11. Thy Enemy

T he hotel restaurant had been closed for renovations, though it was set to reopen tomorrow. They ended up grabbing some food at a small cart outside of the convention center instead.

The convention center turned out to be a literal bubble building. Just a giant stack of bubbles, with circular windows and round doors. Turney…had to say, it was more than a bit odd.

Inside, the floors were a cute dark-blue rubber duck pattern, and the walls were blue as well, just a shade lighter.

With a corn dog in one hand, his drink in another, and a box of curly fries tucked in the crook of his arm, he followed behind Octavius as the vampire slid through the crowd, down the curved hallways, towards the room with the panel they were going to. Like inside the hotel, he could smell the presence of other paranormals, even if the majority were still human.

Turney almost ran into the vampire when he suddenly stopped.

Octavius looked back at him. “I think this is the line to get in.”

He glanced forward and noted they were now at the back of a line that appeared to lead up to a set of double wooden doors that, like all of the rest they had passed, formed a circle. The numbers 613 were above in bronze.

Looking away from Turney, the vampire tapped the woman who was in line in front of him. The human looked back hesitantly, her expression changing slightly, even if it was still hesitant, when she, no doubt, got a good look at Octavius. “Yes?”

“Is this line for the What If Talking Ducks Were Real: The Believability of Mallard Mysteries Panel at 3:30?” his boyfriend asked.

A panel on talking ducks… Yep, that’s definitely something his boyfriend would be interested in.

“Ah, yes.” She smiled.

“Thank you!” Octavius chimed, before turning away. “We are in the right place! I imagine, they are either setting up, or we are waiting for the previous panel to end.”

Turney barely held back his laugh at the disappointment in the woman’s eyes as she was basically dismissed. Sorry, this statuesque crazy train is all mine, he thought. But…just to make it clear.

“Octavius.”

The vampire blinked cutely. “Yes?”

“Kiss.”

The man gave him a peck on the lips with a giggle, before a bright smile broke out on his face. Smirking, he glanced at the woman, flinching a bit at the odd, almost starry-eyed stare she was giving them both now.

Turney quickly averted his gaze, taking a bite of his corn dog. Once he was finished chewing, he asked, “How long do…panels last? I don’t think I’ve actually ever been to a convention before.”

“About an hour, I believe. This isn’t my first convention, but it has been a few years.”

“Few years, as in a few years , or a few years, as in…” He trailed off on realizing the woman was still eyeing them, and was likely listening.

“Your definition of a few years,” Octavius said with a laugh. “You’ve never been to a convention before?”

“Nope… Before I was focused on…my lucrative hobby, and then all of my money went towards school. It wasn’t really an expense I could rationalize. Well, that, and I didn’t have time, or people to go with…or a hobby that involved conventions.” He took another bite of his corn dog, before taking a sip of his soda.

To be honest, his life had been kind of boring beyond the racing. Was he boring…? Ugh…Turney guessed he was.

“Sounds boring,” Octavius hummed. “Well, now you have me to go with you!”

“I guess I was kind of boring before I met you.”

The vampire smirked. “I’d hardly call you boring, Turney. And if you were…you definitely wouldn’t be considered so now.”

“I don’t think anyone living with you could ever lead a boring life.”

Turney did his best to ignore the soft squeal the woman let out, as he was pretty sure he wasn’t meant to hear it. Octavius cocked his head, but he didn’t look back… Turney was guessing the man just didn’t care enough to see who or what made the sound.

“Well, Theo doesn’t live with me, but he lives close enough, and the man sure does try,” the vampire huffed. “‘Lay out by the pool’… Really?!”

Turney chuckled, and glanced forward at the sound of doors opening. “Looks like the last panel is getting out,” he noted as people started to filter out of the room.

“Yay!”

Turney finished his corn dog as they waited for the room to empty. The woman, thankfully, was no longer staring.

When the line started moving, he tossed the stick into the trash can they passed, moving the box of curly fries into his now free hand, as he followed Octavius inside.

The room was rounded, and he wasn’t sure why he found that surprising, but he did. The walls and floors were the same design as in the hallways. What also surprised him was how normal the metal chairs with blue cushions were. They had been placed in rows, leaving aisles on all sides, and one down the middle. Up front was an oval table, set on an elevated platform, with three microphones in front of three executive-looking wingback chairs.

