Chapter Sixteen

It was none of his business.

Lucien was none of his business.

But no matter what he told himself, Aksel struggled to keep his face inscrutable as yetanother asshole excluded Lucien from the conversation by turning his back and all but forcing Lucien to leave the group of guests.

His claws itched to come out.

"Do you like dancing, Aksel?" Dylan said, touching his arm.

"No," Aksel said, watching over the rim of his glass as Lucien pursed his trembling lips and turned away from those assholes, his back very straight.

None of his business.

"Me neither," Dylan said. "But I love dancing with the right partner."

Aksel flicked a uninterested glance his way, but then forced himself to really look at him. Dylan Deveraux was his best chance. He was the only young omega in the room whose scent didn't completely repel him. He didn't smell good, not exactly, but he smelled nice enough. Tolerable.Dylan was Lucien's half-brother. Siblings smelled somewhat similar; that was why Dylan's scent seemed pleasant enough to him.

That was why Dylan had been invited at all. He was Aksel's best bet to have a mate.And the guy looked a bit like Lucien. Like a poor man's version of Lucien.

Aksel felt like a bastard for thinking that, but he was cynical enough to know that the superficial resemblance would still help. He would need every bit of help to convince his Xeus that this omega could be his mate.

And never mind that his stomach roiled with unease at the thought of mating him, mating anyone other than Lucien. It would pass. It would get easier after taking a mate. It had to.He needed to move on from Lucien, to cure himself of his unhealthy, unrequited fixation. He had to. Twenty years of pining after a man who didn't want him was more than enough.

Dylan Deveraux would do.

It didn't matter that Aksel didn't love him. If he kept waiting for love, he'd never have a mate.The only omega he'd ever loved wanted nothing to do with him—felt disgusted and filthy after Aksel touched him.

Enough . It had been a year, for fuck's sake. It was time to stop pining like a lovesick fool and try to move on. He was never going to move on if he remained unmated. He needed to pick an omega compatible enough physically and hope that a mating bite would take. Dylan was his best bet.

"Would you like to dance?" Dylan said.

Lucien had pulled out his phone and was pretending to be very engrossed in it, trying to look as though it was his own choice to ignore the guests and not the other way around. He wasn't looking Aksel's way. He hadn't looked at him once.

Aksel wrenched his gaze away, infuriated with himself for his inability to keep his eyes off him.

"Why not?" he said, looking back at Dylan.

The omega gave him a surprised look and smiled. He had a very nice smile. Perfect teeth. They looked as fake as his smile.

Aksel executed a formal bow and stretched his hand out.

Dylan put his slim fingers into it and allowed him to lead him to the dance floor.

There weren't many people dancing, so they attracted a fair bit of attention. Aksel forced himself not to look Lucien's way. He kept his gaze on the young omega in his arms—on Lucien's brother.

There was a part of him that wanted this to hurt Lucien. If this hurt him, it would mean Lucien cared. It would mean he'd lied, or at least hadn't been entirely truthful when he'd accused Akselof being no better than his rapists.

I can't keep doing this anymore, not with you. It's destroying me. I feel soiled, like a disgusting pervert. All you do is push me, you'reno better than the assholes who raped me and ruined my life!

Aksel gritted his teeth at the memory. It was probably masochistic of him to keep replaying the words in his head, but they were the only things that kept him from doing what his instincts burned to do: stand between Lucienand the rest of the world, protect him from every scornful look and remark. Lucien didn't want him around. Lucien didn't need or want him.

It was time to let Lucien go, no matter what his instincts—and his heart—said.

"You aren't interested in me at all, are you?"

Aksel almost missed a step in the dance, only his superior instincts saving him from stepping on Dylan's foot.

He looked at the young omega in his arms, feeling a twinge of surprise at his straightforwardness. He hadn't thought society omegas were capable of it. "What makes you think so?"

Dylan let out a soft snort. "The fact that you haven't attempted to scent-mark me at all. I've noticed that alphas always want to do it when they like an omega, especially Xeus alphas. But you act as mated alphas do: completely uninterested in all omegas but their mate." His violet eyes were burning with curiosity. "What I can't figure out is who your mate is. And why you would agree to go through this if you already have a mate."

"I don't have a mate," Aksel said. It was the truth, even though it felt like a lie.

Dylan cocked his head to the side. "Are they someone you can't have? Are they married?"

"No," he said shortly.

Dylan's gaze swept over the room, studying every face before lingering on the corner where Lucien was seated. Aksel had no idea what he saw on Lucien's face, since Aksel's back was to him, but there must be something for Dylan to give him a second look.

"Oh," Dylan said, his mouth falling open. He stared at Aksel. "Really? Him?"

