Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

Penelope Darling

" H oney, I love you, but I'm never helpin' you move again." Reese draped a sweaty arm around my shoulders, and I chuckled breathlessly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'mma take off all my clothes and jump in the pool."

"Sounds cold." We'd just opened up the pool a couple days ago.

Reese smirked down at me. "That's why God gave me eight inches of dick. There's room for shrinkage."

Ugh. I made a face and shoved at him, and he laughed.

While he jogged off to cool down on the other side of the house, I trailed up the porch steps and reached River as he lit up two smokes.

"You weren't kiddin' about a fresh start," he noted, handing me one.

"It's all or nothing." I nodded in thanks and took a drag, glancing over at my truck.

It was full, and that was the last of it.

The condo had been sold. All the furniture too—or donated. And I'd emptied my cabin out here at Mclean as well. New shit was arriving tomorrow.

I exhaled some smoke and felt a sense of peace settling over me.

Definitely a fresh start. Great timing too. Spring was giving way to early summer, and the football-field-sized front lawn was bright green and dotted with white and yellow flowers.

Coincidentally, I was also in between jobs. I started my new position in a month, and until then, I was just gonna enjoy some time off.

"So what's next?" River walked over to the seating area, and I followed and aimed for the other sofa. "You gonna try to find a new condo right away?"

I'd thought about it, but… "I think I'll ride out the summer in the cabin." Besides, it was my turn next to help River, Reese, and Shay move in to their new house up the road in a few weeks. It'd be nice to be close by for that. And honestly, I didn't wanna be alone anymore. I'd had months of moping and raging.

Ella was out of my life, and now I was ready for barbecue nights, pool days, and events.

I wanted to live again.

I wanted to be close to my friends.

"It'll be a good summer." River leaned back and kicked up his feet on the dusty coffee table. "The brats are on crack. We won't be bored."

I grinned and took another drag.

I'd heard about the brat shenanigans. River, Reese, and several others had just come home from a cruise, and the Tops were all up in arms about something the brats had planned. No one knew yet, though River had a solid theory he'd shared with me.

We fell into a comfortable silence, and I reveled in the serenity. This was the right move for me. Fuck love and relationships and all that nonsense. I was going to spend this summer—and presumably the rest of my life—just chilling with my second family here at our kink haven. A big, three-story Victorian filled with torture devices and bright, sadistic minds.

In a way, the seven men I'd started this community with were all my brothers. We were completely different and yet all the same. Greer was the big oaf, the gentle giant, the former Marine, the Master who got on my case for smoking occasionally. Macklin was everybody's little brother, who was also one of the kindest. River and Reese were my partners in crime. River and I could sit like this and do nothing. Reese took me to the shooting range when he felt I needed to blow off some steam.

Lucas was the fusser. He took me out to lunch and brunch and coffee dates to check up on me. His man Colt sent me memes, Spotify links, and actual steaks.

And Lucian…the stiffest of them all. The high-protocol Master who'd turned into a teddy bear since getting together with his foursome… He was kinda like Lucas lately, actually. In his own way.

I didn't need anybody else, did I? I had them and their partners.

"Are you gonna be here this weekend?" I asked, putting out my smoke in an old coffee mug.

River made a face. "I don't know. I have half a mind to distract Reese and Shay with a hike or somethin'."

Yeah, that sounded like him. Not only was it Easter this weekend, but some members had decided to host a play party for kinksters interested in exploring new fetishes. Events like that attracted newbies and people on the prowl for hookups and eternal love.

"You?" he asked.

I blew out a breath. "I'd like to say fuck Easter and the bunny it rode in on, but I signed up to cover Lucian's DM shift."

Lucian had finally realized he was completely burned out a few weeks ago, so we'd come together to remove him from monitor duty. He wasn't allowed to host events for a while either, including our monthly Game.

"Have fun with all the newbies," River drawled.

I stuck out my tongue at him.

He smirked and clasped his hands behind his head.

