Chapter 21

Without thinking,I tossed down my umbrella and slid behind the steering wheel, slamming the door. Tears leaked down Tav's angular face, and I wasn't sure I'd ever seen him this way. His distress played hell on my nerves after the terror that had driven me to go on a mad dash looking for him. My hands shook as I cupped his cheeks and dragged him in for a salty kiss. Instead of providing relief, touching him made me consider everything I would be losing if he disappeared again.

My mouth was too rough on his, and the stubble starting to grow in on his face nipped my fingertips, but I didn't care. I just wanted to taste him and feel him—and the pain reminded me that he hadn't vanished. Tav whimpered, a desperate, terrible sound, and I knew I should stop and talk to him and discuss whatever the fuck he'd just done at my parents' house, but I couldn't.

The kiss went on for a long time, each of us pushing into it physically until it was something else entirely—brutal and necessary. This wasn't about sex. I had no clue what we were doing except clinging.

"Jude," Tav said, mumbling against my mouth. "Jude, please."

"What?" I asked. Anything he needed, I would give him.

He leaned back and shook his head, fingers digging into my forearms.

"Don't leave me again," I whispered. The words weren't a request, they were an urgent order.

He flinched, nodding. The air in the cab was hot and humid and the windows began to fog over from our panting. Panic had settled deep into us, and our eyes were too wide. It was like we were waiting for a bomb to go off.

"Okay," he sighed out.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," he said, that Scottish accent tingeing his words deeply as tears still spilled down his face. His breath was rough. I could see, feel, and hell, even taste Tav's tears on my lips, but my heart wouldn't slow down. A terrified part of me was worried I would let go of him and he would fade out of existence. I slid my hands to the back of his neck and held him still so that he was forced to look into my eyes.

"What were you doing at my parents' house?"

Tav shoved at my chest, so I let him go, but I dropped my hands down to his thighs, unwilling to stop touching him.

He dragged his phone out of his pocket and shook it in my direction. "I can't believe you think it's okay to spy on me. Undo whatever the hell you did!"

My hands tensed on his thighs, and it took a monumental force of will to stop myself from holding on as hard as I wanted. I would bruise him if I did. "You were leaving. I needed to know if you were going to disappear again."

He huffed, but the tears didn't stop, and my stomach twisted into a knot. "Don't act innocent. You did it when things were fine because you're possessive of me. I told you I wasn't runnin', and I'm not." He glanced down at his phone, and the light from a passing car trying to navigate the torrential downpour struck his face. As he shifted nervously in his seat, I noticed a faint redness that seemed to be growing darker on his jaw. I snatched the phone out of his hand and tossed it on the dash, then gently tilted his head to the side.

"What the fuck?" I brushed my finger over what was clearly a bruise that was blooming, and rage was back to bubbling in my gut all over again. "What the hell?" I stared into his eyes, but he wasn't looking at me. "You weren't gone that long! Who did this?" I ducked my head until he was staring at my face. Carefully, I stroked my thumb over the bruise, and his brow furrowed.

"It's...." He sighed and cringed. "Do you really want to know?"

The awful feeling that I'd had since he'd left my office earlier cranked another notch tighter in my chest. Instead of answering out loud, I pressed a kiss to his cheek near the bruise. "Why on Earth wouldn't I want to know?" I kissed his ear softly. "I want to know everything about you."

"Some idiot at the trailer park did it." He swallowed hard enough that I heard the click in the quiet cab. Another car passed outside, blasting us with brilliant headlights. His jaw was tight and with the way he wasn't meeting my eyes, I got the feeling he was leaving something out of that scenario.

"Some random jerk decided to punch you?" I rested a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Please just tell me what happened."

He tossed up his hands. "Your mum sent a man there to dig through my stuff to try to find anything she could use against me."

My heart froze, and the tears kept rolling down his face. My mind spun.

"Do you have a headache, or did you get a tooth knocked loose or something? You're not a crier. What's going on?" I leaned in and dragged him against my chest, and when he collapsed into my arms, I knew whatever the fuck had happened was bad. "I'll fucking?—"

"Stop. I don't want you to say anything rotten about your mum," he said, then buried his face against my neck.

"Fuck!"

Tav nuzzled my skin, and sweet heat wrapped around my heart.

"The man broke mum's vase, but it doesn't really matter, and I don't know why I'm getting bloody emotional about it." He sniffed and clung to me.

The thoughts in my mind were spinning every which way, clacking together like marbles before they shot off in different directions. Someone my mother had hired not only hurt Tav, but destroyed something he loved? The shit at work pissed me off, but it was nothing compared to this. I ground my teeth and gave him a hard squeeze.

"Don't have many things from her," he mumbled.

"Shit, I'm so sorry, Puffin. This never should've happened. You didn't deserve to lose anything. Let's go get the rest of your things and bring them to my house." I leaned back a bit, and he sat up, but his strong shoulders were still slouched. I brushed the hair away from his face, but nothing I did seemed to get rid of the haunted look in his eyes. "Talk to me."

He glanced toward the dash as another car drove by. The rain pelted the roof of the old truck, smashing down harder. "What if this doesn't work out? What if you wake up one day next year, or hell, even next month, and you're sick of me? Sick of this trouble?"

"Won't happen." Hurt and anger swirled in my gut. I grabbed his hands and squeezed. He hissed, and I frowned down. One of his hands was crusted with smears of dried blood. I brought it up and kissed the heel of his palm. The nicks didn't seem too terrible, but I hated everything about this. "You're afraid to get rid of your trailer?"

