Chapter 3

Ican't believe I jerked a man off last week. I can't believe I did it and I didn't hate it. In fact, I kind of liked how Yuri fell apart in my hands. Because of my hand.

Under other circumstances, I wouldn't have come near a man's cock. It's not something I thought about. There's nothing wrong with men being into men, I just didn't think I would ever be in a situation where I would willingly touch another guy's dick.

It's not like I haven't looked at men and thought they were good looking. Sure, I can say a man is good looking objectively, but never wanted to touch them or anything else. But for three grand per session, I can do that, no problem.

Besides, it's not like touching Yuri is a bad thing. He's an attractive guy, his dark brown hair full and thick, longer at the top and cut close on the sides. His dark blue eyes were friendly and open, like he's an honest guy that wasn't trying to do any predatory shit. And against my better judgement, I zoned in on his mouth, how it quirked into a smile and noticed how plump his lips were. I felt butterflies in my belly. Very unfamiliar butterflies.

Aside from the weird butterflies and weird feelings I can't analyze right now, I actually enjoyed what I did to him. I enjoyed the challenge in his eyes when I told him I could get him off in three minutes or less and make it good for him. His cocky grin pushed me that one small bit for my resolve to harden—no pun intended.

Wrapping my hand around his length was a weird experience. It felt different than my own, thicker and longer for sure. While I'm not a slouch in the dick department, Yuri deserves his name of Houston Stallion. His cock has to be around eight inches and coke-can thick. Whoever takes that up the ass is a champ. I wonder if I could.

Nope. Not going there. With effort, I shove that thought from my head.

But hot on its heels, I find myself curious of if I can fit him in my mouth. Jake told me as Yuri's fluffer, I might have to blow him if staring at my ass or jerking him off wasn't effective. God, what would he feel like in my mouth? Would I be able to open wide enough? Will he fuck my throat like I've done to the chicks that sucked my dick?

God, these thoughts. What is going on with me?

After my job interview, as Jake called it, he told me I would be needed on set this week. He said he'd call me with Yuri's schedule when they penciled in his scenes. While I nodded and pretended like I was okay, I was a nervous fucking wreck. Jerking him off with just Jake around was fine. Could I do with sound people, cameramen, and other fucking porn performers around?

Man, I can't believe I'm working on a porn set now. I told my other job I was taking a job elsewhere and no amount of extra hours would bring me back. I scoff, thinking about how my boss told me he'd give me a couple hours extra overtime a week if I stayed. Like working myself even more into the ground for little pay was an appealing option. I was getting paid per session what they paid me in two months at my old job. And Jake guaranteed me at least five sessions a month. Even if I just hung around set, showing Yuri my ass, I'd be getting paid. So why would I want to break my back stocking shelves when I could get paid to watch people fuck, let Yuri look at the ass I worked so hard to perfect, and give him the odd hand job?

I'm not sure what all this says about me—that I'm willing to jerk a man off for money. Or that I didn't hate it and actually liked how his cock felt in my hand. Or how, God help me, I kind of want to feel it in my mouth. Am I gay now? I don't think so. I still look at chicks and think they're fire as fuck. But I keep thinking about Yuri's dick—how hard he was, how big he is, and how sexy he sounded when he came—and think that's fire as fuck too.

Ugh, too much thinking, not enough answers. I get off my bed and head to the kitchen, making a protein shake before I head to the gym. I don't have class today, so I can stay for at least two hours. It's leg day, so I want to get as much rest as I can. I also may be thinking about doing some squats so my ass looks extra good for Yuri.

I tip my head back, wondering what the fuck has gotten into me since last week. I touch one dick and now I'm desperate for it.

Dario enters the kitchen, grunting at me as he walks to the fridge. Now I see why he comes in so late some nights. After he told me what he really does, he told me that he sometimes stays late to finish up sets so the actors can get started right away instead of waiting for him to finish the next day. He must have had one of those long set ups last night.

"Hey, man," I mutter, shaking my protein shake. "Long night?"

