15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Greg

The shutter clicked one more time, then Greg stepped away from the camera, letting his hand drop to his side. His eyes followed the rocky tree-lined ridge in the distance, out beyond the fork in the river. Straggling wisps of morning fog drifted low along the base of the mountain, though the sky above was bright blue. It was the perfect shot and exactly what he’d been hoping for.

He let himself linger there for another moment, committing the scene to memory. He’d have his photographs, of course, but a photograph couldn’t replicate the sounds of birds chirping in the trees and the quiet babbling of the Middle Fork Snoqualmie River just to his left. Nor could it replicate the feeling of the fresh Wednesday morning air or the smell of the forest or the real, true grandeur of the mountains in front of him.

Somehow, it took the edge off all the tension and stress from the last week and a half. Grounded him. Refilled his soul .

With a final gaze out at the mountain, Greg turned back to his camera, sitting on a tripod right at the river’s edge, and began to dismantle his setup. Carefully but quickly, he packed everything back up, then shouldered his backpack and started back toward the trailhead, picking his way slowly along the riverbank. The morning sun was well on its way up in the sky, and a glance at his watch told him he had just enough time to get home, put his equipment away, and make breakfast before walking Allen to work.

Allen had called out Monday and Tuesday after they’d talked more. The decision was made a little bit easier when Allen’s therapist, Dr. Schultz, had called to tell them she had an opening for Monday morning and she wanted to see Allen right away. Then Allen had also gotten in to see his physician Tuesday afternoon.

Nothing of note had been found during Allen’s checkup with his physician, which had been a huge relief to both of them. But the session with Dr. Schultz had been rough. Allen had asked for Greg to be there, which he’d sometimes done over the years. And Greg had of course obliged.

But it had been difficult to hear Allen talk openly about everything that had happened—rehashing all of the events of the last two weeks, admitting to all of the dark thoughts he’d been having. Greg had sat there with him and held his hand and listened. There’d been talk of scheduling an appointment with a psychiatrist to discuss medication, which Allen had quietly refused, as he always did, but the doctor had also reminded Allen of all the coping mechanisms and strategies he had at his disposal and walked both of them through some additional relaxation exercises that Greg and Allen could do together.

And they’d talked more about how Greg could support Allen when things got challenging and how Allen felt when he had to lean on Greg for that support .

It had been a lot. And since then, Allen had been more quiet than normal. Not unhappy or upset or anything. Just more quiet. Thoughtful. And he hadn’t brought up Jack Mountain again, which both bothered Greg and didn’t.

Greg frowned as he approached his SUV and pulled his key fob out of his pocket to open up the back hatch. They should talk some more, he knew. If anything, that was the most important thing that had come out of their session with Dr. Schultz on Monday. That, and the reminder that Allen’s pain was still all there. Even when he seemed fine and happy and joyful, the trauma of his childhood was still there with him, buried below his comfortable smile and kind eyes.

That reminder only made Greg love Allen even more. Allen, who, despite everything he’d been through and experienced growing up, was the kindest, gentlest person Greg knew. Kind, selfless, loving, caring. Also brilliant and generous and thoughtful.

Greg sat on the back of the SUV and changed out of his hiking boots, trying to ignore the tickle of fear in his chest. That morning, he’d been reluctant to leave. They’d talked about it—that Greg would take a short outing to Snoqualmie if the weather was right to try to get some new photos of the mountains wrapped in the morning fog. They’d talked about it and agreed to it, and Greg had insisted that they tell Joe next door. And he’d only been gone for about an hour and a half now. But it was the first time since Saturday morning that he’d been away from Allen at all, and it was slightly terrifying to him.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket as he shoved his hiking boots into the hatch space in the back of his SUV. No reception still. He’d known that. He was more than familiar with this area and the spotty reception his phone got. But that didn’t help his worry at all .

As quickly as he could, he closed the hatch and then took his spot behind the steering wheel, carefully setting his backpack in the passenger seat. Minutes later, he was on the road and headed back toward home, trying not to obsessively check his cell for notifications.

The drive from the trailhead wasn’t long—only about a half hour—and by the time he pulled up into the driveway at home, it was about eight fifteen. He parked, grabbed his backpack, and headed inside.

Beans greeted him in the doorway, which Greg took as a good sign since the dog had been sticking to Allen like glue since Saturday. Greg knelt down for a moment to scratch Beans just behind his ear, right where he knew the dog would like it most, and when he stood up, Allen was starting down the stairs, dressed for work in his usual slacks and button-up. Beans rushed back to the base of the stairs and sat, his tail wagging as he watched Allen descend.

