22. Rock Bottom

“ A re you having fun, Bubby?” Octavius cooed at his adorable little puffer fish. The cutie baby that was his Bubby, blew some bubbles and kissed the side of his tank.

Ahh, his poor little boy was probably tired of being cooped up in such a small area.

He glanced from Scarlett, who was sitting there looking unimpressed, which was normal for her, to Min-ji, then to Theo, until finally, Turney. The last three were standing around the kitchen table.

“Turney, say hi to Bubby.”

Turney smiled hesitantly. “Hi, Bubby.”

The zombie had leaned towards the screen as he spoke, but when Bubby oddly turned away, the zombie straightened and looked at Min-ji and Theo, murmuring, “Let’s go get coffee…and breakfast.”

Octavius huffed as they started to leave. “But Turney, you should stay and?—”

“Food first, talk later!” Turney chimed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, before he rushed out with the other two.

He pouted, glaring at the closed door for a moment, before looking back to the screen. “Well, Bubby, your other daddy had to go, so I suppose we should end the call here! Love you! Until tomorrow!” He waved and then disconnected the call.

Scarlett snorted. “I think your puffer fish doesn’t like Turney.”

“Nonsense!” he cried. “Bubby is…just not used to him yet, is all.”

“It’s been over three months.”

“Well, they haven’t had time to bond, between him still learning to be a zombie, and just life…Well, unlife, in Turney’s case.”

“If you say so.”

He did say so… He just did, in fact! Octavius refused to believe that Bubby didn’t like Turney! It just…couldn’t be true… And…if, in some unbelievable twist of fate, it was true…he’d fix it!

Octavius relaxed back in his chair, eyeing Scarlett. She looked normal enough. Her expression was empty, but in a normal way for her, rather than a…closed off, shut everyone out, may hurt someone, type of way.

“How are you…really, Scarlett? You were acting odd yesterday after the tank incident.”

Scarlett winced. “The…bond acted up, and I sort of…”

“Shut down? Freaked out? Tailspinned from a trauma response into pretending you are actually dead inside and out?”

Rolling her eyes, she ground out, “Yes.”

“I’m not surprised. It is your normal reaction to emotional stress, or really anything that triggers you to feel too much.”

The zombie wrinkled her nose.

Octavius chuckled. “You and your dislike of emotions…”

“We fought last night…”

He narrowed his eyes as he stiffly asked. “Fought, as in fought , or fought, as in argued?”

Scarlett rolled her eyes. “Down boy. I don’t need you to protect me anymore, and haven’t for a long time.”

He grasped her hand. “I will always be there to protect you, whether you need me to or not. It has nothing to do with your capabilities, and everything to do with my love for you.”

A small smile slipped onto her face. “Yeah, well…the only one who needed protection last night was Min-ji, from my inability to separate her from the witches who tried to use me in the past.”

“Which isn’t fair to her.”

Scarlett let out a heavy sigh, and slowly pulled her hand from his. “We made up, but…I’m wondering if I just put off the inevitable.”

“You need to talk to her, and tell her how you feel.”

“I… I did…and I am trying to. I just…”

“It’s never been easy for you, I know. But Min-ji is not like the witches who tried to hurt you, Scarlett. She has proven that she isn’t. So you, my friend, need to stop saying things as if you expect her to suddenly become a power hungry monster. Because, the truth is, if you actually thought she was going to suddenly change, to betray you in that way, you would have never risked creating that bond. Deep down, you know she is all she claims to be. If there was any doubt, she would still be dead. So why doubt now after things can’t be changed?”

“I don’t know… I thought I’d moved past all that happened, but… The bond just… She basically said I’m treating her like my enemy, and…I… She’s right…sometimes I am. I look at her, feel the bond, and panic… And I hate it because she hasn’t done anything wrong…” Scarlett rubbed her eyes. “Sometimes… I’m so tired, Octavius…of actually still feeling.”

Octavius chuckled sadly. “You didn’t move past it. You used your rage to shove it aside, so you could pretend it doesn’t bother you. But I don’t blame you, or fault you for that. I did the same, at one time, with Dayan…and that damn reaper…

“But you know what, Scarlett? The problem with pretending is that…no matter how much you pretend…it won’t make it reality. Instead, you find yourself boxed in, surrounded by all that you try to ignore. It would be laughable for me to claim I am the picture of perfect mental health and stability, but based on my failed past attempts to face things…the first step in moving forward is admitting that something is wrong, and that what you are doing isn’t working. Pretending you feel nothing, when you have someone you love and want to hold on to…doesn’t end well.”

