Chapter 13

thirteen

River

"Lily Jayne Long, you are going to be the goddamn death of me," I huff as I pull her through the crowd.

We snake our way towards the staircase before I shove her into the coat closet along the wall, closing the door behind us. As I follow her into the space, I realize this is too cramped for more than one adult. Fumbling for the light switch, I find myself accidentally grazing her body including the curve of her breast.

Drunk and angry Lily is someone I only saw once, and that girl set her ex-husband's hockey gear on fire. Why she's so mad now is a mystery. She was doing fine, until I lost sight of her for a few minutes. Something may have happened. I've been watching the crowd: no signs of Grant, Landan, or her former in-laws, no terse conversations with Susan, no run-ins with her Mom and Dad, at least that I saw. I'm stumped and frustrated because Jim needs to sign off on every update I make on this property.

"Lily, Jim is not a narc." I am desperate to be patient but he's a thorn in my side. "But he is the head of the Historical Society. I have to keep him happy to get approvals."

Looking up through her lashes, I watch her blink back tears. Staring at the ceiling. Within a few shots with the group she is as drunk as last night.

Shit. Peering down, I notice that like last night she went from feisty to swaying in a blink. I want to keep this as quiet as possible for her so I text the group:

Group Chat: PS HS+ Lee [River Hendrix, Nessa Rabin, Delia Shane, Seth Whitter, Lee Carter, Stef Santos Manolo]

River:

SOS. Maid of Dishonor passed out. Gotta carry her up

Help distract ppl

Stef?

Lee:

On it, dude.

I hear Lee's deep timbre, "Mom, Mrs. Santos-Manolo, have you had a chance to talk to Nessa tonight? We were thinking that instead of the church wedding, we might do everything with her officiating. She had some really interesting ideas to share."

Nessa jumps in. "Well, of course, we'd include facts about God being a woman and a pagan moon ceremony." Their voices retreat.

With Lily's arm draped over my shoulder, we hustle up the stairs. "Come on, sweetheart. Let's go get you water and some rest."

A tap on her ass meant to be sportsman-like makes my cock twitch, leading to thoughts of spanking her while naked. Nope. You're not going there. Do not do this to yourself. She's leaving. This is a one-time visit. Right?

That traitorous bastard tries to convince me otherwise, stealing blood from my brain. Lily is maid of honor and you are co-best man with Stef's brother Mateo. She's going to have a bunch of wedding-related reasons to be here over the next year. Placing her on the mattress and smoothing her skirt down, I remove her sandals before tucking her in.

Remembering this party impacts the overall impression of my business for the town, I refocus. I return to the party and check in with each station and employee along the way.

As guests dwindle, I send team members home, leaving just the couple, Seth, Nessa, and Delia behind. The room has settled into quiet, and I'm surprised to hear creaking on the steps above.

Lily appears bleary-eyed and a bit disheveled. She's pulled her hair into a ponytail that swishes across her neck, and her dress has been replaced with my oversized T-shirt from last night and bike shorts. She's managed to put on two different socks. She looks at home and it causes my heart to squeeze. That prickle becomes a full ache when she rubs her eye before searching the room.

"Belinda left after she saw me, didn't she?"

Twelve eyes land on her. Nervous energy is palpable, nobody knows what to say. Her eyes cannot hide her mix of relief and disappointment. She's like a cornered animal, she could bite or run away at the wrong sound.

"Did I ruin your party?" she laments before the women pull her into a big group hug.

I wish I was soothing her, and Seth can tell. He elbows Lee, "Congrats, you got River the best gift for your wedding. Sad, drunk, dream girl."

"Oh fuck off," I scoff as Lee smirks. He is too happy to watch the chaos unfold.

"Delia, you're my shift lead for breakdown tomorrow. I'm not taking this abuse after I threw an extremely discounted"—pointed look at Lee—"party. Do not clean out the bar without a plan for restocking."

I glare at her and Seth, who make wide eyed innocent faces my way.

"10-4 boss, clean up crew and restock the bar after Seth and I clean it out! No problem," Delia shouts as I stomp up the steps.

I scrub a hand down my face. "Not what I meant, Deals! I hate you all…" I grumble and a chorus of "We love you too, River!" sing-songs up the steps and echoes. I proceed to collapse with my face in the pillow and stifle a scream.

I'm exhausted and overwhelmed, but there is a soft knock on the apartment door. Opening it gingerly, I see Lily pouting.

"I can still stay here right?" As if I could say no to her.

