12. Avoiding Emotions

Johanna

T hroughout lunch, Jo waited for Ali to get up and make an excuse as to why she had to leave so abruptly. At moments, she held her breath, expecting that decision to come at any moment. Yet, it never did, and eventually, Jo could relax. She didn’t want Ali to be uncomfortable sitting with her friends. Part of her wanted to invite Ali to eat with the rest of them so she wouldn’t have another meal with just Ali.

It was nice the previous day, she couldn’t even lie, but there were moments that she had to keep herself at bay. She didn’t want Ali to see her gawking at her, and it was hard to avoid when they were the only two at the table.

However, in this case, she had to put herself in Ali’s shoes, and Ali was in a precarious situation. She was the one that was above them and could feel out of place if someone made a snide comment. To her relief, those comments didn’t come. Eventually, she even caught Ali laughing and joining in on the conversation. That could relax the whole table.

Halfway through the meal, though, she caught Ali staring at her, and it caused Jo to blush. Those were the moments that Jo fought so hard to ignore. She looked down at her food and tried not to focus on her racing heart. She didn’t want Ali to get the wrong impression. She didn’t want herself to get the wrong impression, either. She knew Ali was taken, and even though Nolan couldn’t be there because he was sick, that didn’t change the matter that Nolan was a guy in the picture.

Ali’s phone rang, and that pulled Jo’s attention back to her. She scrunched up her nose. “I’m going to have to take this but thank you all for letting me join you.” She got up, but before she left, she tossed a look in Jo’s direction and gave her a slight nod before grabbing her trash and rushing off to take her call. Jo looked down at her food, and a knot grew in her stomach. She shouldn’t have allowed herself to get too emotionally distracted when it came to Ali. There was no point in allowing things to develop between them because the only thing Ali could give her was friendship. She had to mentally remind herself of that, and it stung.

May jabbed her in the side, and Jo looked at her while May arched an eyebrow. “What?” Jo asked.

May tilted her head, then turned back to the rest of the group. Nothing else was spoken between them as the rest of the lunch went on. Until May finished her salad and stood up.

“I best get back. I have loads of documentation. Johanna? Are you ready?”

Jo frowned but then shrugged and got up. “See everyone later.” Jo waved, and together they left the table, dropping their trash into the closest can. May grabbed her hand and pulled Jo after her. “What are you doing?” Jo asked, kicking her feet up behind her as they left the cafeteria.

May didn’t stop until they were in the corridor and just short of the elevator. “Are you nuts?” The words came out in an exasperated sigh. She crossed her arms and stared in Jo’s direction. Jo narrowed her eyebrows and then shrugged. “I saw the way you were looking at her, Johanna. It’s like you have the hots for her or something. I need to tell you why that’s a horrible idea. In fact, probably the worst idea you could possibly have in your entire life.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “I thought you had documentation to work on.” She leaned in and pressed the button for the elevator, ignoring May’s eyes that were intently focused on her. “You’re wrong, May. I don’t have the hots for her.” Jo turned back, and May scrunched up her face. “Do you know how silly that would be?”

“I do. Do you?” May scoffed. “She’s your superior. And I distinctly recall them saying that that can never happen. They nixed that thing immediately.”

“That’s beside the point,” Jo replied. “She’s also married or dating someone. Who really knows, but I know that she’s in a very heavy relationship with Nolan. Whether married or otherwise. So, nothing could happen. If I wanted something to happen. Which I don’t. So, there’s that.” The doors opened, and Jo stepped into the elevator, with May slowly following. When the doors closed, May tapped the button for their floor, then turned to her. “You’re looking at me with pity. You’re being ridiculous.”

“I don’t want you to see you getting your hopes up or something. You invited her to eat lunch with us. No one does that.”

“It wasn’t horrible, was it?” Jo argued.

May laughed. “ That’s not the point. I’m not wrong, Johanna. You had this dreamy look pointed in her direction the entire time we were in the cafeteria.”

“Well, I guess I can’t help what looks you think I gave her. But you’re wrong. That’s all.” Jo shrugged, even though she couldn’t fight the belief that May knew what she was talking about. The doors opened, and Ali stood at the nurse’s station, her eyes down on a chart in front of her. Jo felt her cheeks burning as she gawked in her direction.

“There you go again,” May hissed, before stepping out of the elevator and taking off in another direction. Ali looked up, and their eyes met. Ali grinned, then went back to her chart. Jo groaned and stepped out of the elevator before it could close her in.

“Hope the call wasn’t anything bad,” Jo began.

“No, not at all. Sorry, I rushed off like that. Don’t usually ditch out on people like that, but just wanted to make sure I didn’t bore you guys with my conversation.” She laughed, then leaned against the desk. “Thanks for encouraging me to eat lunch with you guys. It was nice.”

“I didn’t exactly encourage you,” Jo argued. She bit down on her tongue when Ali shifted her gaze. “I mean, it wasn’t like I forced you or anything. At least, I didn’t intend to.”

Ali shook her head. “Oh, of course not.” She grabbed the chart and pulled it to her chest. “I better get back to work.”

“Yeah, me too.” Jo mumbled. She sunk down in the chair and waited for Ali to leave before she looked up in her direction. She would have to do better if she wanted to convince herself that she didn’t have the hots for Ali. Her body was telling her something totally different.