Whatever. I could survive one Easter weekend with giggling newbies and jumping in whenever someone got too reckless. This was part of the lifestyle we'd signed up for. We welcomed everyone, even though our personalities, to some degree, screamed "Get off my porch."

At least I'd have Lucas and Colt with me. They'd volunteered to be dungeon monitors too. Oh, and Ash. I'd tricked him into coming out here for a drink or two. Since the cruise had been an all-sausage-fest affair, I hadn't gotten my chance to catch up with him yet. He'd returned to our community after a year's absence following his separation from the unofficial leader of our bondage crowd.

If anyone asked me, those two just needed to figure their shit out and get back together. I was by no means a romantic, but they were two halves of a whole. Dumbass dudes who refused to communicate when they got hurt.

I woke up the next morning with a sore neck, after having spent the night in one of the guest rooms in the main house.

Thank fuck my new bed was arriving today. I'd timed the delivery for later when I knew more members would be around, because I had every intention of bribing brats with donuts, candy, and pizza if they helped me carry everything inside.

After a shower, I changed into a pair of leggings and a too-big denim shirt—fairly sure I'd stolen it from Colt at some point—and I tied a belt around my waist. Perfect dress.

In my defense, his idea of sampling my baked goods whenever I orchestrated a bake sale or brought dessert to an event was to take half of it for himself.

"I'm just tastin'!" he'd say with his mouth full and sticky with frosting.

I'd earned this shirt.

My messy hair ended up in a haphazard bun at the top of my head, and then I was ready to face the day in big shades and pink flip-flops.

I headed downstairs and trailed through the empty club area till I reached the terrace doors. The deck with all its tables and barbecue area and two hot tubs was deserted, but I spotted a familiar Tenley swimming laps in the pool. Shay was reading a book in one of the loungers too.

Just as I walked outside, River came out from their cabin with a cup of coffee, and he nodded in his silent way of saying good morning.

It was going to be hot today.

The six founders' cabins formed a neat row along the western perimeter, leading down to the forest where we liked to host takedown events and primal play. It'd been a long fucking time since I'd joined. Ella hadn't really been into primal kinks. A masochist through and through, but not for the adrenaline. Pain had brought her peace and emotional release.

I loved both.

I missed the chase, the playfulness of a brat, and the constant push and pull.

I bundled up my laundry under my arm and crossed the deck, and I jumped down onto the grass right around the time Reese slapped a hand on the wall of the pool and panted out, "Fifty."

"Okay, Daddy," Shay snorted in amusement. "I counted thirty-eight."

River and I exchanged a smirk.

Reese huffed. "Then you definitely need to go back to school, you little bratfuck."

"I'm studying!" was Shay's defense, and he left his lounger and nodded at me. "I've been waiting for Mistress Penelope."

Oh?

"Good morning, Ma'am." He jogged my way as I moseyed toward my cabin. It was the fifth one, nestled in between Greer's and Macklin's.

"Morning, pet."

He sidled up next to me and showed me the book he was reading. Environmental rezoning. All right.

"So from one engineer to another—in the same field, technically—I wanna pretend to discuss this book for two reasons," he said. "For one, I'm still struggling to find the motivation to go back and get my master's, but it means a lot to River and Reese that I try. And two…it's possible I'm up to no good."

I side-eyed him. "And you thought it was a good idea to casually mention that to one of the toppy Sadists around?"

"A genius idea, actually, which I won't take full credit for," he answered. "Two things can happen here. You rat me out, and I take my punishment. No biggie. It won't make any headlines. But the chance of you actually teaming up with me…? No one will suspect that."

He had my attention.

I motioned for the book, and he extended it. If this was going to continue, we'd need to keep up the charade.

"I'm listening," I said. I flipped to a random page somewhere in the middle, and then a few more pages. At the same time, we slowed down because we'd reached my cabin. "What's your plan?"

"We fuck with both the Sadists and the brats," he told me bluntly. "We pit them against each other."

A spark of giddiness buzzed through me—I couldn't deny it.

