Chapter 4

four

Lily

Turning off the highway, I start traveling the winding local roads back to the center of Peacock Springs. Passing by the fields we used to sneak out to drink in during senior year, memories begin to pop up for me that I haven't thought about in ages. The party when Grant and I first kissed. Delia never was sure about him. River pulled away from being my best friend, but he did get closer to Grant—I assumed it was some sort of boy code. Stef and I would giggle while Nessa would ask endless questions about dating, kissing, and later more. Seth, also on the high school hockey team, would sit off to the side with a book and a beer clearly pilfered from The Featherweight. We were good kids, nothing totally out of the ordinary for seniors.

Approaching the more crowded suburban streets, I cross Independence Way, Dragonfly Lane, and Yale Court. The familiar signs boasting white letters on green metal standing tall and proud on silver poles. I weave my way through the neighborhood, passing the schools, and stop outside of a once-familiar house on Bangor Drive. The cloak of night shields me from the details of the tiny tudor, but it seems to be as I left it: Mom's flowerbeds are neat and trim. Dad has kept the lawn meticulous as always. The maroon sedan in the driveway leads me to assume Mom still gets the garage priority spot. There are no lights on, which given the time is nearing midnight makes sense. I sit staring, hoping to know why I am here. Closing my eyes, I can see myself here that last night.

Ten Years Ago

The black tea with lemon and honey's strong scent permeates the air while the mug warms my hands. I'm shivering despite the warm spring evening. The last twenty-four hours have been hellish.

"You'll go back tomorrow and apologize, Lily," Mom informs me sternly. "You'll tell him that you forgive the infidelity, that you'll never let his needs go unmet again and then you'll be sure to show him how sorry you are."

"You are suggesting that I am responsible for Grant cheating on me?" I'm incredulous and so disappointed.

"Lily, do not argue with your mother," is all Dad could contribute. As usual.

"Daddy? Really?" I'm on the verge of tears as I listen to the two people I hoped would take my side continue to poke holes in this awful situation.

I woke up to check my email on his computer and instead was greeted by a text message coming in. Landan Sherman, town darling, naked and thanking my husband for the night prior. She called him Candy Man . A nickname I do not want to delve into.

"Next, you'll go to James Kelly and create a plan to make things right with the Tourism and Business Committee. Maybe volunteer to give tours this year. Though, they may have other thoughts. The committee had an emergency meeting tonight," Mom primly continues, ignoring my question and moving forward with her agenda.

The committee. They meet at The Featherweight. I nod along, "I'll take it all under advisement." I agree before rising to leave for the condo across the square. I can't imagine doing any of this but I don't know what else to do. I am eighteen years old, I've been married for about seven months, and I'm not working or studying. I'm just here in this building that is the worst part of the Morgan's real estate portfolio that Grant promises he'll fix up. Someday.

Before it gets better, it is continuing to get worse. I'm regularly cleaning up after his college hockey team. Grant lets them use our home for parties, so there's always bottles of cheap alcohol and empty beers laying around. There are so many plastic cups: with dip spit, sunflower seeds, and lord knows what else that I clean up. I may not be in college, but I sure did get the whole living with the sports team experience it seems.

As I leave my parents' house, I text River and Delia together hoping someone worked tonight and overheard something. Before I'm back in the center of town my phone rings.

"Hey River," I answer.

"Hey. Listen, you need to pack your things and head out of town. Just for a few days while things get sorted and people cool off." He sounds stern. It's out of character.

"What do you mean?" I'm stopped in my tracks, staring at the black ring of grass from the tiny little fire I set this morning. I saw her naked thanks to the sex text message and snapped. I set his hockey gear, and some signed Wayne Gretzky thing on fire on the lawn.

"Where are you?" he asks anxiously.

"Scene of the crime, technically," I answer with an anxious giggle.

"Stay put, I'll be right there," he orders me. This is the most forceful I've ever heard him, so I do as he said. A few short minutes later, River jogs over in his usual jeans and bar tee. He pauses briefly before pulling me into a firm hug. The kind he hasn't given me since Grant and I started to date.

