Chapter 15

The spring grew warm, the entire land bursting with life, and Eric's strawberries bloomed like mad. The air was swirling with pine pollen, coating everything in yellow dust.

I counted the hours between the moments I could spend with Eric. Finding new hideaways around Gryta had been an adventure, but his bed was by far my favorite place. Shielded from the world, we made love or fucked like bunnies or just lay in each other's arms, talking and laughing. Two days ago, we had made out, kissing and petting, and I'd looked at my phone, and almost three hours had passed. I hadn't wanted to ever go home.

Sometimes I wondered whether it was healthy. Was it normal to feel like this? Like one person was suddenly the center of my world? I miraculously hadn't yet blurted that I loved him, but it had been a close call a couple of times. It felt too big and too fragile at the same time. My feelings for Eric were like a treasure I guarded, a precious secret untainted by the opinions and judgment of others.

We made it two more weeks before our little bubble burst.

On a hot, sunny Friday in the last week of May, Madde met me with her arms crossed over her chest and a determined look on her face. "You're not going fishing. I've invited Eric for dinner."

Shit.

After dinner, I'd planned to go over to Eric's for a hard fuck and sweet lovemaking. I would have stayed over and got up early to blow him in good time to sneak back home before breakfast.

"He said he was going to cozy up with a book, but I could see that he wasn't being honest. It took very little convincing on my side. He'll be here at half past six."

I gaped, my thoughts tumbling one over another.

"You like him. You said it yourself."

"Are you trying to marry me off?" I squeaked.

To my horror, Madde lifted her chin, her eyes flashing. "You could do a lot worse than Eric. But you have decided to spend the rest of your life sitting alone in a boat and staring into the void. I thought that after you took him to Trollh?ttan, you might befriend him or, even better, pull your head out of your ass and ask him out. But no. You want to bob around the lakes until you grow gray and insufferable, just like your father!"

I should have come up with better excuses than fishing. I hadn't thought this through at all. I'd been so wrapped up in Eric that I forgot how perceptive and meddling my stepmom could get.

This would become horribly awkward.

"I'm going to shower and change," I said. "Then I'll come and help you. What are we making?"

Now it was her turn to gape at me. It took her only a few seconds to recover. "I have pork filet in the fridge. Trim your beard. You look all scruffy."

I leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"I'll be right back."

I hurried over the yard to my place. It was raining a little, nothing too bad, but I almost slipped on the wet stone in front of my door. I closed the door behind me and called Eric.

"Hi! I messaged you. We have an emergency." He sounded stressed.

"Sorry. I didn't see your message. Madde accosted me as soon as I got home. You're coming for dinner, I hear."

"She was like a dog with a bone. I stood no chance. I'm so sorry. Before I could come up with an excuse…"

"I know. I know. Don't apologize. She had an entire speech prepared. Apparently, I'm stupid because instead of chasing you, I spend my days alone, fishing."

"Oh, bless it. She does want to fix us up."

"She's not even trying to hide it anymore."

"What did you tell her?"

"The only thing I could to stop her from exploding all over the place. I told her I was going to get ready for dinner."

"We're screwed," Eric said ominously.

"We are."

"How are we going to play this?"

"I have no idea."

"Okay. I'm still her employee. It's not like she's going to push us together and make us kiss like two Barbie dolls."

"You mean Ken dolls."

He snickered. "Anyway. I'll come for dinner, and we'll all just have a nice evening, right?"

"Right."

"You're shitting yourself, aren't you?" he asked.

"A little bit."

"Hang in there. It'll be fine."

We ended the call, and I stood in my hall, gazing at the white wall in front of me.

It wasn't a big deal. Just dinner.

I swore into the silence.

When I openedthe main house door for Eric an hour later, he was smiling.

"Hi and welcome," I said stiffly before Madde popped up behind me.

"Hi, Eric! Come in. We're just finishing up."

I took his jacket and the bottle of wine he'd brought. My hands were clammy already.

