5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

" Is this really necessary?" Aunt Katie was rushing around as if there were a fire only she could put out.

Tim had told his aunt he was going to Matt's parents' home for a swim and dinner, not to the Stallings' place for what would likely be a drunken carousing party. In the end, he determined having sex for the first time with someone he didn't know might be a letdown—a really big letdown.

He wanted his first time with a man to be with someone he cared about and who cared about him, but he didn't share that information with Aunt Katie. Upon hearing the news of Tim and Matt's plans for the evening, she'd begun cooking while Tim went to the barn with Uncle Josh to feed and water the stock.

"Jeri will have left dinner in the fridge or the slow cooker, but I have some things to contribute. Those boys need a little TLC, Timothy. I know you and Matt are just friends, but he needs someone to confide in, and I think the two of you could be good for each other. Jeri and I've talked about it. She's afraid he's becoming so bitter about the way Roberta treated him that he'll never consider another serious relationship. Just be his friend, please?"

Tim really wanted to pound his head against the brick fireplace in the living room, not stopping until he knocked himself out and hopefully suffered a fractured skull and brain damage to the point that he was no longer able to think about Matt Collins. What had he ever done to suffer in this way?

He was sure the handsome man would never come out of the closet, if indeed Matt played full- or part-time for Tim's team. In the back of his mind, Tim believed it was curiosity that led the man to browse gay porn to the point of downloading a virus to his computer. Tim also knew if he continued to allow his fantasies to feed the crush, it would only leave him a broken man when the bull rider started dating a woman in town.

Tim turned to his aunt, staring deeply into her eyes. "Aunt Katie, I can't be his best friend because…" He hoped to explain what a bad idea it was to have any kind of relationship with Matt Collins just as the house phone rang.

Katie held up her hand as she walked to the old green phone on the wall, answering it before her face quickly developed a worried expression. "Hi, Matthew. Oh? Well, of course, we'd like to have Ryan spend the night. I'll send Tim— Oh, sure. I'll pick him up in an hour at your house. Sure. Okay, I'll tell him. See you soon." She hung up the phone.

"Well, change of plans. I'm to pick up Ryan at the ranch. Matthew has an unexpected buyer coming by to look at a bull, and he says he needs the sale. It'll be easier with Ryan away so he can take the man to dinner. He said to apologize to you and ask for a rain check."

Tim exhaled because he'd suspected something of the sort would pop up , but he knew, intellectually, how important sales were to the lifeblood of a ranching operation. He nodded. "I can go pick up Ryan."

Aunt Katie smiled at him. "Naw. I'll go. I need to make sure the boy has clothes for tomorrow and a toothbrush. Hey, maybe you wanna get that new stock tank outta the machine shed and drag it up here to the backyard? We can heat some water on the stove and have a little pool if Ryan wants to play in the water since he can't swim at Jeri's? I'll make sure to bring him some trunks." Aunt Katie's big smile told Tim she was set on her idea, so he'd do as she requested.

Tim didn't argue, nor did he show disappointment at Matt's retraction of the invitation for him to spend time with the two of them. The fact it came by hearsay pissed him off to no end, but he reminded himself he and Matthew Collins were nothing more than acquaintances.

"Sure thing. I'll get it ready and put pots on the stove. Can I help you with dinner? You need me to put something else out?" Tim asked her, hardening his heart to Matt's future actions.

The potential for a huge heartbreak was right there in front of him, but he was committed to guard against the temptation of the handsome bull rider. Tim knew he wasn't good at masking his feelings, so the best idea was to stay away from the man as much as possible.

Aunt Katie turned his way, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Maybe put some charcoal in the grill and light a fire? I'll pick up hamburger meat and hot dogs to grill out since I've already made skillet corn and baked beans. Get some of those mosquito torches out of the garage and put them around the back patio. I'll be back in a little bit."

With that, she grabbed her purse and headed for the front door before she turned around. "Thank you, Timothy. I appreciate the help."

Once she was gone, Tim reconsidered not going to the Stallings' house for the party—or the orgy—but in the end, he put it out of his mind because he didn't want to let Ryan down. There was also the little voice inside that reminded him how he'd never been to anything of the sort and the thought of it scared the bejeezus out of him.