"Is something wrong?" I ask, feeling him shaking slightly against me.

"Please. You need to pack up and go. I'm sorry, the town council is going to make your punishment sitting in the stocks. I was in and out of the room when it was suggested… so I'm missing some details but I do know your mom agreed to sit out the vote but did not seem too upset with their suggestion. You'll have to do a day dressed up in the old timey garb with your ankles locked in the pillory stocks. You don't deserve this, but they can't get over it with the lawn still ma rked. Head out to Nessa or Stef's dorm. Visit a college. Think about what you want for you. They'll all calm down in a week or two. This won't last forever." Then he squeezes my arms before looking at me with the most pained expression behind his eyes. Unsure if he believes what he said, all I can do is I wrap my arms around his torso, bury my face against his chest, and let my tears fall.

"Thank you, I miss you," I choke on a cry.

Today

Looking down at those same keys in my hand, I miss that feeling of closeness with River. Maybe I should have tried him earlier. We've reconnected from time to time, usually over a social media chat, only to have things fizzle out. One of us stops sending as many messages, days run into weeks. Once months have passed it takes a while to start the cycle over again. It's not that I don't care about him, just when someone is out of sight they can fall out of mind. Unless I'm obsessing. Instead, River is this comfortable middle ground. A consistently-inconsistent piece of my life.

Pulling away from the curb, curiosity gets the better of me and I start to head towards the square. I want to see for myself. Did the fire leave a mark still, ten years later? I head towards Main Street, parking on the far side away from those damn stocks and forgetting this placed me just outside the salon, Curl Up & Dye, and The Featherweight.

I glance clear across the square and the first thing to catch my eye is the glimmering golden peacock statue outside town hall, an ode to the town's name. The grassy town center is infamous for the peacock habitat. Thankfully, it looks like the birds are locked in the housing enclosure tonight. Most years they break out and start trouble.

Like a peacock's train, there are vibrant pops of gold everywhere. Buildings decorated in deep jewel tones boasting shades of blue, green, and purple. There is always some sort of party and some sort of scandal. It is fun here, so long as you are the main character .

Pete scratches at the door and whines, so I leash him to go walk and find a place for him to relieve himself. Of course the dog pulls me towards the vet's office and bird habitat.

"Those damn stockyards are still in front of town hall," I grumble to nobody in particular as we meander the diagonal paths that intersect by the bird enclosure. On the southside of the square sits the florist, Seth's family bookstore, and the center of town gossip: the salon. Across the way on the northside are the library and a fitness studio where I took dance as a girl. Between the studio and the vet sits the condo, Grant's condo. On the top of all of these businesses are apartments the Morgan family owns.

The entire west side of the square is taken up by River Hendrix's family: The Featherweight bar & restaurant inside a giant Victorian home, a once abandoned back cottage, and lots of acreage leading to the river banks. This has been home to the town meeting point, bar, and much more for over two hundred years.

Lost in my own thoughts, I smack into something. Someone. Male. Very male. A wall of broad chest is directly in front of my eyes, with a dark T-shirt on it's no wonder I missed him. Gazing down I see a pair of jeans and well worn work boots that do not help me identify who the first townie I'll reconnect with is. I can feel his well defined pecs and arm muscles popping as he grabs my upper arms to steady me. Lifting my gaze I first notice a thick dusting of soft dark brown hair along his exposed forearms. Further up I can see the same color but much rougher hair scruffily dusts his chin and cheeks with a day old beard. There isn't quite enough light to place him.

I glance back down to Pete who has wound himself around us at the ankles. Leash tethering this mystery man to me. I smell pine and leather. Something purely masculine. He guides me a step or two, slowly, with soft light steps like a dance, towards the lamp light.

I take in the blue-green eyes that have added more lines since the last time we stood here, embracing like this. "River?" I ask, breathing out a bit shaky, like he is the answer to a prayer.