Shay truly was a smart opportunist. In the last year, a heated debate over our community's name had sparked more than one attack from either side; we had the brats claiming House Mclean sounded way better, whereas most of us Tops, and particularly those of us who'd actually founded the community, remained firm on Mclean House.

I'd never observed Shay taking a stand on the issue, and no wonder. He waited for the right cards to play. And right now, we had the perfect storm brewing because of that dumb debate. The Sadists were on high alert, and the brats were scheming.

I dropped my gaze to the book, and Shay casually traced two fingers along a paragraph.

"Who else is with you?" I asked.

"Nobody."

I quirked a brow at him. "You said the idea wasn't entirely yours."

"True," he conceded. "But once this person sort of threw out the idea, I made no mention or showed any sign that I might run with it."

I hummed. "I want to know who it is, just so that I have all the facts."

Shay had several friends at Mclean, though he was particularly close with Tate, Lane, Ivy, and Gretchen.

"Does that mean you're in?" he asked hopefully.

He was cute. A bad-boy-looking young man with tons of tattoos, one with a tough exterior, but River and Reese—probably mostly Reese—had drawn out a sweet Middle who wasn't afraid to show his emotions.

"Unless the unknowing coconspirator raises red flags," I answered.

First and foremost, however, Shay was a primal bottom who paid attention to how his behavior might look to others. Like his Owners. As he considered my demand, he didn't fidget or glance over at River and Reese; he kept up with the act and flipped to another chapter in the book.

"Okay, fair," he decided. "It was Nora." Goddammit. "We were talking about pranks and mindfucks, and she mentioned the ultimate one would be to find a Top to team up with since the sides are so divided. We never hear about Sadists suspecting Sadists, and so on."

"And you just breezed right by that?" To be honest, I wished Nora had never joined us. She'd only been here roughly a month, maybe two, and she was already turning heads. She was making me react, and I didn't fucking do that. Not to a virtual stranger. Far as I knew, we'd never actually spoken beyond introductions, so I had no reason to have her occupy space in my mind.

"Yes, Ma'am," Shay replied firmly. "At most, she will suspect me once we get started—definitely not you. Not a founding member. Given she's close with Lane, maybe she'll suspect Ty or Master McKenna."

That sounded logical. Lane was also one of Macklin's partners, because apparently all my closest friends out here had to create poly-houses and harems. Walker, or Master McKenna , and Ty were the co-Tops of both Macklin and Lane, and their cabin was right next to mine. It would do me good to observe the brat aspects in their dynamic some more. Macklin was a wild card. As a switch, he was an opportunist, much like Shay. Lane was 100% primal prey. A ballsy, funny, and sweet addition to our community. Ty…? Pure hedonist. And Walker certainly had a devil on his shoulder too.

"Okay. I'm in."

He smiled, his blue eyes lighting up. "This is gonna be fucking epic."

I chuckled and closed the book. "I wouldn't join for anything less. Let's meet up over lunch in town after the weekend. Out here, your Owners are always watching."

He nodded. "It's a plan. I'm supposed to help my youngest brother with a school project on Monday anyway, so anything before three would be great."

Then let's get this show on the road.

Shay took a few steps back, ready to return to River and Reese, when I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

"Hey, Shay?"

He turned back to me.

"If you're struggling to go back to school, don't force it," was my genuine advice. "Before I got my master's, I took two years off because my mind was fried."

He grew pensive but nodded a little. "I feel like my time is running out. I'm already gonna be older than most when?—"

I spluttered in surprise. "You're what, twenty-five, twenty-six? You have all the time in the world, sweetie."

He grinned ruefully. "You sound like the Tenleys."

"Well. They're known to say smart things occasionally."

He chuckled. "I'll keep that in mind."

By noon, I'd finished cleaning my cabin. I'd pushed bags of clothes up the stairs to the otherwise empty sleeping loft, and I'd filled a final trash bag with remnants from Ella. A few tops, the last of her knickknacks, her favorite coffee mugs, and whatnot.

According to Lucian and Reese, Ella was evidently coming back to the community after her hasty exit last Christmas when I'd caught her cheating. She'd gone home to Philly the moment I'd told her I wasn't fucking taking her back or forgiving her, and now she was supposedly a paying member again.