He gave me a quick wink and followed Madde to the kitchen.

"Hasselback potatoes?" he cried in a high pitch when he spotted the baking tray on the counter.

"You know these?" Madde asked, grinning. She stirred the red wine sauce in the sauté pan and turned the burner off.

"Of course! I would argue it's the ultimate potato recipe."

"We have tenderloin steaks. Bj?rn made them."

Eric's eyes flashed when he looked at me. Was he having fun at my expense?

"Um. I guess I'll open the wine," I said.

"Please, do. Take the Cabernet." Madde pointed at the wine shelf.

"I'm glad you finally get to experience the real spring in Gryta," she said when we sat at the table. She lifted her glass toward Eric, and he mimicked her cheers gesture.

"It's been glorious these past couple of weeks."

"Unless you're allergic to pollen," I muttered.

Madde flashed me a look. "Which you aren't."

I drank more wine and stabbed a potato. Why was I getting annoyed?

Eric was smiling at me innocently. I wanted to hold his hand, dammit, and not sit here and pretend I didn't even know him.

We should just tell Madde and get it over with. She'd make a fuss, though.

"Eric, you mentioned a friend of yours is coming to visit soon."

He hadn't told me that.

"Oh yes, Lizzy and her boyfriend Kevin are staying for a couple of days in June. They live in Stockholm, and we haven't seen each other since I moved here."

"What are your plans?" Madde asked.

"They're both city people, so I'm going to test them a little with a trip to the national park and maybe even some kayaking. Depends on the weather. And I'll bake."

"Ooh. What will you be baking?"

Eric waggled his eyebrows at her playfully. "Well, since my boss refuses to give me the best cinnamon roll recipe in the world, I'm going to have to google."

Madde laughed. "Family secret, Eric. Sorry."

Eric turned to me. "Do you know the secret recipe?"

I shook my head. "I bet it's just loads of butter."

She pointed her fork at me. "It's way more complex than that. Besides, you don't bake, so how would you know."

"I have to agree with Madde on this one. The ingredient ratios must be just right, but you also have to know how long you let the dough rise and the baking temperatures. Everything matters. Some people dissolve the yeast in warm milk directly, some let it rise, some adventurers even use dry yeast. Baking is both an art and a science."

I loved it when Eric talked about food. He got so serious and passionate. But then, I loved it when he talked about anything. And I was staring at his mouth.

Madde's foot nudged my shin under the table. Did she intentionally kick me?

I bent my head and ate.

The kitchen fell silent for too long. Of Monsters and Men played from the speaker, singing about ghosts in old houses.

"How old is this building?" Eric asked. "The foundation is granite, right?"

Madde waited for me to answer, but I had a hot potato in my mouth. She always berated me for eating too fast. I could see the effort it took for her not to roll her eyes at me.

"We believe the farmhouse already stood here in the seventeenth century, but it might have burned down at some point," she explained. "It looks like it was rebuilt on top of the original construction around 1850. The then-owners got rich during the oats and timber boom in Dalsland and added a horse barn and a second story to the main house."

"But you don't farm the land anymore, do you?"

"It's enough work taking care of the forest," I said.

"We also rent out the horse barn and pasture, but Bj?rn doesn't want to own horses."

"Would you like to have a horse, Madeleine?" Eric asked.

"I love horses, but Bj?rn is probably right that it's more work than we can handle right now."

"I wouldn't know the first thing about how to take care of them," I said.

"It's not more complicated than having a dog," Madde said, smiling.

Now it was my turn to suppress an eyeroll. We'd had this discussion before. "There is a vast difference, believe me."

"You said you don't know the first thing about horses."

I glared at her.

Eric cleared his throat loudly.

"Madde tells me you like fishing, Bj?rn?"

I took a deep gulp of my wine. What was the right answer to that one? "Yes. It's peaceful."

"Too peaceful if you ask me," Madde said. "He's out on the lakes every other day but hasn't brought home a single perch in weeks."

Eric's lips twitched, and he hid his face, masking his humor by eating a potato.

