62 Veni, Vedi, Velcro

Lily

Her feet barely touched the ground as she raced through the Hallway, weaving through people, skidding around corners, hope propelling her forward faster and faster.

A chance.

A small chance, but holy shit, it was a chance .

The Reincarnation Office was close to the Front Desk, separated from the Entry Hall by an invisible barrier that only applied to souls who hadn’t gone through Judgment. Lily stopped so hard in front of the office that her boots squeaked in protest, dimly remembering the place. The Reincarnation Office wasn’t an arch, it was a massive alcove separated from the Universal Hallway by a towering wall of smooth rock that, despite its height, came nowhere near the ceiling. From a distance, it looked like a silly half wall, but up close, it stood all too solid and imposing.

A huge set of permanently open double doors were the only entrance, and she took a moment to pull herself together before she walked through them. Inside, it looked a bit different than she dimly remembered, more like the lobby of a fancy bank. Souls stood patiently in orderly lines, chatting amongst themselves as they waited to be called to one of the many elegant office pods for a private conversation. The long, bank-style general information desk only had a few souls waiting to speak to an attendant, and Lily figured that they would be the ones to help her figure out the best course of action.

She’d taken all of one step forward when an elderly man and woman caught her eye as they walked hand in hand through the doors, bright smiles on their weathered faces.

Oh. It was him. The man who’d been waiting for his wife.

When she’d first seen him, she’d envied him for experiencing that kind of love and hated herself for feeling unworthy of the same. She knew better now. She’d always been worthy. And that love? She’d found it too. Everyone in the mortal world had made such a fuss about finding someone you were willing to die for, and there was a dramatic power to that, she supposed. But finding someone you were willing to live for? To fall in love with over and over again through lifetimes, or to love for the whole of an eternity? She’d take that kind of love any day.

Lily smiled and nodded at them as they went past. They beamed at her, the woman shooting her a knowing wink, joy recognizing joy. They joined the line of souls waiting to reincarnate, moving together with the ease of familiarity. Lily’s own palm felt empty and cold while she waited for her turn at the general information desk. She curled her fingers, missing the sensation of Bel’s massive, callused hand, recalling the warm pulse of his heartbeat when she pressed her hand to his chest. He’d be so happy when she told him she was staying, and if she was granted deification, he would be ecstatic. Either way, a new and glorious chapter of their lives would begin.

A smiling Inuit man gestured her forward, a buzz trickling over her skin as she stepped up.

“How may I help you?”

“I would like to yield my ability to reincarnate and apply for deification,” Lily said, the rightness of that statement settling into her bones.

The man, however, blinked once, twice, then rapidly while he processed what she’d said. “That’s… not…” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think that’s possible.”

“It is. I’m not saying that I expect the application to be approved, but I want to try. And whether that application is approved or not, I still want to have a note put in my file that I will not be reincarnating again. Ever.” She paused for a moment, racking her soul-deep memory for clues. “I’m sorry, would it be better for me to wait in the other line?”

“No, no, that’s for reincarnation only,” the man said, more than a little flustered. “Let me find one of the older souls; they’ll probably know more about this.”

He hurried off, leaving Lily to wait under the curious stares of the other attendants. She offered them all a neutral smile and reached for her phone to give Bel a head’s up that she would want to see him soon, only to realize that she’d left it at the Hellp Desk. Oh well, it would be more of a surprise.

It was odd to be so excited, yet so calm. It felt similar to getting home and walking in the door after being gone for a long time, but on a much grander scale.

The man returned, accompanied by a soul that reminded her of the one she’d helped find the Void. The soul’s age was obvious with every tiny motion of his body. He moved with perfect fluidity, so used to existence and being that everything he did looked effortless. The Inuit man had relaxed a bit and seemed curious as he slipped back into his seat.

“Lily,” the ancient soul said smoothly, his near-black eyes missing nothing. “I have heard much of you.”

“That seems to be a running theme,” Lily said. “Hopefully not a bad one.”

The ancient soul smiled. He was tiny in stature compared to her, but he carried himself with the same easy confidence as seven-foot-tall demons.