Instead of dwelling on things he didn't like, he went upstairs to his room to change into cargo shorts and a T-shirt. He grabbed a pair of flip-flops before he went in search of the oval-shaped water trough delivered to the farm earlier that day. Tim had put two large pots of water on the stove to heat as Aunt Katie had instructed before heading to the machine shed.

As he was dragging the trough back to the house, he saw Uncle Josh laughing at him. "What the hell are ya doin', boy?"

Tim stopped and turned toward Uncle Josh. "Ryan Collins is coming to spend the night because Matt has a buyer in town, so I'm trying to set up a swimming hole for him. You could help instead of standing there laughing at me, ya know. Maybe start the grill?"

Josh continued to laugh, but he picked up the galvanized tub and carried it up to the patio by himself, surprising Tim with his strength. For as long as Tim could remember, the man had been solid as a rock.

Comparing himself to Uncle Josh, Tim determined he was a bit of a runt, really. He didn't work out because he didn't gain weight, nor did he develop much muscle, though since he'd moved to the farm, he had a little better definition. Of course, as he thought about it, he knew he was starting to lose what he'd developed because he was working in the office all the time.

Tim knew for a fact he wasn't as hot as the guys he saw in men's fashion magazines, but he had seen a few guys looking his way from time to time during college. He was thin and likely unattractive to someone as buff and masculine as Matt Collins—not that it really mattered what the bull rider thought of him. He was pretty sure the man didn't think of him at all.

After Josh and Tim settled the tub on the patio, his uncle turned on the garden hose and placed it in the large tub. "You got water on in the kitchen?" Josh asked.

Tim laughed. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Kathleen used to do this for Shane when he was a boy. I offered to dig a pool a couple of times, but she was insistent we wouldn't use it much. In the end, she was right, I guess. We'd make a little pool for him when he was a kid, and he'd splash around for a few days, then he was done with it. I guess I'm glad we didn't dig up the back yard after all."

Josh's gaze wandered off toward the pasture where the horses were grazing, lost in his own memories of his deceased son. Tim was sure the pain was still as fresh as when they were told Shane had been killed.

There was something Tim wanted to say, so he cleared his throat. "Uncle Josh, with what you pay me, I can afford to buy my own clothes, so I don't keep wearing Shane's. I know it upsets Aunt Katie when she sees me in certain things, and I don't mean to remind her of the pain of losing a son."

Josh chuckled and moved the hose deeper into the tub before he headed for the kitchen. "Come help me get these pots so we can put on more."

Tim followed along without question. It seemed as though the subject was officially dropped.

After they'd dumped the hot water into the makeshift pool, they put on two more pots. Josh grabbed a couple of beers, handing one to Tim. "When we found out Shane had been killed, I was afraid I was gonna lose Katie too."

That wasn't anything Tim knew. The fact Uncle Josh was opening up to him was surprising.

"When your cousin was born, your aunt had complications durin' the delivery that led to us findin' out Shane would be our only. We cherished every minute we had with him as he was growin' up, and when he graduated high school and decided to enlist, your aunt's heart broke. She wasn't gonna get to see him every day, and there wasn't anything she could do about it.

"Don't get me wrong, we were proud of him for choosing to serve his country, but she wanted him to stay home and start a family. He wanted to see the world, so in the end, after a lot of arguin' and prayin', we supported him."

Tim scrunched up his face, searching his memories for anything about that time. "I don't remember momma ever saying anything about it being hard for you and Aunt Katie."

"Well, at the time, your mother had married that son of a bitch, and you were just a boy. We weren't allowed to visit because Harold said we lorded our riches over him, the stupid mother… He was an asshole to everyone, but your momma loved him, and she and I spoke on the phone when he was workin'. It wasn't ideal, but it was what she wanted so I didn't push things with her much."

Tim nodded. He vaguely remembered his mother taking calls in the afternoon and sending him out to play, probably so he didn't accidentally spill the beans.

"Fast forward, and here we are. I'm glad you're here because Kathleen was ready to cash in her chips until Sherry started tellin' me about what was goin' on in Pittsburgh. I would have beat your fa… donor… to death, but your momma begged me not to because she said the day might come when you'd need me, and she didn't want me in jail. So, in honor of her wishes, I didn't. In retrospect, I shoulda done it, but here you are, and the way I see it, we've all saved each other.

