Chapter Thirteen

"I have to tell you, Cole, initially I wasn't sure what to make of this new book when you told me about the romance angle."

It had been over three years since he'd last sat in his agent's office. He'd been Ned Thatcher's first author, and the two of them had become close, working long hours together to make sure his debut novel was ready. Once he'd sold it for foreign rights and hit all the bestseller lists, Ned had acquired other thriller authors in his roster, but the two of them had a special relationship, and Colson knew Ned would always give him a straight-up opinion, whether he wanted to hear it or not.

"No? How come?"

Ned made a face. "Come on. You write gruesome shit. I was leery that people would want to read about someone thinking about sex after viewing dismembered bodies."

Thinking of Harper and all he'd seen, Colson shrugged. "I don't know. I think it's life. Sex and love can often play against violence and the ugly."

Ned narrowed his eyes. "Are you speaking from experience?"

Dammit . He should've known Ned would want more than a cursory response. Colson shifted in his chair. "Well, yeah. My house and a neighbor's were broken into, and I've become friendly with a detective on the case."

A tiny grin worked its way to Ned's lips. "Oh, yeah? Friendly as in getting inside info for the book?"

"Uh, well, we haven't really gotten to that yet."

Ned whooped. "Is that because you're too busy getting it on? Halle-fucking-lujah."

Colson stared at him. "Whoa. Okay. I had no idea you were so invested in my personal life."

Ned grew serious. "I hated seeing you struggle. Burnout is the worst, and you're so talented, I know you have more in you. It was Evan's fucking around, am I right?"

God, he hated dissecting his personal life, even if it was with someone he knew well. He might be right to attribute part of the problem to Evan, but it was more than that. His first two books had flowed from his mind to the page, and when he'd struggled with the third, he listened to the demons in his head whispering, not good enough, not strong enough, not man enough. His parents had shut the door on him, and his grandparents were gone. It was easier to retreat than fight those ugly internal voices.

"I mean, I don't know. It was definitely a combination of a lot of different things that sucked my confidence dry. But this thing is only casual. Nothing serious." Although he seriously wanted to see Harper again and not have to wait a week.

"Whatever it is, I'm all for it. The more I read of the story, the more I liked it. I could tell there was something different in your writing. I don't think I've ever read emotion from you like this." Ned met his eyes. "I like it. Yeah, your detectives have had personal issues, but romance, even if it's closed-door or sweet, whatever the heck the industry is calling it, adds depth and another dimension to the plot."

There was nothing like a little validation to shore up one's confidence, and Colson wasn't above lapping up the praise.

"I'm glad you like it. I hope the readers respond the same way."

"Being honest?" All joking aside, Ned put on his agent hat. "I won't lie. Some readers won't appreciate a romantic relationship."

"Because it's gay?" he challenged.

Ned snorted. "More likely that it's any type of romance. You've never been into writing that genre." A slow smile crept over his face. "I know you're saying it's casual and blah, blah, blah, but maybe you're feeling things you haven't in a long time, and it's something you want to celebrate in your new book."

"Slow down, lover boy. I haven't put out anything new in three years. I need something to draw in new readers, and romance is a huge seller. I'm itching to try something new, and this came so naturally to me. Hogan's wife, Bea, read it, and she said it worked for her."

Assessing his response, Ned seemed to accept it. "Okay. You know I represent all genres, especially from an own voices author, and I have to admit, I'm enjoying this book even more with the romance you've put in like breadcrumbs. It humanizes the detective and makes him relatable on a different level than just another police procedural. Tell me more about how it's going to play out."

Relieved that Ned understood, Colson was happy to share. "As I'm seeing it, the two men will work together to solve the case, while at the same time filling the emotional space inside each other. One's never experienced love, and the other is recovering from a failed relationship."

"And is there going to be sex in the book? Just thinking ahead to marketing."

Colson pondered a moment. "I don't think so. It's not necessary. I can show the physical part of their relationship without getting explicit. It's really how they learn to interact with each other emotionally."

