1. Chapter One

Chapter One

Michael Joseph Warren, or Mickey , as he was known to his friends, sat on the rusty-green John Deere tractor used around the Katydid Farm, thinking much too hard about what had led him to that very spot. He was supposed to be emptying the manure spreader over the hayfields as fertilizer to promote grass growth in the pastures of the ranch where he was currently working—and living. Spreading shit was a stinky job, but it wasn't the worst job Mickey had ever done.

Mickey thanked the patron saint of transient cowboys for helping him find the Katydid after his former boss, Mr. Kessler, sold the ranch where Mickey was working. The asshole who bought it, Mr. Leslie, was a homophobe, and after Mickey and Jackie, his former boyfriend, were fired because Mr. Leslie caught them kissing in the barn, Mickey wasn't sure how life would treat them.

When he called Mr. Kessler about the firing, the man directed him to Southern Virginia to speak with an acquaintance of his who might offer Mickey a job as a ranch hand. Mickey went alone, preferring to keep Jackie protected from the possibility the man was of the same mind as the douche who'd fired them. He loved Jackie and tried to shield the younger man from the ugliness in the world as much as possible.

"You just gonna sit there and burn gas all day?" Mickey jumped at hearing the voice behind him, turning to see Jared Moore, another of the new hands at Katydid Farm, grinning like an idiot at catching Mickey daydreaming.

Mickey covered quickly. "Naw, just tryin' to figure out the best field to spread. Any suggestions?" He didn't give a shit what Jared said because he was a total douche, too.

Everyone at the Katydid had been amazing since Mickey arrived. They'd all gone out of their way to get to know him, and it seemed they'd accepted him as a member of the family. Katie and Josh took him into their home, for God's sakes.

What kind of people take in a stranger?

He could have been a serial killer for all they knew, but they didn't hesitate to make him feel welcome. Unlike any other time in his life, Mickey wanted to live up to their expectations.

"Heath mentioned somethin' about startin' a compost heap. Miss Katie likes a garden in the summer, and the straw we use in winter will eventually break down, but we might wanna change from sawdust to somethin' more biodegradable for beddin' in the summer, I think. I'll ask Tim to check into it with Dean Campbell 'cause sawdust ain't exactly great for spreadin' on a garden." Jared walked over to the tractor and looked out on the field.

Jared pointed down the hill. "Just dump this load in the corner of the pasture down by that bunch of sycamore trees. I'll get Stevie and Carl to go over there on Saturday and put a fence around it. We'll turn it over once a week and add more to it. I'll ask Tim to see what's the best way to do it."

Mickey did as he was told because he genuinely enjoyed working at the ranch, and he knew nobody ever asked him to do anything they wouldn't do themselves. He'd never felt accepted anywhere before he settled at the Katydid, but when he became friends with Tim Moran, his boyfriend, Matt Collins, and the foreman's son, Ethan Sachs, Mickey felt as if he'd been looking for that place and those people all his life.

Things with Ethan, though, were tricky. Mickey remembered back to the fall after he'd arrived at the ranch.

"You need help with that little jenny?" Mickey had walked over to see how it was going.

He'd been watching the good-looking, lanky kid slowly walk around the donkey that was tied to a metal ring in the hallway, touching her sides much like a seasoned horseman. The young man seemed to have some horse sense, or so Mickey thought as he watched.

Ethan was about five-nine, maybe a buck and a quarter. The kid looked to be about sixteen or seventeen, which was far too young for Mickey, who was twenty-three. When he'd met Josh to discuss Mickey joining the crew at the Katydid, he'd embellished his age a bit to put himself in a better position for the job.

He'd been lucky—Josh hadn't asked him for ID at the time, but later, Tim asked for his information so he could run a background check. He told Mickey if nothing came up, he'd delete the file and any information he uncovered regarding Mickey's past, that didn't have an impact on his ability to do his job at the Katydid, would stay between them. Mickey came to trust the man pretty quickly after that discussion because Tim lived up to his word.

The fact Tim Moran was handsome as hell didn't hurt Mickey's feelings at all, even if the gorgeous blond was completely in love with Matt, who was a former bull rider. After Mickey got over his initial crush on Tim, he set out to make a friend of the man, and maybe one of Ethan Sachs as well.

"Well, maybe. If you'd just stick around to make sure she don't buck me off and kick me in the head, I'd appreciate it." Ethan had a cute grin on his face that caused Mickey to adjust his Wrangler's.

Mickey had chuckled as he'd climbed the fence to observe the kid walk, trot, and canter the little jenny. His feet had been nearly dragging the ground as he rode her bareback around a pen, but she hadn't seemed to mind. She'd been trained to neck rein at some point and appeared to be very gentle.

