Chapter 26

twenty-six

Lily

December 25th

It's only 6:45 a.m.! Someone better be in a serious pinch because nobody should call me this early. Something is ringing non-stop. In surround sound. I roll over to try to grab my phone off the nightstand but accidentally knock the damn thing on the floor. Across the room my tablet and laptop are making noises too. It's like I was dropped into the middle of the alarm clock torture circle of hell. I throw off the covers to try to find a device and make this noise stop.

This is the worst week of the season. Christmas week. When every guest is here with family, every staffer wants to discuss what they are missing about their family, or their family visits, or they leave to see family. Family. Those of us left behind end up having our own sad party, usually with too many drinks. One benefit of Denver is making friends happy to smoke a bowl, turn on a comedy, and eat snacks before going to sleep. I shouldn't be so cranky after doing exactly that last night, I just have never been a morning person when there isn't something exciting on the other side of the alarm.

Oh my gosh, the ringing needs to stop. Who the…River?

Stretching my arms overhead, I pick up his video call grinning like a fool before I notice his slumped posture. Oh no, maybe someone is hurt? His hair is mussed showing obvious signs of stress finger combing, he's blushing, and his gaze almost sheepish. He takes one arm overhead to scratch at the back of his neck. I try not to drool when it causes his arms to flex and show off the corded muscles that he's honed hauling boxes.

"Hey." His voice is soft, almost breathy. "Umm, so, our troublemaker friends gave me my gift at closing the other night. It's a ticket to Denver." He is definitely blushing.

"There's a handful of breweries and cool places I've wanted to check out that way for how to make more improvements to The Featherweight, and I've heard really good things about Voodoo Donuts, and well… are you up for a visitor?"

"Of course! Why do you look so overwhelmed? When is the trip? I bet I can get you set up with a room, maybe even borrow the car if you need. I'll even look over the list of places you want to go. But why are you so overwhelmed? Why so early… it's six forty-five." I pause, trying to reel myself in.

I've gone from half-asleep to sitting up and as excited as a kid on, well, on Christmas morning. Am I being too enthusiastic?

River gives another hesitant breath. "Well, that's the thing. The ticket is for—it's for the first thing in the morning. I'll be there tomorrow. Would that totally ruin your week? Is it okay if I come from the twenty-sixth to the thirtieth?

A tiny part of my lizard brain takes him asking to come from tomorrow until just before the New Year and wants to flirt. Thankfully, the part of me who can see his anxiety wins out and I beam a megawatt smile and try to give reassurance.

"Ruin my plans? There's nothing to ruin. I don't have many shifts this week because I worked on Christmas Eve and later today. No, I can even try to switch the few shifts I do have to be with you most of your trip." I pull up my calendar to confirm and nod aggressive affirmation. He's still hesitating.

Finally, he works up the nerve to say, "What about, um, I think we did okay when you were here. Can you handle a roommate for a few days?"

It's my turn to get nervous. My gaze darts around the room: a lumpy full size mattress day-bed doesn't compare to his comfortable king. It's going to be a really tight fit. I don't know if he's okay with that. Am I okay with this? Do I want to ask him? I'm too scared to find out. We can make it work, it will just be extra snuggly.

The questions start to flow as I look around. Kitchenette: Do I keep real food beyond snacks here, ever? There are dishes in the sink. Eyeing a growing pile of laundry on the floor, because I never bothered to buy myself a hamper, I wonder is the laundromat even open today? Oh shit! The battery powered boyfriends are hidden under my pillow. Need to move those.

Can I have River Hendrix in my space for multiple nights? Will this add up to a complete disaster?

Before my brain can tell my mouth what to do I hear myself saying, "Absolutely, I can't wait!"

As soon as we hang up, I switch on music and rush to clean up, dancing as I go. This is officially the best Christmas I've had in a very long time.

Group Chat: Bad Bitches [Stef Santos Manolo, Lily Long, Delia Shane, Nessa Rabin]

Lily:

I don't know why you did this, and I don't know if this is a terrible idea. But thanks?

Delia:

He actually called?

Stef:

Clearly!!

Nessa:

Merry Christmas, I'm going back to sleep before the movies with my siblings

Chinese takeout container emoji fortune cookie emoji peace sign emoji

Ripping the sheets off the mattress, the toys flop over to the side. Grabbing my rolling suitcase I drop the laundry in before tossing the sheets in too. I block the door with the suitcase so I can't forget this task now. Next, I take the slew of toys off the floor and into the bathroom. By dropping them on the in-shower shelf it'll be a reminder to clean them and put them away before he arrives.