“How’d it go?” Allen asked. He had one hand on the railing and was taking each step carefully. “Did the fog stick around long enough for you to get the shot you wanted?”

Greg nodded. “Sure did. It was perfect. The lighting too—exactly as I’d wanted. I think this one will be pretty popular.”

“Good.” Allen’s smile was tight, and Greg tried not to feel worried about that as he met Allen at the bottom of the stairs.

“You’re okay? You’re still feeling okay?” He reached out to take Allen’s hand and then pulled his husband into a soft embrace. Allen nodded against him.

“Yeah. I’m okay. But... but I’m still tired, like I just can’t shake it off, no matter how much sleep I get. But I feel better than I did over the weekend.”

Greg appreciated the honesty, and he tried to push his worry away. He turned his head slightly to press a light kiss against his husband’s cheek. “Good, good. Did you eat already? Can I make you something?” He stepped away, but let his hand caress down Allen’s arm until their fingers intertwined.

There wasn’t an immediate response to his questions, and when he squeezed Allen’s hand lightly, all he got was a small smile and a weak shake of Allen’s head.

“No to both?” he asked, frowning. He waited, but Allen didn’t respond again. “You need to eat, darling.”

“I know, and I—I just, um . . .”

“Some toast, at least. Here, I’ll make you some toast. We have that sourdough I bought yesterday from Valerie. Okay?”

“Okay, yeah. That sounds great, actually,” Allen admitted, giving Greg another smile. It looked forced though, and it really did nothing to placate Greg. In fact, if anything, he felt even more concerned now.

Still, he nodded and led them both into the kitchen. Beans didn’t follow, and Greg thought he heard the dog trotting back up the stairs.

“You just take a seat here, and I’ll handle everything, okay?”

“Greg . . .”

Allen stopped right at the threshold to the kitchen, and when Greg stopped with him, turning slightly so he could see his husband, Allen swallowed tightly and lowered his eyes. Their hands were still joined, but Greg could almost feel Allen pulling away from him.

“You’re... not going to try and talk me out of going to work today, right? Even if I... even if I can’t really eat much?” The serious question was tempered a bit when a small half-smile grew on Allen’s lips and he said in a light tone, “Please say no.”

Greg chuckled quietly as he shook his head. “No. I won’t try to stop you today. But I think we should talk before we have to leave because I am worried. ”

Allen’s gray-blue eyes softened, and he nodded. “I know. I’m sorry—or, I mean—” He screwed his eyes shut for a second and blew out a short breath. “I mean, I understand that you’re worried, and I’ve already thought about it a lot this morning because I—because it was more difficult than I thought it was going to be when you were gone and I was alone. I actually, um...”

Greg felt some deep shiver run through him at Allen’s words, and he stepped in front of his husband again and wrapped Allen up in his arms, pulling Allen up against him and kissing the top of his head. Allen seemed to melt into him, returning the embrace.

It felt like this had been their life for the last three days. Incomplete sentences that trailed off into a silence filled by long hugs.

He let his hand rub a familiar path up and down Allen’s back, and he closed his eyes. “Sorry I was gone. I’d have stayed if I’d known,” he said, suddenly feeling almost breathless.

“I know,” Allen said quietly. “And I didn’t think it was going to be so hard. But I... I knew you wouldn’t be too long, and I could call Joe if I needed to. And Beans was here. The little stinker crawled up on the bed and under the covers this time. Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile.”

Greg gently backed up a step and then lifted a hand to cup Allen’s cheek. There was an attempt at a small smile on Allen’s lips, but his eyes were almost stormy. Greg bent down to kiss him, softly, lightly, and when they parted, he shook his head slightly. “He is a stinker.”

“I’ll try to eat some toast, if you still want to make it for me,” Allen said, and he reached up to kiss Greg again. It was another soft kiss, but Allen deepened it just a little and let it linger just a little more.

A few minutes later, they both sat at the table to eat—Allen’s slice of sourdough toasted but plain and Greg’s toasted and topped with an avocado spread, turkey bacon, and chopped tomatoes. Allen scooted his chair close to Greg’s, and they worked on the weekly crossword puzzle in the newspaper for a bit. There were occasional laughs at some of the odder clues, and for a few minutes, Greg’s head and heart seemed able to forget all the strife and uncertainty and just be with his husband.

When they’d both finished eating, Greg picked up their plates and moved them to the sink. “I’ll take care of everything later. You’re supposed to be at work by nine? We should leave, eh?” he said, setting the dishes down and turning back around to face Allen.

