Chapter Two

1. Paragraph begins with: I don't know where I found the courage to do this.

Alexis:Oh Toby. He was such a hard sell at the time of writing. He may be still, I don't know. But I remember getting emails from readers telling me how they just couldn't "buy" him as a dom. Which, you know, is fair enough. People get to respond to characters however they like.

But I think what I always really valued about writing Toby was that he provided a lens through which to write about the venerability of dominance. I think because a lot of romance tends to take the sub's perspective for granted, this can sometimes lead to a sense that doms are these ever controlled and almost abstract beings.

I think we're invited to desire them. I think we're not as often invited to empathise with them. I'm still kind of hoping Toby offers opportunities for the latter.

2. Paragraph begins with: If I got to choose, I'd want to look like he does…

Alexis:I feel we often kind of shy away from this element of queer desire: the half-competitive, half-envious side of wanting.

But obviously Toby would just admit it openly. Because he has zero filters.

3. Paragraph begins with: My gaydar is genuinely defective…

Alexis:OH GOD. You know what? I'm not even going to try and modernise this because I think it would clang awkwardly in the text. I mean, even more awkwardly than this. I am just going to have to live with being a million years old right now.

Actually, it is fairly horrifying to realise that when I wrote this book, I made Laurie thirty-seven because it was the oldest I thought I could get away with in terms of both the age gap and what I/romance readers could conceive of as attractive.

And now I'm far, far closer to Laurie's age, writing these annotations, looking back on myself in absolute despair. Like, what did I think happened after the age of thirty-seven? We all just crawled into holes to die of decrepitude?

4.Paragraph begins with: He's waiting for me by the front desk, calling for a taxi.

Alexis:OMG. A taxi. A taxi on account.

Actually I might crawl into a hole to die of decrepitude after all.

5.Paragraph begins with: Next thing I know, he's dumping his full-length, silk-lined…

Alexis:I might have a tendre for people draping their coats over each other? I think it happens a fair bit in my books.

It's just one of those things, you know? Like tying each other's bow-ties. Nurturing and sexy and rendered a touch subversive between queer participants.

Now I think about it, there's both coats AND bowties in this book. Push the boat out, Hall.

6.Paragraph begins with: And, wow, his body.

Alexis:Alexis Hall, ensuring fictional men have body hair since…whenever I wrote this. And basically forever.

7.Paragraph begins with: Which is how I know it's real for him.

Alexis:Ohemgee. A theme. The author did a theme.

8.Paragraph begins with: And he…well…wow…

Alexis: Honestly, I think this is more than I've ever thought or written about a dick in my entire life.

9.Paragraph begins with: Breathing sort of hurts…

Alexis:Moment of looking back at past me and being like "yes."

It's honestly pretty rare for me to like anything I've written for longer than about, hmm, five minutes? So forgive me this mild surprise and smugness.