"The heavens brought us together to help get each other through bad times, and now we have you back home where we need you to be. Now, we'd better start the grill or Katie will have both our asses," Josh joked. Tim grinned at his uncle before the two got busy creating a fun-filled night for Ryan Collins.

The two men poured in pots of hot water as the cold well water continued to fill their makeshift pool. Tim put charcoal in the kettle grill on the corner of the patio, so the coals were ready when Aunt Katie returned with the meat and their guest.

Tim ran upstairs to change into a pair of nylon running shorts to wear as swim trunks and grabbed a few towels from the linen closet to take outside. Uncle Josh brought out some old toys to play with in the water, which Tim suspected had belonged to Shane, but he didn't mention it.

When Ryan and Aunt Katie returned to the house, Tim chuckled as he saw the boy in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. He was wearing sneakers, and he seemed to be happy about the scene Josh and Tim had set.

"This is so cool. We don't have big candles at Gramma Jeri's. They have those ugly lights around the pool," Ryan announced as he pointed to the torches around the patio.

Tim chuckled. "Well, you know Miss Katie well enough. She's always ready for a party. You ready to get into the wading pool?"

Ryan looked over the edge and giggled. "I can walk all the way around it. I can't do that at Gramma and Papa's house. I have to wear those stupid, blow-up floater things." The look on Ryan's face was priceless and made Tim smile as he lifted the boy into the pool. He'd ensured the water was warm, but not hot. It was a scorcher of a day, and the damn trough wasn't a bathtub.

"Uncle Josh found a basketball set in the basement. You know how to play?" Tim shed his shirt and climbed in with Ryan. Uncle Josh was in shorts, which surprised Tim, sitting at the patio table with a bucket of cold beer. It sure wasn't hurting Tim's feelings at all considering his sour mood from earlier regarding Matt Collins' behavior.

Tim watched as Ryan pondered his suggestion of basketball for a minute before the boy smiled. "I've seen basketball on TV when Daddy watches it, but I don't know how to play it in the water."

Suddenly, a beach ball popped into the pool, startling both of them. He turned to see Aunt Katie with a bright smile. "I bought it at the store. Basketball is hard to play with just two people, but you can play volleyball or even keep-away if your uncle gets off his lazy backside," Aunt Katie teased as she pointed to her husband.

Tim took Ryan's hand and pulled him closer, forming his hand so his index finger was sticking up and set the ball spinning on the boy's finger as though they were the Harlem Globetrotters. He had to hold Ryan's hand because he started giggling so much they were about to lose momentum.

Uncle Josh hopped into the makeshift pool and laughed. "Oh, that doesn't scare me. I'll take both y'all on. I used to play volleyball in high school gym class. Two against one and loser has to go lock up the barn for the night." He winked at Tim, issuing a challenge.

Ryan giggled as Tim popped the ball in the air with the aid of his finger. "You're on, old man."

They moved across the tub from each other, and Uncle Josh and Tim both knelt to volley the ball a few times. Tim helped Ryan pop it with his fist in front of Uncle Josh, so it made a splash, and everyone laughed as the man scoffed and wiped the water from his face.

Aunt Katie came out with a camera and ordered the three of them to pose before she demanded they get out of the water because she had burgers and hot dogs ready to go on the grill. Tim wrapped Ryan in a towel and sat him on a lounger next to Uncle Josh before he went inside the house to help Aunt Katie with the food.

"He's such a sweet boy, isn't he?" Aunt Katie said.

Tim assembled the potato salad while Aunt Katie offered instructions. "Yeah. It sounds like he and Matt are getting into a routine now that Ryan's back home. That little boy has so much personality." Tim carried out the sides. Aunt Katie followed moments later with the tray of meat, and Uncle Josh went to work on the grill.

After the group ate their fill, Ryan wanted to get back into the pool, so Tim hopped in with him. Aunt Katie and Uncle Josh cleaned up the dinner dishes and went inside, leaving the two of them alone.

"So, your dad had a meeting with someone who wants to buy a bull? That must be cool to watch them grow up from calves," Tim ventured.