Aksel glowered at him, biting back the urge to say that there was nothing wrong with Lucien. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Dylan gave him a skeptical look. "Right." After a long moment, he said, "Why can't you have him? Because he's technically your stepfather?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Aksel repeated flatly.

Dylan hummed. "He rejected you, huh?"

Aksel said nothing.

Dylan glanced at Lucien again. "Hmm. I'm a little surprised. He doesn't behave like an omega who doesn't want you."

Aksel's heart thudded in his chest. "What do you mean?"

Dylan shrugged. "I don't really know him, but I get this vibe from him that he doesn't like me. His eyes are unkind when he looks at me."

He despised the glimmer of hope he suddenly felt."It doesn't mean anything. It's likely because of who you are." His brother. The son his father hadn't disowned.

Dylan winced. "That could be it, of course. Or he could be jealous."

"That's unlikely," Aksel said, ruthlessly quashing the stubborn little flicker of hope that had resurfaced again. "He doesn't want me. He made himself clear." He figured there wasn't much harm in admitting that Lucien rejected him; even if Dylan gossiped about it, Lucien wouldn't be blamed for Aksel's perversion. If he was to mate Dylan, he must know whether he could at least trust him.

"Is that why you pay me more attention than the other omegas here? You want to get back at him for rejecting you?"

Aksel hesitated before admitting,"I need a mate to get over him." A mating bite, if it took, should make him fixate on his mate. "I pay you more attention because you're the only omega who doesn't smell completely revolting to me. You're the best of the terrible options present."

"How flattering," Dylan said dryly. "Luckily for you, I'm not after a love match, or I'd punch you in the face. Or have my father punch you."

Aksel clenched his jaw. He didn't like being reminded of Lohlan Deveraux's presence. He barely resisted the urge to throw him out of the house every time he saw the man. He couldn't do it when the bastard was here on Vagrippa's invitation. Aksel might have been still angry with his mother for the shit she'd pulled, but she wasn't incorrect in thinking that inviting Lucien's father was a good idea for Lucien's reputation, giving people the impression that everyone had moved on from the scandal. Aksel had understood the logic of it. But he still couldn't stand the man, his protective instincts nearly impossible to suppress.

He doesn't want you to protect him , he told himself, over and over. It helped very little. Lucien might think him no better than his rapists, but unfortunately, that didn't kill Aksel's feelings. No matter how much the comparison hurt and angered him, the love in his heart still stayed, unquenched and unquenchable, its roots too deep to be eradicated. Sometimes he thought he would suffocate on it.

"I'm not afraid of your father," Aksel said as the dance ended. "He's lucky I haven't had him thrown out for what he did to Lucien."

Dylan's brows furrowed. "You mean for disowning him?"

"And you think that's not a sufficient reason? He kicked a traumatized, pregnant kid out of his house."

Dylan winced. "I suppose it was cruel of him, you're right. I wasn't even alive back then, so I'm not exactly well versed on the subject. Father never speaks his name at home. I wouldn't even know that I had a brother if it weren't for the gossip."

"Have," Aksel said. "He isn't dead."

Dylan pulled a face. "As far as my father is concerned, he is." He studied Aksel curiously. "So you want to mate me because I look and smell a bit like him?"

"It should help," Aksel said, watching him carefully. If Dylan was offended, he didn't show it. "Why are you not offended?"

Dylan shrugged with a crooked smile. "It makes no difference to me. I didn't expect a love match anyway."

"Why not?" Aksel said with a frown.

"I'm already in love with someone else," Dylan said. "But I can't have them. So it makes no difference to me whether you love me or not. In fact, it's better that you don't. More fair. You can have a dozen lovers if you like. It doesn't bother me."

Aksel stared at him, puzzled. "Why do you want to get married, then?You're still very young."

Dylan scoffed. "Surely you aren't unaware of the rumors? My family is on the verge of bankruptcy, and I'm the only valuable asset we have. I need a very rich spouse to get my father out of this mess. You were the top pick on my list: I'm not bothered by you being a Xeus, as long as you stay away from me during your ruts, and I really like your looks—we'd make cute babies—and you aren't all that much older than me. Other options are less appealing, for various reasons."

Aksel mulled it over. Although his instincts still rebelled against picking a mate with such cold-blooded pragmatism, he quashed them. Frankly, Dylan was perfect for him: he loved someone else, he didn't expect love from Aksel. They could be friends. In time, they might grow fond of each other. The mating bond would help.

It could be enough.

It had to be.

"Then marry me," he said, ignoring his unease and revulsion.

Something like sadness flickered in Dylan's eyes before he smothered it and put on a smile. "All right," he said with forced cheerfulness. "Let's be miserable together."

They shook hands on it.

***

Lucien found out just after dinner.

Two young omegas were expressing their disappointment that Aksel had made his choice.

