13. Sebastian

13

SEBASTIAN

"Are you sure you don't mind if we head out?" Adam asked.

"Not at all," I said. "I'm almost done here."

"In case I haven't said it enough, that was amazing." Hannah threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tight.

"Thanks for coming," I said when she stepped back. "It means a lot."

"Of course we came." Adam shot me a "duh" look. "And we'll be at every other show too. Like your own personal cheering section." He did a sassy little strut, then got into a pose like he was about to lead a victory cheer. "Give me an S, S." He struck another pose and made the second letter softer, like he was getting a response from his imaginary audience. "Give me an E, E. Gimme a?—"

"Bastian," Hannah finished for him. "We'll be here all night if I let you finish."

"Yeah, that only works when your name is Bob or something short like that." Adam slung his arm over her shoulders. "But like I was saying, we'll be at every show until you stop telling us about them."

"Thanks," I repeated, hating how emotional I felt at all their support.

Tonight's show had gone amazingly well. The audience was into it, and we'd had a great back-and-forth going.

I'd wanted to do interactive shows for a while now, and it finally felt like the right time to shed the expectations people had of me and stretch my wings as an artist.

"Have fun," I said to them. "Try not to stay out too late."

It was after midnight, and they were on their way to a party on campus. The only place I was headed was to my bed so I could crash.

"Okay, Dad." Hannah shot me an amused smile. "We'll make sure we're tucked into bed at a reasonable hour."

"Don't you worry about us, old man. You just make sure you get home so you can get your beauty sleep," Adam added.

"Brats," I said affectionately. "Enjoy your youth while you can."

"We plan to," Hannah said. "Have fun being a boomer. Next you'll be yelling at kids to get off your lawn."

"And talking about how much we need rain every time it's cloudy," Adam added.

I pointed at the door to the tiny dressing room the club had behind their stage. "Out."

"So touchy." Adam clucked his tongue. "He needs a nap."

"You're not wrong." I laughed at their antics. "Go enjoy being young and carefree."

Laughing, they waved their goodbyes and slipped out of the room.

I finished putting my guitar away, making sure to not leave anything behind.

When I was all packed up, I slung the strap of my guitar case over my shoulder and left the building through the side entrance so I wouldn't have to go back through the bar.

I was halfway to the parking lot when the hairs on the back of my neck rose and a shiver moved up my spine.

Someone was watching me.

Keeping my pace steady, I stuck my hands in my pockets like I didn't have a care in the world and focused on the sounds around me.

A footstep, then a skittering rock. They were close. Only a dozen paces behind me, if that.

My stalker was behind me.

Usually the only indication that I was being followed was getting the willies and seeing the same black sedan with muddy plates tailing me or driving around my apartment building, and the unmistakable feeling of being watched.

Until now I hadn't been completely sure someone was following me. The car with the mud-obscured plate was the only concrete proof I had, and even that could have been a coincidence.

They were either slipping or about to escalate things.

Either way, I was ending this tonight.

Being careful not to give away that I'd heard them, I slowed my pace the slightest bit, letting my shadow catch up to me a bit with each step.

When I was at the edge of the parking lot, I paused and dug through my pockets like I was trying to find my keys.

The footsteps behind me stopped too.

I scanned the parking lot while I continued to "look" for my keys. A black sedan with muddy plates was parked in the corner of the lot, two rows over and in a direct line of sight with my car.

Perfect. Now that fucker wouldn't be able to run because I was between him and his ride.

I pretended to find my keys and took off toward my car like I was in a hurry, only instead of getting in, I unlocked the doors, then whirled toward where my shadow was parked.

A mousy-looking guy in black clothes froze comically, one hand on the door of the sedan, his face turned away from me.

"Are we going to pretend like you haven't been following me?" I asked, taking off my guitar case and putting it on the roof of my car. "Or are we going to talk about this like adults?"

"I haven't been following you," he squeaked, not moving a muscle.

"You have." I leaned against my car. "Are you going to run if I come over there?"

"Probably." He was still frozen in place.

"Do you think you can run faster than me?"

