Chapter Ten

At two in the morning, Harper felt guilty leaving Colson sleeping, but nothing, not even the very delicious mouth of sexy Colson Delacourt, would keep him from spending the day with David. At home—but still thinking about the incredible sex—he shot off a quick text to Colson.

Thanks. I had fun.

Even though he'd come home late and it was his day off, he was up before the sky brightened to dawn. He made coffee and planned the day around their visit to the zoo and feeding time, as it was David's favorite thing.

He made them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches—heavy on the jelly for David since Harper worried about him choking on the sticky spread. Also turkey and cheese, blueberries, and cut-up nectarines. They'd get ice cream afterward, and then Harper would take him through the park and let him see the petting zoo.

As a special treat, he'd take David for a frozen coffee drink, and they'd have pizza for dinner and watch a movie. It was a routine they followed, and both looked forward to it.

Yawning and stretching, Luis walked into the kitchen. " Mmm , do I smell coffee?"

"Yep. Help yourself."

Luis poured a cup and joined him at the table. He took a sip and sighed. "I'm surprised you're up so early." He grinned into his cup. "Considering you came home so late. Have a good time?"

Avoiding the question, he asked one of his own. "I could ask you the same. It's your day off. You should be sleeping in."

Luis shrugged and drank more coffee. "I'm always up with the sun. And I have some stuff to do. So, did you have fun?"

If getting his brains rearranged by Colson's wicked tongue could be considered fun, hell yeah, he did. It took Harper an hour after he'd gone to bed to come down from the high of the evening.

"I guess so."

"Gonna see him again tonight?"

Harper, who'd been thinking about when he could pay Colson a visit, worked his jaw. "There's no one and nothing to see. This is my day with David."

Luis gave a weary sigh. "It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. You can have a special someone."

"Been there, done that," he clipped out. "You know how it ended."

"Yeah, because Ronnie wasn't the right guy."

Harper set his mug on the table. "But I thought he was. And I brought him here into David's life, thinking that maybe…I don't know."

"Yes, you do," Luis pressed. "You wanted to be a family. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I misread him. How could I have been that blind?"

He'd met Ronnie while testifying at a trial. One of the perps he'd collared had been accused of attempted murder, and Ronnie DeMarco was the hotshot defense attorney. Initially, during the case, Harper had been antagonistic toward him, but once it was over, they'd found common ground, especially in bed. It was the first time he'd been pursued with flowers and dinners at restaurants he'd only read about, and Harper, starved for human affection, had opened himself up and fallen in love.

The only sticking point in their relationship had been the time he gave to David. Ronnie would say he understood, and when he met David, treated him kindly, yet after they'd been together three months, he'd begun to drop subtle hints that David would be happier in a group home where he could socialize with others like him. He'd try and get Harper to visit places where he said David could live and Harper could see him on his days off. Harper would look at the brochures and toss them into the trash.

The final straw happened at the park one day. He'd left David with Ronnie to use the restroom. He'd come back to find David sitting alone, parked by the side of a bench. After fifteen minutes, Ronnie had returned with the excuse that a client called and he'd had to meet him at the park entrance to receive some critical evidence.

"Come on, baby. He doesn't even know what the hell is going on around him. He was fine."

Shaking with rage, Harper pointed a finger in his face. "You left a defenseless person alone. Anything could've happened to him."

"You're obsessed with taking care of someone who's one step from being a vegetable."

Stricken, Harper took David, put him into the van, and left. He'd deleted Ronnie's number and blocked him.

That was the last time he'd allowed anyone into his heart.

"When you want something badly enough," Luis said, "you miss the cues. I believe he cared about you, but he cared about himself more. But there are other good people out there."

"I can't afford to trust again. You remember how upset David was that day. Being pushed into a corner, left alone…he could've been traumatized. And he liked Ronnie—I could tell he didn't understand why he was here one day and gone the next."

"I think you don't give David enough credit. He understands how much you love him and that you would never let anything hurt him." Luis rinsed his cup. "But I also think he wouldn't want or expect you to spend your life caring for him to the detriment of your own."

"He needs me," Harper maintained stubbornly.