It didn't matter. She was out of my life.

I spent the next couple hours in Tysons, running errands, visiting another type of sadist at my waxing place, stocking up on brat bribes— not at the waxing place—getting my nails done… Again, I should say. I'd tried to go back to my usual dark-red nails the other week, but I wasn't happy. So goodbye to those, and hello, pale, semitransparent peach. They were much shorter too. It felt weird but good. I needed to shake things up in my life, and I'd been so set in my latex-and-corset ways that most of my friends had lifted brows and made comments when I'd started showing up in jeans, All Stars, and hoodies. I'd even dyed my hair, despite it was only two shades darker. More auburn than red.

The six-inch heels weren't going anywhere. I still loved my kinky outfits—plus, they made me feel less fun-sized in a community of giants. But in my everyday life, I was itching to kick back and explore the world of pajama shorts, loose tees, and flip-flops.

Before I headed back to Mclean, I had lunch and texted Walker a request for some new toys. His work with leather, glass, and silicone had turned me into a happy customer.

Minutes later, I wrestled all my shopping bags into the back of the truck, and I sent off a text to Tate too. I wanted to put together a new aftercare kit, and he was a wealth of knowledge. He and Kingsley played hard, so Tate knew how to look after bruises and cuts.

By the time I was at Mclean again, more cars had filled the large carport. I arrived at the same time Colt, Lucas, and Kit did, and they were quick to offer me assistance.

Colt grabbed three of the bags and eyed my shirt. "That looks familiar."

"It's called denim, Wyatt Earp," I replied. "I think it's catching on."

Something that wasn't catching on was his mustache. I just couldn't get used to it.

Lucas and Kit laughed.

Colt narrowed his eyes at me. "You're a fuckin' brat sometimes."

I puckered my lips at him. He was one to talk. He, Greer, and Reese were three of the biggest brats known to man.

Kit gasped. "Oh! Mistress Penelope, this bag is full of candy!"

I smiled at him and nudged his shoulder with my own. "Go ahead, grab something. It'll be our secret. But your Daddies decide when you can eat it."

He was so fucking cute. He got all excited and dug through the bag, ultimately deciding between Pop Rocks and a packet of Nerds.

The Nerds won.

"Thank you so much, Ma'am!" He shook the packet and looked up expectantly at his Owners. "May I eat them now, please?"

Colt and Lucas looked on, amused, and Lucas was first to offer a nod.

"But you promise to eat all your veggies later," Colt added. "Otherwise, I'll have Luke bitchin' at me."

I coughed to hide a laugh.

Lucas scowled instead. "Because that's why he needs to eat his greens? Honestly , Colt."

Kit giggled. "I promise!" Before he was off, he told me he'd put the big bag of candy on my porch.

That worked for me.

In the meantime, I walked ahead of Colt and Lucas, who went through their version of a fight. Like so many times before. Lucas stressed the importance of Kit eating something other than sugar; Colt apologized and literally forbade Lucas from being mad at him. Then it was time for me to tune out because Colt promised to make Lucas smile the way "only a Texan can" in the bedroom later. And Lucas was a big enough slut to fall for it.

I wasn't sure Ella and I had ever been that sickeningly in love. We'd had a wonderful kink dynamic, where we'd lived and breathed devotion, but in the months following our breakup, I'd started realizing I'd been missing signs pointing to something that had been missing. The vanilla aspects couldn't measure up to the kind of love I saw between many of my friends.

It was just my luck that I'd become single during what was turning into the Mclean House summer of love. Colt and Lucas were getting married and planning a second ceremony to include Kit. Tate and Kingsley were also getting hitched—plus they were expecting a kid this fall. Their surrogate was pregnant.

Lucian had proposed to Cam during the cruise…

River, Reese, and Shay were moving in together in a brand-new house.

Greer had found his happiness with three partners, and the four not only lived together on his little farm, they had a bunch of kids too.