They'd all laughed when Josh had Matt Collins fit the small donkey with shoes, harkening back to when she'd arrived at the Katydid, horribly foundered and barely able to walk. Some asshole had just turned her loose in a hayfield and basically left her to die, which should have been punishable by a hot branding iron to the ass, in Mickey's opinion.

Incredibly, Matt's son, Ryan, had taken to the little jenny. Josh and Matt had determined she was gentle and had been trained at one point or another, making her suitable for the boy to ride.

Ethan and Mickey had become fast friends, joking and teasing each other as they'd worked with Josie. One evening, the two of them had been in the barn, having run the jenny through her paces earlier in the day. They were both happy that she'd done so well.

In his mind, Mickey would always blame it on a buildup of friendship and sexual tension between the two of them. The closeness had finally pushed him to do something very, very stupid.

After Mickey had pulled Ethan into his arms and kissed him, it immediately hit him what a huge mistake it was. He'd pushed the young man away as his stomach sunk lower than the worms in that compost heap. His heart had been in his throat at what he'd done.

Mickey had pushed himself away from Ethan almost as quickly as he'd pulled the kid into his arms for the kiss. "Fucking hell. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done it. I had a boyfriend before I moved here, but he didn't wait around for me to find us a new place to make a life. I've kinda been a mess, Ethan. I'm not the kind of guy to do this. Please, forgive me."

Ethan's handsome face had been full of hurt, and he'd felt like the devil about the whole thing. Mickey had let his wits get away from him because he'd been thinking with the wrong head.

The potential for damage to young Ethan's heart had made Mickey dizzy with guilt. He'd known far too well how it felt to have a young heart full of hope and love, only to have it ripped away and stomped on by people who should know better.

Mickey had tried to undo some of the damage and tactfully explain things to Ethan. When the younger guy turned on his heel and headed toward the door, Mickey had been sure he was running out of time.

" No! Wait! Please, Ethan, let me talk to ya. You're an amazing guy. I mean it. The only problem with an us is I'm older than you—a lot older than you, and I shouldn't have… Well, I took advantage of you, and I'm so sorry. I'd like us to be friends, Ethan, good friends. I mean, you have a lot of years ahead of you to figure things out for yourself regarding who you want to date and how you want to live your life. Whatever you decide, you should enjoy spending your time with someone your own age." Mickey was drowning as he'd tried to explain things to Ethan.

Ethan nodded and smiled, allowing Mickey to release his held breath. Mickey made a promise to himself that he'd be more careful in the future when it came to romance. He'd decided it would be the last time he'd put himself in the position of hurting another person the way he'd been hurt by Jackie.

From that night forward, Mickey made the decision his next candidate for a love connection would be an older guy. There would be no more young, impressionable men in his life who would likely fall for him quickly—like Ethan—and out of love even quicker, like Jackie. It seemed to be the best course of action, so he solidified his head and heart to look for opportunities to meet attractive, older guys.

"Hey!"

The shout startled him. Mickey was busy watching the manure spreader grind as he slowly pulled forward to keep the pile neat, so when he looked up to see Stevie trot up on Chief, he was curious as to why the guy was in the pasture.

Stevie was handsome, to be sure, but as Mickey had observed on more than one occasion, the guy was a total jock with a shitty attitude. Mickey knew for certain there was no chance Stevie or Carl would ever make a play for him, and he was grateful.

It was unwise to pursue sins of the flesh on the job, or as Mr. Kessler had told him once, "Never get your meat where you get your bread and butter."

Those words still made Mickey laugh. At the time, the older man was referring to a cowboy trying to date the daughter of a rancher down the road from the Bar K.

As Mickey now considered it, those were words to live by, never mind the fact Stevie and Carl were both young guys, though not as young as Ethan Sachs. All those guys were in direct conflict with the new leaf Mickey had recently turned over. He was only dating older men.

Mickey turned off the tractor and waited for the kid to ride up close enough so he could hear him. "What's up?"

"Josh says we're done for the day. He said we have tomorrow off, too."

"Great. Happy Easter." Mickey restarted the tractor to continue emptying the spreader, trying very hard not to think about the fact he had nobody to celebrate the holiday with.

That night, Mickey found a chicken and rice casserole from Miss Jeri in the fridge, along with a note providing instructions for how to reheat it without drying it out.

It tasted damn good as he enjoyed it, along with a few beers, while the family was over at the Circle C dying Easter eggs and having dinner with Matt, Tim, and Ryan. As Mickey washed the dishes while listening to the radio groan out a sad song, he wished to hell he'd have taken them up on the invitation to come along.

Funny thing was, since Tim Moran had moved into the ranch house at the Circle C, Mickey couldn't help feeling jealous. It wasn't because Tim wasn't his, though the blond guy was hot as hell.

