1. Dejected And Ashamed

Ali

T he crowd hung onto his every word. Ali Martin turned her gaze to survey the nurses to see their focus, and every one of them had their eyes zoned in on Nolan Matthews. That should have been her up there. She personally had nothing against Nolan. After all, he was her best friend, but she was the one who was supposed to do the lecture. Not him.

And now, she was left staring at him as if she, too, was in awe. The truth was, she was pissed and, frankly, just wanted to bolt out of the conference. It wasn’t fair. All because she got with the wrong woman at the wrong time. Ali leaned back in her chair and huffed. It wouldn’t have made much difference if she were a straight man. In fact, she probably would have been patted on the back for a job well done. Men in her immediate circle would have raised her in the air and said kudos, bro. You really bagged a good one.

Ali sighed and leaned on her elbow, staring straight at Nolan, pretending she cared about his lecture. Instead of being praised, she had practically had a scarlet letter pinned to her chest. She saw the disapproval from her co-workers. It wasn’t like she had intended anything to happen. But she should have been up there, passing along the lecture, seeing everyone latching onto every word she had to say.

As she stared, her interest waned, and her thoughts went to Maxine Girardot. Maxine was a former pediatric attending physician at CAPMed. Ali thought that maybe they would one day end up married. Now, that was a mere laugh. Their relationship didn’t last long, and suddenly, Ali was trying to remember what life was without being in a committed relationship. Maxine was different than Ali thought she was. Their short-lived relationship went south, and Maxine moved to Evanston to take another job.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the lecturing gig Ali thought she’d have at the conference was instantly snatched away from her. Maxine was one of the conference organizers, and as the fallout and gossip raged at CAPMed, the committee determined it’d be a conflict of interest if Ali gave the lecture, and it was pulled from her. Now, she was left watching her best friend give the speech that should have been hers. No arguing from Ali would have changed that outcome.

“I will go through a slideshow and then release you all for a thirty-minute lunch. I’ll try not to bore you too much.” He winked, and the audience joined in with a light-hearted chuckle. It was true that Nolan was a great choice, and if Ali hadn’t felt so sad about how everything had gone down, then she might have been happy for him. But as he continued his presentation, she could only shake her head. She would have been just as qualified, if not more so. She had worked her ass off to get to this point .

The presentation dragged on, but no one seemed all that bothered. Ali leaned back in her chair and just aimlessly watched. Then, the slight screeching of a chair resounded in the quiet conference room, bringing Ali’s eyes in Julia’s direction.

Julia gave a meek smile, then grabbed the seat near Ali but kept her eyes focused on Nolan. Ali shifted her gaze and tried to watch, showing her support, even though her thoughts were heavy with how she would have done things differently if she had been allowed to give the lecture.

“That is the conclusion of this presentation. Go out and enjoy your lunch. I’ll be out mingling if you want to ask me any questions. See you back in thirty.” The audience clapped, and several stood up to give him a standing ovation. Julia stood up and did the same, so Ali felt obligated to make things less awkward and comply.

Julia Hughes was the Chief Nursing Officer and Ali’s direct supervisor. As the clapping died down, she glanced over to Ali. “He did great, don’t you think?”

Ali snickered, then quickly stifled it. “Um, yeah, considering,” she mumbled.

Julia sighed. “Look, Ali, I know you’re bummed. You think that should have been you.” Julia gave a slight shrug. “And you aren’t wrong. It should have probably been you, but as you know, the hospital has certain policies, and they’re there for a reason.”

“I know,” Ali mumbled.

Julia gave a mellow smile. “You’re a great employee, Ali. You’re dedicated and a hard worker. Hospitals flock to find employees like you. And you’re a wonderful nurse. So, I don’t want you checking out because of one setback. Things happen, and such is life.”

Ali pushed back her chair. Now she wanted to bolt for real. It felt like Julia wanted to lecture her, which Ali wasn’t really in the mood for. “Excuse me.”

Ali started to push past her, but Julia reached out and touched Ali’s arm, drawing Ali’s eyes back to her.