“Not bad at all. No one with sense could think poorly of the lady of the Hellp Desk. We admire you too much. I wondered if you would ever come here, even if only to spend some time behind a less hostile desk, but you have come for a better reason it seems.” He tilted his head, a smile playing on his thin lips. “No one has asked about deification since my younger days. And even then, the price was too steep for many.”

Yielding her ability to reincarnate, giving up her inherent mortality, was a scary concept at face value, but she’d already decided to stay no matter what. To let herself love and be loved with abandon.

The opportunity to have all that and more? She’d do anything.

“For what I could gain, my mortal life seems a worthy price. I understand that it’s not a guarantee, but even the chance is worth it,” Lily said.

“If you apply and are rejected you will remain as you are and would be able to reincarnate if you so choose.”

Lily smiled softly, thinking of quiet mornings with Bel, playing in the rain with Sharkie, kissing Max on his fuzzy little head. “I wouldn’t. No matter what happens, the mortal world isn’t for me anymore.”

“It could be.”

“It could,” she agreed, “but it’s not. Just like Heaven could be for me, but it isn’t.”

“An immortal heart made by the mortal world,” he mused with a smile. “A curious and powerful thing. If you are certain, far be it from us to stop you.”

Warm paper pressed against her fingertips, and she clutched it on reflex. The color of her file had shifted to lilac, the metallic letters of her name glimmering. All that she had been. All that she would be.

She held it out to him.

“You’ll have to walk me through the application process,” she said.

He studied her gaze, not taking her file. “You understand what you would give up and what you would gain?”

“My ability to reincarnate in order to become like the denizens of the Afterlife and have a true life here.”

His eyes sharpened. “Why do you wish to do this? What is your motivation?”

Watching the sunrise while Bel and Sharkie laughed. A shower of sparks rising as Hell sang. Helping souls who were lost. Placing flowers on fallen creatures. Watching warriors from Valhalla teach a small child how to be less scared. Helping souls who were lost. Distracting unpleasant souls so that the gate demons could breathe easier. Playing in the rain. Making faces at Bel in the mirror. The way his eyes crinkled at her.

All the quiet and grand moments.

“Love,” she said simply, setting her file on the desk.

The ancient soul’s eyes dipped to watch her soul file disappear, then gave her a look she couldn’t interpret. “It seems your application is being considered.”

Lily went hot and cold at the same time. “Well…that was…easy.”

“Was it?” The ancient soul angled his head.

“Yeah,” Lily said, wiping her palms on her thighs. “Except for when it wasn’t.”

A few of the eavesdropping attendants chuckled. Even the ancient soul cracked a smile, which Lily returned.

Done. No matter what, it was done. The ancient soul hadn’t told her when or how she’d know if her application had been accepted, and she figured that he knew the answer to that as well as she did.

As much as she wanted to spin on her heel and haul ass down to Hell and tell Bel everything, there was something else she needed to do for herself.

“Can I look at it one last time?”

* * *

Despite the fact that souls reincarnated all the time, and there was only one gate back, thanks to Universal magic, no other souls were visible as she walked through the hallway towards it. Something about each journey being a personal one unless intentionally embarking on it with others.

She’d been warned not to step off the solid stone, as that marked the point of no return for reincarnation, so she stopped a few feet away from where stone ended and the colorful swirling mist began. The gate was deceptively small, a bit bigger than an average door, but it hummed with just as much power as any other arch in the Afterlife.

Lily stared into the mist, her throat clogging with emotion.

Life. She could practically taste it. For all its faults and evils and pain, the mortal world was a beautiful thing. Mortality was a beautiful thing. The curious uncertainty, the boldness both quiet and brash that living required, all of it.

Beautiful. Powerful.

A part of her would always miss it.

She took a long, deep breath, watching the colorful mist twist and curl around itself, the power of the gate reaching out to brush over her soul with all the potential of mortality.

A dozen different children, all of them somehow identifiable as different incarnations of herself growing up with a dozen different lives. Parents who loved each other. Parents who hated each other. A single mother. Siblings. An only child. Foster care. Different hobbies, but always she loved reading. Athleticism. Chronic pain. Average in every way. Red hair. Brown hair. Blond hair. Curly, straight, long, short.