"You have to fill that well at some point. You're not a machine, Harper. All you do is work, come home, and take care of David. Yeah, you love him more than anything. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve to find someone to love you."

Harper closed his eyes for a moment, recalling Colson's kisses and the heat of his skin, how his blue eyes glowed when he came.

"I'll be fine. I am fine."

"Maybe if you keep telling yourself that, you'll believe it's true." Luis imparted those words of wisdom before leaving the room.

He glared at Luis's back, but the effect was lost as he disappeared.

Harper knew better. He saw the worst of humanity every day. People were shit and would always disappoint you. That was why he loved spending time with his brother. David's pure innocence and sweetness made him believe that all wasn't lost, that there was still some good in the world. He glanced at the monitor showing David's room and saw that he was up.

"Time to rock and roll."

***

"Look, David. Look at that big guy up on the rock." Harper pointed to the big black seal lying in the sun.

David moved his head and made barking noises.

"That's right. He sounds just like that." Harper set the baseball cap on David's head to shade his face from the sun. "And here comes the person with their food."

A park employee walked into the seal enclosure with two buckets of fish. All the animals began to bark and swim in circles. From experience, Harper knew it would be a show. It was what they'd come for, and Harper loved seeing the excitement on David's face.

"Mommy, I can't see. I wanna see."

At the tap on his shoulder, he faced a young blond woman, her hair pushed off her face by a pair of oversized designer sunglasses. She was decked out in head-to-toe high-end athletic wear.

"Excuse me, but my son wants to stand by the gate to see the seals being fed."

Harper shrugged. "I'm sorry, but my brother wants to see them too." He figured that was polite.

She, however, wasn't finished. "But that's not fair. He doesn't even understand what's going on. I mean, look at him."

"I wasn't aware you were privy to his medical records and understood the extent of his brain injury. Now if you'll excuse us." He turned around, and David was smiling at the seals jumping in the air.

"Unbelievable. I've never met anyone so rude. Come on, Mason. We'll find a space over there."

"But this is the best spot," the kid whined.

"I know, but this man doesn't care. He's being selfish."

"Excuse me?" Harper knew he shouldn't respond but couldn't help it. " I'm being selfish? Look in the mirror. It wasn't me who started this. Now please leave us alone."

They finished watching the seals and traveled throughout the zoo. Unfortunately, everywhere they went, the woman and her child were there, and she encouraged her son to run up to the front before David could get to a good viewing spot.

At lunchtime, Harper took David to the picnic area, and they ate their food. He cut up David's sandwich into small pieces and fed it to him, then gave him some fruit. While wiping David's face, he saw tears in his eyes.

"What's wrong, buddy? Does something hurt?"

David frowned and made a whining sound. It broke Harper, knowing David's mind was alive, yet he couldn't make his needs known. He had a feeling it had to do with what had happened at the seal feeding. David was extremely sensitive to the emotions of people he came into contact with.

"Mommy, I want ice cream now."

Harper's nerves twisted in a knot. It was that little boy again with the obnoxious mother.

"Mason. Stop staring."

Of course, little kids never did what they were asked.

"What's wrong with him?" The kid pointed at David. "How come he can't walk? He makes funny noises."

Harper's eyes burned. He hoped the mother would have some decency and tell her son that wasn't a nice thing to say.

"Mason, come here. Now. Stay away from them."

The contempt in her voice was like icy water thrown over him. He packed their things and tossed the trash into the bin. As he wheeled David away, tears were running down David's face.

"Hey, buddy, it's okay. Don't be upset." He made it out of the zoo and into their van. "Let's go for our coffee drink." But David wasn't having any of it, and Harper recognized the signs. David was in a full-fledged breakdown. A rare occurrence, as David was a sunny, good-natured man. The last time that had happened was after he'd told him their mother was dead.

Harper decided to head home. Hopefully the familiar surroundings and quiet would calm David. One of his favorite movies always put him in a good mood. On the drive home, Harper cursed the woman whose insensitivity had set this off.

It was a struggle to get David inside, and Harper tried to settle him with the promised movie and some juice. None of it worked, and Harper couldn't stand to hear the ugly sounds of him crying and wailing.

