Chapter 12

Sleeping in my own bed is weird and I don't love it. I've been staying over at Yuri's for a few weeks now, only coming home to grab a few changes of clothes so I'm not wearing his clothes all the time. But last night, I told him maybe we needed a bit of space, so we could make sure we want to be around each other all time. I wanted to see if I was being clingy or if I really wanted to spend all my time with him because I enjoy it.

Well, I've seen it and I know I want to spend all my time with him because I enjoy his company. A lot.

I barely got any sleep last night, so used to lying on his chest, feeling his whole body wrapped around me. Sleeping by myself now fucking sucks.

Rolling out of bed, I sit on the edge, rubbing my tired eyes. I woke up no less than five times in the middle of the night, trying to slide closer to Yuri or wrap his arms back around me. I was always disappointed when the space behind me was cold and empty.

I press the heels of my palms into my eyes hard, starbursts popping behind my lids. God, I'm fucking strung out on Yuri. There's no other way to describe it. I feel like I need to be with him to feel complete. The one night we've spent apart in weeks tells me that.

Deciding I'm not going to wait any longer to be with him, I grab a quick shower and pack a bag for a couple night's stay. There's no way I'm going to get a terrible night's sleep two nights in a row.

My exit is halted though when Dario walks out of his room, giving me an up nod. "What's up man? Heading to see Yuri?"

I give him a quick smile, glancing at the door. "Yeah. We wanted to sleep alone last night, give each other space, ya know?"

Dario gives me a knowing look. "And you were fucking miserable, huh?"

Blowing out a long breath, I drop my bag and run my fingers through my hair. "Yeah, I was. I'm surprised you didn't hear me tossing and turning all night."

Dario laughs, shaking his head and clapping me on the shoulder as he walks past me to the kitchen. "It's cool, man. I'm glad to see you both happy." He looks over his shoulder at me, a pained expression on his face. "I'm still sorry about not telling you what a fluffer was. I should have just said?—"

I raise my hand, cutting him off. "It's cool man. You've already apologized for it. Besides, I think you did me a favor. Had you told me what it was, I wouldn't have taken the job or met Yuri."

His expression still looks guilty. "Maybe, but I still feel shitty about it."

Walking over, I pat his shoulder. "Chill, dude. I don't know what else to say. You'll give yourself an ulcer if you keep worrying." He smiles faintly at me. To get him out of his head, I ask, "How's set design? I've noticed a lot of new things built."

Dario's smile is genuine now. "It's going well. I've been thinking of exploring carpentry or architecture or something. I didn't know much about designing until I started working at Carnal Desires. Now, it's like I have a knack for it."

"You do. I know you have a team you work with, but people defer to you. I've seen it. I'm sure you'll do well with whatever you want to do."

He smiles. "Thanks man. I appreciate that. Maybe I can branch out and do more than set design for Carnal Desires. Like, I don't know, making custom furniture? Designing floor plans or some shit?"

"I don't see why not. I think you'll succeed no matter what path you take. Go for it."

He nods, then pulls his lips in. After a moment, he says, "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot, man," I say, pulling a bottle of water from the fridge.

"You and Yuri. It's serious?"

Grinning around the top of the water, I nod. "Yeah, I think so. It's serious for me. I think I love him."

"Whoa," Dario murmurs. "That's big. His job doesn't bother you, right? If it does, get out now before you get hurt or you hurt him."

I like the fact that Dario is worried about both of us. He shouldn't worry though; I have no intention of hurting Yuri and I know he won't hurt me. His job isn't something that would ever bother me. I like watching Yuri way too much. "Doesn't bother me at all. I actually like watching him work." My face heats, but I keep eye contact. "Yuri and I have discussed it. It's no big deal."

Nodding, Dario says, "Yuri is a good guy. I wish you both well."

"Thanks, man."

Before we can say more, my phone rings and I fumble pulling it out of my pocket, hoping it's Yuri. If I can't be with him, at least I can hear his voice. But my brother Tommy's—the oldest brother after me—name appears for a video chat.

Eyebrows furrowed, I answer. "Hey, Tommy." It's not like him to call me during the day. It's not unheard of, but he's usually busy with classes or studying. We tend to chat closer to dinner time.

"Hey douche. You busy?"

"Thomas!" my mother scolds him and I laugh as he ducks his head.

I lean back against the counter, settling in for our conversation. Dario indicates he's going to his room and I salute him as he walks out.

Looking back at my phone, I tell Tommy, "Nah. I'm heading out to see … I'm heading out."

I'm not ashamed to tell my family I'm involved with a man, but I don't want to do it over the phone. That's a conversation to have face to face.

"Open up," Tommy says, jarring me back to the conversation.

