17. KNOX

SEVENTEEN

KNOX

The second he slips from my mouth, East hauls me to my feet, takes my hand, and drags me through to his bedroom. He doesn't say a word as he pushes me backward onto the bed, then tortuously undresses me, tongue dragging over every inch of skin he exposes. I'm vibrating with want and need, but where I thought I was teasing him before, I've got nothing on Easton. It feels like a stupid amount of hours as he explores my body, as he gets me so worked up I'm begging, and all he does is grunt at me to shut up and take it.

"You've made me wait years," he says, finally mouthing my balls. "You can give me a few minutes."

Then his mouth wraps deliciously around my cock, and I know this isn't going to be an impressive moment for me. My head drops back as East works me over, eyes clamped shut to block the image out and try to last a bit longer, but that one glimpse I got plays over and over. Easton Kikishkin, with his ruffled hair and sly eyes, mouth stretched around my dick, is an image that will live with me forever.

Unfortunately, it's also an image that, only a few seconds after he sucks me into his mouth, has me unloading. My dick pulses with every spurt of cum, and as my orgasm high ebbs, I sink back into the bed.

The sheets smell like him, and I barely manage to stop from turning my head into the pillow and inhaling. I've embarrassed myself enough tonight.

East pulls off my softening cock, then drags his tongue lazily up the underside. His eyes meet mine, and a long silence stretches out between us.

"So …"

His lips kick up. "I'm a demon in bed. I know. Guess I'm going to have to suck you off constantly to help you build up some stamina."

"First of all, fuck you. Second of all, deal."

The smile fades slightly, and he crawls up the bed to lie beside me. Before I can stop myself, my hand rests on his hip, then slides up his back, and then before I can worry about looking like a virgin again, I pull him in close and kiss my way along his neck. His sheets have nothing on burying my nose into the source of his scent. Kissing and tasting his skin has my head all fuzzy.

"Knox …" He sets his hand on my chest and pushes. "Come on, this is weird."

Weird ? I jerk back. "You didn't want that?"

"You wouldn't be in my bedroom if I didn't. But sex? Snuggles? What is going on? Because I've gone from wanting to pack my bags and never see you again to landing in a fantasy I've had many, many times, and I'm trying to work out how we got here."

"Ah … sorry." It's confusing for me too. My whole conversation with Connor almost feels like a dream, like I might wake up tomorrow and find that I imagined the whole thing.

"Don't be sorry, just talk."

"You and Con had a fight today?"

His face screws up. "He ran home and tattled on me, did he? "

"No. Well, kinda, but he was more mad at himself, I think."

Easton lets out a long sigh. "I hate that."

"Him being mad?"

"Him making me feel sorry for him. When he's the one being a shithead all this time, and now because he feels bad, I somehow feel bad. That's not fair."

"Do you think it's maybe because you could have handled things differently?"

"What do you mean?"

I know I'm walking into a trap before I even open my mouth, but I'm a dumbass, and I do it anyway. "You could have had an actual conversation. Talked to him. Stopped with the snark and passive-aggressive?—"

I cut off as his teeth crunch together.

"Whoa. Nope," I correct. "No. No talking about Connor."

"Why not?" he asks. "We always talk about Connor."

"Yeah, and that needs to change."

Easton takes a moment as he traces patterns into my chest. "You mean that?"

"Yeah … I've never tried before, to get to know you completely on your own terms, because I knew if I did, I'd be in big trouble. I lied."

"About?"

"The crush. It wasn't a couple of months thing. It was a years thing. As in, I've had feelings for you since you came home from college that first year, and those feelings have never gone away."

His eyes look vulnerable as they search mine. "Really?"

"At first, I thought you'd gotten really hot and it was a purely physical attraction. But then we'd be hanging out, and you'd say something that made me laugh. Or do something I couldn't look away from."

"Like what?"

This is going to make me sound stupid. "Since all my cool points have flown out the window tonight … there was one ni ght we were eating … fuck … Italian? Something. Anyway, you were sitting there, concentrating on your food, and your guard was down and you had no idea anyone was paying attention to you, and it was like, in that moment, I wanted to move to the seat next to you and hold you or something, I guess. It was weird. But that was the exact moment I realized I was fucked."