"Yep. Jake wants to do a bar scene and we had to build it from the ground up. It looks good, but it took forever to get right." He sips on some of the almond milk he poured, looking at me over the rim of his glass. "Can I ask you a question?" he asks after he swallows. I indicate he can while I'm sipping my shake. "Are you mad at me?"

I raise an eyebrow and swallow. "For what?"

"Because I didn't tell you what a fluffer was."

"Not really mad. Maybe a little pissed. I mean, you could have told me. I probably still would have done it. It's good money and it's not like I have to be in front of a camera or let someone shove a dildo up my ass for three grand."

Sighing, Dario puts the cup down. "I owe you an apology. I thought it was funny, you not knowing, but I didn't think about how fucked up it was that I dangled money in your face to do something you might not have wanted to do."

I nod, appreciating his apology "It's cool, man. Thanks for the apology." I pause for a beat, then decide to go for it. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"What does it mean if I liked touching Yuri? Like, I've never touched a man's dick before like that, but … I liked it."

Dario shrugs. "Doesn't have to mean anything." My eyebrows furrow, not sure what he means. "You don't have to overthink it. But if you want, we can talk it through to see where your head is."

"Yeah, let's do that."

"So, you liked touching Yuri?" I nod. "Would you want to touch him again, if money wasn't involved?"

Would I? Thinking about it, the weight of his cock, the feel of it, how smooth and hot his skin was, how flushed red his cockhead was. My mouth waters and I have my answer. "Yeah, I would."

"What about someone else? What about me, if we weren't cool." He gives me a lopsided grin when my eyes grow wide. "I'm not attracted to you or anything. This is hypothetical."

I shake my head. "I don't think so. Like you're good looking or whatever," Dario rolls his eyes, "but no. Someone else? I'm not sure. I've never looked at a man in a sexual way before. It's always been objective. Especially in the gym. I'd see a guy with nice quads or a shredded back and wonder what his routine is. I never found myself wanting to know what his cock felt like in my hand." My face flames at the conversation we're having, but I need to discuss it to figure out what I'm thinking.

Dario finishes his milk and rinses his glass. Who just randomly drinks a glass of milk like that? "Sounds like it's just Yuri. Maybe him and his overly large cock just do it for you." I bark a laugh. Yuri does have a bigger dick than any man I've ever seen, even for a porn star. "You might be bi or pan, but if you don't want to label anything just yet, that's cool. There's no rush to figure things out. You can come to terms with it at your own pace."

"Are you gay?" I blurt out. I never thought to ask, but now I'm curious. Especially with how smoothly this conversation is going. Most straight guys wouldn't react like this. They'd probably work for a gay porn studio with how much Jake pays, but I'm sure they wouldn't be cool with standing in our kitchen, talking about Yuri's big dick.

"Not gay. Pan. I like everyone as long as we click. I don't worry about much else if that makes sense."

It does. I've heard about pansexuality. I haven't really thought about where I would fall on the Kinsey scale myself. I always thought I was straight.

Guess Houston Stallion has proven me wrong.

"You might not be pan," Dario continues. "You could be bi and lean more towards women. It's not a fifty-fifty split. You don't have to like men and women equally." I nod, understanding what he's saying. "You don't have to rush to put a label on it. Do some research and see if something clicks for you."

Yeah, research will help. Maybe my feelings about Yuri will make more sense when I can find something that fits for me.

Glad I had the talk with Dario, I thank him and go to my room to grab my gym bag so I can get a pump in. I shout to Dario that I'm leaving and drive to my favorite gym.

When I walk inside, I beeline to the mats in the corner to stretch my muscles. There's nothing worse than working out with cold muscles and being too sore the next morning to function. Besides, I need to be as loose as possible for leg day.

As I stretch my quads, I let my mind wander to Yuri. Houston Stallion. I will admit that after I pumped him off, I checked out a few of his videos. I've watched porn before, but I usually focused on the woman. With two guys fucking, I had no choice but to focus on the dicks on the screen. On the tight holes being plowed. On Yuri.

My mouth hung open the entire time I watched the first scene I clicked on. Even though Yuri is fucking huge, he was gentle with his partner. Even when he was pounding their asses hard and rough, I could tell he took care of them, making sure they only felt pleasure and wanted it how he was giving it to them.