"Huh?"

Three loud knocks sound at my door and I whip my head around. Hurrying over, I look out the peephole and almost shout with excitement. Throwing open the door, I see my entire family—my brothers and my parents—standing there smiling at me.

"Guys! What are you doing here?" I let them in and welcome a hug from my mother first. She rocks me back and forth and I close my eyes, soaking up the feeling of being in her arms. I've missed her.

Since I've been in school, the most I've been able to do is video call everyone. I haven't seen my family in person in years, though we talk at least three times a week. With Max, it's more like five times with him telling me all his random and new facts.

Everyone gives me a hug, talking over each other as they greet me. When we separate, I glance around. "Not that I'm not happy to see you all, but what are you doing here?"

My father slides his hands into his pockets. "We have some news we want to share with you. Instead of telling you over the phone we wanted to surprise you."

"You drove here?" I ask incredulously.

"Heavens no," my mother says, waving me away. "We caught a flight. Way more comfortable than sitting in a car for hours on end. Did you know it takes twenty hours to drive from Jansville to here?" She shakes her head like she can't believe it.

I shake my head too, unaware it's such a long way. I never thought of driving home, as I hate driving too far and I'm glad I didn't try. It would have been a miserable trip.

Remember my manners I step away from the door, and gesture for them to take a seat in the living room. My brothers are about my size—all except Max, who's still lanky but will definitely grow into his frame—so them sitting on our couches makes them look miniature. My mother sits in the only recliner, my father perched on the arm.

I sit down, looking around at them, a smile plastered on my face. "It's good to see you all. I've missed you guys." I try not to get choked up when I realize they really are here, not on a phone screen. "How long are you staying?"

"We have a flight heading out in three days. We figured we'd hang out with you for a bit," Tommy says, bumping my shoulder with his.

"Yeah, for sure. Where are you staying?"

Max rolls his eyes. "Some fleabag motel. Dad said we can't afford anything better."

"Maximus!" my mother chides him, making me laugh as I remember her doing the same to me when I said some shit I wasn't supposed to.

Dad looks a little ashamed, but he's supporting a wife and four growing boys that live at home with him. "Yeah, well, I splurged for flights down here."

Wanting to take the heat off him for trying his best, I wave them away. "Let me help. I can get you all an Airbnb so you can be more comfortable. If you're going to be here for a few days, I insist. I'm sure you can get your money back for at least two nights, if not a full refund from the hotel."

"Your job must pay well to afford that. I didn't think big box stores let you shell out dough like that and pay your tuition," Tommy says suspiciously. He always knows when I'm not telling the whole truth. We're close enough that we know each other's tells.

Though we talk often, I haven't been able to find the words to tell Tommy about Yuri or Carnal Desires. I want him to know everything, but how do I tell my brother that I'm suddenly into dick and I have a boyfriend? Or at least I think Yuri is my boyfriend. Yuri and I have never talked about labels or what exactly we mean each other. In this situation, I wish we had. Then I would really have something to tell him.

Coming back to the conversation, I say, "I've been saving. It's cool. Let me pull up the app and see what they have."

It only takes me about fifteen minutes to find a house nearby that's available. Then I follow my family in their rental to their hotel so we can pack them up. Max is right—this is a fleabag motel. It looks like it hasn't been renovated in over twenty years, smells musty and stale, and has peeling wallpaper. I'm glad I'm able to get them out of here.

Being a fluffer definitely pays well enough for me to do that for them.

I chuckle when I think about my job. I get paid to suck Yuri off when I'd happily do it free. Hell, I do it for free when we're alone. Before I left yesterday to go back to my own bed, I showed him just how much I've learned and perfected my skills. The way he writhed and thrust into my mouth had me wanting to stay and do it again and again. Thinking about it now has me wanting to get him alone, just so I can make him feel that good again.

Snapping fingers in front of my face pulls me out of my thinking. I'm sitting in the room Tommy claimed for himself in the rental as he unpacks his things. "Earth to douche bro," he mutters, and I slap his hand away.

"Stop calling me that," I say, shoving him lightly.

He plops beside me and leans back on his elbows. "You're not telling me something."

I shrug, looking down. I want to tell him so badly, but I don't know how. How do I broach the topic and still keep my relationship with my brother intact? He's not homophobic—our parents raised us to accept everyone except people that are shitty to waitstaff and mean to animals—so I'm not worried about that. What I'm worried about is how he'll react because I didn't tell him about a relationship I've been in for months. We tell each other everything. Will he be pissed that I didn't tell him this?

"Spit it out," he says, bumping me.

Sighing, I look back at him. "I'm seeing someone."

"Yeah?" he asks, grinning. "What's she like?"