"Because I was eating?" His voice is heavy with skepticism.

"I know. Like I said, weird. But let's gloss over that strangeness and go back to the part where I'm sorry I lied and felt like I needed to keep my feelings from you."

"Then why are you telling me now?"

"Other than because we hooked up?"

"Yeah." East flicks my nipple. "You can surprise jump me any day, but we seem to be doing a whole lot more than exchanging blowjobs here."

I hug him closer. "I hope so. Whatever you said to Connor today, it got through to him. I told him how I felt about you and that we'd kissed?—"

"How are you still alive?"

It's a surprise to me too. "Either he's in shock and that's coming tomorrow, or he meant what he said about not interfering in your life anymore. And that includes me."

"I can't picture it. Con has always interfered."

"And we're back to talking about him." I pinch East's hip, and he squirms.

"Fine. Moving on. I guess I maybe also lied to you too."

"About your crush?"

"Yeah … I'd say it's less of a crush and more of a full-blown obsession at this point. I've had feelings for you for close to half my life, and I don't know how to be me without them."

"Then don't. Don't even try." My heart is racing wildly. "I know that this has probably come out of left field for you, but I'd really like to give us a chance. I'm going to be honest here: we've barely spent any alone time together, and this could be a complete disaster for all we know, but for the first time ever, we have the option to find out for sure." I hold his face and make sure he's looking at me. "I really am sorry for not having your back with your brother. For not being who you needed me to be. But I want to be that guy."

"And if it means standing up for me with Connor?"

"I'll do it."

His gaze is guarded. "That's a lot easier to say than do."

"I know. I'm not asking for the world here, and maybe I won't be able to give you everything you need. Maybe you won't be able to give me everything either. But these feelings aren't going away for me, and they're clearly not for you, so if that's the case …"

"Then we should try."

My smile is full of relief. And nerves. Is this really happening?

"Except," he says, and I've found my new least favorite word.

"What?"

Easton sets his jaw. "I asked for a trade today. And I meant it."

Reality is a cold, hard bitch. "Yeah, Connor said something about that." I don't want to ask, but I can't stop myself. "You don't think things will be different? Now that he knows and you've gotten all your issues out, maybe?—"

He doesn't let me finish. "No." Easton squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. "I know what you're asking, and I get it. But I need this, Knox. While we're on the same team, we'll always be compared. We'll always be talked about like we're the one person. I want my own thing. I think this is the something I told you about."

I swallow hard, hating this so much while understanding where he's coming from. It's always the "Kiki brothers" like they're this infallible team. Unbeatable. In some ways, it's true, but in all the ways that count, I think that's helped drive them further apart.

"Then you have to do it," I croak.

"I know." His cute nose scrunches a bit. "Plus, I can't stay. If I did, and things with Connor didn't get better, it'd kill me. I don't want to hate my brother. But he knows how much I hate his protector bullshit now, and if I stayed and he kept doing it anyway?—"

"You have to go."

His gray eyes meet mine, and this close up, I can make out the lines of black and white running through them. "I wish I could stay. For you."

"I just said I want to be the guy you need me to be. So that starts now, I guess. It's not a great way to start dating, but it's not like we don't know how it feels to be apart. To travel. That's hockey. We'll start this thing casual and see how it goes. With any luck, a trade could be weeks away, and by that point, we'll know if long distance is something we want to try or not. It'll be fine."

East opens his mouth to say something but quickly closes it again. "Right. And who knows where I'll end up."

" If you're traded at all. We'll wait and see."

"And until then …" East rolls on top of me, and I shiver at having his body pressed against mine. All naked skin, sexy muscle, and teasing eyes staring down at me. "When you say starting casual, you obviously mean by us having as much sex as possible, right?"

"Well, how else can you interpret that?"

East brings his grinning mouth down over mine, and I moan into the kiss. Looks like we're going to be getting "casual" all night.