“Ali, I know you know a new nurse educator position is getting ready to open. Each department nominates someone, and I want to nominate you. You are an excellent leader, and I believe you could be a fantastic asset to the team. And I promise I will fight for you as long as you keep up your track record. Do you think you can do that?”

Ali nodded, hope finally resurfacing somewhere in her soul. These conferences weren’t all that fun if you weren’t the one presenting, but maybe her life wasn’t totally over. She would love the opportunity to progress her career, and if Julia wasn’t just being nice, then maybe that wasn’t out of the question.

“Great! You go and enjoy your lunch. Chin up.” She smiled at Ali, then left the table.

Ali turned and exited the auditorium. She still had hope inside her, but she had learned a long time ago that being too hopeful was just plain ignorant. She rounded the corner and spotted Nolan. He frantically waved her over, and Ali smiled.

“Hey, Nolan. You’re doing great up there.” In the grand scheme of things, he was still her best friend, and she needed to support him.

“You think so? I’m amazed by the support everyone is giving me.” He was practically beaming, and Ali was trying hard not to storm off. He tore his sandwich in half and handed a half to her. “Don’t have much time, so share with me?”

“Thanks, Nolan!” She took a bite, then reached across and grabbed water from an ice bucket. She would get through the rest of the day and remain positive for an upcoming promotion. It didn’t have to all happen overnight .

Ali ate her sandwich next to Nolan in silence and watched the other professionals who had come to the conference. A couple caught her eye. She had seen them a couple of times already; there was this beautiful blonde who seriously looked like a model who openly kissed her partner, a shorter nurse with a pixie cut. The first woman attended panels on hospital management and administration, while the nurse attended occupational therapy panels. They were hard for Ali to ignore. They looked to be so in love.

Ali didn’t want to be jealous, but she was. She took another bite of her sandwich, trying to curb her bitterness. That could have been us , she thought.

“That concludes the lecture for today,” Nolan replied. “I will be outside at a table for as long as needed if anyone wants to stop by for a chat. I look forward to meeting all of you during this time. And thank you!” Everyone cheered for him, including Ali. She was happy for him because it was clear he was glowing, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t still feeling dejected. However, she also felt ashamed that she felt this way. She wanted to be fully supportive of her friends and co-workers. No matter how difficult it might be.

Ali entered the bar of the conference hotel at just past seven o’clock. She looked around. It had already filled up with other conference-goers. She was starved as the half sandwich she had eaten earlier in the day had quickly left her system. She approached the bar and waited for her turn to order. She glanced around while waiting, and her eyes went to a woman standing in the corner of the room. She was leaning against a pillar and just aimlessly looking around the bar. She looked unsure as if she didn’t know if she belonged there. As Ali stared, the woman’s eyes slowly met hers, and there was an instant where they were just focused on each other. Ali gave a slight smile, and the other woman reciprocated.

“Ma’am? Ma’am? Are you ready to order?” The man behind the bar huffed. Ali quickly looked in his direction. He sighed and rolled his eyes. “What can I get you?”

“Um, let’s see.” She shifted from one foot to the other. She should have paid attention to what others had ordered, but instead, she was engrossed in the woman across the bar. “Nachos? Beer?”

He sighed. “Are those questions? Or are you ordering?”

“I’m ordering. Fully loaded nachos and a Bud Light.” She nodded. “That’s what I want.” She dug in her pocket for her money, pulled it out, and pushed it toward him as he went to get her order.

Ali casually glanced back to where the woman stood, but she was gone. She sighed. That seemed typical, but it was alright because she couldn’t go getting distracted by a stranger with whom she couldn’t continue anything. Besides, the likelihood of that woman being gay was slim. And if she was, she was most likely happily in a relationship.

He gave her the change and then pushed the nachos and beer in her direction before turning to the next customer. She mumbled her thanks, then walked toward the tables. However, the bar had steadily filled, and no empty table was available.

