray them. Omegas tended to release pheromones during a dance with a partner that interested them, and everyone with a functioning nose would be able to smell them. If Lucien had been on his old suppressants, it wouldn't be a concern, but he'd recently changed to weaker suppressants on the advice of his doctor.

With how badly his body yearned for Aksel, his pheromones would almost certainly betray them if they were to dance. It was a terrible idea.

Aksel took his hand in his own. "Dance with me," he said, stroking Lucien's palm with his thumb.

Flushing, Lucien glared at him, his hand tingling and his nipples tightening. If Aksel kept this up, they wouldn't even need to dance for Lucien's scent to betray the nature of their relationship. Aksel's friend was right there, for God's sake. What was Aksel doing?

"All right," Lucien said, just to avoid making a scene. It didn't matter that there was a part of him that yearned to be in Aksel's arms in public. That part of him longed to close the distance and sink his teeth into Aksel's scent gland, mark him up as his alpha for everyone to see. It was terrifying, how hard it was to resist that urge. He'd known this man since he was a small boy. This was wrong. Wrong to want him as a mate. Wrong to want to publicly claim him. Wrong to want to be bred by him. Wrong to give him moon eyes in front of his friend. Jerome Adams was unlikely to be an idiot.

"Are you crazy?" Lucien said once they reached the dance floor. This early in the evening, there weren't all that many couples dancing and they attracted a lot of stares. He could see Vagrippa watching them with pursed lips, her face pale. But at least the music was loud enough to let them talk without the risk of being overheard.

"No," Aksel said, putting a hand on his lower back and pulling him close. "I feel saner than I've felt in a long time."

"Everyone is staring, Aksel."

"Don't look at them," Aksel said, holding his gaze. "They don't matter. Look at me."

Lucien did, and his body relaxed as the rest of the world dropped away, leaving nothing but the two of them. There were only those blue eyes, intent and full of fierce affection. He glided across the dance floor in Aksel's arms, feeling wonderful, worthy, and beautiful—because that was how he felt when Aksel looked at him.

Mine , his heart sang, unable to accept all the reasons why Aksel could never really be his. My Aksel. My alpha.

He knew it was stupid. This dance didn't change anything. The other night didn't change anything. Aksel's kind actions tonight didn't change anything. All the reasons why they couldn't be together were still as valid as ever.

"Stop stressing, Luce," Aksel said. "I can practically hear your thoughts."

He read him so well that sometimes it scared Lucien. But mostly, it made him feelgood. Seen .

"You shouldn't have wasted your money," Lucien said.

"It was worth it. He's still an asshole, but having his public approval will help you be accepted by the other snobbish assholes."

Lucien smiled wryly. "I know. I already saw that it worked. But…"

"But?"

"It didn't feel good," Lucien said, his voice dropping to a harsh whisper. "I thought it would, that I'd finally feel like I belong, but now I realize that the acceptance of people I don't respect means nothing."

Aksel's dark brows furrowed, his expression somber. "I'm sorry. I thought it would help you."

"It did," Lucien said. "In more ways than one. You gave me the closure I didn't know I needed. I talked to my father and—it helped. I feel like I can finally move on from what happened."

Aksel's gaze became piercing. "Can you?" he said, pulling him even closer.

Lucien took a shaky breath, trying to suppress the need running through his veins. It would be so easy to bury his face against his throat and breathe him in, soak up his strength and comfort.

"Darling," he whispered, barely audibly. "This still doesn't mean we can be together."

"Doesn't it?"

"You know it doesn't, Aksel."

"I know no such thing." Aksel's voice was low and gentle, as if he were dealing with an easily spooked animal. "Stop fighting it, Luce." Aksel's hand on his back pulled him tighter. "Lucien."

God, his head was spinning. All he wanted was to melt into him. "We can't. We have no future together."

"Says who?" Aksel said angrily. He heaved a sigh, his voice becoming toneless when he spoke again. "This year has been... empty in a way that fucked me up. I felt like my life was on pause, as if I was put together wrong." He chuckled. "It makes sense, in a way. I've loved you all my life. It's part of who I am as a person. I don't know who the fuck I am if I can't love you, if I'm not allowed to love you, if you don't want me around.Even if I marry someone else, it wouldn't change anything. I would still be miserable. I would still love you. I will stop loving you the day I stop breathing."

Lucien swallowed. "You can't mean that."

