Chapter Eleven

Over the next month, Lucien found out that it was incredibly hard to have a discreet affair when they lived under a shared roof with their family.

An affair. Was that what they had? The word didn't seem to fit. Too small, too limited. Not strong enough.

Lucien had never felt so itchy in his own skin. Mealtimes were now torture, with him struggling to find the balance between looking at Aksel too little and too much. His acting skills had never been so tested before.

He was scared that his scent would betray him. These days, he positively reeked of Aksel's scent, his own pheromones and sex.At least the Duke of Westcliff was gone now—another Xeus alpha wouldn't have been fooled by the numerous showers Lucien took every day to remove the traitorous scents.

Lucien still wasn't sure they were fooling anyone. He had caught Royce casting him and Aksel probing looks several times during dinner, and Vagrippa's lips seemed to always be pressed into a thin line when she looked at them.

It made Lucien extremely self-conscious and painfully aware of the distance between him and Aksel. They were seated next to each other at dinner because they had always satthat way. Changing it now would only attract more attention. But were they sitting closer than was proper? Lucien tried to maintain an appropriate distance, but the space separating them seemed to just disappear every time he forgot to keep himself in check: his instincts took over and he subconsciously moved into Aksel's personal space—or perhaps Aksel moved into his. Lucien hoped it was the latter, but he had a sneaking suspicion it was the former.

He'd always been needy for Aksel's attention, even back when they had been children, taking comfort in his presence and scent, but this... This was something else. It was like fighting gravity—impossible.His body literally trembled with the urge to touch Aksel: grab his strong hand, rub his cheek against Aksel's bicep or crawl into his lap and bury his face in his neck. And scent him. And cling. And scent him. And bite his neck. And cling.

God, it was fucking torture.

Rationally, Lucien understood what was going on: his omega instincts were going haywire because he hadn't been claimed by what his body considered a suitable mate. That was why he was so needy and clingy: his body didn't understand why his need was still unfulfilled, didn't understand that he and Aksel could never be properly mated and bonded, could never hold hands. Or share a kiss. It wasn't that kind of relationship. It was just an affair.

An affair.

The word still felt wrong. Off. Not enough.

"... Lucien?"

Flinching, Lucien turned to Royce's husband and put on a smile. "Yes? Sorry, my mind was elsewhere."

Haydn shot him a curious look but, thankfully, didn't comment on his lack of attention. "I was asking whether you're going to accompany us to the Dordinton gala."

Lucien pulled a face. "Not really my scene," he said with a small laugh. While he wasn't a social pariah thanks to his connection to the Cleghorns, he knew he wasn't really welcomed in high society circles. He still got the invitations, as part of the family, but he skipped most of them. He did force himself to attend some of them once in a while, just to prove to himself that he could—and to show the gossipmongers that he didn't care about their opinions. But Lucien didn't think it would be a good idea to go anywhere when he felt so off balance and needy.Right now he could barely keep it together in front of his pack. He doubted he could do it surrounded by those vultures.

"What about you, Aksel?" Haydn said.

Lucien felt more than saw Aksel shrug. "Not my scene, either," he said, his knee knocking against Lucien's and staying there, the pressure embarrassingly reassuring.

Lucien's insides turned molten. Not even with desire. With the urge to hook their ankles together. God. He wanted to crawl into Aksel's arms, under his skin. He wanted to be wrapped in him, wanted them to be one body.He wanted his alpha back inside him, thick, hot and hard. His, Lucien's.

Beside him, Aksel inhaled sharply and suddenly got to his feet. "I'm done," he said, his voice rough, before stalking out of the dining room, his scent thick and aggressive.

He hadn't even finished eating.

Royce cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence. "Xeus will be full tonight," he said. "He must be feeling on edge already."

Oh.

Lucien's heart started beating faster.

The thing was, it would be a lie to say that he hadn't thought about being with Aksel during the full moon—that he hadn't imagined what it would feel like.

Ever since they'd started having sex... Lucien had noticed that sometimes Aksel lost control of himself, his eyes glowing, his claws snapping out of his fingers and small tufts of fur appearing on his face. It didn't scare him. It... Truth be told, it was exhilarating. It was exhilarating to know that Aksel wanted him badly enough to lose control of his partial transformation. And, to his shame and bewilderment, Lucien found the idea of being taken by Aksel in his monstrous form far from unappealing.

He wouldn't mind it.

He really, really wouldn't mind it.

It was embarrassing, because most people were either disgusted by the mere idea or fetishized it. Lucien knew there were people out there who fetishized Xeus alphas despite despising them. To some people, it was titillating to imagine sex with an aggressive, ugly, beastly creature like the ones Xeus alphas turned into during their ruts. Lucien knew such attitudes had always bothered Aksel even more than people's scorn and fear.

It wasn't about the fetish for him.

But.

He'd always liked Aksel's Xeus side. Even when he'd been a fourteen-year-old kid, Lucien had never felt disgusted by the fur on Aksel's face, by his sharp canines and nails. He had been proud that Aksel had never been self-conscious about them around him. Even as Aksel had aged and his preliminary Xeus features disappeared, Lucien still remembered how nice Aksel's furry cheek felt against his throat as the little alpha scented him with adorable aggressiveness. Lucien kind of... he missed the feeling. He associated Aksel's fur with acceptance, with his first sense of home after being kicked out of his pack.

The truth was, he wouldn't mind feeling it again. He knew Aksel could partially shift into his Xeus form outside the full moon, and Lucien could sense him struggling with the urge to do so while they had sex. He wished he could tell him to stop doing it, stop fighting his nature so badly, but he didn't know how to say it without making it sound like he was fetishizing him.It wasn't a fetish or curiosity to him. It was just part of who Aksel was, and Lucien had always loved him the way he was, fur and all.

But he knew Aksel would never suggest it. He would never think that Lucien might welcome it. To be fair, it wasn't even about Lucien's past experience with rough sex; most omegas wouldn't find the idea appealing. Most omegas—normal omegas—wouldn't get uncomfortably hard imagining their stepson taking them in his beastly form, either.

Lucien had come to accept that he wasn't a very normal omega.

And maybe, just maybe, that was okay.

With that in mind, Lucien went in search of Aksel as soon as dinner was over.

But it seemed Aksel was determined to avoid him.

At long last, Lucien found him in the gym on the ground floor, running on the treadmill at such a high speed he was nearly a blur.

"I can't see you right now," Aksel said, wiping the sweat off his forehead without looking at Lucien. His voice was pained, low and husky, his scent thick with pheromones. "The moon is nearly full. It's not safe for you, Luce."

Lucien stepped closer. "Aksel—"

Aksel's scent spiked. Alpha. Obey.

The urge to bare his neck hit Lucien deep in the gut, his cock twitching.

"Go," Aksel ground out, his eyes glowing a supernatural blue. Switching the treadmill off, he averted his gaze and covered his nose with his hand. "We can't today. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to scare you."

And he stalked away, putting an end to the conversation before it could even properly start.

Except Lucien refused to accept it.

Aksel would never hurt him. He was absolutely certain of it. He wasn't scared of him. He could never be scared of him.

And he was going to prove it.