Mickey didn't stand a chance against the bull rider starting with the first time he met the alpha male. The two men had a strong love, totally obvious to anyone who spent more than five minutes in their company.

It reminded Mickey of the hearing for the custody of Matt's son that Mickey had attended in support of the family. He'd wanted to show loyalty to the people he was coming to love as his own family, and after the positive verdict, everyone was hugging everyone else.

For the first time in his life, Mickey was a part of a happy, loyal family who genuinely loved each other.

After the party, Mickey and Tim began hanging out more, and surprisingly, the bull rider invited Mickey over to the ranch for cookouts and movie nights. Mickey and Ryan got to be close, and sometimes, Mickey would volunteer to take Ryan riding to give Tim and Matt time alone.

In Mickey's mind, if he'd been lucky enough to have a man like Tim or Matt, he'd want time alone. He offered to take Ryan to the barn with him, and they'd saddled Chester and Josie to ride fences while Ryan told Mickey about a girl in his class named Gracie and his best friend, Rocky Whipple. Spending time with Ryan was time well spent.

Mickey and the little cowboy rode the property once a week while Tim and Matt fucked like rabbits, or so Mickey imagined to himself—in private, mostly in the shower. It was what he'd have done if it was him.

One Saturday in May, Mickey was riding Lady, one of Josh's mares, down to the back pasture. Heath was off for a week while his wife had surgery on her foot, and Josh had put Mickey in charge of the day-to-day operations at the ranch because Jared Moore and Charlie Sanders were hauling a gelding and a mare to the new owners, who had a ranch in Texas.

Stevie and Carl were working on repairing a fence and replacing a gate at the back of the property. After the second cutting of hay later in the summer, they'd move horses down to that pasture for the fall, but the spring was the best time to fix it before the hayfield was in full flourish.

When he rode up on them, Mickey saw a girl sitting in the four-wheeler sipping a bottle of water. She looked to be about fifteen and of Latin descent. She was quite pretty, and she looked vaguely familiar.

Mickey stopped the horse and looped the reins over the saddle horn to check on what the two young men were doing. He walked over to where they were shoring up the fence, and he didn't see where they needed any guidance.

The two of them had been doing the work for a few years, so Mickey didn't comment on the quality of the job they were doing. He took another direction. "Who's the girl?"

Stevie looked up with a smile. "She's pretty, ain't she? Remember Nando from the Circle C? It's his baby sister. I'm datin' her, and she wanted to come along. You ain't gonna tell, right? She's just watchin' me work."

Mickey chuckled. "I'd never cockblock ya, but she looks young for ya. Don'tcha think she's bored outta her skull?"

Carl laughed. "He likes underage pussy. I keep tellin' him he's gonna get his ass tossed in jail, but he don't listen to me. Maybe you can enlighten the idiot, Mick. She's prime, all right, but Nando ain't one to fuck with. If Stevie knocks up that girl? Nando and his buddies will cut off his nuts. Maybe it'll sink in if you explain it to him?"

Mickey chuckled before he responded to Carl's comment. "Stevie, he's right, man. The Latin community is very tight knit, and if you get that girl pregnant, there will be about ten men coming at ya to marry her. If you don't? Well, I sure as fuck wouldn't chance it." Mickey couldn't hold his smirk.

Stevie laughed. "Oh? How about that shit you pulled on Ethan Sachs? You wantin' to breed him, faggot ?"

Mickey had no idea Ethan told anyone about what went down between the two of them that evening in the barn. Now, he was presented with the accusation, and he knew he needed to say something.

The faggot slur didn't bother Mickey too much because it was just a word, but the idea someone at the ranch was stirring the pot had him worried. "You got a problem with me bein' a queer?" Mickey squared his shoulders, readying himself for a fight if it was coming.

Carl stepped between them and looked at Stevie. "You're so fuckin' stupid. Tim's gay. Matt's gay. You've known that since we started workin' here, and you said you didn't give a shit. This is a good job, dumbass. You gonna start bullshit now?"

Stevie bristled at Carl's comment. "That's before he kissed Ethan. That kid's sixteen, and he don't know shit about fags. You're fuckin' with his head, Mickey. His momma ain't gettin' surgery. She's makin' Heath take Ethan to West Virginia to his uncle's house to get away from ya. The boy thinks he's in love." Hearing Stevie's comment made Mickey sick to his stomach and his blood run cold.

Mickey had feared Ethan might fall for him because the kid seemed to watch his every move when they were together. Mickey had hoped by telling the younger man to try things with someone his own age had put the kiss in the rearview for the two of them.

As he thought about it, Mickey had the distinct feeling he needed to talk to someone about the mistake he'd made before the cops showed up to cart his queer ass off to jail. He was sure if that happened, he'd likely never be heard from again.