"I can, and I do," Aksel said. His eyes were fixed on him with an intensity that was both frightening and exhilarating. "I know you want me to be happy. But I'll never be happy without you. All I want is you. Any other omega, no matter how beautiful, young, andfertile, would always fall short for me. It wouldn't be fair to them. It wouldn't be fair to the kids another omega might give me, because I would love them less than they deserve—because they would not be part of you. It sounds awful, but that's the truth. I'd rather not have kids at all."

"Darling," he whispered, his vision blurring. "Don't do this to yourself. You deserve so much more than an old, ruined, washed-up omega."

"Let me decide what I deserve," Aksel said, glowering at him. They stopped dancing completely. "And I'm done tolerating insults toward you—that includes you, Lucien. Enough. You're not washed-up, you're not old or ruined. I don't give a fuck if we never have kids. I don't give a fuck if some toxic assholes stop associating with me over the choice of my mate. As you saw yourself, the acceptance of people you don't respect means very little. You're enough for me. More than enough." He cradled Lucien's face in his hands. "You're all I want. All I see is you. If the rest of the world disappeared, I wouldn't give a damn, as long as I have you."

Lucien tried to swallow around the lump in his throat and couldn't.

"Remember the day we met?" Aksel said hoarsely, pressing their foreheads together. "I looked at you and... I'd never felt right in my skin until I met you, as if a vital piece of me was missing. I love you. I love you so much. Let me love you, Luce. Let me make you happy. Let me make you mine."

He couldn't do this anymore.

He was so tired of fighting his own heart.

But before he could say anything, the music stopped, and Lucien suddenly became aware of the whispers around them that were becoming louder and louder.

They weren't actually alone.

They were in the middle of a party, with over a hundred guests in attendance.

Flushing, Lucien pulled back and looked around. He was met with wide, shocked eyes and open mouths. Everyone—literally everyone—in the room was staring at them.

Lucien licked his dry lips and looked back at Aksel.

Aksel didn't even glance at the crowd, his eyes only on Lucien, searching. Still waiting. Waiting for him.

Fuck it.

Lucien took a deep breath.

"Well, it seems the cat is out of the bag," he said with a crooked smile. "Might as well give them something to gossip about." Burying his fingers in Aksel's hair, Lucien pulled his head down and kissed him gently. It was surprisingly easy to ignore the shocked gasps when all he could smell and feel was Aksel. "I'm already yours, darling," he whispered. "I have been yours for decades. I love you."

Inhaling shakily, Aksel hugged him hard, his scent exploding with such elation it made Lucien's toes curl.

Lucien melted into his embrace, burying his face against Aksel's stubbled throat, and thought, I love you more than anything, I love you more than I love myself .

He didn't say that, because he knew Aksel would be angry with him for thinking that way, but it was the simple truth. The truth was, he'd stopped hating himself and his body because Aksel loved him. Rationally, Lucien realized that it wasn't a very healthy way of thinking, but he tried to be honest with himself. If Aksel's love for him was part of who Aksel was, it wasn't inaccurate to say that his love for Aksel was also part of who Lucien was. Maybe they'd been created for each other, to be each other's. It was a comforting thought. Maybe true mates were real, after all.

"Disgusting," someone said, loud enough for them to hear. "That whore seduced even the son of his husband!"

Aksel stiffened. Entwining their fingers together, he straightened up and looked at the gathered crowd.

Bracing himself, Lucien pulled back and turned so they stood shoulder-to-shoulder.

It was frightening. And it was comforting. Them against the world.

Aksel lifted Lucien's fingers to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. The gesture wasn't improper, but it was kind of old-fashioned. Alphas used to do that to omegas they were courting.

"I will say it just once," Aksel said. He didn't raise his voice, but he didn't need to. A hush fell over the room. Aksel's eyes were glowing, his Xeus pheromones becoming so overwhelming that Lucien saw people flinch. "This is my mate, the man I'm going to marry. I will not tolerate any insult to him." He gave a twisted smile, his sharp canines showing. "Everyone knows what poor self-control we beasts have. Don't fucking test it."

The silence that fell over the room was so absolute that it seemed deafening.

And then Belinda pushed through the crowd, smiling widely. "About time!" she all but squealed, hugging Lucien tightly, and then Aksel. "Congratulations!"

That finally seemed to break the tension.

Other people stepped forward, offering congratulations hesitantly.

Smiling, Lucien squeezed Aksel's hand and thanked them graciously. He knew not all of them were being sincere. He knew people would still gossip and say nasty things behind their backs. He knew it wasn't going to be easy.

But he also knew they would weather any storm together. They already had—and they would again.

Always.