"I guess Dylan is pretty," one of them grumbled. "But are you sure there's no chance anymore?"

"I'm sure," the other omega said. "My brother wasn't very far from them when Cleghorn proposed to him during their dance. Obviously Dylan accepted."

A scoff. "Of course he did, he has no choice, considering his father's situation. Oh, well. I'm a little relieved, to be honest. Cleghorn is very handsome and rich, but you know…"

"Yeah, I'm glad I wouldn't have to mate a beast."

Lucien stopped listening. He turned around and walked away, his vision darkening around the edges.

He thought he smiled as he joined the other guests in the living room. He wasn't sure. The world around him seemed surreal, as if it was all happening to someone else.

Aksel was getting married. To Lucien's own brother.

He felt sick to his stomach, his insides twisted up with nauseating jealousy and a deep sense of betrayal—which was irrational as fuck. Aksel wasn't his. Aksel didn't owe him his loyalty. Lucien had pushed him away himself. He had no right to feel this way.

This was for the best. It was.

God, who was he trying to fool? He could lie to Aksel, he could lie to the rest of the world, but he couldn't lie to himself. And the truth was, he wanted to throw up. He wanted to get into his bed, curl up with the jacket Aksel had forgotten in his room, and cry.

He could do neither of those things.

He was in public. People were watching. His pride—his damnable, stupid pride—wouldn't allow him to leave.

Lucien walked to the loveseat in the corner and sat down. He didn't bother trying to join any of the groups of guests in the room. It was pointless. They would never accept him.

He didn't care. He was stronger than that.

He repeated that as a mantra, but it was hard to believe when he felt painfully alone in a room full of people. When the only person who'd always made him feel safe and cherished was now marrying a kid half Lucien's age—Lucien's own brother.

Lucien didn't look at them. He didn't need to look to be painfully aware of Aksel's every movement. He could see them in his peripheral vision, whirling around gracefully, Dylan's slim body looking tiny compared to Aksel's tall, muscular frame. They looked perfect together. Utterly perfect. Lucien's father clearly thought so too, watching the dancing couple with a satisfied gleam in his eyes.

Lucien pulled out his phone and stared at it.

"All right, I'm sick of it," Belinda said, plopping down next to Lucien.

Lucien kept his eyes on his phone. "Sick of what, sweetheart?"

"I'm sick and tired of keeping my mouth shut when you're being so stupid!"

Lucien lifted his eyes to her. Belinda had grown into a beautiful omega, but she looked almost ugly now with her features twisted into a fierce scowl.

"Pardon?" he said, returning his gaze to his phone.

She snatched it from his hands. "Stop pretending to be busy! It's driving me mad, your ice prince act!"

Lucien chuckled. "A prince? Hardly. I think you're mixing me up with Haydn."

"Ugh!" she nearly growled, before leaning in and saying into his ear, "Stop pretending that you don't care that my brother is going to marry him."

Lucien froze.

"I beg your pardon?" he said after a moment.

Belinda rolled her eyes. "Don't. Please. I'm neither stupid nor blind, silly. I've known about the thing between you and Aksel for years!"

Lucien spluttered, his face burning as his mind struggled to catch up. "That's—there wasn't anything between us for years !"

"Weren't you doing it for ages before Aksel left for the war?"

Lucien could only gape at her. "Of course not!" he choked out. "He hadn't even presented yet!" he hissed, and then immediately realized his mistake. He should have said that he didn't see Aksel that way, period.

Belinda shrugged, looking unconcerned. "It's not like I've ever thought you were taking advantage of him." She snorted. "It was obvious to anyone with eyes it was the other way around."

Lucien stared at her, aghast. "There was nothing between us back then," he said faintly, before correcting himself with, "There's nothing between us now. Aksel is the son of my deceased husband. Nothing more."

Sighing exasperatedly, Belinda muttered something under her breath. It didn't sound very complimentary. "Lucien," she said, rubbing at her temples. "Did you know that I had no idea what you actually smelled like before Aksel left for the army? I had no idea, because Aksel had scent-marked you all my life. You had been so drenched in his scent that I didn't even recognize yours after he was gone."

His face warm, Lucien averted his gaze. "That doesn't mean anything."

"Right," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Of course scent-marking means nothing. Especially for a Xeus alpha."

Lucien turned his head to the window. "Please drop it. Please, sweetheart. He's getting married. Go congratulate him."

She sighed and wrapped her arm around his shoulders, leaning into him. "I just hate seeing you so sad," she whispered. "You deserve better. I don't know what caused the rift between you two, but I can see that you're both miserable."

"He's perfectly fine, Belinda," Lucien said tonelessly. "He's having the time of his life with his future mate."