He shrugged and yanked out of my grip to scrub his hands over his face. A deep sigh flowed from him. The tears were still dripping; although, they seemed to be coming slower. "It's been the roof over my head for a long time. It wasn't much, but it kept me safe."

I sat back, feeling like I'd been slapped in the face. "I'll keep you safe." He shifted away from me, and I realized I was close to shouting, but I felt so out of control that I didn't try to rein it in. "What do I have to do to make you trust me?" I slammed a fist onto the steering wheel and jumped when the horn blasted.

"I do," he muttered.

"You don't. If you did, we could've gone to your trailer for whatever you wanted this evening, but you didn't wait. You didn't want me there. I wasn't there when you got hurt." My chest squeezed and I dragged in a deep breath.

Tav's trademark smile was nowhere to be seen, and I hated the steady glare he blasted me with. "It's not only me I have to think about. Ellis is counting on me," he snapped. "I have to protect him, too."

"Not from me! I'm on your team! I swear! I always have been." I shook the steering wheel and flopped back against the seat, feeling defeated.

He gave me a look that was so raw I had no idea what he was thinking, but I leaned in and captured his lips again. Desperation pushed me forward until Tav whimpered.

"Shit," I whispered, kissing along his jaw to the bruise that was already turning a livid shade of purple and red. I lightly brushed my lips over it. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"You didn't," he rasped. "I feel so fucking confused right now."

"Trust me," I growled out. "You don't need to be confused about me." I lightly tapped the bruise. "We're going to file a report with the cops."

He sighed, sounding world weary. "No one will care, and if they do, they won't believe who I say is behind it. Why bother?" He pursed his lips and shook his head. "Besides, you look worse than I do."

"I'm taking you home, then," I grumbled, sitting back into the driver's seat hard.

"What about your car?" he asked softly while grabbing his phone.

"I do not give a single fuck about that car, Tav. I care about you!" I glared at him out of the corner of my eye, angry and confused. I knew frying him with the volcano of bullshit swirling in my brain wouldn't be helpful, but I was still trembling on the inside. I'd been convinced I would never see him again when I'd set out to find him.

Halfway home I was grumping about the shot suspension and the way it felt like we were bouncing over ruts even though we were on a paved road.

Tav chuckled. "She's a sassy lass, but she gets me where I need to be." He hissed and glared over his shoulder at the seat. "There's a spring coming out to greet me, though. I didn't realize how bad it was. I should see if I can twist it back in."

"Let me buy you a new one," I said hopefully.

Tav covered his eyes with his hands and chuckled weakly. "Yeah, that's the perfect way to prove everyone right."

It was a relief to pull into the driveway in front of my house and shut off the truck. I turned toward him. The rain was still pelting the roof, dropping buckets on the world. "There is no everyone. Anyone who is actually my friend won't think anything of it, and fuck everyone else!"

"You'd be handing out a lot of fuck yous," he said, pointing at me with a smirk that flooded me with amusement, but then, he touched his jaw, and I was right back to being pissed off again.

"Come on," I said, getting out of the truck. I rushed for the house through the rain, and he followed while awkwardly stuffing the truck keys into his pocket.

"You left the keys. Someone might steal her."

I glanced back at him to see if he was serious, but there was an entertained gleam in his eyes. He was cute with his hair dripping wet and looked a hell of a lot like the boy I remembered. We'd never really fought when we were younger, and Tav didn't hold grudges. Warmth flooded me and I dragged him into a hug.

We clung together in the doorway for a ridiculous amount of time, and when he leaned back his face was dry, but he was sniffing. I pressed my forehead to his.

"Are we okay?" I asked.

"What did you do to my phone?" There was subtle steel in his voice.

I shook my head and opened the front door, letting him go inside ahead of me. With another glance at his jaw, I hustled into the kitchen.

"You should be icing your own face," Tav said from behind me as I pulled ice packs out of the freezer. I handed him one, then slapped one to my left eye, and he chuckled as he held the pack to his jaw. "Where are the boys?"

"The office."

I leaned against the counter next to him, and he rested his shoulder on mine. The ice, coupled with my damp clothes, had me shivering. He tipped his head until it knocked against me, and we stayed there, quietly contemplating the world.

"I could just get a new phone," Tav said, glancing at me to gauge my reaction.

"I'd just do it again."

"How can this not be about distrusting me?" he asked, exasperation heavy in his tone.

I shrugged.

When he dropped his ice pack on the counter and dragged me into his arms again, I went. I let my ice pack slip to the floor and held him.

"I'm going upstairs to lie down. My head does hurt," he murmured. I opened my mouth, and he frowned before I could get a word out. "Not enough for a doctor. Just everything, the stress, I think, has a migraine building."

"Makes sense." I pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"You should go back to work," he said softly.

"Are you really going to stay here?" I studied his eyes.

He shrugged. "Guess you'll know if I don't, superspy."

He was back around to sounding irritated, but his lips were welcoming when I pressed mine to his. I wanted to be inside him, assure myself we were still fine that way, but another idea had started swirling in my brain.

"I'm going back to the office," I said.

He nodded and kissed me again, and I grabbed Advil for him out of a cupboard, then watched him walk upstairs with the bottle in his hand. I waited until I heard our bedroom door shut, then took off like a shot. It took a surprisingly short time for an Uber to arrive so that I could go get my Honda.

I didn't lie.

I did go to the office, but as soon as I was in and had checked on the boys to make sure they were doing okay, I called a moving company and asked them to clean out Tav's trailer. I gave strict instructions to take the boxes to my place. I didn't care what Tav said, he wasn't going anywhere that I couldn't keep him safe ever again. He was mine, and I was keeping him, and my mother and every other person I knew wasn't going to stop me.