Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-One

Upon hearing that she was going to be a mother, Sloan went into a sort of strange shock. She was aware of Jude ushering her to his truck, where he then drove them…somewhere. She blinked and looked around, taking in the trees and lush greenness so similar to the area around Callaway Rock. “Where are we?”

“About to take a ferry.”

She looked out over the water. It wasn’t as open as the ocean off the coast of Oregon, and there were islands in the distance. “A ferry. You must be joking.”

“I have a piece of property on Orcas Island with a private airstrip attached. It’s easily defensible and has a built-in escape plan.”

Her mind stumbled over that for a moment. “An airstrip. You’re a pilot?”

“I don’t like going into a situation without a way to get out of it if things go sideways.”

So he’d learned to fly a plane.

She had to wonder what other skills he might have acquired because of that logic. It baffled her, though she found it comforting that he was so capable. She had a lot to learn to be able to take any situation without so much as a hiccup of stress because she had the skills necessary to survive. “If we were chased into the woods, could you keep us alive?”

“Yes.” He gave a tight smile as he pulled into the line of cars leading to the dock, slowly making their way onto the ferry, which didn’t look nearly large enough to dock them all. Jude waited until he’d paid and parked in between a minivan and a Prius. A couple got out of the Prius and wandered toward the door leading inside, but he made no move to get out of the truck. “Winter would be tough, but we could live off the grid indefinitely.”

“That’s impressive.” She didn’t know the first thing about what it would take to manage that, but it had to be difficult. More than difficult. And yet Sloan had no doubt that with the proper preparation he could keep them alive and as close to comfortable as possible.

Jude turned off the truck, removing what little light they’d had. There was a sole bulb shining from the door to the inside of the ferry, but it might as well have been on Mars for all that it illuminated them.

“Is that what you want to do? Take off into the woods with me?” He asked it oh so carefully.

He’d been doing that a lot since they left Callaway Rock, at least after her conversation with Teague. Everything was as close to hesitant as Jude was capable of. She appreciated that he cared enough to try to be gentle with her, but it felt awkward and strange, and not like the way they were at all.

So she did the one thing she knew would put them back on familiar ground.

Sloan slid across the bench seat and crawled into his lap. His hands settled on her hips, his face almost lost in the darkness. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Really?” She reached between them to stroke him, finding him already hard. “How long is this ferry ride going to take?”

“Fifty minutes.”

“Plenty of time.” She kept stroking him through his jeans, never taking her eyes off his face. “Everything is changing and I know neither of us planned on this, and we’re both terrified in our own ways, so I could really use some comfort.”

He chuckled, and she knew she had him. Jude used his thumbs to inch her dress up. “You find my cock comforting.”

“Very.” She dipped her hands beneath his shirt, scraping her nails lightly across his chest. “I still want you.” She unbuttoned his jeans, and then he was in her hand, hot and hard and ready for her. “God, I want you so much, it makes me crazy.”

“Trust me, sunshine, the feeling is more than mutual.” He pulled her panties to the side, dragging his thumb over her, spreading her wetness up across her clit. She hissed out a breath, almost shaking with need. He knew. He always knew. “It’s been hours since I had you, and I’m going to hell for this, but the feeling of you without a fucking condom is perfection. I want it again. Now.”

Good. That was exactly what she wanted, too. “Yes.”

“I’m clean. We had that conversation, but it’s worth saying again. I can get you test results—”

“Jude, it’s okay. I trust you.” And she did. They’d already crossed over the one boundary there was no going back from. Not for her. It struck her that they hadn’t had that conversation—any conversation. She froze, her desire temporarily derailed.

“What is it?”

“I…we…” She tried to catch her breath, but a band appeared around her chest, threatening to choke the life out of her. What if he wants me to get an abortion? What if I want to get an abortion? She couldn’t say it. She couldn’t even ask. “The baby…”

He went tense beneath her. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

She didn’t want to, but life was full of hard conversations and this wouldn’t be the first or the last they’d have. So she braced herself. “Do you want to terminate the pregnancy?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” She flinched and he immediately lowered his voice, but the tone was no less fierce. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s your choice. I might be a bastard and a half, but I would never take that choice away from you. But don’t think for a second that I don’t want that baby, no matter how new this whole thing is to me. I never thought I’d be a father. I never wanted to be a father, but I’ll figure that shit out as I go.”

She released a breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding. “I see.”

“So there’s the real question—do you want to terminate the pregnancy?” He asked it with no inflection. No judgment or trying to persuade her to go one way or another on the decision. Just a simple question that wasn’t the least bit simple.

She sat back, but she was still too close, too aware of him, so she slid off his lap and retreated to her side of the seat. And he let her. She stared into the darkness. “I’ve always wanted kids. That seems even more naive than you already thought I was, especially considering the fact that any child of mine would be a political player, because any husband of mine would be a political player. I’d almost resigned myself to that truth before Teague offered me a chance out, and that changed everything.” She pressed a hand to her stomach, though she knew there was no change, no indication of the tiny life now growing there.

“And now?”

And now she’d gotten her first taste of freedom, and what a real life could be like, and she was well aware that a child would restrict her new freedom in a significant way. Not to mention the man beside her might not be her father’s choice for a political match, but it was a political match all the same. And just as likely to get both myself and any children we have killed.