“Oh, over here!” Octavius giggled, skipping ahead of others, once there was no longer a line to follow.

Smirking at how cute and excited the vampire was, he shook his head and trailed behind him. Octavius, of course, rushed ahead to the very front row. Going left, the male took the end seat closest to the middle aisle. Walking past the man, he took the seat right next to him, leaving the rest of the row empty still.

Luckily, the front row was set far enough back that they wouldn’t have to tilt their heads to watch. Was…it watching? Listening? Both?

Setting his drink down, Turney started eating his curly fries. He stiffened when the seat next to his was suddenly not so empty. The woman who’d been in front of them in the line, took the seat.

Oh…boy… He sent a hesitant smile her way, and was met with a megawatt one that was full of teeth.

“Hello!” She beamed. “I’m Stacy!”

“Hi… Turney…”

Octavius leaned forward. “Oh! Hello again! I’m Octavius.”

“So, are you two…” She cleared her throat, her eyes going back and forth between him and Octavius.

“What is she asking?” Octavius whispered. Right…the vampire did not always pick up on…social cues…or context clues…

“She’s asking if we are together.”

“Oh! Yes!” Octavius giggled. “We are.” The male straightened up and looped his arm through Turney’s happily.

Stacy looked like she wanted to say more, but luckily, she couldn’t, as the panel people arrived, walking up the two steps onto the platform, before sitting down behind the table.

From left to right, there was a petite woman, who was possibly in her thirties, with long blue hair that looked like an ocean wave, green eyes, and a pert nose. She was wearing a cute, puffy sleeved three toned sweater with a ghost on it—the main section being blue, with one brown sleeve and one red—black cargo pants, and black boots.

Next to her sat a tall, somewhat lanky man, in cargo pants and a Ducktective sweater. He looked younger than Turney, with long, light-brown hair pulled into a ponytail, and blue eyes.

In the final seat was another man, but he was the oldest of the three, looking to be in his forties, with short, graying-black hair, pale skin, a hawkish nose, sharp green eyes, and a pair of silver framed glasses. He was dressed the most conservative out of the three, with his heather-gray turtleneck, black slacks, and brown boots. All three smelled human to him, and each had a cup of coffee.

As for the audience, he could tell there was at least one werewolf in the room, and another vampire as well. Apparently, Octavius was not the only paranormal who was drawn in by a discussion on talking ducks.

A woman with long black hair and in a red power suit, who he just noticed as she was standing off to the side, cleared her throat. “Welcome to the What If Talking Ducks Were Real Panel. I am Jenny Hunt, the panel moderator, and I’m here to make sure everything is going as it should, and also to decide who is the winner of each debate.

“We have three members from the local mystery club here today, who participated in helping to set up this wonderful convention for all of you lovely Duckies out there. They will be discussing, and funly debating, about the believability of Mallard Mysteries in a world of talking ducks. Panelists, please, quickly introduce yourselves, before we get started.”

Duckies? Was…that…a nickname for the Mallard Mysteries’ fandom?

The sole woman at the table spoke first. “I’m Jane Prentess, currently a grad student at the University of Maine. I’ve been part of the Sudsberry chapter of the New England Mystery Club since high school, and am a big fan of Mallard Mysteries. A big duckie, for sure!”

Okay, then yes…fandom name. It was cute.

The brown-haired human went next. “I’m Jacob Williams, also a student at the University of Maine, but an undergrad. I joined the Sudsberry chapter of the New England Mystery Club three years ago, and love Mallard Mysteries.”

The man with glasses cleared his throat. He looked oddly smug as he spoke. “I’m Mathew Bardell, and I am far past the age of being a student. I’m currently a tenured Professor of Literature at the University of Maine. I’ve been part of the New England Mystery Club for a year.”

Turney found it interesting that Mathew didn’t mention Mallard Mysteries at all.

The moderator clapped once, grabbing everyone's attention. “Right, on to the first topic. This first one is less of a debate, and more of us quickly building a world to judge future questions on, along with expectations. What type of world would have talking ducks, and in what capacity are they talking? Let’s start off with you, Jane.”

Turney…had a few ideas about that himself, considering Octavius turned into a talking bat all the time.

