Forty-seven

His hands were warm, despite the rain, and even though I had a swarm of emotions running through me, it still felt good to touch him. His fingers threaded through mine, and I closed my eyes at the sensation.

"Why can't I kill you?" My words sounded desperate, wild, with none of the viciousness I had felt. Even though I still had the djinn's power in my veins, it felt muted somehow.

"For the same reason I haven't been able to sleep properly for the past year. Because when I dream, it's always of you. When I fight, it's your voice in the back of my skull. We are part of each other. Dani, I can't ask for forgiveness for what I've done. I should have fought for you. I should have put you above my need for vengeance." He swallowed and closed his eyes. "I thought I could do more to help you. And yes, I wanted to take power from Vahid. I wanted him to know what it was to be powerless. But I should never have sacrificed you for that chance."

He was so close I could almost taste the raindrops on his lips, but I still felt torn in two.

Who was I without my revenge?

I must have said the words out loud, because a fire lit in Mazin's eyes and he looked at me, like truly seeing my face for the first time in over a year. "You're Dania."

"But I'm not. I don't know what I am anymore. Perhaps not even human." I curled my fingers, channeling that pulse of power under my skin.

I thought about what I had done to all the soldiers that had stood in my way at the command of the emperor. Of the prison guards I had cut down. And suddenly I felt… tired.

Noor's face, pleading with me, filled my head. And then Anam, who still had no idea who I truly was, but who had trusted me even when I had donned another face. And I thought of my nanu, still waiting in our village. If I stopped now, maybe I wouldn't have to destroy everything.

A burning sensation took hold of my veins, as if the magic inside me knew the decision I wrestled with. If I gave up this power, would the djinn still claim me?

Even if I condemned myself by making this bargain in the first place, I knew I would be lost if I let it burn through me. It felt like the zoraat mixture I had eaten but amplified by a thousand. And that same dark wrath was still present, lurking underneath the surface, threatening to spill over.

When had I ever let anything else take control of who I was?

I turned to Maz. "Where is Anam?"

"She's safe, I sent her away because of the increased protests in Basral. And I didn't know what you had planned to do."

"I would never harm Anam," I uttered, knowing it was true when I still had control of who I was, but with the djinn power, how could I know for sure? Was I still me?

"I was afraid you'd tear down every stone to get to me." He ended his words with a huff of laughter, and an uneasy smile as if he couldn't quite trust this truce between us.

Neither could I.

"I almost did." I exhaled.

I didn't know if I forgave Maz, but I no longer wanted to murder him, and that was something.

"Vahid expects me to come for him," I said slowly, testing the words on my tongue. "And I…" I choked on my next words and met Mazin's eyes. I must have betrayed a sense of my panic, because his own widened.

"I made a bargain with a djinn," I finally bit off.

I felt Maz's deep intake of breath, the shock reverberating off his skin. I couldn't stop myself now, or I would never get the words out.

"I bargained with him to use his power to destroy you and Vahid. And he expects me to fulfill that bargain." I couldn't bring myself to say what would become of me once I did. I exhaled slowly. Then I picked up my talwar from the ground and stood, offering my other hand to Maz. His eyebrows rose to his hairline. I tucked my chin to hide my smile, but nearly lost my footing when he took my hand with his own callused one. I helped him to his feet, and for a moment we just stared at each other.

"So what will you do?" he asked softly, his eyes dipping to my lips.

I swallowed, then gave him a rueful smile, settling into this familiar and yet new feeling between us.

"Well, I've never been one to do what men expect."