Before I can answer verbally, she steps up and wraps her arms around me.

"Please, don't make me walk over to Delia and Nessa's and cause there to be more chatter about me. Just let me sleep?"

Pulling her lightly closer into a full embrace, I feel her body go slack and my muscles loosen. Once sitting down together, her cries resume and gain strength. Unsure what to say, I hope my fingers can convey comfort by running lightly through her soft waves up the nape of her neck. I guide her head so she can rest on my shoulder.

"I saw Belinda. Almost knocked her over entering the ladies' room. When I came out she was gone. Didn't say a word. Not even sorry or excuse me like I was a stranger. I was nothing. Air." Then she lowers her voice, "She's so disappointed in me, she has barely spoken to me since the fire."

There's a relief in her voice. A hope that someone will believe her and maybe even take her side. Ironically, if she asked any of the people downstairs still cleaning out my mid-tier spirits, they would even if she was in the wrong.

"I called Mom from the road, but she tried to convince me to come back. She was trying to bait me that she was just looking out for me. She just wanted to help. I knew I needed at least a few days, and told her I was going to see Stef. When I called her a few days later she decided I was probably the problem with Grant. She started to ask me the most invasive questions. ‘Did you make sure that he was fulfilled, sexually? Were you working on your cooking enough? Was the house spotless? Were you too needy? Moody?"

Blowing her nose, she took a minute to compose herself. "Anyway, at no point did she actually, you know, blame Grant for sleeping with Landan. Or even blame Landan! Fuck, if you were going to blame a woman, couldn't you blame the chick who screamed that he was her Grant as if she didn't dump him for someone else? I mean, fuck, Mom demanded I come home and beg for his forgiveness."

I understand the gravity better now. The fortress around Lily's heart was not just Grant's betrayal. It was Belinda's.

Lily was stuck in the trap of the good girl syndrome. Nessa's Feminist Romance Book Club would be proud I listened. They also would tell me not to mansplain, so I continue to sit and let her process.

After another twenty minutes, I hear the apology in her shaky voice and cut her off, "Lil…" She gazes up at me, her brown eyes ringed red but the tears have finally slowed down. "You know that's all about her right? I can't sit here with you and believe for a minute th e woman who has been traveling the globe solo could believe in any way that she is weak, incompetent, or unworthy."

She leans back against my chest, and my heart races with an anger I want to hold in to focus on her comfort. It feels impossible to strike the right balance.

"First, I'm going to try to not be that guy who fixes anything because I don't believe that you, Lily, are broken at all. Next, I'm going to tell you a bunch of things you know but I think are important for you to hear. Now. Tonight." My arms pull tighter, and I worry the force will crush her but she sinks into the pressure.

"You're amazing. You have been since you first arrived in elementary school, you are loving and creative. Friendships are work, I have done a terrible job being your friend, haven't I? You sent the girls puzzles in three bags and notes across postcards. You made games for them to connect even when you were away because you wanted to be part of things too. Meanwhile, I chased a ghost here and prayed my small travels could land me in the same place as you. I should have asked if you needed a friend. Every place I traveled, brunettes with a snarky mouth made me double-take."

Our gazes meet and the intensity of this moment isn't lost on me. I am in awe, and she looks completely confused.

I wish I could explain how once a drunk Grant started to talk about Landan at his bachelor party, I wanted to interfere. So many days and nights I've been torn up over guilt. I wanted to beg her not to go through with it, I wanted to interrupt when the priest said speak now or forever hold your peace. Except, I can't do that to her now. No, not after she told me how the divorce didn't just move her away from everyone, or sever the relationship with Grant. No, the divorce was also between a mom and daughter. I owe her such a large apology, and I can't give it to her. If I take Lily back ten years, she'll fly off and not look back again. I would ruin things for Stef and Lee.

Before I can figure out what to say next, she presses the softest kiss on my cheek. I hold her tighter, and she's nestled into my lap—curled into herself like a little ball. Looking over her shoulder at Pete, I realize she's curled up remarkably similar to her dog.

With a soft and low laugh, I ask, "You ever hear you and your dog are pretty much the same? "

She giggles in return and says, "In my previous life, I think I was a Shiba. I'm high energy, emotional, I want you to touch me on my terms only, and I love naps. Thank you," she kisses my cheek again and I contemplate just turning my head slightly and capturing her mouth with mine. Before I can, she yawns and drifts off to sleep.

Glancing at my phone I see the time: 3:33 a.m.. I reluctantly follow her example and drift to sleep with her in my arms one more time.