Jane leaned towards her mic. “Well, in a world with talking ducks, to avoid the complications of trying to figure out the horrors of the food chain, let’s say that all animals, except fish and bugs, would talk in some capacity that we humans could understand. As for the language they speak, I imagine that would coincide with where they live. As for the cause, I think in consideration of the show, a polluted water supply would be the best course of action. As such a world allows us to question and compare to something similar, yet not the exact same as the Mallard Mysteries world.”

“Jacob?” Jenny asked next.

“I agree, for the most part. But to deepen this world we are creating, let me add something to this that is on the weirder side of things.” The man chuckled. “People trying to marry outside of their species.”

Considering Turney was currently—technically—dating outside of his species…it would likely happen…ugh. Nope…he didn’t want to think about animals dating humans. As much as he enjoyed watching the first season of Mallard Mysteries with Octavius, that plot line was still weird as hell to him, even after forty episodes.

Jane snorted and rolled her eyes, even if she did look amused. “You would bring that up, wouldn’t you?”

“Hey, even in Mallard Mysteries, we have a human trying to bang a penguin. I feel it’s only fair that the probability is mentioned,” Jacob said, looking unashamed.

The woman just shook her head. These two clearly had known each other a while, but then they were from the same club.

“I mean, he’s not wrong,” Octavius whispered to him.

“He’s not,” he whispered back in agreement. But not being ‘wrong’ didn’t make it any less of an unnecessary plot line, in his opinion.

Jenny chuckled. “Well then, what about you, Mathew?”

“Well, I can’t fully get on board with Jane’s ideas. Mainly as some animals wouldn’t be able to speak, due to their lack of vocal cords, such as giraffes or snakes. I also think, in a world of talking animals, it wouldn’t be all of them, even if we moved beyond the ones without the physical capabilities to do so. Mental capabilities would play a huge role.

“As for the pollution, I feel it’s a cop-out. The most natural course for a world of talking animals is one of natural evolution, either of the humans or the animals, which would make it a world that's vastly different from our own to begin with.”

Turney just…had a feeling that Mathew took things way too seriously, especially if he felt the need to bring facts into a discussion about a fake, imaginary world of talking animals.

Jane snorted. “Technically, most animals don’t possess the mental or physical capabilities to do so, beyond mimicry, which is why they do not talk, including ducks. Yet that is the world we must assume can exist for today’s debate.

“Instead of splitting hairs, why not just accept that while some may speak using sign language, which is just as valid as any other form of communication, that in some capacity, those who are able and willing, do speak.

“As for evolution, it would be an unfair comparison. There is no way a show could hold up logically when the development of the world it is being compared to is so astronomically different.”

Mathew grimaced. “You aren’t wrong…and I can…accept your version . I suppose, there is no point in bringing up reality, or what is natural, in this debate…or facts.”

“When the topic is talking ducks, natural reality and facts aren’t really that important,” Jacob laughed.

Mathew rolled his eyes.

The man really…wanted this to be more serious than it should be, it seemed.

“Well, with that question answered, let’s move on to the actual debate,” Jenny cut in, before anyone else could say more. “Before the main question, let’s get into the technical aspects. We have several talking animals on Mallard Mysteries, most notable, of course, being Drake Feathering, and his sweetheart, Samantha Pebble. The question is, are they believable as talking animals? Do the words line up? Do the voices? State the side you are on, and your evidence for your reasonings. We will go back and forth if we need to. Jane?”

Now that he thought about it, Turney had to say, the mouth movements for the animals that did talk in Mallard Mysteries—and not all of them did—were pretty well done… CGI? Had to be CGI, right? He wasn’t sure… But they lined up well, and the voices, in his opinion, also fit. Honestly, it was strikingly similar to when Octavius changed into something and spoke… Though, he hadn’t actually seen the crazy bat change into anything other than…a bat…

Jane cleared her throat. “Well, I find the voices we have heard so far, along with the, based on the credits, CGI used, to be believable. The movements of the animals’ mouths line up perfectly, and the tone of voice, along with the pitch, fit well with the corresponding animals.”

The human grabbed a remote off the table and aimed it back as the lights dimmed a bit and a projector turned on. Moments later, a small clip of the detective show appeared, demonstrating, in his mind, that she was correct.

Jacob was nodding a bit before he said, “I’m going to stay neutral on this one, as I don’t particularly feel strongly about it. Do the voices and mouths line up and sound fine? Yes? Could they be improved on? Possibly. But more in a personal preference type of way. As maybe they could express things a bit differently, or more grandly, or change a voice actor or two, over them being definably out of place or sync.”