Shamelessly, Tim was pumping the kid for information, but he couldn't help himself. Matt Collins might be the most amazing guy Tim had ever met, and he wasn't able to stop himself from asking questions. Yes, he'd promised himself he didn't care, but when push came to shove, he'd never tire of hearing what Matt was doing, regardless of how much it might hurt.

"It's only Lanny. He rides bulls like Daddy used to do, but he wasn't gonna buy anything. They were gonna ride Papa and Gramma's horses and they were gonna talk about the old days like always. Daddy said I'd be bored, and when Miss Katie agreed to let me come here, I was glad. Lanny don't like kids," Ryan told Tim.

Completely flustered at the news, Tim sat down on the bottom of the tub and tossed the ball to Ryan in order to keep him talking. "How long have you known Lanny?" Tim was sure Aunt Katie would likely wash his mouth out with soap if she heard him interrogating the boy, but she was inside, and Tim had a little time…

"I only see'd him once right after Momma brought me home to Daddy. He showed up at the ranch, and Daddy told him we was goin' to Gramma's house so he couldn't stay. Lanny was mad, but he left. Daddy talks to him on the phone sometimes. Lanny still rides bulls, and he tries to talk Daddy into doin' it again, but Daddy tells him he has more important things to do and besides, he's too old. This time, Daddy said he needed to have a talk with Lanny, so he called Miss Katie to see if she'd let me come here. I'm glad she did ‘cause I like hangin' out with you, Tim. I'm gettin' cold. Can we go inside now and dry off? I heard somethin' about some smores," Ryan said, his face morphing into a cute little grin Tim couldn't resist.

The water had cooled off, and the little pool was in the shade, so Tim could understand the boy's eagerness to get out. He picked up Ryan and wrapped him in a towel to dry off and warm up a little before they went into the much cooler house to change.

Tim wrapped a towel around himself before the two of them sat down on a bench next to the house. Ryan had a bottle of water and Tim had a beer, wishing it was something much stronger.

He had an idea Lanny was a lot more than a casual buddy of Matt's, and he could hardly concentrate on what the boy was saying as he fought to keep the jealousy from overwhelming him. Nothing good would come of it.

After the s'mores were eaten, they all worked together to clean up the mess, and Aunt Katie took Ryan inside to shower and get ready for bed at nine o'clock. Uncle Josh and Tim covered the pool with a tarp and sat at the patio table with a couple more beers.

"What do we need to do tomorrow?" Tim asked him as he sipped a cold Budweiser. He was trying to keep his mind off the information about Matt rolling around his brain, making it a total mess. It was ridiculous to even consider there was a chance of something with Matthew Collins. If he was straight, Tim wasn't the right gender. If he was gay, he already had a boyfriend he wasn't willing to talk about. No win .

"Well, we're gonna load up some good horses and go over to Matt's house to help him move his cattle. I know you don't like to ride much, but I could sure use your help. Hank, Jared, and Charlie are gonna help out on some of the ranch horses, but truth be told, Chester is the best cattle horse I have, and he's used to you. All you gotta do is hold on, Timmy. He'll do all the work, no joke," Uncle Josh stated, a pleading tone in his voice that Tim couldn't resist.

Tim would have rather pounded a railroad spike into his head before he went to the Collins' ranch to help move cattle, but he decided to be the better man. He'd help out and keep a big grin on his face. Matt Collins would never know Tim would have sunk to his knees to worship his body if he'd only given a sign. It was something he'd keep to himself for the rest of time, but it didn't make his heart ache any less.

"If you say so, Uncle Josh, I'm on board. What about Ryan?" Tim tried like hell to keep his contempt for the boy's father at bay because his emotions were all over the place.

Josh laughed a little. "You're attached to the boy already, aren't ya?"

Tim hated to acknowledge it, but he was becoming more attached to the boy every time the two of them were together. "Well, he does tend to grow on ya."

Without responding, Uncle Josh opened two more beers, handing one to Tim—who didn't miss the serious look on his uncle's face. "Katie told me about Matt's company. Lanny Whitehead was his travelin' buddy when they were both on the circuit. He's bad news anyway you play it, Tim.