This guy wasn't a threat, not unless he had a weapon. He was about five foot seven and maybe a buck fifty soaking wet. As long as he kept his hands visible, we wouldn't have a problem.

His shoulders sagged. "No."

"Do you promise not to do anything stupid?" I asked. "I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I have to."

"I promise." He turned to face me, his hands out and palms up. "Why aren't you calling the police?"

"Because I'm not a big fan of the police. Do you want me to call them?"

"No, I just…"

"Come closer."

He took a few steps toward me.

"Closer."

He stopped at the front of my car.

"Why are you following me?" I asked again.

"I wasn't following you. Not at first." He bit his lip. "But I saw you with him and…"

"You started following me," I finished for him.

"Yeah." He wrung his hands in front of him.

"Why?" I asked. "Were you trying to get pictures of me to sell to some gossip rag?"

"No." He shook his head. "I mean, I thought of it after I figured out who you are." His eyes widened in shock. "But I wouldn't. I couldn't! The picture I took at the club didn't show your face. I promise."

"Wait. You said you were following him . Who are you talking about?"

Had he been following Jesse, and I got mixed up in this by accident?

"Matthew." He flushed.

"Matthew?" Who the fuck was he talking about?

"That's his online name. You know him as Jesse. We… He was… We kinda…"

Now that I was confident I didn't need to worry about being outed online, my anger cooled into confusion.

Whatever the fuck was going on wasn't about me, and I needed to know why he was stalking Jesse. Needed to make sure he was safe.

"What do you mean his online name? How do you know him?"

The guy looked around nervously.

"What's your name?" I asked, trying another tactic.

"Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"Because it's nice to know who I'm speaking with, considering you already know all about me."

"Oh, right." He cleared his throat. "It's Carl."

I didn't bother asking if that was his real name or not. I wasn't trying to figure out who he was, I just needed him to tell me what the hell was going on.

"And I guess I don't have to tell you that I'm Sebastian." I made a "come here" motion. "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

He stepped closer but stayed out of reach.

"How do you know Jesse?" I asked again.

"He helped me out with something." He fiddled with the sleeves of his sweater, his eyes flitting around and looking everywhere but at me.

"Gonna need more than that, Carl."

He stared at the ground between us. "I hired him off a website."

"Okay." Hired him? What did that mean?

"And we fell in love."

"You did?" I tried to keep my shock off my face but wasn't so sure I pulled it off.

That was pretty much the last thing I expected to hear, and it didn't even have anything to do with Carl and his stalker habits. Jesse wasn't the settling type, and I would have heard from Adam or my sister if he'd dated someone recently.

Carl nodded. "But then he told me we couldn't see each other anymore. So I started following him to make sure he was okay. So I could see him, even if he doesn't want to see me. Then I saw you with him." His voice went sullen, almost petulant. "And you didn't look like you were one of his clients, so I needed to know who you are. Make sure you weren't hurting him or taking him away from me."

Client? What the hell was he talking about?

"I'm not taking him away from anyone," I said carefully. "It's not like that between us."

Carl might not be a threat now, but he could be. Obsessive stalkers were the most dangerous kind out there, and Jesse had no idea he was being watched. What would Carl do to him if he thought Jesse was moving on or replacing him?

I needed to try to humanize Jesse. Make him seem like a normal guy and not the perfect image Carl had created. But I also had to be careful to not piss Carl off or make it seem like I was lying to him.

This was a delicate tightrope I was walking. Hopefully I didn't fuck everything up.

"I saw you," he accused, finally looking up at me. Tears shone in his eyes. "I saw you with him. In the woods. And at Envy."

"In the woods? You were there?" Did he mean at Ben's or at my cabin?

The thought that this guy had been to my cabin freaked me the fuck out, but I couldn't let him see that. Not until I knew the whole story and was sure he was going to leave Jesse alone.

He nodded.

"And you saw us?" I prompted.

"Mostly heard you." He shrugged. "It was dark. But I saw enough."

So he'd been at Ben's, not my cabin. That was reassuring for me, but also kind of terrifying in its implication. Ben's place was out of the way and pretty isolated. It wouldn't have been easy to follow Jesse up there, watch him while he was at the party, and follow him home, all while staying hidden.