I'm always behind on these kinds of tasks because once it gets dropped in the middle, I go move on to something else and forget. I pop over to the kitchenette to toss anything that cannot be salvaged into the trash. As much as I value my semi-permanent lifestyle and using only what I need, I'm also terrible without good motivators. It feels like I'm always rushing. At least this one is on the ADHD lists I've started to review, it's an executive dysfunction : task initiation, time blindness. All these terms are just fancy ways of saying it was never about being lazy .

First step is to throw out stuff that has too much mold to salvage. Flicking the faucet handle to the hottest setting I wait for the stream to get closer to scalding. I rinse out what can be saved before tossing it into the mini-countertop dishwasher, silently thanking the previous tenant for leaving it behind.

Suitcase in hand, I walk to the laundry room. It's not locked, thank goodness!

I sit watching the machines swirl soapy water while listening to the audiobook from Nessa's latest pick for her book club. It's fun and a little spicy so time passes easily. I'm able to power through multiple loads because nobody else does laundry alone on Christmas Day, making finishing up and hauling it back upstairs not too challenging.

Unpacking the now-clean clothes I hear the husky male narration hit a micro-trope I find hilariously gendered. The men tell their friend before his big date with the female protagonist to rub one out and avoid being tense. It's always the men who suggest it, do it, make cracks about being a ‘two-pump-chump' or unable to focus. As if we don't also get too excited before… someone like your childhood male best friend is going to be sharing a full sized bed with us. I release an audible groan in frustration, these are the last thoughts I should be having.

Dropping the fresh hand towels over the bathroom rack puts my toys in my line of sight. With that visual cue my brain reminds me: object permanence: forgetting things that aren't in your face. Another executive function. Right. I'm supposed to clean and store them .

Better not forget this task, it's too important. Too much potential for embarrassment. I swap over audio to my bluetooth speaker and figure I'll wash them and myself at the same time, might as well get everything clean in one shot. This will not be the shower though: no shaving, nothing that cues myself that I could impulse jump him. That will work, right? Lathering up with a silicone-safe antibacterial product wash, for sanitary purposes, I scrub each device and thoroughly rinse them.

The whole day has my pulse going a million miles per hour. With the narration taking a turn further into the spicy parts of their physical intimacy, that pulse has started to settle lower in my belly. You know what, maybe his friend's advice isn't a sexist trope I'm excluded from. It's certainly not a bad call knowing River will be in my bed tomorrow night.

I sit a bit awkwardly against the shower floor, choose the water safe wand toy, and power it on. Water droplets sluicing downward warm my body and add prickles of sensation I can't anticipate in my own head. One thing I've learned since the mechanical sex life I had early on with Grant was that my brain and body crave variety. Sex was originally like cheat code orgasm video games: click A-B-X-B-X and finish. Once I had that first anonymous hook up in the fraternity bedroom, I knew it could be different. Something fun, something unexpected each time. With the audiobook narration behind me, I force myself to focus on what I hear and feel. To settle into my body and ignore my brain's non-stop commentary. Simply allow the tension to swell within me.

Except, my brain refuses to cooperate. One fleeting thought of Grant and… ugh. No. No thinking about Grant! Focus, Lily. Focus on the gravely nature of the narrator's deep voice. He's in the shower too, he's got his palm against cold tiles, do you feel the cold on your back, Lil?

Okay, I'm almost present again… I swear, does anyone else have to redirect their brains to stay focused on something as good as this? Maybe I should ask Dorothea next… no… shower, cold tiles… okay, his broad chest with a small patch of curly dark hair. Soft and smooth. Like when I accidentally touched River in bed. River's emotion laden eyes looking right into mine. The way he ran his hands over my hair and consoled me. Oh shit!

"Fuck," I moan, knowing going with it is my best bet right now. It's only a flight of fantasy, it's not real. My nipples get even tighter, and the drops of shower spray continue to tease them softly like wet kisses. My body is tingling and my breath hitches.

My mind drifts back to laying in River's strong arms. The soft bit of hair below his belly button leading down towards his boxer briefs… and lower. I start to imagine what peeling him out of his boxer briefs would be like, when that big cresting wave hits me.

Relief and relaxation course throughout my body and I slam my head back against the wall with a chuckle. Either I just got it out of my system, or this is going to be an interesting few days.