Bonus Material

Toby's Kinky Lemon Meringue Pie

Makes: 12 servings

Time: Approximately 2 hours plus chilling [and shagging] time

Ingredients

Crust

Lemon Filling

Meringue

What to do:

Preheat the oven to 200° Celsius / 400° Fahrenheit. [Make sure your boyfriend has a food processor or electric whisk. Seriously.]

Add the flour, sugar, and salt and pulse to combine. Add the butter and shortening and pulse until the mixture forms pea-sized clumps. Add the water and vodka and pulse until the dough starts to come together, about 6 pulses.

Form the dough into a ball, flour a surface, and then roll out to fit your pie tin. Press the dough into the tin and cover in foil. Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Add dried beans to fill the pie tin. Blind bake 20 minutes. [This is a really good time to torment anybody you might have tied up and suffering for your wicked dirty pleasure.]

Remove the foil and bake an additional 5–10 minutes or until crust is golden. Set aside while you make the filling. Lower the oven temperature to 160° Celsius / 325° Fahrenheit.

In a medium saucepan over medium heat, whisk together cornstarch, sugar, and salt. Whisk in water, lemon juice, and lemon zest. Whisk in the egg yolks until no yellow streaks remain. Stirring constantly, add butter and allow to cook for 1–2 minutes. The mixture should be very thick.

Pour the filling into the pie crust and cover with plastic wrap while you make the meringue.

In a stand mixer, beat egg whites, sugar, and cream of tartar on high speed until fluffy, soft peaks form. Beat in the vanilla.

Remove the plastic wrap and put the meringue on top of the lemon filling. Bake for 20 minutes. [This is another really good opportunity to have your way with your wildly hot and submissive boyfriend—just sayin'.]

Cool on a rack for 1 hour and then chill in the refrigerator until cold, at least 4 hours.