“Fence rider,” Octavius grumbled with a soft snort.

Turney held back his laugh, eyeing the vampire whose lips were pursed.

“I suppose it’s my turn now,” Mathew sighed. Unless Turney was reading him wrong…the human…didn’t seem to find this fun, like the other two did. “Well, I can’t complain about the techniques the crew use, but the voices, however, do not fit. They feel forced and unnatural. And they lack character.”

“In what way?” Jane asked, brows pulled together.

“Well, take our lead detective, he is a duck, but the way he speaks gives no clue to that.”

Jacob snorted. “Do you expect him to quack as he talks?”

Mathew sniffed. “Shouldn’t he in the least? He is a talking duck. Even those who know multiple languages sometimes slip into their first, don’t they?”

The brown-haired panelist stated, “They do, but not all of the time. And he does sometimes quack, or make other random duck noises. It’s just not every time he speaks.”

“In my opinion, it’s not enough. They didn’t balance the fact that he knows, in this case, two languages; duck and English. Frankly, balancing the voices of any of the talking animals, is something the show failed to do.” Mathew reached over and grabbed the remote, playing a clip of his own. It showed a talking white duck…with a rather cartoonish voice, and a badly synced up one at that, in Turney’s opinion.

“In comparison, The Mysterious Quack made an effort to balance the voices perfectly with their animal identities.”

Turney looked over at Octavius when the vampire gasped. He was…outright glaring at the table now, and when he followed the male's gaze, he found it right on Mathew.

Jane sighed. “I feel that is an unfair comparison. The Mysterious Quack, while also a talking duck detective show, the premise is completely different. The animals are not speaking English, or any language beyond their own. It is simply that humans have evolved in that world to understand them.

“The duck detective, Barnum Jones, therefore, understandably, along with all of the other animals, have a more Donald Duck type of aesthetic. Except, one can actually fully understand them, even though they are not speaking any human language.

“The show purposely exaggerated the voices. And they used that as a point of humor as well, as the show itself, while serious, also tried to lean towards satirical. Either way, those types of voices would not fit Mallard Mysteries.

“To prove that point, they did not even bother to completely sync up the animal voices in The Mysterious Quack. Using it as a way to drive home that the words that we hear them saying are not what is actually coming from their mouths.”

That’s right, Jane , drive home the point, Octavius thought.

He glared at the dark-haired human. There was a hater on the panel…in the name of Mathew! Octavius bet the asshole trolled online too! The messaging boards for Mallard Mysteries were constantly invaded by trolls and haters. And like, Octavius had only been in the group for a few weeks!

It was hard to ignore that the most bitter of trolls were fans of The Mysterious Quack show.

Like, it was not THEIR fault that their stupid, unimaginative, pathetic little show was canceled!? So what, if the studio decided to renew Mallard Mysteries and not the other?! That’s their own fault for being so snide and uppity about the so-called superior humor, and for yelling at anyone who pointed out the truth of the matter…which was…the show was not that funny or fun.

Most of the jokes were just rude and mean… The special effects were the opposite of good, and the idea to not sync the voices up was a painfully stupid decision.

Octavius had also heard that the main writer and show creator had gotten into some sort of scandal. Well, according to one of the other Duckies he talked to.

Duckies being the official Mallard Mysteries Fanclub name, was honestly adorable. And in his opinion, it was far superior to the name of The Mysterious Quacks Fanclub…The Acks—more like hacks.

“Synced or not, seriously or not—and I believe a little humor, when it comes to talking animals, is fitting for any show about a duck detective—the fact remains, in my mind, the voices fit better,” Mathew stated falsely.

The other man on the panel scoffed. “You can’t claim they fit better when they don’t even line up, which was one of the biggest complaints about the show before it was canceled. While I’m in the middle for this question, if it comes down to it, I will fully back that the voices, along with the CGI, are meant to be realistic in Mallard Mysteries. The same can’t be said for The Mysterious Quack.”

Mathew looked to be about to say more, but Jenny spoke up then. “We are moving off topic, but as the moderator and judge, I can safely say that Jane wins this debate. Jacob, pick a side from now on, no riding in the middle. And Mathew, please make sure you have some sort of evidence to back up your claims. Personal preference is not evidence.”

