13. KNOX

THIRTEEN

KNOX

Something's going on with Easton. Connor and I have spent the last week gaming, golfing, and partying, and whenever we invite him to come with us, our offer is shut down hard and fast.

I'd thought we were fine after the kiss, and while this could be more issues with Connor, I'm getting the feeling he's shutting the both of us out.

Or maybe I'm feeling guilty and unsettled, so I'm projecting that back onto myself. Neither of us has mentioned the kiss, and considering it's not something that will happen again, there's no reason to. No reason other than my best friend not feeling insanely betrayed that I hid it from him if he ever finds out.

Since we got back, I've been an A+ roommate. I do all the cleaning, I cook when we're home, and I don't even grumble about how Connor has a bad habit of leaving toothpaste in the sink. I try really, really hard not to think about East too, but I'm not so good at that.

In fact, I think he's given me brain rot or something because he's all I ever seem to have on my mind.

"Fuck yes," Connor cries, beating me at Mario Kart for the seventieth time in a row. "You suck today."

"Ah. Yep." I drop my controller on the coffee table and stretch out my arms. I suck because I've been stretching my mind, trying to figure out how I can escape to East's place for a second alone and make sure everything is okay between us. I think if I can clear that up, I can go back to focusing on my guilt with Connor without the twisted lump in my gut. "I'm hungry. I don't think we have any food."

"Want me to order in?"

"Nah … Load up the next game. I'll go and see what I can pinch from Easton."

Connor laughs and turns back to the screen. "Drag his ass over here. I swear he's gone into hibernation."

I've been worried about that too.

Using the snacks excuse as a ruse so I can go behind Connor's back does nothing to ease the shitty friend feelings I've been having, but all week, my brain has been getting carried away, and they start training camp on Monday. I need to do this now or not at all.

I knock on Easton's front door, then pause a moment before letting myself in. Like we always do.

"East?"

His TV is off, but his door was unlocked, so he's clearly home. I move into his space, inhaling deeply and recognizing his scent in the room.

"What the fuck?" he snaps, coming down the hall. He's in sweats and a T-shirt, his hair is a mess, and even though he has a scowl on his face, he's still the most beautiful man I've ever seen. "What are you doing here?"

"Snacks." I give him what I hope is a cute grin, but his glare deepens.

"I don't have any."

I snort and step around him into the kitchen. "You always have snacks. I live off tips half of the year, and Con doesn't know how to shop to save himself. You're my last hope." But when I open the cupboards and find them bare, I realize he was telling the truth. "Huh. Okay. Guess not."

"Cool. Can you get out now?"

The tone doesn't escape my notice. I swing around and take him in properly. Everything from the glare, to the crossed arms, to the way his jaw is set like he's a second away from punching me. This isn't the snarky and sometimes sweet guy I know.

"What's wrong?"

"Someone barged into my house to steal all my food. What do you think is wrong?"

I glance from him to the kitchen and back again. We've been doing this for years, and he's never been more than mildly annoyed. "I don't buy it."

"You don't need to buy it. I'm getting ready. Show yourself out." He spins on his heel and heads back down the hall to his bedroom.

And maybe I'm a goddamn idiot, but I don't show myself out at all. I follow him.

"East, come on. You're pissed off about something, and it's not the snacks. Tell me."

His laugh is bitter, and I reach the doorway as he strips off his T-shirt, revealing a torso of lean muscle, and replaces it with a sheer black one. "You're doing a whole lot less disappearing than I'd like."

"I'm worried about you."

"That's rich."

I shift, not sure where to go from here. "Is it Connor?"

" Connor ?" he snarls as he spins on me. "Connor is always Connor. I expect him messing with my life, but I don't expect it coming from you too."

"What …"

"I know about Vegas. I know about the cockblocking and you two teaming up to babysit me. I know that's the only reason you stuck to my side the whole time, and made up some stupid crush, and tricked me into kissing you. Ha. Ha. So funny."

"East, that's not?—"

"Fuck off, Knox."