Ivy was pregnant, happily sandwiched in her triad with two men.

Macklin had been reunited with his husband Walker, and the two had built a second dynamic with Ty and Lane.

So many different types of relationships, yet they all had one thing in common. The fierce love and loyalty.

I needed Ash to get here so we could be miserable together.

"Your headliner has arrived!"

Hello, Noa.

I yawned and stretched out across my lounger. I'd opted for a double lounger because Ash had asked me to save him a spot. He'd be here soon with pizza. We were gonna talk shit about everyone together.

"Hiii!" Kit climbed out of the pool. "Are you gonna change—never mind." He laughed, presumably because Noa was already busy throwing off his clothes.

Lucian, KC, and Cam came out too, and they sighed at their wild boy.

"I'm not picking that up, freckles," KC told him. "Leave your clothes in the cabin before you jump in."

"I can't hear you, Daddy!" Noa sprinted across the deck, down past the loungers, and dove right in, naked as the day he was born.

I chuckled under my breath, glad I'd picked the other side of the pool. It was less of a splash zone.

Kingsley and Tate were dozing off in the lounger next to mine, River was snoring softly in another, while Reese and Shay prepared snacks, Lucas was scrolling on his phone, and Jack and Franklin were reading a book together in the corner.

Colt manned the grill, ready to sling hot dogs and burgers to those interested, and a handful of others were grouped off across the deck. Country music was playing, so Colt was clearly in charge there too.

I checked my phone. Furniture delivery in a little over an hour.

I'd break the news to the brats soon.

Ty and Lane were next to show up, having already changed into trunks and matching Ray-Bans.

Another couple who looked so damn in love.

Ash and I would talk shit about them too.

We weren't bitter or anything.

"At long last!" Colt turned to Ty and Lane. The first two worked together; they used to be in the Air Force, and now they ran a security company. Though, technically, Colt was still a pilot. He'd never let anyone forget it either. Nor did Kit. When Colt was at Langley for one reason or another, Kit shouted it to the world.

"What's this?" Colt eyed a container Lane had brought.

"It's nothing you would like, Sir," Lane responded.

Ty smirked and unwrapped what looked like two steaks. He placed them on the grill.

"Y'all got somethin' against my burgers?" Colt challenged.

"You already forced fried chicken down my throat earlier," Ty bitched. "Lemme have my steak and fuckin' salad."

I grinned to myself. I loved watching our members go at one another. More often than not, they were bickering family members rather than friends.

"Salad," Colt scoffed. "On a goddamn Friday."

I tuned them out when I finally spotted a familiar face in the doorway. Ash was another gentle giant with a primal mind, and he'd come straight from work, only stopping to get us a pizza.

I automatically sat up and raised my hand, and his gaze landed on me. His tired smile said everything. But unlike me, he stood every chance at winning his hubby back.

He greeted everyone on the way, and he detached the suspenders of his utility clothes.

"Hi, Mister Ash!" Noa waved from the pool.

"Hey, kiddo." Ash had a grin for everybody, but those close to him could see through it.

I was prepared. I had a shoulder he could cry on, and I had a cooler for us. Iced tea for me, beer for him.

I rose to my feet and adjusted my bikini top, and then I got the first waft of melted cheese and pepperoni. Fuck yeah. Comfort food.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes." He dropped the pizza box on the lounger, and then he enveloped me in a bear hug.

I let out a breath and locked my arms around his neck. "Ditto, honey. How are you?"

"I have Sinead O'Connor on repeat in the truck—what do you think?"

I winced and held him a little tighter.

"Everything sucks," he muttered.

"I know."

He pressed a kiss to my temple before ending the hug, and I?—

"Are you okay, Sir?" I heard Tate ask.

Ash gave him a polite smile. "Don't crash our pity party, pet."

Some subs might recoil and offer space, but Tate wasn't one of those.

He sat up straighter and squinted for the sun. "With all due respect, Sir, Macklin and I have our own MO when someone's down. I will drown you in care packages."

