Chapter 6
My wrist was bare,and it was the first time since Judah had given me the bracelet that the weight of it wasn't there to remind me of our history together. I'd expected a lot of things from him—his hatred and venom were predictable feelings—but I'd never thought he'd rip the only physical memory I had left of him from me.
I stared down at my wrist, my heart clenching like it had all those years ago when I'd run away from him. The emotions bit at the corners of my eyes with stinging tears. I couldn't remember the last time I'd cried. It might've been at Mum's bedside when she'd finally passed with her last painful breath. This felt even worse, though, a figurative knife that dug deep into my sternum.
I clenched my fists on the steering wheel of the hunk of metal that I called my truck and pressed my forehead to it. My hands shook, but not as much as the world around me. With that bracelet, I could get through anything life threw at me, but now I was without my armor in a world full of bullets. He'd taken the only protection I had.
It had been a reminder that someone, somewhere loved me.
Fuck. I slapped my palm against the wheel, blinking the tears from the cages of my lashes and letting them trail down my face. He'd left me weak, and he didn't even know it. Probably wouldn't've cared, either. I'd understood his anger, respected it because I'd shattered his heart, but now he'd taken a cruel path.
A knock on the window had me stiffening, and I turned my head away from the boy outside, quickly wiping the tears before I shot Ellis a smile. I'd managed to make it to the trailer park before the reality of what Judah had done hit me, and I hadn't realized it was after three. I hadn't checked the time and didn't know how long Judah and I had been at the track.
The truck was old enough that I had to roll down the window manually, and I smiled at him. "You okay, kid?"
He stared at me carefully, a studious expression on his face. He tilted his chin up and pressed his lips together. "Are you okay? You've been sitting here for a while."
Had I? I glanced around the truck. I'd parked in the designated spot near my trailer. There were a few people going about their day, hanging their washing on the thin lines they'd found their own ways to create if they couldn't afford the machines. A few were having a chat with each other.
To my left, Lawson Murphy was walking down the dirt path for cars, his hand clutched tightly on his mother's elbow. His dyed white hair with dark roots gave him a punk appearance, but his face was obviously inherited from his mother. His eyes were the starkest blue I'd ever seen, and he had a few piercings—one in each ear with silver dangly chains and a curved ring through the bottom part of his nose. Black lined tattoos weaved their way down his left arm and there was an array of designs—barbwire, a rose, and a bird. Admittedly, I'd always thought, given the chance, he could be friends with Ellis because they had similarities in their style choices.
His mother said something to him, and he lowered his head, whispering back. A silver chain swung out from the collar of his shirt, but I wasn't close enough to see what was on it. Denise Murphy had dementia, and while she had good days, most were bad, but as she raised her gaze to me and grinned, I was glad to find this was one of the former.
She waved. "Hello, Tavish dear."
Lawson, or Law as we called him, gave me a curt nod, too, a small smile curving his tightened lips. He was far too young to have the responsibility for his mother's health on his shoulders, but they had no one else. Law had a twin brother we called Murph, but he was a reject who couldn't help himself, let alone their mother.
Denise had been here before I moved in, and she'd been pregnant with the twins when I'd arrived. She was the first and only person to come over to greet me and give me the rundown of Lakeview Trailer Park, and in a lot of ways, she became a bit of a sister to me. She was an older woman, who had Law and Murph in her late thirties, but was still young to have dementia. It was heartbreaking to see her struggle with the reality around her.
She was one of the only people who knew everything about my past with Judah, because at nineteen and fresh to the park with my very sick Mum at my side, I'd needed an ear, and she'd offered hers. She'd always been that kind of person, taking care of us when no one else would.
I wound up the window, then pushed my door open and slid out of the truck. With a smile at Ellis, I shut the door and walked over to Denise. It was rare to see one of her good days and I wanted to enjoy it. I offered her a hug, and she took it immediately, tugging me against her shoulder like a sibling would and smoothing a hand down the back of my head.
"You're okay," she hummed. Such a typical motherly person. It was clear she could tell something was wrong, and I leaned farther into her embrace even though she was so much shorter.
I sighed. "I'm glad to see you, Denise."
I saw her regularly, but we both knew what I meant. Her mind was sharp today and it was her.
She glanced at her son. "Law, take Tav's young man for a walk around the park."
Law blinked in surprise, glancing from Ellis, who stood behind me, back to his mother. The concerned expression created a deep dimple in his chin, and he picked nervously at the black paint on his fingernails. "Mom?—"
"Please, dear?" She gave him a pointed look, and he sighed.
Nodding, he gestured for Ellis to follow him, and I watched them go. Denise stumbled closer, and I took her hand, guiding her to the lawn chairs at the front of my trailer. I helped her sit before taking my own seat.
"Tell me everything."
I shouldn't've. Law deserved to spend time with his mum while she was having a lucid moment. I hesitated, and she tapped me on the nose.
"No. Tell me."
I grinned despite myself and did as she'd ordered. I told her about running into Judah, how he'd told me to take the job as a driver, and even about the sex and him ripping the shell bracelet off my wrist.
