Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Annie

The furnace's heat blasting against my face is a comforting warmth, reminding me I'm still alive. Sweat runs down my face, neck and spine as I work the punty into the small hole and count to a beat in my head.

When it feels right, I pull the pipe out and bring the large hunk of molten glass to the workbench where Chloe is ready for me. Under her careful gaze, I shape, blow, and work the glass into the shape I want. I can't afford to give too much of my focus to Chloe because I need to get this done exactly right, but there's still a small part of me that sneaks peeks at her to see if she's in any way unhappy with what I'm doing.

Several times over the last few weeks, she's fought with me, harping on that I'm too worried about what others would want, what others think. I know she's right. But no matter how hard I try, I can't stop worrying that I'm disappointing her like I disappointed my parents .

The sharp burn snaps my attention back to what I'm doing. "Fuck!" I cry out as I pull my hand away from the hot vase I've been working on. Unfortunately, I move so quickly that I nudge the bar holding my current piece and it's just hard enough that the vase falls off the bar and lands on the floor with a loud crash, glass shards scattering everywhere.

Chloe clucks her tongue before turning on her heel and walking out of the studio she's allowed me to share with her. "Get out of your head, Annabelle. You're not going to get it right until you get yourself right. Now get that burn sorted before cleaning up your mess. And when you're ready to try again, you know where to find me. But I'm done observing you being a dum-dum." She throws the words over her shoulder as she strolls out. When she makes it to the door, she looks over her shoulder, her face pulled into a careful mask of annoyance, but I can see the slight worry in her gaze.

Living in such proximity with Chloe has had a few results.

For one, I've gotten to know her and her tells pretty well. She likes to pretend she's grumpy and crotchety, but really she's just a lonely soul. Secondly, she's a very easy person to talk to. After she found out I couldn't cook to save my life, she took it upon herself to teach me the basics, and during our lessons, she dragged my tales of heartbreak from me.

Regardless of the fledgling friendship we're starting, she's still very much my boss and my mentor. And in no way a replacement for the friend I'm missing as if someone had ripped out my heart.

For the first week, I'd kept my cell off. Once I'd put it on, there were so many voicemails and messages from both Lorcan and Monte. I ignored them all. I still can't bring myself to open any of them and look at them because I might cave, and I can't afford to do that.

What surprised me, though, were the messages from Suzie. Those I did open.

Other than some missed calls, there wasn't anything from her in the first few days. But dated three days after I'd taken off, there was one from her that just said they were going back home.

Then a couple of days later, she just asked me to let her know I was okay because everyone was worried.

The one that finally got to me, though? Suzie sent me a super long message that I've read so many times it's almost like I can see it in front of me.

Annie, come home.

I'm so sorry for the way I reacted. If I'm being honest, and I have to be, because I was with Monte and Lorcan, I kind of like the idea of you with them. They need someone to look after, and you so very much want someone to care for you. More than anything, my reaction was because you didn't share with me. You didn't tell me, your best friend, about any of it. But I can get past that. Just come home. They miss you. I miss you. And honey, you and I both know, you need them.

It's okay to need someone, Annie. Your parents never gave you that luxury. But come back, and let them teach you it's okay. It's okay to love. To be loved and more than anything, there's nothing wrong with needing someone .

It hit me hard, and I was pretty useless inside the studio after that for a few days.

Chloe is right.

I have to get out of my head. More than anything, I have to get these feelings figured out so I can move forward and start doing the things I'm supposed to be doing.

After doctoring the burn, I carefully clean up the glass shards, sorting them and putting them in the bins so they can go back into the furnace for recycling. I do a quick check that everything is where it needs to be before turning off the lights and heading out.

I can't concentrate on what I need to until I deal with a few things. The first of those things being my best friend. Hopefully, she still is my best friend.

The air outside is cold against my hot skin and I take a deep calming breath before heading for my room and digging out my phone.

Suzie answers the phone within two rings.

"Annie! What the fuck. Are you okay?" Her frantic words bring a reluctant smile to my face.

"Hi Suze," I respond, and pull the phone away from my ear in anticipation of what's going to happen next. My friend doesn't disappoint.