"Good, good." Ned took some notes. "It needs some polishing here and there and a little work on them evolving from more than a physical relationship. Right now it sounds like they're basically in it for the sex, and I'm not sure how that's going to work with your readers." He peered over his glasses. "I'm sensing this is more true to life than fiction. You don't have to answer."

From his burning cheeks, Colson knew he didn't need to. Ned knew already.

"Now, tell me about this new guy. A detective, huh?" Ned's smile broadened. "Nothing like a man in uniform. Or someone who has a big…gun."

Groaning, this time he buried his burning face in his arms. "I can't believe you said that."

Ned laughed. "Yes, you can."

Colson raised his gaze to the ceiling. "God, you're right. I've forgotten your sense of humor. The crazy thing is, he thought I was planning a murder and almost arrested me for trying to kill my neighbor."

"You've got to be shitting me."

"Nope." As he relayed the story of his first meeting with Harper, Ned's face ran the gamut of expressions, from shocked to incredulous and finally amused.

"That is one hell of a story, and it belongs in a book, because no one would believe it in real life."

Colson could joke about it now. "You're telling me. And every time we've met since then, there's been this strange…attraction. At first I didn't let myself think too much about it."

"But eventually you did, and boom , huh?" Ned snickered.

He and Ned had always talked freely. They were of a similar age, and Ned had grown up in the neighboring town of Westport, Connecticut. He understood how Colson had grown up and why he'd run away from that life.

"Yeah, well, whatever. We hit it off. But like I said, we're not in a relationship. We see each other when we can."

Ned shrugged. "It's okay to experiment and step outside your comfort zone. If this booty-call arrangement works for you, don't sweat it."

"Okay, well, getting back to the book," he said, steering the conversation away from his personal life, "I'm hoping to have it finished within a few months. I have someone giving it a thorough read-through chapter by chapter."

Ned nodded his approval. "Sounds good. When it's ready, send it to me, and I'll give you my take." He seemed to hesitate, and Colson braced himself. "I'm happy you're writing again. I've missed working with you. I have plenty of other authors who can write and have great sales, but you were my first. You'll always be special to me."

"Damn you for being so nice," Colson pretend-grumbled. "And thanks. It's been a hard road of return, but I think I'm finally on my way." Knowing Ned had always been straight with him, Colson was curious to get his opinion on Harper. "Can I ask you something?"

"Fire away." Ned checked his notes.

"It's not about the book. It's personal. About my situation with the detective." He couldn't help it. Harper not spending the night bugged him, and Colson wanted a second opinion.

Ned set the computer mouse aside. "I'm all yours. What's up?"

"What would you think if you were with someone and they said they couldn't spend the night, ever?"

"I'd say they were married," Ned answered promptly and frowned at the implication. "Is that what's happening with you and the detective?"

"Yeah, but he swears he's not married, not in a relationship, and has no children. All he says is that it's complicated."

"Sounds fishy to me. And you believe him when he says he's not married?"

"I don't know why, but I do. Am I a fool?"

Ned sighed. "No, of course not. But you might be willing to give him more of the benefit of the doubt because he's the first person you've been with since Evan and you're lonely."

Colson's smile was wry. "You mean I'm a sucker."

Ned didn't laugh. "No. And there's obviously something there that you find worth pursuing. But you've always been too trusting. That's why you have me, to run interference for you, at least when it comes to your books." Colson could see Ned's mind spinning. "Does he only want to see you directly after work? That's a dead giveaway."

"No, that's the thing. We've seen each other on the weekends and during the week. One time he stayed until around two in the morning, then left."

None of it made sense to Colson, and he knew there was something Harper deliberately wasn't telling him. The little he did know of Harper, if he pushed too hard, Harper wouldn't push back. He'd simply walk away.

And losing Harper wasn't a risk Colson was willing to take.

Ned steepled his fingers in front of his face, and Colson waited. He'd always appreciated Ned's insights. He'd been the first to suggest—gently—that no, his books weren't a fluke because he was stuck on a blank page. The success he'd had was so unexpected, and the resulting pressure to perform played tricks with his head. Ned had told him to take as much time as he needed to figure out how to breathe again.