Earlier when I was talking to Dario, I didn't mention that I wanted to be one of the men under Yuri, taking his cock like the guy he seems to always get paired with, but I can't face that kind of humiliation. I can't tell Dario that after one time jerking a man's dick that I want it in my ass.

That's crazy, right? Going from fucking to getting fucked? But I can't stop thinking about it. When I watched the second video, I imagined it was me. In the scene, they were missionary, with Yuri staring the man in the eyes. I wanted that. Even though I don't know Yuri, I wanted that closeness and affection and gentleness from him as he rolled his hips and fucked me good.

I'm so confused and so horny.

"Clay?"

My head snaps to the right and I see Yuri standing there with a gray racerback tank top and black shorts that show his toned thighs and sexy calves.

Wait, they aren't sexy. They're, like, regular calves. Who the fuck am I kidding? They are. He is. Dammit, why is this my life right now?

Shaking my head, I clear my confused thoughts and give Yuri a smile. "Hey. What's up?" Good, my voice sounds normal.

"Not much. You work out here often?" He pulls his water bottle from the bag slung over his shoulder and takes a sip. My greedy eyes track how his throat moves as he swallows and desire swirls in my belly. I don't know when I started thinking men drinking was hot as fuck, but nothing I think makes sense anymore.

"As often as I can." I stand up, thankful I didn't get hard watching him drink and imagining him swallowing my cock with those same motions. "I've never seen you in here."

"Yeah," he says, moving his bag higher on his shoulder, tucking his water away and looking around the gym. "A friend told me this place had better equipment than the shitty gym near my apartment. I have to agree. It's more expensive than my normal gym, but I like it here." He looks back at me suddenly, pegging me in place. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

I almost swallow my tongue. "Huh?"

He smiles and I can't help how my heart trips in my chest. Fuck, do I like him? I'm so fucking confused. I need to talk to someone about this. I don't have many friends, so who? Maybe I'll give Dario all the details so he can help again.

"I'm working tomorrow. I have two scenes. One with Trev." He steps closer to me and drops his voice. I can feel the heat radiating from his body and I have to suppress a shiver at his proximity. "I can't stand him, but people like us fucking for some reason. I need someone with magic fingers to keep my dick hard." He looks pointedly at my hands and I suddenly don't know what to do with them. I drop them to my sides, then ball them into a fist and slide them into pockets. I'm a fucking idiot.

"Oh," I say dumbly. "Yeah. I'll be there. I haven't gotten a call from Jake yet?"

He grins again, stepping back. Yuri must know the effect he has on me. Why would he be wearing that self-assured grin if he didn't? "Is that a question?"

"No. I mean, yes? No. No," I stammer. "I haven't talked to him. He told me he'd get me your schedule."

"Well, now you know. Here, give me your number." Yuri pulls his phone from his pocket. "I'll text you when I'm working. Jake is a good guy, but he's juggling like twenty actors and probably forgot." He looks at me expectantly and I rattle off my number.

Yuri punches it in, then I hear my phone buzzing from my bag. "Now you have my number. Call or text me if you need anything. I'll send you my schedule later."

"Yeah, okay." My eyes ping pong everywhere but at his face. When he stares at me, it's like he can tell what I'm thinking. Like he knows I enjoyed touching him and want to do it again. Or that I want to know how his big dick feels inside me. God, would my virgin asshole even know what to do with all that cock? Highly doubt it.

Before he leaves, Yuri looks me up and down. "You look good."

I do choke this time, suddenly coughing and my eyes water. Once my coughing has subsided, I croak, "What?"

"Like you work out a lot. What program do you use?" He smiles broadly when I stare at him blankly. He definitely knows what he's doing to me.

"Umm, I make it myself. I plan my own … workouts."

"Good to know." After looking me up and down again, making goosebumps break out over my heated flesh, he smirks and pulls the strap of his bag higher. "See you tomorrow, Clay."

Walking backwards, he keeps eye contact with me until he's by the door, then turns to walk out with a light chuckle. I'm stuck in stunned silence, looking after him.