“Um, yeah, I... That’s what I wanted to talk about actually. Are you...” Allen paused for a second, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. “Are you, um, busy right now? This morning?”

Greg sat back against the counter a bit and shook his head, though Allen wasn’t watching him. “I’m not busy, darling. I’m whatever you need.”

That elicited a small laugh, and Allen finally opened his eyes again and looked back up at Greg. “Whatever I need, huh?”

“Yup,” Greg replied. “Husband, chef, escort—to walk you to work, I mean.” He pushed away from the counter and made his way back to the table just as Allen started to stand up, chuckling and shaking his head.

“Well, then, my husband and master executive chef, will you escort me to work? And...” Allen pursed his lips and frowned, but then seemed to find his resolve. “And then will you stay with me for a bit? Annabeth isn’t going to be in until ten thirty, just before the preschool group is supposed to arrive, and I, um, don’t want to be there alone. And it sort of... really hurts to even admit that, but I’m trying to be more honest with myself too, and that’s... that’s the real truth,” Allen finished, his voice low and shaking with the last few words .

“I understand,” Greg said softly. He pressed his lips to Allen’s forehead in another light kiss. “I’ll stay there with you as long as you need me to. Just let me wash up and change. Give me five minutes?”

After Allen nodded, Greg kissed him one more time and then headed quickly up the stairs to get changed and wash his hands. A few minutes later, he and Allen walked side by side down the street toward town, their hands clasped tightly together. The morning air was still a little crisp, even though the sun shone brightly in the sky, not a cloud in sight, and Greg was happy to have opted for a long-sleeve tech shirt rather than something with short sleeves.

As they rounded the corner, Allen finally broke the silence with a sharp laugh. “Ha! Proverb! How clever!”

Greg just lifted his eyebrows. “Proverb?”

“Number five across. ‘Dog wearing lead.’ The answer is proverb,” Allen declared, a hint of amusement still in his voice.

“I’m . . . not following.”

“I know.”

“Care to explain it to me, darling?”

Allen tilted his head sideways as though considering but then shook his head. “Hmm, nah. You’ll figure it out.”

“Allen!”

Allen laughed again, this time deeper and heartier than before, and when Greg glanced at him, his heart lifted a little at the twinkle in Allen’s eyes. “You’ll figure it out, dear. It’s not too difficult, even for an old geezer like you,” Allen teased.

“An old geezer like me, huh?”

“Mm-hmm. Ancient.”

The fullness in Greg’s chest almost brought tears to his eyes, the gentle banter so much more... normal for them. Greg let go of Allen’s hand and slipped his arm around his husband’s waist instead, and their walking slowed just a bit to accommodate the embrace. He tried to think on the crossword puzzle clue, but he was too distracted by Allen’s warmth next to him, and for a moment, it was all he could think of.

Allen was all he could think of.

His smile brightening up Greg’s day. His touch making Greg’s skin feel afire. His laugh and his eyes and... him . All of him.

They stopped at the base of the steps to the library, and Allen moved away enough to fish his keys out of his pocket. “Ah, you know what you can help me with this morning?”

“Hmm?” Greg followed Allen up the steps, reaching out to place his hand at the small of Allen’s back.

“Unless Annabeth took care of it yesterday, and I’m guessing she probably didn’t, we’d planned to set up the new rug in the children’s reading room before the preschoolers came in today. And we’ll need to stack up the chairs and move them to the storage room. The kids do much better sitting on the floor. Hence the new rug.”

“I can take care of that.”

Allen stuck the key in the lock on the door and then glanced at Greg with a soft smile. “Thank you, dear. I need at least a good half hour to work on that proposal for the city council, since I’ve gotta get it sent off by this afternoon. And if you can take care of the children’s room for me, I should be able to get the proposal done with no problem. And that’ll be a huge weight off my shoulders.”

Allen grinned again, a little more broadly this time, and as he pulled the door open, he leaned over, stretched up, and pressed his lips to Greg’s. It was a short kiss, but that warmth was there again, a slow burn radiating outward from Greg’s chest. He whimpered a protest as Allen pulled back, and when he opened his eyes, he saw Allen watching him with an amused half-smile .

“And if you help me, I just might explain that crossword puzzle clue to you,” Allen teased, and then he winked and headed inside the library, leaving Greg holding the door and staring after him.

When his brain finally caught up with Allen’s tease, Greg let out a loud laugh and shook his head. “Hey, wait a minute now!” he called out, pushing the door open a little more and following Allen inside. “I didn’t realize we were negotiating here!”