"While Ryan was with his momma, Lanny came to visit Matt a couple times. I noticed a black eye and busted lip on Matt a time or two when he came over to shoe horses for us, but when I mentioned it to him, Matt just laughed it off and blamed it on a wild calf. That was before he got Ryan back. Far as I know, Lanny hasn't been around since the boy came home, so I'm worried about why Matt wanted Ryan gone." Uncle Josh's face showed the concern he'd just voiced.

Tim wasn't an aggressive guy by any stretch of the imagination, but he'd learned how to take care of himself, out of necessity because of the beatings his father had given him. He'd stewed over those self-defense lessons he'd taken after he'd coaxed his roommate and blow job buddy, Kenny, into teaching him how to defend himself during an attack. He might not be the first line of defense, but he'd fight until he drew his last breath for anyone he cared about.

"Okay, maybe I should take a ride over to the ranch by myself to check on things?" Tim thought it was the best idea he'd ever had.

Uncle Josh gave him a drunken smile. "You know, I think you're about one of the coolest guys I know. You're good lookin', and you have a protectiveness about you when it comes to someone important in your life. You're like your momma with your tender heart, but Timmy, you're not really a fighter, and I don't think it's a good idea to go over to Matt's place. He can take care of himself. He rode buckin' bulls for a livin', but I appreciate the fact you're worried."

Tim laughed a little, feeling his cheeks flush at his uncle's kind words. "My roommate at Penn was a really sweet guy. Unfortunately for him, I was gay and out. I was living the life of a gay kid at college, which brought a lot of grief for Kenny from his soccer buddies. One night, they decided they were gonna teach me a lesson for not being embarrassed about being myself.

"They got Kenny to bring me to the soccer field under the pretense we were all gonna party together. I knew Ken was straight, though we'd had some pretty innocent fun together, but for him to want to take it outside didn't make sense. I knew I was being led into a trap, so I was prepared, or so I thought."

Uncle Josh sat forward. "I don't like the way this is goin', son. Why didn't you call me?"

Tim appreciated Uncle Josh's protective nature. "Hang on a minute. There were four of them who stuck around after I kicked the goalie in the balls. They had plans to tape me doing something to Kenny that I'd done before, just not for an audience. They attempted to hold Kenny and me down, but he got away from them and beat the crap out of a few of his teammates for trying to humiliate the two of us.

"Kenny taught me a few defensive moves after that in case I got cornered by another group, but they manipulated some of the pictures to make it look like something it wasn't and put them on the internet. It ruined our friendship, and after that, I didn't trust anybody. That's why I don't have any friends from college."

The pain in his chest was just as fresh as the day he walked into a computer lab to find the slideshow on a loop on all of the monitors showing images that had been manipulated to show him blowing Kenny. The laughter from his fellow students rang in his ears for a long time after.

Josh pulled him into a hug and whispered, "I love ya, Tim. I know you've gone through hell, son, but I hope to fuck we can change it since you're home. Your aunt and me, well, we've missed ya."

Tim swallowed down a lump in his throat and whispered back, "I'm so damn grateful to the two of you. You rescued me from something much worse than hell. You don't have to do anything else." By then, both men had tears leaking from their eyes, which Tim was blaming on his level of intoxication.

Of course, Uncle Josh just laughed as he wiped his eyes with the end of the towel on which he was sitting. "Now, that's not the truth, and you know it. After Shane was killed, your aunt needed someone to fuss over, and when you came to us, well, it was a godsend. Before we get down in the weeds, we need to take a little ride, I reckon," Josh suggested as he grabbed Tim's hand to lead him inside.

"Go change. I'll take care of the outside stuff, and I'll meet you here in five minutes," Josh ordered. Tim quickly thought about the scene that had just played out and wondered how prudent it would be for either of them to drive anywhere, so he decided to change the subject.

"Yeah, okay, but can I ask you something? What did you think of Harold Moran when you met him?"

The look on Josh's face had Tim cringing for even bringing it up, but it was enough to start a conversation as the two men took a seat at the kitchen table. After Josh told Tim what a no-good- piece-of-shit his father was, not that the younger man didn't know it, the idea of going anywhere was long gone.

After talking about the dead man for an hour—and two more beers—they agreed to go to bed. If Matt was spending time with an old lover, it wasn't Tim's place to bust it up… regardless of how much his heart wanted him to.