Octavius smirked as the black-haired human grimaced.

“Next topic. We’ve talked about what the realities would be in a world with talking ducks, and also the technical aspects of Mallard Mysteries, so let’s finally move on to question one of two in our main debate, before the audience throws out a few questions of their own. The world itself in Mallard Mysteries, is it believable? Tell me why, and your reasoning. Let’s start with Mathew this time.”

Octavius’ hackles rose when the hater of a human started to smile…evilly.

“No, I do not think Mallard Mysteries is believable as a world of talking animals. The premise of why some animals speak and others don’t, doesn’t seem believable in the least. The scientific reasonings are illogical, and frankly, half-assed. Reasonings, they did not fully even explain, just rushed through.”

There was some soft gasping, and the sound of rumbling conversations from the audience in the moments after the disgraceful reasons were put forth. Octavius, however, couldn’t help but burst from his seat, pointing as he exclaimed dramatically, “You, sir, have exposed yourself as a HATER!!”

“Octavius!” Turney whisper-yelled. He glanced briefly over at the zombie, and found him oddly looking horrified. Ignoring his adorable yet…weird zombie bun, he met Mathew’s startled gaze.

There was a loud feminine throat clearing, before Jenny slowly said, “Umm… I understand debates can bring up fierce emotions, but please, hold back until we’ve reached the audience portion of the panel.”

Octavius took a deep breath and slowly sat back down, his eyes narrowed on Mathew. The human cleared his throat and looked away.

That’s right, human. I have my eyes on you now , he thought! If Mathew thought he could disparage Mallard Mysteries freely, without just reasonings, he had another thing coming!

Jacob chuckled and cleared his throat, laughing again, before finally saying, “Well…I won’t call you a hater, Mathew, but I think you sound pretty biased, and you may be misremembering a few things. As the reasonings were, in fact, explained in season one, extensively.”

“In your opinion, they were, when in fact they were not. They dropped some nonsense about the water supply being poisoned by a villain, but instead of causing harm, it gave certain animals the ability to speak. How is that even logical?”

Octavius let out a soft hiss… This…

“Octavius… Don’t,” Turney pleaded softly.

He let out a muffled, irritated hiss, while crossing his arms, and just glaring harder.

“I think you are confusing facts with opinions, Mathew,” Jane said stiffly. “Jacob is right, they clearly explain how it happened in season one. You not being able to understand something, or remember it correctly, does not change the fact that it did happen.”

“This has nothing to do with comprehension. The speaking animals in Mallard Mysteries were just poorly thought out. How anyone could think that showing a short five-minute clip of the past, is a well thought out explanation, is beyond me!”

“You haven’t even finished season one, HAVE YOU?!” Octavius bursted up again, ignoring Turney’s distressed sigh.

He smiled smugly as he heard the murmurs of agreement rumble through the room.

“Audience member, please, sit down and stay seated!” Jenny, the worst moderator in history, snapped.

“I will not be silenced! It is clear to any fan that this man,” he pointed towards the liar of a human, “has not even finished the first quarter of season one of Mallard Mysteries. If he had, he would know that episode nine was an hour-long special that showed every detail of what happened, explaining how the poison, as a bioengineered genetically altered virus was created, along with why some animals were hit, while others were not! He is a liar, and a hater, and he's not fit to be on this panel!”

Jenny's eyes narrowed, as the woman stared him down. Then, beyond belief, she removed her radio from her hip, pressed a button, and said, “Security.”

He sputtered, “You would dare to call security to hide the truth?!”

“We need backup, now.” The human had the audacity to add, “Unruly audience member.”

“Unruly?!” Octavius gasped.

The zombie, who was now hunched over with his hands over his face, groaned, “Octavius, for the love of…”

He huffed, stiffening as he caught sight of the smug smile on Mathew’s face. He glared. This wasn’t over…

Mathew, enemy of mine, prepare thyself, as I will have my revenge , Octavius swore in his head. Oh…that had been really dramatic. He should have said it out loud!

He glanced over at Turney and found his eyes narrowed on him, as the zombie shook his head, mouthing ‘don’t you dare’. He huffed, pouting. Fine…he wouldn’t! Spoil sport…

Octavius blinked—wait… How had Turney realized he’d been about to do something?