Chapter 4

When was the last time I got laid?

Fuck.

It must've been three and a half months at least.

I'd been so busy getting my shite together for myself and Ellis that I hadn't had time to go to a gay bar in the city to find a cock to use. There were certain unwritten rules when it came to the trailer park, and gay stuff was on the list of no-nos. Our landlord was a homophobic bastard, but I'd been stuck with little to no choice in where I lived. If I wanted to have sex, I had to let someone use me in the bar bathroom. It'd all been very uncomfortable.

Kissing Judah should've been a big fucking red flag. Ignoring the fact that we had a tempestuous past, too many lies and unresolved anger infected the air between us. We'd changed too much, no longer innocent teenagers so in love it hurt, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that we were poison to each other. Already, Judah's rage at me was a festering wound that ate at him. I didn't blame his feelings toward me for a second. He didn't know the truth, would never know what had happened, and I should've taken the chance to walk away in between his kiss and mine.

There were other jobs.

A selfish part of me couldn't let him go, though. His taste exploded on my tongue, his kiss an addiction I'd never quite recovered from, and I craved more. Most of the sex I'd had was disappointing, maybe average at best, and there'd never been a man like Judah in my life since. His passion, his drive, his hunger for me.... They were my aphrodisiacs.

Add in the current hatred he had for me, and the chemistry was positively electric. His cock nudged against my lower belly, and I groaned, rolling my hips to give him more friction. He'd always been fucking big in that department, had always been tall, too, but now he was wide and had muscles I'd never imagined on him.

He nipped my bottom lip hard enough to draw a hiss and some blood from me, and he leaned back to smirk, the underlying fury burning in his gaze. "Get in the fucking house, Tav."

No. It was a two-letter word, easy to say, yet I couldn't push it out from between my lips. It was physically impossible because I wanted this regardless of how much it was going to ruin the carefully constructed wall I'd built around myself. I joked and laughed, but in the end, I fucking hurt, too. I'd let the best thing that ever happened to me go because of an impossible choice, one given to me by Judah's mother. I could never give him a reason to hate her. He didn't deserve that, even if she did.

I hesitated too long, and he shoved me backward until I slammed into the car. He crowded in against me, his shoulders wide and powerful as he slapped the vehicle on either side of my arms, trapping me. He kissed a trail along my jaw, and my chin tipped back, giving him better access. He mapped down my neck, his lips soft but teeth harsh every time he brought them out to nip and bite. It was obvious that he didn't know if he wanted to be gentle or hurt me.

I knew which one I deserved.

Then, he moved up again toward my ear and nibbled on my lobe before tracing the shell with his tongue. "I. Fucking. Hate. You."

I gnashed my teeth at him, grinning. "Then hate me while you fuck the living hell out of me, if you've got the knackers for it."

This time when he bit down on my ear, it was hard enough to tug a raw shout from the depths of my throat. I rolled my hips forward, dragging my bulge over the thigh he shoved between my legs.

"House. Now." He stepped back, and his eyes burned, alight with an array of emotions, from anger to desire, and my feet were moving before I could rethink what I was about to do. I got to the front door before he did, but he was right behind me, using a pin in the security pad to release the lock.

The house was massive and beautiful inside and out. I didn't know much about architecture, but it didn't take an expert to figure out this was a top-shelf place with fixtures that others would drool over. The foyer had a tall ceiling with patterns carved into it and white porcelain tiles. To the left was a winding staircase with brown marble steps and black iron handrails, and straight ahead of us was an arched entrance that led deeper into the house.

It wasn't as big as his family home, but it was huge for only one person, which gave me something to dwell on. Had Judah always been alone or had he found someone? Maybe they'd split ways? These were the kind of questions I wanted to have the right to ask him, but there was no time for talking when he seized my wrist in a firm grip and hauled me up the staircase.

We stumbled down a wide hallway to our right, and he shoved open the second door to the left, pushing me inside. I nearly tripped over my own feet before I righted myself and glanced around. It was a bedroom, but I wasn't sure if it was Judah's. Despite it being bloody gorgeous with a wide wooden four-poster bed dressed in deep forest greens, a white stone fireplace, a wall of windows, and a TV the width of the bed—nothing about this space screamed Judah. There were no personal touches, but I supposed the foyer was the same.

Click.

I turned to see Judah closing the door before he stalked forward, his mouth twisted in a hungry snarl. He grasped my neck and pushed me backward toward the bed, and I went without any force, ready and eager to get his cock inside me again, even if everything about this was a terrible idea.