Life of love. Life of fear. Life of everything and nothing. Boyfriends, girlfriends, always single. A fancy wedding, a backyard wedding, never her own wedding, a domestic partnership, a vow of celibacy. A child, children, infertile, had a baby but lost it, miscarriage after miscarriage, twins, another negative pregnancy test. Died old. Died young. Car crash. Heart attack. Childhood cancer. Laughter. Crying. Happiness. Grief. Joy. Pain. Adventure. Hope. Beauty.

Complicated and wonderful and awful and simple.

Life.

Always life.

Lily let the hot tears run down her cheeks as she smiled at the gate, thankful for all the time she’d ever had in that beautiful world of uncertain potential.

But love called.

“Goodbye,” she whispered.

The mist swirled in response.

* * *

Lily shoved the door to the building of Bel’s office open, a chord of nerves thrumming alongside her excitement. She’d never felt surer of herself and her decision. Halfway across the cavernous foyer, a commotion in one of the halls drew her attention. She almost chose to ignore it, right up until Greg hauled a wriggling Lev out of the hall and towards the stairs.

“ You don’t feel good? Imagine how he feels. Whatever it is, you’re going to explain everything,” Greg snarled, fighting to drag him backwards across the floor.

“Let go, I’m going to be sick!”

“You think bodily fluids bother me? Puke on yourself, for all I care. After this shit, you deserve—”

“What is going on?” Lily snapped, marching towards them.

Greg spun to face her, not letting go of a dry-heaving Lev. His red eyes burned with intensity as they scanned hers, relief flickering over his angular features. He opened his mouth, closed it, nodded once, and silently ushered Lev back into the hallway they’d come from.

What the fuck?

Whatever that was, it was a problem for later.

She raced up the stairs, growing warmer with every step. Bel’s office door was shut, so she raised her hand to knock but paused. The sticky note she’d given him that morning hung just below his name. She’d written it as a personal joke, but also as a hint.

Veni, Vedi, Velcro.

I came, I saw, I stuck around.

Obviously not a literal translation, but Bel had gotten a kick out of it when she’d handed it to him. She brushed her fingers over the note, nerves dissipating, and knocked.

Silence.

Lily frowned, reaching for the handle anyway.

Bel stood facing the floor-to-ceiling windows, wings clamped tight to his back, arms folded, every line of his body taut. Even his tail was stiff, only the tip twitched slightly. Worry shredded her excitement.

Please don’t let there be another war. Please. Not so soon. Not now. He hasn’t recovered from the last one.

He didn’t react when she shut the door, or when she slowly approached, pausing between the couches.

“Bel?”

He jolted like he’d been shocked, whipping around to stare at her with wide eyes, his breath catching in his throat.

Lily’s chest squeezed. “Hey, big guy,” she said soothingly, closing the distance between them. Bel watched her approach, desperation all over his face. He dropped his arms to his sides, fingers twitching.

Something had happened.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re here,” Bel rasped, eyes never leaving hers.

“I’m here,” Lily said, pieces clicking into place. Greg threatening Lev, who had given her the report and, bless his sweet dumb ass, had probably shared that information in the worst possible way with no other context.

Lily smoothed her hands up the heavy muscle of his chest and he melted. “I don’t know what Lev said, but I’m here to stay.”

“I know,” he said, voice wobbling. He cleared his throat and rested his hands on her hips with surprising gentleness. “Lev said you were going to the Reincarnation Office, and it scared the shit out of me. But I knew you wouldn’t just leave like that. You wouldn’t do that. I knew that, but I was still…” His voice dropped to a ragged whisper, and she reached up to cradle his handsome face, wiping at a tear with her thumb. “I was still scared,” he admitted quietly. “I held your file to feel better, but then it disappeared, and I…” He clenched his eyes shut, pressing his cheek into her palm. “I knew you wouldn’t leave like that. I figured you probably needed your file for a very good ‘Lily’ reason. But I still needed to come to the window.”