"It was mine," I whispered, teeth clenching. "He gave it to me. He doesn't get to take it back."
She nodded and petted my hand where it was clutched in hers. "Maybe it's time you tell him the truth."
I shook my head immediately. "I can't."
"Why not?" She stared at me seriously, the lines around her mouth deepening. "Doesn't he deserve to know the truth?"
"One of us already lost a mother," I murmured, the hand she wasn't holding folding into a fist. "I can't let him lose his, too. He'd never forgive her if I told him what she did."
She cocked her head. "From what you've told me, she doesn't seem like much of a mother to begin with. What mom does that to her son? Take away his happiness." She huffed.
"One who saw me gettin' in the way of his greatness." I shrugged. "She wanted him livin' up to his potential. As far as Elizabeth Dailey is concerned, greatness and happiness are the same thing."
"Oh, bullshit." She rolled her eyes.
I laughed at the gesture. It'd been a long time since we were able to sit like this together, talking as old friends. I missed her.
She smiled at me. "I remember when you first came here, you were a terrified teenager. Nineteen, if I recall correctly."
I nodded. I'd been nineteen and a half, and it'd been four months before Mum died. I was out of money and options, especially after I used the last bit of cash I had arranging her funeral. She knew it was coming, and she'd begged me to organize the coffin and burial place before she went, so I'd agreed. To do that, we'd needed to sell the house for a small price before we moved into Lakeview. Mum hadn't lasted long after that, and she'd taken a piece of me with her.
"I remember seeing you and thinking look at that poor boy, broken and terrified, and I turned to Richard and told him that I was going to invite you and your mom over for dinner. Your mom was too sick, though." She frowned.
I laughed loudly. "He was horrified by me, thought you'd gone bonkers. He always said you took in all the stray dogs, but I was more of a wolf. He thought I was a giant."
She giggled.
"But he loved you, and he would've done anything for you," I whispered.
Their love story had inspired me to get back out there to try and find a partner. It'd only lasted a year before I realized my options were limited, and work—and for a little while, Mum— took precedence over romance when you were broke as fuck. Then, Richard had died in a work accident when the twins were ten, and it'd nearly torn Denise apart. I'd been there for her, holding her as she sobbed, and I'd stayed with her whenever I could to get her through her grief. We'd been through a lot together.
She sobered and patted my hand. "I know it's cliché, Tav, but life is too short for ifs and maybes. Judah's mother did wrong, not you."
"I chose money over him."
She huffed. "Your mother was sick and needed treatment. His mother dangled a carrot over your head that you couldn't refuse. She knew that, it's why she did it." She shook her head, some of her brown curls getting loose from where they were pinned. "He deserves to know."
I dropped my chin against my chest. "It's not that easy."
"Why not?"
"I can't do that to him, Den. I can't destroy his world like that because it's selfish. It doesn't matter anymore." My heart throbbed, resenting my words. How could I love him so much after all these years?
"If it didn't matter, he wouldn't be asking you why." She gave me a pointed stare, and I felt proper reprimanded, as if she were my mum. She was good at that. "And he wouldn't be taking that bracelet from you."
I hated it when she was right, but that was the thing about Denise, she was right a lot. I hated that out of everyone in the world who could've been diagnosed with dementia, out of all the sleezy billionaires and religious fanatics who sent their kids off to torture camps, it was a lovely woman like Denise who'd gotten it.
She glanced up, and I turned my head to see Law and Ellis had stopped a little bit away from us. They were chatting quietly, and Ellis nodded eagerly at whatever Law said, and I smiled.
"Promise me something, Tav," Denise whispered urgently.
I returned my attention to her and leaned in closer.
"Take care of my boys."
I opened my mouth, but she slapped a hand over it to stop me from talking.
"Days like this are like waking up from a coma. Things have changed, I can sense it, but it's blank to me. I don't remember my bad days, but I can see them in Law's eyes. I ask him what happened, but he lies to me."
I winced, and she smiled sadly.
"I understand why. He's trying to protect me, but I am his parent, I should protect him. Anders is never around, and when I ask Law about it, he avoids the subject."
That made sense. Anders—or Murph as he preferred to go by—was dealing with some heavy emotions. He was caught in a web of drugs, stealing, and alcohol, and if he didn't clean up his act, he'd end up kicked out of the trailer park or worse, in jail. I didn't tell her any of that.
"I know something horrible is happening." Her mouth pursed. "And I know Law's trying to handle it on his own, but I hate that I can't be their mom." She shook her head. "But I know my dementia is getting worse, and my good days are fewer. I just...." She pressed a hand to her mouth, a sob threatening to escape. "Please take care of them."
At this point, Murph was a lost cause, but I nodded anyway. "I'll try. I promise."
She dragged my hand up to kiss it. "You know this, but... when I first found out about it, I didn't tell either of them. I kept it a secret because I thought I was doing the right thing." She stared at me intently, blue eyes burning a hole in me. "When I told them, and they learned that I'd kept it from them for years, they were angry. They had the right to be. And I realized that in trying to keep them safe, I took time from them, time that they deserved to get used to the idea of the new normal. After I finally confessed the truth, I was already having bad days. I didn't prepare them."