"That's not what happened."

He plants his hands on his hips and stares me down. "You didn't agree to help my brother cockblock me?"

Shit. I knew it was a bad idea, I knew he'd be pissed, but I went along with it anyway because I selfishly wanted him to myself. Then when he implied that I was doing that very thing, I didn't come clean. "Hear me out?—"

"Fuck. Off."

"You won't even let me explain?"

"Letting you explain would require me to want your explanation. You did it. I don't care about your reasons. Now, the best thing you can do is get out of my house."

There's no way I can leave things like this. There's no way I can walk away from him, gut in knots and heart trying to escape my chest. "I did it because I didn't want to see you hook up with anyone else."

If anything, his eyes get angrier. "What?"

"The crush. The kiss. I wasn't lying about that. And when Con suggested that we make sure you don't run off and sleep with any of the Collective guys, I agreed because I didn't want to have to see that. I drew the line at interfering in any other way. Just with those guys."

His footsteps are hesitant, but he slowly closes the distance between us. "And you don't see," he starts quietly, "how that makes it so much worse?"

"Worse?"

He sets his hand on his bedroom door. "Get out of my house, Knox. I mean it this time."

Then he closes the door in my face, and everything becomes so much more real.

I've fucked everything up.

"I'm worried about East," Connor says.

I stab at my spaghetti and shove more in my mouth so I don't have to answer.

"He's had a real attitude at training."

I grunt.

"The little shithead wouldn't even talk to me today." Connor rubs at his jaw. "I might have to corner him tomorrow and find out what the hell has crawled up his ass."

I swallow the mouthful down before I'm ready. "Or maybe," I say around the uncomfortable tightness in my throat. "It's none of our business."

Connor stares at me. "Of course it is."

"Why?"

"Because he's my brother. It's my job to look after him."

Their family dynamics aren't my place, but it's pretty messed up that Connor's been brought up thinking that. His parents put so much on his shoulders, and I don't think they're bad people for doing that because their plates were overflowing, but if something doesn't change, it's going to be too late for him and East to fix it.

It's already too late for me, and it kills me to think that. I might never have been able to date him or follow through on all the thoughts I've been having, but I at least had him in my life. We hung out, occasionally texted when he had a good game and I congratulated him, and then during the charity match, I had a chance to spend real time with him. To see a side I hadn't yet, and it made me all the more drunk on this guy.

Who I can never have.

"If I were you, I'd let it go, man."

Connor watches me closely. "Why? Do you know something? "

"Nothing." Lies . "I just get the feeling that playing together and training together and then living so close is a bit much."

He actually laughs. "We're brothers. We're close. It happens. There's no one in the world I love like him and Lachie, and we go through this sometimes. It's all a part of it."

I don't think having your younger brother grow up to resent you is all part of it, personally, but I can't say that without betraying East's trust. And I've done way too much of that.

"Trust me," Con says. "I just need to get him talking. Maybe rough him up a bit. It's all good."

What would I know? I'm an only child, but I've grown up with these Kiki brothers, and Connor's right. That used to be exactly how they handled things. I'm not so sure grown men should be handling their problems like kids do though.

"Whatever you say, hotshot."

It's also possible that some of that resentment East is feeling has leaked into me too. Not so much at Connor, though he needs to cool his jets, but at me. It's gotten to the point that I let him think and speak for me when it comes to Easton.

It took days of obsessing to work out what East meant by my explanation making things worse. I might still be completely wrong, but I guess if you have feelings for someone—even in the past—you'd at least trust them enough to make their own choices.

And if I could stand up against Connor when it came to not cockblocking him totally, why can't I stand up to him for literally anything else? Being a partial good guy still makes you a crappy human all around.

"You've been acting weird too," Connor finally says, eyes still on his food.

"Oh, yeah?"

He hums, pushing his food around. "Something's stressing you out. "

My exhale breezes past my lips. "It's nothing. Pulling tips is not the life, brother."

He accepts my excuse, but I think we both know he doesn't believe it.