How long had this guy been stalking Jesse?

"And you were at Envy?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. I needed him to keep talking so I could get the full story out of him.

"I needed to make sure no one tried to seduce him." He glared at me.

"I didn't seduce him."

"You did! And you took him to the back room where anyone could have seen him. You don't care about him like I do. You can't love him like I do."

"That was wrong of me," I said carefully. "I shouldn't have done that."

He blinked a few times, like he hadn't been expecting me to agree with him.

"Jesse is special," I continued, hoping to fuck this was the right tactic. "He deserves better."

"He does! And I can give that to him. I want to give it to him. But he'll never love me if you're around." He sounded so anguished it was hard to not feel sorry for him.

"You were his client?" I asked softly. I still wasn't completely sure what he meant by that.

"I was so much more than that." He sighed. "At least I thought I was. But I wasn't. I thought he felt what I did, but it was a lie. He wasn't my boyfriend. He's just the guy I paid to pretend he was."

He'd paid Jesse to pretend to be his boyfriend. Did he mean like an escort?

No, that couldn't be right. No way in hell Mr. Robot would be an escort.

Or maybe his robot facade would be the perfect thing for someone in that business. He knew how to play whatever role people wanted him to. I'd seen him do it since we were kids.

He didn't lie or pretend to be someone he wasn't, not really. It was more he tailored his personality to whomever he was with at the moment and could turn on different personas to suit the situation.

"Did he ever tell you it was real?" I asked softly, my mind still spinning with questions.

Carl shook his head. "But I could feel it was. It is," he corrected quickly.

"Do you love him, or do you love the idea of him?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Carl gave me a shrewd look.

"Did you ever see him when he's grumpy?"

"Grumpy?"

"Yeah. He's the biggest grump I've ever known. What about when he gets an idea in his head and won't let it go until you admit he's right?"

Carl shook his head.

"I bet you never saw that look that makes you feel two feet tall and like you're about to get a lecture from the school principal when you've disappointed him."

"No." He wrinkled his nose. "I never saw any of that."

"It sounds like you only got to see the best parts of him and never actually saw him ."

Carl narrowed his eyes, but I couldn't tell if he was angry or hurt. "He lied to me?"

"No!" I said quickly. The last thing I needed was to piss Carl off before he was ready to admit the version of Jesse he knew wasn't the real him. "Jesse isn't a liar. He's just good at compartmentalizing things."

Carl's expression relaxed.

"But I don't think things were the way you thought they were," I continued, metaphorically crossing my fingers that I wasn't about to undo all the progress we'd made. "He's been single for as long as I've known him. He's not the relationship type."

"You've known him a long time?"

"Since we were kids."

"And you're not together?"

I shook my head.

He sighed and wrapped his arms around his middle, his shoulders stooping in defeat. "Why are you being nice to me?"

"Because I don't think you want to hurt him."

He looked away.

"Am I wrong?" I asked softly.

He shook his head. "No. I never wanted to hurt him. I just thought…"

"You thought?"

"I thought what I felt was real," he mumbled. "But maybe it wasn't. He didn't lie to me. He told me it was just a job. But he was so nice and perfect I got confused."

"It happens." Hopefully that was the right thing to say since I wasn't exactly sure what he was talking about.

"I feel so stupid."

"You can still fix it."

"How?" he asked.

"By letting him go."

He nodded slowly, his expression falling. "Yeah. I can do that. Can you tell him I'm sorry?"

"I will." I paused. "Are you going to tell anyone about me?"

He shook his head. "No. I don't want to hurt anyone. I was just confused."

We stood in silence for a moment.

"I'm going to…" He took a few sliding steps, then hurried over to his car when I didn't try to stop him.

I waited until he'd driven away, memorizing his license plate now that I was close enough to see it under the mud, then got into my car and put my guitar case on the seat next to me. Pulling out my phone, I typed Carl's plate into my notes app in case Jesse wanted to report him.

I had so many unanswered questions about Jesse and how he and Carl had crossed paths, but at least I knew my secret was safe.

And Jesse was safe.

That was all that mattered.