Scarlett’s face pinched. “I think…we are…going…to try couples…therapy.”

He couldn’t hold back the wide smile that slipped onto his face, and he hadn’t really tried. “I think that is a wonderful starting point.”

She scoffed. “A horrible starting point.”

Octavius giggled. “To be supportive, I bet five bottles of glitter that you make the first therapist cry, and end up with someone new by the end of the second week.”

Her face twisted in disgust. “How is that being supportive?”

“Because I know, even after the first few don’t work out, you will keep trying, because you want this relationship to work.”

“Who is even going to take that bet?”

“Someone will!” Octavius wasn’t sure who, but he was sure he could trick at least… Well, he could ‘convince’ at least one person to do it.

Sniffing, Scarlett softly asked, “How did you…get past it?”

“Me?” His brow rose and he hummed. “Well, to be clear, I let go of the part that was eating me up inside, and I did so long before I ever met you. Back when Gaia was still young, and so was I, in terms of vampire years. I was only five decades over three hundred, and at the time, it felt like an eternity.

“I loved her—my daughter—I still do. She is my eldest fledgling…but back then… I was not as you knew me. Not as most people know me now. There was a lot of pain still, a lot of bitterness inside of me.

“I saw the world as an unending show of cruelty and horror. I think that was part of my regret and guilt towards her. Probably…hah, Alexander would be the only one besides her that knows how bad I was back then. We fought a lot. I was never physically violent, but the words I could say in the heat of the moment…”

“ ENOUGH, Gaia!” Octavius hissed, his fangs fully lowered. “How many times must I explain myself to you?!”

“UNTIL YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND!” Gaia snapped.

Her eyes were filled with as much rage as the burning fire currently rising inside his chest, as she waved at their home as if it was nothing, as if all they’d built, all he’d built for them, was… nothing .

“We can’t keep living like this! If one would dare call this living! I want a life, Father… I want love. I want companions, laughter… I want us to feel the joy of living.”

“Living,” he scoffed. “Has your head been rattled, my child? Or has someone mistakenly filled your addled head with lies? Is that what you want, Gaia, pretty lies?”

His daughter swallowed and took a deep breath, her eyes never breaking from his as she stated, “I want the life you promised me.”

Octavius threw his head back on a bitter laugh, as pain laced through his chest. “Foolish child of mine, I promised life, and only gave you death. Should you not be old enough to know by now that I lied?!”

“But you did not!” Gaia snapped. “The only one making us live as if we are dead, is you! The world is ours to explore, to enjoy. But you REFUSE to let us, WHY?! Why do you make us go from one dreadful home to another, to places of constant war and death?! Why do you refuse to let us even spend a moment's time with others? Never a chance is given. Always we walk this world, whether under the sun or moonlight, as if everyone is out to destroy or harm us. Why ? —”

“BECAUSE THEY ARE!” he roared, before forcing himself to pull back the anger that he used to cover up the dread he felt over her ever voicing such foolishness. “I am the only thing standing between us and our final descent towards death. You think people are kind, noble, honest, when the truth is, they are as vile as the creature I turned you into! People who would prefer you fall on their sword over keeping their company.” He let out a mocking laugh. “Or do you think those laughing people, the humans throwing all of those grand festivities that you so desperately want to join, will welcome you with arms wide once they discover that, in the grand scheme of your existence, they are only livestock?”

The hurt in her eyes as she stared quietly at him had him hesitating for but a moment. The anger and the fear he felt, at the idea of her out there amongst the humans, who would harm her, worst the creatures that would, without a care or thought of who loved her, spurred him on. She had to see, she had to understand, that all he had ever done was try to protect her… It was all he could do…

Octavius had damned her for eternity, the very least he could do with his crooked, soulless existence was protect her from those who wished to harm her.

“What, nothing to say now? Or do you think I’m wrong? That they will love you no matter what you are?” Octavius let out a humorless laugh before grinding out, “It is time to wake up, Gaia. To face the reality that we are monsters. No one will love us. No human will ever want us. We are damned!” He pointed towards the door. “What is waiting out there for us is death and pain! Wake up! You are no longer a child! I should have to coddle you no longer!”