With every word out of his mouth, Lily wanted to shred herself into a million pieces. She’d been so caught up in the excitement that she hadn’t realized how it would look to him, especially if Lev simply told him that she was going up to the Reincarnation Office. It was the worst possible thing she could have done to him, short of actually reincarnating on a whim. His utter faith in her made her love him all the more, but in that moment, she hated herself just as much.

She brought his face down to hers, pressing their foreheads together so they could breathe each other in. His hands tightened on her hips, holding her closer.

“Why did you have to go to the window?” she murmured, resting her hand over his heart.

He brushed his nose against hers. “I needed to find beauty in a moment that had none. But now you’re here.” A tear ran down his nose and dampened her cheek, his heart beating solidly against her palm.

She cupped his face with her other hand and pulled back just enough to meet his silver eyes. “I’m here.” She kissed him once, softly. “And I’m staying. Forever.”

Hope dawned on his rugged features, but his eyes were still glassy.

Lily smiled softly at him, excitement fizzing through her veins again. “I’m guessing Lev left out why I went to the Reincarnation Office.”

Bel nodded slowly, searching her eyes. She fought a losing battle against her tears.

“I was already going to tell them that I wouldn’t be reincarnating. I was going to have them put a note in my file, make it official, and then I was going to tell you about it. But then Lev brought me that report he mentioned at the funeral.” She smoothed her hands across the breadth of his shoulders. “He found a possible loophole for us, big guy. Some souls can apply for something called deification, where, if they get approved, they yield their ability to reincarnate forever and, in return, they become denizens of the Afterlife, and all that that entails.” She smiled softly. “Including the ability to possibly have kids.”

He froze. “What? Lily. That’s…”

Her tears spilled over, even as her smile broadened enough to hurt her face. “I know! I—I ran all the way there and I applied. But whether I get approved or not, I’m staying with you. With Sharkie. The mortal world isn’t for me anymore. I was so excited, and I didn’t know Lev would say anything, but I’m so, so sorry that I scared you like that.” She kissed him long and slow. “I love you, big guy.”

“You’re staying,” he murmured, almost to himself, then he kissed her again, harder. “I love you, and you’re staying.”

She kissed him again, his hand sliding up her back and threading through her hair in the way that made her stomach swoop pleasantly.

“Forever,” she added, pressing herself against him.

He grinned at her, all traces of his earlier fear vanishing until he looked like his normal self again, except happier than she’d ever seen him.

“Princess,” he murmured, tenderness radiating from him as he brushed his lips over her cheek and pulled her into a hug. She gripped him back with every ounce of strength she had, nuzzling into the curve of his neck, reveling in his quiet strength. He was, as always, infinitely careful with her, but he held her as hard as he dared, molding her body against his.

If they spent eternity just like that, she would spend eternity the happiest woman in the Afterlife. But, she realized, her existence would be better than just this moment. They had forever to have more moments like this one. To have different moments, better moments, and all of them together.

Bel’s heart beat so strongly against his ribs, against her, that she felt it in her own chest. She pressed against him even harder, reveling in every line and ridge of his body, in every piece of him . Perhaps it was just the heightened emotion of the moment, or the culmination of several lifetimes of experience and pain and dreams, but there, in the Afterlife, holding her demon prince, she’d never felt more alive.

Thump.

Lily opened her eyes.

Thump-thump.

Thump-thump.

She’d never heard Bel’s heartbeat in her ears like that before. Something was different. Not wrong, but different. Warm, she was warm, and she felt…

She shoved back with a gasp, giving herself just enough room to press her hand to her chest.

There, under her palm— thump-thump .

Lily grabbed Bel’s hand and pressed it over the center of her chest, his look of utter confusion evaporating in a moment. Her heart—her heart— beat steadily under his touch, pulsing its rhythm throughout her body.

She was alive .

She met Bel’s shocked expression with one of her own. “It worked,” she breathed, the implications of that statement sinking in. Deified. Alive. She was home forever, and they could…

“It worked,” she managed to say before crumpling into happy tears.