He stood in the kitchen, careful to keep an eye on him while remaining out of David's line of sight. As rare as it was for David to have a tantrum, it was even more shocking for Harper to lose control. The weight of everything crashed into him, and he leaned against the wall, his head buried in his arms.

"What happened?" Luis put an arm around him, and Harper, embarrassed at being caught out, rubbed the wetness from his face.

"Long day." He forced a smile.

"Come on. I know you can fake it better than that."

Harper allowed Luis to steer him to the table. "Sit. I'll go check on David."

"No, Luis. It's your weekend off."

"Shut up, man." It was said with such affection, Harper was ready to burst into tears again.

Luis returned. "He's sleeping. I emptied his colostomy and urostomy bags and cleaned him up."

"Shit. I can't believe I forgot to do that." Furious with himself, he banged his fist on the tabletop.

"Harper, it's okay. Tell me what happened."

As he relayed the story, Luis's face grew dark with anger. "I swear some people shouldn't have kids. I don't blame the little boy. He learns from the parents."

"David got so upset, and it was such a good day until that point. But how long should he sit there and listen to cruel jabs and people talking about him like he doesn't exist? I can't blame him for getting upset. Anyone would. I should've gotten him out of there sooner."

"He'll be okay," Luis soothed. "It happens. Sometimes you get children who are kind and loving, their parents good, decent people. Like the two little kids we met in the park a while ago. They talked to David naturally. They looked at him, not right through him." A sly grin crossed his face. "Their father is friends with your victim."

"Which one?" Harper asked distractedly. "I have a lot of satisfied customers."

"I told you—Colson Delacourt."

Harper was proud of himself for not moving a muscle. "Oh, him."

Luis rolled his eyes. "Yeah, him. The tattooed hottie."

"Listen, I'm going to take a shower and go for a walk. I'm still too upset to sit around. Can you watch him for an hour or so?"

Luis took him by the shoulders. "Take as long as you need—I'll keep the monitor on just in case. I have no plans for tonight. All I'm gonna do is watch the game on television. And your screen is bigger than mine." He winked. "Stay out as late as you want."

"Yeah, sure, whatever." He stood, then bent to give Luis a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for the talk."

Upstairs, he took a cool shower, which washed away some of his anger but not all. Still edgy and restless, he put on shorts and a T-shirt.

"Going out. Be back soon."

"Take your time."

He stopped by David's chair. "Hey, big guy. How're you feeling?"

David smiled and made kissing noises, and Harper was relieved to see he'd returned to his usual calm frame of mind. When their mother died, David had withdrawn for a month, refusing to let Harper lift him from the bed, barely eating. Afraid he was going to waste away, Harper had broken down and cried, begging him not to leave him as well. They'd clung together, and Harper had promised never to leave David alone. Together forever. He'd always have a home with Harper.

"You want me to stay home with you? We can order pizza."

Luis waved him out. "Me 'n David are watching the game. You go ahead. I've already ordered a pizza, and there's chocolate pudding. It's going to be a party." He held Harper's eyes. "We're going to be fine."

Harper kissed David's cheek. "I love you. I'll see you when I get home."

Shoulders hunched, he walked out into the steamy night. He took a detour through the park, walked up Squibb Hill to the promenade, passing the tourists hanging by the railing, pointing at the famous skyline of the city and the span of Brooklyn Bridge.

None of it moved him.

Eventually, he found himself at the base of the stairs to Colson's town house. He should be home. David needed him. He should—

"Harper?" He looked up to see Colson standing at the open door. "Are you okay?" Colson descended the steps. Worried blue eyes met his. "What's wrong? You're sweating like crazy."

He stood still, and Colson held a hand out. "Come on."

He took Colson's cool hand in his overheated one, and they walked inside the air-conditioned house. They remained in the foyer, and Colson continued to hold his hand.

"I was sorry you left before I woke up."

"I had to get home."

"Why?"

Harper curved his hand around Colson's nape and pulled him close. "So much talking when we could be doing this."

He covered Colson's mouth with his.