Belinda scoffed. "Please. I can bet you anything that he'll drop him in an instant for you. Just say the word, Lucien."

"You don't understand."

She sighed. "I'm not a child anymore, Lucien. I understand more than you think. I can guess the reasons why you pushed him away, and I'm not saying they're not valid, but—"

"What makes you think I'm the one who pushed him away?"

Belinda laughed quietly. "Because I know my brother, I know how he is about you. He'd never leave you alone if you didn't tell him to stay away yourself." She shook her head, looking thoughtful as she watched Aksel dance with Dylan. "You know, when I was a little girl, I dreamed of someone loving me as much as Aksel loved you. But I don't want that anymore. Micah and I love each other, but not like that." She chuckled. "I'm not sure I could handle being the subject of such intense, crippling love. It's like everything else disappeared for Aksel when you entered the room."

Lucien's stomach knotted up. "You're exaggerating."

"I'm not," she said with a snort. "Don't you remember my twelfth birthday?"

Lucien frowned. "Vaguely. I remember that your mother organized a huge party for you." He hadn't been invited to it; he had been allegedly "not the right age" and fit neither with the children nor with their parents.

"Yeah, it was a big deal," Belinda said. "Aksel was supposed to pick up my birthday cake, but he went missing. Mother was so angry and embarrassed for making the guests wait. Guess where we found him?"

Lucien blushed, fidgeting in discomfort. He remembered the incident now. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten.

"He was in your room, feeding you my birthday cake." Belinda chuckled. "Mother grounded him for a month."

"She didn't speak to me for months," Lucien said, smiling wryly. And never mind that he'd been an innocent party. He'd only been guilty of mentioning something about wanting some cake to Aksel. He'd thought the pieces of cake Aksel had brought him were leftovers from the party, not Belinda's birthday cake.

Belinda snorted. "I thought it was kind of funny at the time, but in retrospect, it was, like, super weird. My brother gets this… this tunnel vision when it comes to you. Lucien wants cake? He'll get his cake, and damn everything else. He's always been like that about you."

"And you think it's normal?"

"No," Belinda said. "That's why I don't want that kind of love anymore. It is love, but… love at its scariest. The ‘I'll die if he dies' kind."

Lucien bit the inside of his cheek.

"He hates me now, Bel," he whispered, his voice cracking. If Belinda couldn't imagine being the subject of such intense, crippling love, Lucien still struggled living without it. He'd been conditioned to it for twenty years; he'd grown up with it. He didn't know how much longer he could survive like this. He felt like a plant struggling to survive without the sun. Even when Aksel had been away during the war, Lucien hadn't felt this bereft: he had still known that Aksel was out there, that he still cared for him, and it had been enough.

Now there was nothing, just Aksel's cold indifference—and the knowledge that soon he would lose him completely. Irrevocably.

"I doubt that," Belinda said. "Even if he's angry with you, I don't think love like that can ever really fade, no matter how much my brother might wish it. He's loved you all his life. I doubt he knows how to stop."

Licking his lips, Lucien looked at her hesitantly. "And you don't think it's gross? I mean, I've known him since he was a child, Belinda."

She made a face. "You were a child too. By this logic, people who have known each other since childhood shouldn't be together. Is my relationship with Micah wrong too?"

"I wasn't a child," Lucien said, smiling bitterly. "As far as the law is concerned."

She scoffed. "I don't care what the law says—it isn't right that a fourteen-year-old kid is considered an adult just because he got raped by a bunch of sick assholes."

Swallowing, Lucien looked away. It was the first time Belinda had ever acknowledged in a straightforward manner what had happened to him. It was a little jarring, but largely relieving, in a twisted sort of way.

"I breastfed him, Bel."

She scoffed again. "You helped him when he had health issues, with explicit permission of our mother and his doctor. I see nothing wrong with that, especially since he was almost fully grown, not a child. It's not like you've ever considered him your child, right?"

"Of course not," Lucien said, pulling a face. "With the way he coddled me, I often felt like the child in that relationship."

"Then what's the problem? Why is my brother marrying that kid while you're being a wallflower?"

He hates me now.

I lied to him to protect him, and he'll never forgive me for calling him a beast or comparing him to the rapists.

If we got together, the scandal would destroy his life.

I hate him for choosing my brother, of all people, as a mate.

Lucien could have said any of those things—and all of them were true.

But the words got stuck in throat, unable to come out.

Because they were just excuses.

The real reason was, deep down, he simply didn't believe that he could have a happily ever after. He didn't believe he was worthy of Aksel.

"Leave it, Bel," he said tonelessly. "Please. Go to your mate. Stop worrying about me and enjoy your happiness."

Shaking her head, she gave him back his phone and left.

Lucien stared at its screen without really seeing it.