Here it is, the moment of truth. I won't clam up and tell him it's a girl. I won't do Yuri like that when he means so much to me. Instead, I change the pronoun and add some emphasis so Tommy knows it's not a slip of the tongue. "He's great. Smart. Hilarious. We talk about everything all the time. He's …I'm in love with him."

I look back at Tommy to see him grinning. My racing heart slows down when I see that he's nothing but happy for me. "You're in love? Holy shit! I never thought I'd see the day. What's his name? When can we meet him?"

Laughing nervously, I blow out a long breath. "His name is Yuri. Um …" I wipe my hand down my face, not believing the turn of events. I should have known I could trust Tommy not to judge me. "I didn't think you'd take that well."

"Why? Because he's a dude? That doesn't matter to me. As long as you're happy, you know? So, when can we meet him?"

"Yes," my mother's voice comes through the door and Tommy and I turn around. The door must not have been shut all the way. Fuck, how much did she hear? I should have known. My mom always had a knack for overhearing things. She could just be walking past and hear something we were trying to keep a secret. "When can we meet this young man? Yuri, is it?"

Swallowing roughly, I say, "Yes, ma'am. Mom, don't be mad."

Tommy may have taken it well, but he's not my mother. My parents never pressured us to settle down or give them grand babies or anything like that, but I'm sure she had a plan for me in her head. Like me with a wife, two kids and a dog, living in a house with a white picket fence or some shit. I don't know if I want those things at all, but if I do, I want them all with Yuri.

She steps further into the room, giving me a confused look. "Why would I ever be mad at you, Clayton?"

My shoulders sag as I try to find my words. "Because I'm with a man."

She scoffs with a laugh. "Oh please, Clayton. You've always done your own thing, as long as it made you happy. I expect nothing less from you now. Besides, you being gay doesn't matter to me. You're still my son and I love you."

I fight not to get choked up, but it's a near thing. "I'm not gay, Mom. I'm … I'm bi." It's the first time I've said it out loud, but I know it to be true.

After the night in the club, I sat and really thought about what I like. Even though I didn't want anything sexual with the guy, Jensen, I found him attractive. I wasn't opposed to how his body felt pressed against mine and how his half hard cock rubbed against me. Then I thought back to how much enjoyment I got out of watching Yuri fuck and who he fucked. I watched his videos mainly for him, but I liked seeing other dicks swinging and being sucked and jerked off.

So yeah, I've come to terms with the fact that I like men and women.

Mom steps closer to me, pulling me into her arms. "That's just fine, dear. I'd like to meet the man that makes you so happy. He can be there for our news as well." I shudder against her, thankful that I have her stamp of approval, though I would still want to be with Yuri if I didn't have it.

Not being able to tell my mom no, I tell her I'll ask Yuri to join us for dinner. She pats my cheek and takes her leave, but before she goes, she glances over her shoulder at me. "Tell the rest of your family, dear, so they won't wonder why you're kissing some strange man over your burger." I bark a laugh as he takes her leave as if she was never here. I look over at Tommy, stunned.

He just chuckles. "You know how mom is. Call your man. Tell him he's invited to dinner."

Rolling my eyes, I sit back on the bed. "Yeah, I guess I have to. I'm not sure how he'll feel about it though."

"Where did you two meet?" I feel my face flame and Tommy eyes me. "Is it an embarrassing story or something? Did you meet at, like, a strip club or something?"

I chuckle at how close he is to the truth. "If I tell you, you can't tell anyone."

"Sounds juicy. Hit me."

Pulling in a deep breath, I blow it out, looking at him squarely. "Do you know what a fluffer is?"

"A porn fluffer? Yeah, everyone—" he stops talking, his eyes growing wide. "No fucking way."

"Yep. Yuri works in gay porn and needed a fluffer. That's where I came in."

Tommy stutters, shaking his head as if he's trying to understand it. "How did you apply for that? No way that's on fucking Indeed."

"Dario, my roommate told me about it. I went in for the interview and met Yuri. I knew when I met him that I wanted to get to know him better. As I got to know him, I knew I wanted to be with him."

Tommy makes a gagging noise and I throw a pillow at him. He laughs and throws it back. "Stop being so fucking sappy. Ugh. Being in love has you sounding like a fucking poet or something." I roll my eyes and he bumps my shoulder. "I'm glad you're happy though, really. Can't believe you're a fluffer though. I didn't think they were real."

"Wanna know something funny?" I ask and Tommy nods. "I didn't even know what a fluffer was."

He throws his head back and laughs. I join in and we laugh until our sides hurt. Then I stand and walk downstairs to tell my family that I'm in love with a man named Yuri.