“Such is my life,” she muttered before quickly moving to a tiny pub table. There were no chairs, but it was where she could at least set her food and drink down and not spill them. She wanted to avoid making a complete spectacle of herself. Ali kept her eyes focused on her nachos when she wasn’t sipping her beer .

“This seat taken?”

She jerked to her attention when she heard the woman’s voice. The woman smiled and leaned against the stand that Ali had been occupying alone. “There’s no seats,” Ali said, smirking as she sipped her beer.

The woman giggled and nodded. “You have a point there. Then again, there are no seats left in the bar.” She leaned in close enough for Ali to feel her breath. “Truth is, I don’t much like standing awkwardly in a corner alone. It tends to attract unwanted attention.”

“Oh,” Ali looked down at her nachos awkwardly. She felt like, in an instant, she’d been called out. “I didn’t mean to stare for too long or anything.”

The woman fell back and laughed. “I wasn’t referring to you,” she giggled and shook her head. “I can see how that might have come across that way, but I can assure you that you weren’t giving unwanted attention.” The woman’s cheeks brightened in a red hue. “You know what I mean.” She took a sip of whatever was in her glass. Ali didn’t smell alcohol coming from her direction, so it was most likely water.

Ali blushed and popped a nacho into her mouth. She was glad to see that this woman didn’t find her staring to be offensive. That helped her to feel more comfortable, whether she should or not.

“The name is Ali.” Ali thrust out her hand and waited for the woman to shake. She didn’t disappoint. The woman grinned and immediately accepted Ali’s handshake.

“Johanna,” the woman replied, ending the shake. “My friends call me Jo.”

“It’s a pleasure.”

Ali and Jo talked for what felt like fifteen minutes. After glancing at the watch, Ali noticed it had been over an hour. Time flew by, and Ali didn’t want the evening to end. She had forgotten her nachos and just casually sipped on her beer while keeping a cool interaction with each other. Johanna had seemed to lean into the conversation, and their knees were slightly touching. Ali found it the most flirtatious conversation she had experienced since she had ended things with Maxine.

“These conferences can be a drag,” Jo replied at one point.

Ali laughed. “I thought I was the only one that felt that way.” She continued to grin, feeling all giddy inside, a reaction that instantly startled her.

“Not even,” Jo commented. “But talking to you has already been quite interesting, so maybe these conferences aren’t so bad.” Jo slowly sipped her drink as Ali met her gaze. The moment almost seemed inviting. Ali wouldn’t have objected to taking things outside of the bar. Yet, that was way too pushy. They had just met, and Ali couldn’t fully get a feel of Jo, but she wanted to possibly get to know her better.

Ali opened her mouth.

“There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.” Ali turned to Nolan.

The words she was going to say still hung on the tip of her tongue. She had wanted to take the conversation to the next level, but now that Nolan was there, she retreated from that plan.

“Oh. Hi,” she mumbled. She turned to Jo, who had fallen back. There was definite distance between them now. Ali dropped her gaze and glanced over to Nolan, who was still smiling, unaware of what he had interrupted.

“I’m going to head to bed. It’s been an exhausting day, and I want to crash and sleep until noon.” He placed his hand on Ali’s shoulder, and Ali sighed and glanced at Jo. Since they had organized the conference, both Nolan and Ali had rooms at the hotel, so they didn’t have to drive home.

“Yeah, I should be going, too.” Jo waved. “It was nice to meet you, Ali.” She then glanced at Nolan and gave a curt nod. “Your lecture was inspiring. You both have a good night.” She gave another slight wave, then hurried away from them.

Ali frowned, watching her as she placed her glass back on the bar counter and hurried out of the bar. She groaned and glanced over to Nolan. “Your timing is impeccable.”

He scrunched up his nose. “Sorry. I can run after her if you want me, too. Give you two a bit more time to talk. Who is she?”

Ali brushed his question away with a wave of her hand. “It’s no biggie. Just a woman. Let’s get out of here. She downed the rest of her beer, then left it on the table, and they headed out of the bar. Even though she was just a woman, Ali did catch her mind going back to Jo and wondering where she was from and if they would ever meet again.