"He's not kidding," I said unnecessarily. It was one of the reasons it was impossible to hold a scowl in Tate's direction. When he and Kingsley had broken up last year, I'd been quick to offer Tate a place to stay—for all the times he'd cheered me up when Ella and I had had a fight. Except, fight was the wrong word. We'd had…periods when we didn't communicate.

Eventually, Tate and Kingsley had found their way back to each other. Much like Ash and Nathan should.

"You know what I like," was Ash's response. "I heard about your care package to Lucian. That sounds nice—without scented candles."

"Consider it done," Tate replied. "For the record, that scented candle has a calming effect."

"So do horse tranquilizers. You got any'a those?" Ash retorted.

Tate smiled sympathetically. "I'll see what I can find."

I tugged on Ash's hand, then sat down on the lounger again, and Tate soon returned to Kingsley's embrace.

Ash moved one of the umbrellas over to us while I flipped open the pizza box and grabbed a cold beer for him. More ice for my glass too.

"You're an angel," he said.

"So are you. A shameless one." I felt the need to add the last part as he stripped down to boxer briefs.

I was so used to it. The men out here couldn't spell modesty.

"To Sinead O'Connor," I said, holding up my glass of iced tea. A drop of condensation fell on my thigh.

He chuckled tiredly and clinked his bottle with my glass.

I didn't push him immediately, wanting him to get a breather and at least have a slice. But I was ready for answers. He'd left our community so suddenly after he and Nathan had broken up, and even though he'd stayed in touch with some of us, he'd made it clear that certain topics were off-limits.

The few times I'd met up with Ash the last year, he'd been a sneak. AKA, his kids had been nearby.

His chest and right arm were graced with countless dedications to his family. To Nathan too. The date they'd met, the day they'd gotten married, all four kids' birthdays, their favorite toys—particularly LEGO for Mikey, who was obsessed. Four baby bottles, lyrics, road trip destinations from their summer vacations… Only a few subtle hints that were kink- related. A bundle of rope because Nathan was a rigger. A collection of knives. The silhouette of a forest in the background, whispering of Ash's love for primal takedowns.

"Lucian told me you moved," I mentioned, taking a bite of my pizza slice.

He nodded once and chewed. "Yeah, I was a dumbass. I pretty much bought Nate's dream house, hoping it would remind him of our old hopes to get outta the city and have a big backyard."

I lifted my brows.

He shook his head to himself. "He told me to go fuck myself."

That…didn't sound like Nathan. "In those words?"

Ash shrugged. "He got all mad—like he couldn't form any words, and he shook his head at me and said he couldn't believe I'd done that."

That sounded like Nathan.

"It's his way of telling me to go fuck myself," he finished.

I wasn't so sure, though I didn't know Nathan that well. The bondage community was its own tight-knit group, always had been, so we'd been closer with Ash. But even so…

"You know him best," I made sure to say first. "But from an outside perspective? I think he could be hurt. Maybe he just saw you moving forward with plans that used to belong to you as a couple."

"Except, I told him I wanted him to consider givin' us a try again," he said.

Oh.

"When was this?" I wondered.

"Before the holidays. That's when I moved in."

Got it.

So a sensitive time of year…with a family split in two after they'd celebrated so many Christmases together…

Come to think about it, it might've been their second holiday apart. I wasn't sure—but I had a more pressing question.

"Are you ever gonna tell me what eventually caused the breakup?" I reached for another slice.

He sighed. "Can't we leave it at, it was my fault?"

I didn't believe that for a second. Several of us knew the gist of their problems, and they'd struggled for at least a couple of years, on and off, before they'd split. As a vanilla couple, they'd aced everything together, so they'd taken frequent breaks from kink, where they had very little in common.

I supposed that one bothered me the most. Because for as much as I needed BDSM in my life and identified with my core kinks, I couldn't imagine a situation where I saw no solution—as long as I felt so strongly for my partner outside of the playroom.

"I pushed him too hard," Ash admitted. "I felt like we were falling apart, so I lost my shit. I pissed him off at every turn to get him to explode, and in the end, I asked him to choose between kink and our family."