I swallowed around the ache in my throat and closed my eyes. She'd told me as soon as she'd found out, and I'd always felt guilty about knowing when her sons hadn't. They'd been furious at me, too, no matter how many times I'd told them it wasn't my secret to tell. I was used to people being mad at me, so I'd taken it on the chin.
"The point is, Judah deserves the truth. He gets to decide how he feels about what you and his mother did." She cupped my cheek and stroked her thumb over my skin, and I leaned into her touch, closing my eyes. "Tell him the truth."
"Hatred's easier," I murmured.
She laughed quietly. "You don't deserve that punishment for loving your mother and doing what was best for her." Slowly, she rose, and I helped her until Law came rushing over to take her hand. I watched them leave together, my heart hurting at the sight of her and how weak she was.
Life is short, she'd said, and she was right.
Was I prepared to break Judah's heart again, though?
* * *
The next day, I arrived at Judah's huge fucking house at seven thirty exactly like he'd ordered. I didn't say a word to him as he threw me the keys to his Honda. I hadn't heard any news about the ruined car.
He looked good, but that wasn't anything new. The suit he had on today was a burnt maroon that accented him in all the right ways and fit him to perfection, showing off the hard muscles I'd felt as he'd fucked into me yesterday.
He stood near the back door of the car, his eyebrows raised and a smug smirk on his face, and I'd never quite wanted to hit Judah before today. Until now. Jaw clenched, I yanked open his door and bowed dramatically.
"Your Royal Highness, too posh and rich to get into the car himself."
He grunted, obviously displeased with the stabbing insult, and slid inside before I slammed the door shut again, making the entire car tremble. I got into the driver's seat.
"To the office." He gave me the address, his tone tight.
I ignored him as I began driving in the direction he'd given me.
The office was in the city, close to where we'd had our accident, and it was at least a thirty-minute drive with traffic. It would've been easier if we didn't talk, but my bare wrist taunted me, reminding me he'd taken away the one thing I cherished out of all my belongings.
"If you want me to continue this job, I want my bracelet back," I finally bit out when the rage boiled over.
"Want you to—" He laughed. "I'm throwing you a bone here, Tavish. You should be grateful to be my driver."
"Stop with the dog analogies," I snapped harshly, glancing at him in the rearview mirror when we came to a standstill at a red light. "I know I'm beneath you, but I'm not your fuckin' pet."
He froze and peered up. "I never.... I don't think of you as a dog."
I snorted, not quite believing him.
"Is that why you broke up with me?" he snarled, some of his anger returning. "Because of some weird social class bullshit?"
I closed my eyes for a moment before a honk of a horn drove me back into action. I hit the accelerator and focused on the road. It was easy. All I'd have to do was lie. Tell him that was exactly the reason I'd ended our relationship all those years ago, but then I'd never been a liar. I'd broken his heart, told him it was over, but I'd never lied to him. I'd never given him a reason at all, which was why he was here, adamant about wanting to know the answer.
"Fucking hell, Tav, I never knew you were a coward."
He opened his laptop. The typing on his computer was rough and the clicks of the keys were loud in my ears.
Lie, lie, lie. It was simple, but why couldn't I do it?
Then, something hit me on the back of the head, and I caught the bracelet as it fell down my shoulder. I stared at the shells of different shades of white and a lump lodged itself in my throat. Even if I did tell him the truth, there were still a lot of issues there. I'd signed a contract with his mum saying that I'd never be in a relationship with him. If something happened between us again and she found out.... Well, she'd sue me for everything I had, which wasn't much. Ellis depended on me now, though.
There was nothing in the terms and conditions about sex, however. The thought made me ill. I hated that I still loved him so damned much that fucking would never be enough for me. He was my first great love, the man I'd wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
More honking sounded behind me, and I made the quick decision to pull the car over into a loading zone before I spun around to look at him.
He stared at me, waiting, and all the thoughts crashed into my head.
Lie.
Tell him the truth.
He deserves to know.
He'll lose his mother.
It's too late now.
I swallowed as his hard gaze devoured me. It was now or never.
Someone rapped harshly on Judah's window with their knuckles, and we both jumped. Judah hit the button to lower the window, bringing a man in a black suit and hat into view.
He grinned at Judah. "Mr. Dailey, it seems your new driver stopped a little too early."
Ah. So, he was the doorman to the building, or at least, that's what I assumed when he opened the door and stepped out of the way.
Judah glanced at me, waiting, but I shook my head.
"Where should I park the car?"
All I got in answer was a glare. He swept from the car, and I watched, unable to tear my eyes away from his strong back as his suit jacket fluttered behind him. More honking and yelling drew me out of my daze, and I looked at the bracelet in my hand. I slid it onto my wrist, sighing in relief as it slipped back onto its rightful place.
I still had to decide what to tell him, but for now I had time.