Tears pooled in her eyes, and Gaia swallowed hard as one broke free and slid down her cheek. “You’re wrong…Father. It’s not that they cannot love us, is that you hate the world and yourself far too much to dare let anyone in. I am proof that there is love in this world. I am proof that humans can love us. As I lay there dying, even knowing you could not possibly be human, I loved you. Before the lies you claim you told, I loved you. Even knowing I was at death’s door, I still loved you. I loved you with every struggling beat of my heart. So when you offered me life, reaching out your hand, I took it…thinking of the life I would have WITH you, Father. You were why I stayed,” she sobbed. “Stop trying to make me regret it. You will never succeed, no matter what words you throw at me.”

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, but Octavius held them back. It was almost too easy to do so with the loathing and the disgust he felt for himself, with each utterly foolish yet heartbreaking word she spoke. “You loved a lie, Gaia. That man was not real. He was not even a man at all. He was a show that a lonely and heartless beast put on to lure a child to her own damnation.”

She stubbornly shook her head, as he knew she would. “I will never believe that.”

“Believe what you will, it matters not to the truth. What is clear to me now, I should have walked away and never looked back.”

Gaia’s eyes widened, a few more tears trailing down before she cried out, “Take it back!”

“How can I?!” he snapped. “When you so clearly now plan on running towards your demise! Dead then, dead now, what difference does it make?!”

“TAKE IT BACK,” she shrieked.

He glared, even when his heart shattered, as it did every time she would cry. “I should have left you in that alley where I found you.”

Gaia screamed at him, her voice full of pain, before finally striking out, as he knew she would. Octavius didn’t avoid the slap, nor did he strike back. The pain, if anything, was a comfort in the aftermath of his own cruel words.

This was how it always ended—every fight… They’d stop talking… Days would pass before finally normal would return. And then…the arguments would begin again, building…until another fight. Next, she would storm off to her room…

Yet…instead of storming off, Gaia sniffled, her hand shaking as she wiped the tears from her face, she spoke. “Father, the one who needs to wake up…is you. I cannot keep living as if I am dead. Nor will I.” She took a shuddered breath. “I love you with all of my heart, but your love for me is overshadowed by your hatred for yourself, for what you turned me into, for this world. My love… While my love for you, it will survive, I fear I will turn into the very monster you claim we are, if I keep living in your world of hatred. So, for now…Father…this is goodbye.”

Octavius’ eyes widened, his tears finally springing free. “Gaia…I…”

Her face twisted, her tears coming faster, as she stared at him for but a moment more, before fleeing out the door.

He reached for her, calling for her, but she never turned around. His hand, still reaching out at nothing, began to shake. As Octavius stared at the open door, the sunlight shining into the dark, empty home, his breath caught.

Slowly sinking to his knees, he clutched at his chest, as the pain there truly felt as if someone had stabbed him. Alone…all alone again in his head…

“Gaia—ah…Gaia…ah,” he sobbed, before the pain became too much to bear without screaming. So he did…

Octavius screamed, curling in on himself as he was left alone with what had become too much for his daughter—his own self-hatred.

He blinked rapidly, pushing back the tears as the memories fled, and he found Scarlett frowning at him. “What?”

“It’s hard to imagine. You being stubborn, yes…but…” She hesitated.

“So…unbending? Cruel?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I was… And I was in this echo chamber in my mind, thinking that things had to be done a certain way to protect us. That I was right, and that her choices were that of a foolish young girl, who in her abandonment of reason, would only bring us death. The environment I created for Gaia was exceedingly toxic, abusive… With me riling her up, only to shut her down, until she lashed out at me. That day…she’d had enough, and she left, as she should have…and I crumbled. Frankly, I fell hard, Scarlett.”

He swallowed as his eyes began to cloud with tears, just thinking of the moment.

“There was a lot of self-hatred mixed in with everything. Even then, I hated what I had done to her, that I had changed her…made her a monster like I was.”

“You rarely talk about your time with the reapers… Did they not even attempt to show you that you weren’t at fault, or a monster?”