"I think…you like this man. More than like. You're interested in him. You're not one to have sex so easily, so the fact that you're willing to accept his terms means you see something worthwhile in him and possibly something growing between you." He paused. "Aside from what has to be great sex—because let's face it, that's what you're not telling me but has to be true, otherwise you'd tell him to take a hike." He grinned, and Colson fervently wished the floor would open up and swallow him. "But all kidding aside, you must feel like there's potential for something more permanent with him. Am I right?"

"I don't know. It's funny. We started off on the wrong foot, and yet for some reason, we keep returning to each other. When he leaves, I say to myself, ‘Next time I'm going to say no.'" He sighed, frustrated at being so weak. "But somehow no becomes yes."

Ned's eyes were shrewd. "You know, there are tropes in romance for a reason. People laugh, but it's true. And two of the favorites are enemies to lovers and lust to love. Think about it."

He was about to ask Ned what the hell he was talking about, but they were interrupted by a call. Ned made a face. "It's the president of the agency. I have to take this. I'll call you after I've read the manuscript a second time, with a more critical eye. The first time is to see if it hooks me. Enjoy yourself with the detective, and don't get too caught up in the hows and whys. Eventually it will either run its course, or you'll find out the reason behind his secrecy. In the meantime, have fun. You deserve it." He winked, and Colson left with a lot to think about.

During the car ride home, he sent Harper a text.

Dinner tomorrow night?

He didn't receive an answer until he was home.

My tour ends at eight. Is that okay?

Colson sighed. Harper couldn't be with someone else yet come to him directly from work.

Yeah. How about Italian?

He named a restaurant in Dumbo with a view of the river.

Sounds good. Meet u there about 8:30.

OK

Dinner in public was safe. No getting naked within five minutes of seeing each other.

***

"This is nice." Harper glanced around the restaurant. They'd gotten a prime seat by the window, where they could watch the twinkling lights on the bridge and appreciate the Manhattan skyline. "I don't usually get out for dinner."

Colson sipped his wine. "No? You eat at home every night? You must be a good cook."

Harper finished chewing a piece of bread. "I'm usually too tired."

Their server appeared, and he ordered the eggplant parmigiana while Harper ordered the rigatoni Bolognese, and they split an appetizer of fried zucchini.

"I hadn't noticed." Colson grinned. "You seem to have plenty of stamina when you come by."

Harper's eyes gleamed in the flickering candlelight. "I guess the thought of you naked gives me superpowers."

Colson choked on the wine. "Jesus," he muttered, but he couldn't deny the thrill that shot through him at Harper's wolfish grin.

"I will admit that as hot as you are without clothes on, you're looking pretty damn fine tonight." Harper's gaze devoured him, and Colson shivered but held strong.

"You don't look half bad yourself, considering you've been chasing bad guys all day." Colson figured turnabout was fair play, and he ran an appreciative eye over Harper. He wore a well-fitted charcoal suit with a blue-and-white checked shirt and a bright-blue silk tie that brought out the icy blue in his glittering gaze.

"Do you like being a detective better than a beat cop?" he asked.

"A uni? Yeah. I wouldn't want to be out on the street these days. I'm glad I'm not in Homicide, though."

"Are you in a special division? I've worked with some detectives in Major Case and Homicide when I was researching for my books."

Their appetizer came, and more wine was poured. Harper crunched on a piece of zucchini. "I'm in Central Robbery, which handles a wide variety of cases, and I was lucky to be able to get assigned to a precinct near my home. Once I gain more experience, I can move if I want, but right now I'm fine where I am." He stared out the window. "I've seen enough death in my life."

Stricken by the sight of what he believed to be tears glistening in Harper's eyes, Colson covered Harper's hand with his. "Hey. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up sad memories."

Harper turned, showing him a face filled with so much pain, it hurt his heart. But then a hesitant smile curved his lips, and he turned his palm up to slide his fingers with Colson's. "Maybe it's time to create some new ones. We can start after dinner?"

His intention was to have a night of talk and discovery. There was so much more Colson wanted to learn about him, but it was impossible with Harper's hand in his. His touch warmed every part of Colson numbed by his own loss and pain. They'd taken a first step tonight, and he wanted miles more.

"Come home with me."