Without another word to Stevie or Carl, Mickey hoisted himself onto Lady's back, turning her toward the barn. He needed to figure out how the fuck to stay out of jail for statutory something or other, and how to dodge the bullet with his name carved on it from Heath Sachs' pistol.

The only person Mickey felt comfortable discussing his predicament with was Tim. Mickey's problems had the potential to grow into monstrous disasters or police charges. He certainly didn't want Miss Katie and Josh to get into a squabble with the Sachs' family for his stupidly inappropriate behavior. It was time to do something proactive.

As Mickey cleaned up Lady to put her away for the day, he knew he had no choice but to talk to his best friend about the situation. Tim was a smart guy. He'd know what Mickey should do.

Later that afternoon, Mickey took a ride over to the Circle C. As he drove up the driveway, he saw Ryan in the field with Matt, both on horseback and appearing to be chatting away without concern for anything else around them.

The horse Matt was riding was a majestic animal as Mickey had seen at Christmas when he'd delivered the stallion, Tim's surprise to Matt. Mickey had hoped to ask the bull rider if he might take a spin on the big animal someday. The horse had a hell of a gait that Mickey admired.

Mickey climbed the stairs to the porch and rang the front doorbell. When it opened, he smiled at Tim.

"Hey, Mick, come on in. I was just in the office doing work. You want a beer?"

The blond man turned to walk down the ranch house hallway, leading Mickey into the kitchen. Matt and Tim had been renovating the place since February, and things were really shaping up.

The first floor was finished, for all intents, and the contractor was in the process of finishing the basement to make a few extra bedrooms, a large bathroom, and a family game room for Ryan to use as he grew into his teen years.

Tim had shown Mickey the plans for the house one night after they'd been working Matt's cattle, and from what Mickey could remember, the basement was going to be amazing.

"I don't wanna keep you from doin' your work, but if you could take a break, I'd like to talk to ya about a problem I got. I'll only take a few minutes of your time," Mickey pledged with his fingers crossed.

When Tim laughed, Mickey looked up, grateful to see a grin on his friend's face. "I'm not doing anything important. I was playing a game with DB, but I don't want that to get around because Matt will find something else for me to do. So, what's on your mind?"

Mickey remembered the hulking wall-of-a-man, DB Jeffers, who'd helped locate Ryan when Bertie, Matt's ex-wife, and her mother had taken the boy the previous Christmas. He didn't know the man well, but he knew Tim and Matt felt as if they owed him everything for bringing their son home.

Mickey took a gulp from the beer Tim had put in front of him, trying to gather his courage, even if it was from the alcohol. Tim knew Mickey was gay so that wasn't a problem but addressing the issue he had with the underage Ethan Sachs wasn't going to be easy. When Heath and his wife returned from their vacation, Mickey was pretty sure he was going to get a beating like he'd never imagined, but until then, he was going to try to keep a low profile.

"I did the dumbest damn thing in the whole world." Mickey exhaled a huge breath while peeling the label from the beer bottle. He explained the situation to Tim, not glossing over his idiocy and the miscue with Ethan—the kiss that never should have happened. Seeing his friend listening intently, he waited for Tim to say anything. He prayed it wouldn't be condemnation, but if it was, he'd take it like a man.

Tim finished his beer and grabbed two more for them before he went to the cabinet, retrieving a blue glass bowl and a bag of pretzels. He opened the bag and poured some into the bowl, returning to the seat across from Mickey.

"So, you fucked up? You apologized to Ethan, and you explained yourself. It sounds like you did the right thing." Tim grabbed a pretzel and shoved it in his mouth, signaling he had no additional comments on the matter.

"Yeah, well, apparently, Ethan went home and told his parents he's in love with me or some shit, and they're shippin' him off to West Virginia, though I'm not sure why. Heath told Josh that Miss Patsy was havin' foot surgery, but I found out they took Ethan to his uncle's place. I'm so fuckin' worried about what they're doin' to that kid, and what the fuck am I gonna do when Heath comes back? He might shoot me, Tim! I think it's best if I leave town," Mickey confessed.

The surprise on Tim's face startled Mickey before the look softened, offering him an understanding smile. "No, you're not going anywhere. We'll work things out, Mick, don't worry.

"I'm not exactly thrilled with one of the guys who works here, Paulie, so maybe we change you out for him? Danny doesn't like caring for the horses, and Paulie's not as attentive as I'd like him to be. I'll talk to Uncle Josh, so stop worrying about it. Ryan thinks you're the coolest guy in the world—aside from me and his dad, of course—so he'll be very happy to have his buddy living here. You wanna stay for dinner?" Tim asked.

Mickey nodded, still stunned at the prospect of working at the Circle C. He hoped Matt was on board with the idea. Mickey really didn't want to leave Holloway.