“It’s hard to remember, or to hear the words from people who you think failed you. It's hard to trust them, even if you do hear them. As Alexander was the person doing the teaching… I’m afraid I barely regarded anything he said at all. But when Gaia left…I realized, more than the hatred I felt for myself, I hated…feeling so much hate…

“I was never like that before my change. I wanted to be carefree again. I wanted to be free again. I felt trapped, and the one trapping me, just as Gaia said, was myself.

“It took me losing the only person I had left in the world, to realize I couldn’t keep going on as I was. I sat there and…just let myself…remember. I cried…I screamed...” He winced. “I may have burned that particular house down.”

Scarlett snorted. “Of course, you did.”

Octavius chuckled. “Well, it was an outlet, and I did feel better after doing it… As the rain was putting out the flames…that was, of course, when Gaia returned. I’m pretty sure the fire was what drew her back actually.” He grimaced. “She was not pleased. But after yelling at me, we talked, and I felt better. Lighter.

“Scarlett, I let go. Gaia was gone for fifteen days, and I sat there mostly unmoving while I let as much as I could go. She came back and found me a weak, wet, sooty mess, but I was finally ready to listen, to be honest with her.

“It took me hitting rock bottom for me to realize that I needed to. I don’t want that for you. I want you to get the help you need now. To let go before you lose what you care about. My grandest wish for you is that you succeed in whatever you put your mind to. I know in my heart and mind that there is a path forward for you, so don’t give up, my friend.”

“Thank you, Octavius.”

“Know…that it’s okay to still feel anger towards those who hurt us, but letting that anger keep us from what we want, is letting them win. And I don’t know about you, but I refuse to let those bastards win.”

The zombie gave him a hesitant smile. “They’ve taken more than enough already, haven’t they?”

He smiled back. “They have.”

Scarlett’s smile faltered. “They are still…taking.”

His smile dimmed as well, as he softly said, “Godric…”

“Yes… I’ve…known him almost as long as I’ve known you. Our relationship is different from what you and I have, but…the idea of him no longer being in this world… I think it makes me…ugh…” She wrinkled her nose in disgust. “It makes me feel lost.”

“That is completely normal. He was a big part of your life at one point. As a mentor, then as a friend. Losing someone you care about will always make you feel a bit lost and unsure.”

Scarlett frowned. “Octavius… How are you, really? This situation, you’ve known him longer than I have. You've probably collectively spent more time with him as well.”

“I…” He trailed off as the door to the room opened, Turney, Min-ji, and Theo returning.

Scarlett stared, her head slowly tilting, as the human her best friend was antagonizing stood up and slammed his hands on the conference table, while screaming, “The Mysterious Quack CLEARLY was, and always will be, a show for intellectuals! It’s not the show’s fault that Mallard Mysteries uses CHEAP sensationalism to draw in lower IQ?—”

“ENOUGH!” the male panel moderator desperately cried. “If you keep this up, Mathew, you will be removed!”

They’d only been in the panel for fifteen minutes, and she wasn’t exactly sure how things had escalated so quickly… Well, no, she supposed it had been quite obvious that both Mathew and Octavius had a vendetta. It's always easy to escalate when you have multiple people trying to do it.

Octavius scoffed, before smiling snidely and saying, “I’d hardly call a show that intricately weaves multiple threads of intrigue and mysterious plot lines together, ‘low’ intelligent entertainment, but then, I am also not one to brazenly consider any form of entertainment as something reserved for only those who managed to rank above average on something so highly contested as the IQ test.”

She would always find it fascinating how multifaceted her friend’s personality was. That the same person who encouraged her to work on letting go of her past, while openly sharing a part of his history that was less than flattering, was now fiercely defending a show about talking ducks…

It was…ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous, but…that was her best friend. Then again…the vampire was likely still quite serious about the topic…even if he was obviously having fun riling up the previously smug human.

“Intricately weaves!? For who?! Children?! Miscreants?! brAINDEAD MORONS?!”

“MATHEW!” the man who had tried to stop the trainwreck growled, before shaking his head and pulling a radio off his hip, saying, “Security.”

“What…exactly was this panel about, again?” Min-ji whispered to her.

“Don’t know,” she grunted. Scarlett glanced at Turney on her other side, her poor baby zombie was just sitting there, red as can be, with his head in his hands. She lightly patted his shoulder as Theo, who was to Min-ji’s left, made a choking noise that she was pretty sure was just him struggling not to laugh.