The back of my knees hit the mattress, and I fell onto my arse, bouncing. I shuffled back, using the moment to toe off my shoes and kick them away from the bed. He watched, his expression predatory, and goose bumps erupted across my skin. I'd never quite seen Judah like this, but this new version of him was doing it for me.

"Take your clothes off," he ordered, voice rough, not leaving any room for argument.

I had half a mind to test his boundaries, tell him to fuck off, but something clicked inside me, an instinctual need to follow his demands. Swallowing around the excitement that lodged itself in my throat, I tugged my shirt up and over my head with impatience. My pants went next as I unbuttoned and unzipped them, then shoved them down my long legs, kicking them off the bed.

I hesitated at my underwear. Raising my gaze to meet his, I was ready to ask him what he wanted me to do with them, when I caught sight of where he was looking. His attention was directed at my chest, his Adam's apple bobbing as he stared with a feral voracity. Pupils blown until they almost eclipsed his brown irises and mouth parted, he stepped forward with a wild pace. He was the hunter, and I was his prey.

I tilted my head and dragged myself back farther on the bed, letting him follow me.

He stopped when his knees hit the mattress and the hungry stare rose to meet mine. He didn't say a word as he tugged at the knot of his tie and kicked off his shoes, but he didn't need to because his gaze said enough. He wanted to consume me, and a mere look had my knees turning to jelly. Thank fuck I was already lying on the bed or I would've made a fool of myself.

He rid himself of his dress shirt first, taking his time to unbutton it and slide it off his shoulders, exposing large muscles that shifted under smooth skin. My mouth watered and my heart hammered against my ribs as I stared, unable to tear my attention from the way his abs moved. Fuck. This new physique suited him.

His pants went next, along with his boxer briefs. There was a moment when they dropped to the floor that my breath caught, a wheezy groan sliding from between my lips in a way you'd expect from an animal in heat rather than a man. But here I was, making that embarrassing sound and spreading my legs, giving more space for my already hard as nails, throbbing dick.

His shaft was just as fucking gorgeous as I remembered—long, wide, and curved to the right.

"Fuck me sideways," I breathed out with a rush of air.

The corner of his mouth twitched as though trying to fight off a smile, and it worked because he went back to glowering at me again. "That's the plan."

He pressed his knee into the bed beside my ankle and crawled up the length of my body, stopping when his face aligned with my chest. He stared at my pecs, and I waited, curious to see what he'd do. He'd been looking at them enough today that I had noted his interest.

"See somethin' you like?" I teased, deepening my accent in a way that I only did to flirt.

"Your tits," he growled out, then paused with wide eyes. He shot me a dark look and shook his head.

"My tits?" I repeated, my brain latching on to the thread of knowledge that was my lifeline when it came to Judah. I was many things, but one of my most notable talents was my street smarts. I liked to test someone, find out what made them tick so I could use it to get what I wanted. But this was new and intriguing, and I wanted to see where it went. I cupped his jaw, and he tensed as I stroked my thumb over the hair there. "What do you want to do with them?"

He grasped my shoulder and shoved me down hard on the bed, and I hissed at the pleasure that snaked its way through me with his ruthless touch. While Judah had been gentle when we were first together, I'd grown to love some roughness with my sex, and clearly he had matured as a lover, too.

His palm slid over my shoulder and chest, stopping as he brought it to my right pec. He squeezed my tit, and I inhaled sharply, a zing zipping its way through me and straight to my dick. I was still in my underwear, caged by the thin piece of material, but that wasn't going to hide how much I was enjoying this.

He bared his teeth, then trapped his bottom lip between them, and I waited.

Watching.

He was fighting his inner demons, caught between hating me for breaking his heart in the past and wanting to fuck me right now. He would choose the latter. I knew him too well, even after all this time, but he needed to draw his own conclusions about his desires. He could still despise me while he hammered into me.

He gripped my tit harder and the side of his jaw twitched, a sign he was losing the battle with himself.

"You can still hate me, Judah," I whispered, startling him into looking at me with dark eyes. "But you can also do what you want with me, too." I cupped my left pec and squeezed it like he was doing to the right, and his gaze darted to my hold on myself. "Today, this is yours. What are you going to do to me?" I flicked the nub of my peaked nipple, and his mouth parted. Oh yeah, he liked that.

I bit my lip as he tugged my underwear off and tossed them aside.

Now the balls—specifically mine—were in his court.