After another drawn-out moment of awkward silence, Eric and Madde spoke up at the same time.

"I know…"

"Have you…"

Eric gestured for her to continue.

"No, it's fine. You go."

"No, please. What were you about to say?"

"Speak, Madde," I said, a little too sharply. Eric raised his eyebrows at me.

Madde ignored me and turned to Eric. "I have an idea. When your friends visit, you could borrow our bastu. It's empty most of the time. Bj?rn only heats it up once every other week. You could take the boat and swim in the lake."

"Oh! You mean the sauna on the lake. It's beautiful there."

Madde gave him a wide-eyed smile. "You've been there?"

Eric opened and closed his mouth. His eyes flashed to me. "I think I saw it when I was out running."

"Really? There's a trail there? I didn't know that."

"Um. Yes. I ran along the lake. But on the other side." His ears were bright red. Lord, he was a bad liar.

Madde tilted her head to the side. "How much do you run, Eric? No wonder you're so slim." She sipped her wine, looking at him inquisitively.

"I go a few times a week. It's good for the nerves."

"It's admirable. I don't have the motivation. I've tried, but I always end up walking."

"Walking is great. Less strain on the knees."

Swirling the wine in her glass, Madde peered alternatively at Eric and me. "When I think of it, the lake is really long. That must have taken you hours to jog around. I wonder if it's really our bastu you saw. Can you describe it?"

Eric's cheeks became a darker shade of pink. "A small cottage with a pier? It could be a different place."

"But where?"

"I…don't know." Eric looked at me. He gave out a long sigh. He was uncomfortable lying to her, and I couldn't blame him.

Screw it.

I reached for his hand on the table.

"I took Eric to the bastu on our first date," I said and squeezed his warm fingers. "And the reason I haven't caught any fish this month is that I haven't really done any fishing."

Eric pursed his lips, his warm eyes on me.

Madde was quiet.

I glanced at her face and my stomach tightened. She looked…sad?

She gazed at our hands, her mouth turned down at the corners, entirely still.

"I'm sorry, Madde. It's my fault," I said. "It felt like there would be too much pressure in the beginning to start telling people. Nobody knows, not even the guys in the queer club. Olaf might suspect something, but we haven't told anyone."

She took a deep breath. "Gryta can get a little suffocating." Her voice sounded strained.

"We've only been seeing each other for a few weeks," I said.

"I'm so sorry, Madde," Eric told her quietly. "I didn't want to lie to you."

"You didn't. You just omitted some things."

She grabbed a wine glass and drank, then blinked a little too fast.

"Madde?"

"I'm…processing."

Eric looked worried.

"Have I put pressure on you?" she asked me, sounding a little weepy.

Uh-oh.

I turned my chair to face her while still holding Eric's hand. "Honestly, a little. But my main reason for not telling you has nothing to do with you. Hell, sometimes, I was bursting with the need to tell you everything. But I didn't want to get my hopes up. This thing…it's new. I've been very happy these past few weeks. I knew you'd be excited, and I was afraid to share my happiness with you…because most of the time it feels like it's too good to be true."

Eric made a soft sound, like a gasp, but I kept my gaze on Madde.

"I'm still afraid to jinx it," I added quietly.

Then Eric did the damnedest thing. He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it.

Finally, Madde's features softened, then lit up with a slightly self-deprecating smile. "God, I can't even be angry at you."

"You're the first to know," I said.

She jabbed a finger at me. "Because I trapped you!" She turned to Eric. "He admitted to me that he liked you but said he was building up his courage." She made quotation marks in the air. "Then three weeks, and nothing. I decided to take matters into my own hands, and now this. He's been wooing you behind my back all this time."

"Are you mad?"

She lifted her chin, squinting at me playfully. We were going to be fine. "Not really. Now I'll get to tease you two. And we're not telling anybody else yet, are we?"

"Please, no," I blurted just as Eric said, "Not yet."

Madde grinned. "Let's open another bottle."