I winced.

Maybe not the smoothest move, but what caged animal reacted rationally?

"I wanted us to walk away from kink," he said. "Nate was sure I'd be miserable and grow to resent him. So…" He swallowed hard and tossed the crust back into the box. "I said I was done. I spent that night at my brother's house, and then I found a place to rent shortly after."

Fuck. It hurt to hear about it. Way more than when I thought about my own relationship ending, actually. Further proving Ella and I hadn't been doing okay for a long time.

"I'm so sorry, Ash."

"Yeah, me too." He chugged his beer.

I glanced across the pool at Colt and Kit, and Lucas was on his way to join them.

Colt and Lucas had once faced similar problems, in that they were both Doms. They'd been together for nearly a decade before Kit had completed their dynamic, though Colt and Lucas had tried before. No one had gotten close. Colt and Lucas had constantly put each other first, mending every cut before it could get infected.

For Ash and Nathan… Things hadn't worked out that way. But they had kids, and including another man in that way of life wasn't the same. Even less so because they didn't really consider themselves poly.

"Hey, isn't that the Swedish girl who's got a crush on you?"

Goddammit. I followed his gaze, immediately knowing he'd spotted Nora somewhere. Sure enough, she'd just joined Ty and Lane at a table on the deck.

I knitted my brows together and eyed Ash. "How do you know about her?"

"Reese mentioned her on the cruise when I asked who Shay was close with," he said. "We were discussing the brats' ongoing scheming, but we ruled out most brats who weren't there." He tipped his bottle toward Nora. "I heard she's new here and joined partly because of you."

I sighed, wishing we could circle back to the previous topic. "She doesn't know what she wants. She's young."

She'd sent me a friend request online after she'd joined us, and I'd declined it. In my defense, I only befriended people in our forum if I already knew them from having interacted with them in real life.

Two friends, Reese and Santiago, had given me a heads-up about her so-called crush.

NoraOfTheNorth was her username. She looked like a petite goth girl, maybe an inch or so shorter than my own five-four. According to her profile, she was a primal brat and submissive, "strictly lesbian, no DMs from dudes about play," with approximately fourteen exclamation points.

She was fucking adorable. And beautiful. Very much so. But she was barking up the wrong tree. If she wanted a night of casual play, fine by me. No more than that. I was done with relationships.

"How young?" Ash asked.

"Twenty-four, I think."

He snorted. "So she's the same age as pretty much all the partners of our cradle-robbin' friends."

I grinned, unable to help it. He had me there. Most of us founding members were around forty, except for Macklin. He was in his early thirties—his hubby was, however, older. The rest of them had found younger men in their early- to mid-twenties.

Ash turned to me. "What were you doing when you were twenty-four?"

I bit off a chunk of crust and scowled at him.

He smiled. "You could vote, drink, decide what you were gonna do for the rest of your life, but you couldn't possibly be trusted with a girlfriend?"

"Shut up," I said.

In reality, she wasn't too young. I was too old. I turned forty in less than two months, and I wished I could go back in time and redo the last ten. And completely erase Ella.

My phone buzzed, and I swiped it from the side table and saw I had an update about my delivery. "Fuck." They were almost here. "Excuse me, I gotta engage in brat labor." I wiped pizza grease off my fingers and then stood up on the lounger.

"Huh?" Ash was confused.

"PSA to all brats!" I called out over the pool area. I immediately had about fifteen heads snapping my way. "I have a furniture delivery in about twenty minutes! Everyone who helps me carry the stuff into my cabin will be bribed with a ton of sugar and free drinks at the bar tonight!"

Kit gasped and stood up. "It's true! I saw one of the bags she brought earlier, and it was full of donuts and candy!"

"I'm in!" Noa yelled. "I'm super strong—punch me as hard as you can in the abs. You'll see!"

I laughed and blew him a kiss. "Maybe I'll punch you later, sweetheart."

He grinned like a dope.

In the end, I had seven volunteers. Kit, Noa, Shay, Lane, Cam, Tate, and…Nora.