"Hi, Suze! Hi! Suze!" She screams into the phone before going off on a very colorful rant that has quite a few creative curse words, then finally calms down enough to say, "We haven't heard from you in weeks. For all we knew, you were dead. If Monte hadn't gotten a PI to check on you, we'd probably have started calling the morgues and hospitals!"

My heart stops when she mentions the PI. Surely they weren't trying to track me down ?

"When they figured out where you were, and made me swear to leave you alone, I nearly fucking killed them myself," she rambles, carrying on to tell me how she'd fought with them over their decision to leave me alone once they found out I was fine. But all the time she's rambling on, I stand there, surprised that my heart hasn't fallen from my chest and shattered on the floor in front of me in the same way the vase earlier had.

They know where I am. Have for a while. And didn't come for me.

They know. And they're choosing to leave me here alone.

And like Suzie said in her text, she told them to. She told them she's okay with us being together.

Which tells me only one thing. None of it was real. They couldn't have cared for me in the same way I do for them.

And it's about time I grow up and do what has to be done.

Starting with another hard call after I get off the one that just shattered my heart into a million pieces.

"Suze?" I call out, interrupting her continuing rant. "It's good you didn't come. It's about time I learn how to look after myself. This is good for me. But I wanted to reach out and see if we could still be friends."

"Don't be an idiot, Annie. Of course we're friends. You'd have to do some pretty fucked-up things to get rid of me."

We both laugh at that before Suzie starts up again. "You're sure you don't want to come home?"

"I'm not sure of anything, honey. But I should at least try this. I have a decent job and the makings of a fresh start." It's hard to keep my voice light and not give away the hurt I'm feeling down to my bones.

Then she sighs and I know I've won. At least this battle.

"Fine. But no more disappearing on me, okay? Text me. I need proof-of-life updates or I'm coming back up there."

We say goodbye and I lie back on my bed, collecting my courage for the next call.

I had a few other missed calls on my phone when I turned it on. Ones I've continued to ignore as time moves on but if I'm going to be serious about moving forward, I need to deal with my past. All of it.

I scroll through my contacts and get to D.

Pushing the call button is way harder than I'd like to admit, but not throwing the phone after I do is even harder.

After a few rings, he picks up.

"Annabelle," he says in greeting and the deep timbre of his voice draws tears from me. I'd promised to never give this man again any more of my tears, dammit. "I'm glad you called."

I bite my lip, trying to figure out what to say or if I'm just going to cut the call and block his number.

"Annie, darling, are you there?"

"Yes, Dad," I respond before letting out the breath I'd been holding. "You've been trying to get hold of me?"

"Yes, for a while now. I needed to talk to you. It's about your mom."

Dad's call does not go the way I expected it to.

His telling me my mom had passed away is the last thing I'd have ever thought would happen. The only thing less likely is the fact that he wants to apologize for how he handled stuff with Jackson, and he wants me to come home.

"I'm not coming home, Dad."

There's complete silence on the line after that response.

"Of course you are. It's where you belong." His tone is curt and so much more like the man I'm used to. It's almost a comfort to know the distant, cool man is still there.

A harsh laugh tumbles from my chest. The laugh soon turns into hysterical giggles that are only stopped once Dad barks at me to stop it.

"This isn't a joke, Annabelle." His voice is low and carefully controlled. But for once, it doesn't turn me into the meek, obedient daughter that has always been desperate for her parents' approval. Their attention. Their affection.

"You're right, Dad. It's not funny. Not even a bit. I'm truly sorry to hear of Mom's passing, and I will make the time to come home and show my respects, but I will not be coming to heel like you expect me to, anymore."

I take a deep breath, proud of myself for sticking up to him, and muster the courage to continue. "I'm going to start living my life. Doing things on my own, for myself. And by the end, I will make myself proud. Not you. Not mom. Not anyone else. The only thing that matters now is that I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror."

We don't really have much to say to each other after that. Honestly, I can't blame him for cutting the call short, and I can say that I feel better after standing up for myself like that. I will need to deal with the grief of Mom's passing, but when they cut me off, I'd already started the mourning process.

But defending myself against one of my biggest bullies? That's the first step in what will probably be many in my journey of growth and self-discovery.

The next? Getting Chloe to come back to the studio with me so I can get back to work.