But still…

“I want this baby. I know it won’t be easy or uncomplicated and I know that you and I barely know each other, but it doesn’t matter. I want this baby, and I’ll fight to keep it.”

*  *  *

Jude reached for Sloan before he bothered to try to talk himself out of it. She’s keeping the baby. He hadn’t expected the relief her words brought. He’d told her the truth—he never planned on kids. But a kid with Sloan…Jude wanted that. He wanted that more than he could have anticipated. If anyone back in Boston thought to use their child as a pawn, he’d dig their grave himself.

He pulled Sloan back into his lap, needing to hold her, and rested his chin on the top of her head. “If you change your mind—”

“I won’t.”

“All the same. If you do, tell me.” He wouldn’t like it, but he hadn’t been lying when he told her that it was her choice. The only way he could force the issue was to chain her up in a basement somewhere until she had the baby, and that was a level of sadistic that he would never resort to for an enemy, let alone to a woman he cared about.

“Promise me that you’ll put an end to this unholy alliance with Dmitri Romanov.”

He pulled back enough to look down at her. “No.”

“What?”

“No. I don’t like the man and I don’t trust him, but I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you and our baby safe. If that means I have to lie down with the devil himself and compromise what little honor I have left, I’ll do it gladly.”

Her lips parted in shock. “I would never ask that of you.”

“I know.” She didn’t have to.

It was too much to ask for that any child of his would have a normal life. But if anyone was going to be making sacrifices, it would be him.

Not Sloan.

Sure as fuck not their child.

She shook her head, harder this time. “No. That’s the whole point. We’ve become like a snake eating its own tail. Violence begets violence, and we have a chance to get out—truly get out.” She twisted the hem of her skirt around her fingers. “I just…We barely know each other. I’m well aware of that. But what if the way to keep our baby safe isn’t to compromise your honor or get into bed with Dmitri Romanov? What if the thing we need to do is to get on a plane and never look back?”

There was sense in what she said. He might not like it, but that was the truth.

His whole landscape had altered with the news that she was pregnant. Growing up, there had only been him and his mother, and then she’d left him behind permanently and there’d been only Jude and his vengeance. That was his truth.

But what if it didn’t have to be?

He looked at Sloan, trying to picture what the kind of life she suggested would even look like. He had no frame of reference. He just didn’t fucking know.

“What if we did get to know each other better?” he said. What they needed most right now was time, and that might be the one thing they didn’t have.

She twisted on her dress until her knuckles went white. “I would like that.”

“Then why do you look like you’re about to throw yourself out of my truck and try to swim for the shore?” He pointed at her knotted dress. “You’re freaking the fuck out right now.”

“What an astute observation, Jude. I am freaking out a little. I don’t know how to be a mother, and I don’t know how to be in a relationship—if that’s even what you’re talking about. You’re being so incredibly careful with me that I have no way of knowing what in God’s name you want—aside from our baby.”

Our baby.

Would he ever get used to hearing those words? To thinking those words? It was beyond comprehension that some nine months from now, she’d be bringing their kid into the world.

So he didn’t focus on that.

Jude rotated to face her fully. “So let’s take a week. There isn’t a damn thing that needs to be decided before then.” Except he needed to figure out what the hell he was going to do about Romanov’s threat. It might be a matter of delving into the file he had on the man and figuring out something to use for leverage to buy himself a bit more time.

“A week.” Sloan blinked. “You can’t get to know a person in a week.”

“You sure about that, sunshine? Because I know your body as well as my own and we’ve barely been fucking more than a week.” He squeezed her knee, sliding his hand up her thigh. “I know that you like it when I push you to the limit and beyond. I know exactly where to touch you to make you go soft and wanting.” He reached the apex of her thighs and cupped her, stroking her softly over her cotton panties. “Tell me, what other man knows as much about you?”

Her lips parted, even though she didn’t look totally convinced. “If I wasn’t a virgin when we met, there would be others who knew that.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Fucking is the lowest common denominator. Just because some little shit has had his cock inside you doesn’t mean he knows your clit from your big toe—and it sure as hell doesn’t mean he knows how to get you off.” He snagged the band of her panties and dipped his hand inside, sliding a single finger into her. “Not like me. You could have been with a hundred assholes, and that would still be the God’s honest truth.”

She hooked a leg over his, opening for him, and let her head fall back to rest against the seat. “You’re unbelievably arrogant.”

“I know my strengths.” He stroked her with one hand and used the other to tug her dress off one shoulder, baring her breast in the faint light. “And I know you. I might not know your favorite food or your favorite book, but I know that you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. I know you’ve been kept cooped up, your wings clipped, and that freedom is a heady thing. That you’ll fight tooth and nail to keep from having to give it up.”

Jude leaned down and tongued her nipple, lightly raking his teeth over it until she gasped and her hands came up to dig in his hair. “I’ll never cage you, sunshine. It’s not my way. I’d rather watch you learn to fly instead.”

She shuddered, her hips rising to take his finger as he slowly slid it in and out of her. “You seem to think you know a lot.”

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

Sloan covered his hand with her own, guiding a second finger into herself. “You’re not wrong.”

Jude smiled against her skin. “I know.”