Chapter 15

Fifteen

Gemma

I don't know why it cuts so deep. Maybe it's because it's him. Maybe it's because I've let him do this to me twice now. Or maybe it's because I feel so humiliated. Either way, I've not left my bed for three days straight, and I don't feel proud. I was a fool to think I could go in there and pretend to like him enough to make him open up. When has Cameron Fletcher ever opened up about anything? After all this time and a child together, I still don't even know who his parents are.

The door opens slightly, and Ruby pops her head in. "How are you?" she asks in a soft voice. She gave up ignoring me two days ago. It's pretty hard to ignore someone who isn't even talking.

"What day is it?" I whisper.

"It's Friday. You have to go into work today, remember?"

I shake my head. That's the last place I need to go. Ruby steps in farther. "Please get up today, Gem. Shower, brush your hair. You'll feel better."

"I can't."

"You can. Just one step at a time."

I turn over so my back's to her. I hate being like this. She deserves better, but right now, I can't face anything.

The door opens, letting light into the room. I blink, trying to focus as the figure comes into view. My father glares at me with disdain. "You're just going to fester in here, are you?"

"It worked for Sarah," I mutter.

"Get up."

"No."

"Gemma, get up now or I'll drag you from that bed myself."

"You said you'd be nice," whispers Ruby. "She needs a doctor."

"She needs to wake the hell up and face up to the situation she's caused."

"She's not well."

"I'm right here," I snap, pissed they're speaking about me like I'm invisible. "I just need a few days."

"You've had a few days," Ruby argues. "I'm worried about you."

"Maybe you should go home," I admit. "I can't look after you right now."

She stares at me with eyes full of hurt, but I look away. I don't need her judgement too.

Fletch

"You look sad," I note as Ruby stares ahead, not bothering to touch her breakfast.

"It's Gemma," she whispers with a sadness in her voice. We've avoided the topic so far, mainly because I change it whenever Gemma comes up. "She's unwell."

"What's wrong with her?" I ask, shovelling eggs into my mouth.

"She's not gotten out of bed all week."

"She'll be fine, Ruby. Sometimes adults just need time to process."

"And sometimes they need to see a doctor, but I can't even get her to shower let alone leave her room."

I drop my fork on the plate with a clatter. "Who's looking after you?"

"Me," she says with a laugh. "I always take care of myself."

"That's not on you. She should be keeping an eye on you. Have you been eating?"

"Yes, Fletch, I can cook for myself." She adds a laugh, and it just reminds me of how much I don't know about her.

"That's not the point," I snap. I spent my childhood looking after myself, and I won't let Ruby do the same. "I'll talk to her."

"No, it's fine. I think you'll make it worse."

"Worse than it already is?"

She shrugs. "Good point. She told Mark that she's planning on moving away with me."

"That ain't happening." I've spent every day this week getting to know Ruby, and no one is taking her away again. "Besides, she can't do much when she won't leave her room."

"Mark said she can't leave until her job has finished their investigation. Do you know what they're investigating?" she asks.

I shake my head. My first lie. "Stay here, give me your key. I'll go and see her."

She reluctantly hands over her key. "Please don't make it worse."

Gemma

I gasp, sitting upright and coughing violently. "Get the fuck up." Cold water soaks into my pyjamas and bed sheets. I look up in shock to find Fletch glaring at me with an empty bucket in his hand. My heart slams hard in my chest. I grab the wet sheets and lie back down, pulling them over myself.

"Ruby is going out of her mind with worry," he yells. "Sort yourself out."

"Leave," I whisper.

"Gemma, please."

"I can't be around you," I mutter, realising how true that statement is.

"Until you start looking after Ruby, I'll be here."

"Please," I murmur, embarrassed at how desperate my voice sounds. "Just leave."

"What do you want, Gemma?" he snaps. "What's the plan here? To live in your bed forever? The problems won't go away."

"Trust me, I know."

"So, face them. Stop hiding."

"I'm not hiding."

"You're not facing them."

"I'm done," I tell him, letting my tears mix with the wetness on my pillow. "I just want to go."

"Go where?" he asks, frowning. "You're not leaving with Ruby. She's staying."

I offer a weak smile. "Ruby can't come where I want to go."

It dawns on him what I'm talking about. "Are you shitting me?" he barks. "You're better than that."

I want to hit him for that one stupid statement. If only he knew the thought I'd put into ending my life. It's not an easy decision, but I can't see a way out. "Leave."

"How can I fucking leave now you've said that?" he spits angrily.

"I'm not your problem."

"But Ruby is. Fuck, Gemma, these things are temporary, they'll go away. You have a life to live, and you want to throw it away because of a job you fucking hated anyway and a man who's not even worth a single tear?"

I begin to shiver as the cold bleeds into the bedding. I close my eyes. I'm so tired despite constantly flitting in and out of sleep. The smallest interaction makes me sleepy. I smile to myself. When I wake, he'll be gone. I need him to be gone.

Fletch

I call Axel. "What?"

"I have a problem," I tell him. "Gemma is unwell."

"So?"

"Because of what we did to her. She wants to . . ." I can't even bring myself to say the words. I sigh heavily. "She wants to kill herself. She hasn't left her bed in a week, and fuck knows if she's even eaten or drank a thing."

"Why are you calling me, Fletch? Do you want my permission?"

I frown in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"You love her, and you need me to tell you to get her well again. You want my permission to be at her side right now?"

"No," I mutter. "I mean, I'm staying here until I'm certain she won't do anything crazy. But she's Ruby's mum. Ruby can't lose three parents in such a short space of time."

"I don't think Ruby is your main concern here. Why don't you just admit it? You love her."

"It doesn't matter, Pres. I made my choice."

"She isn't a copper anymore," he states.

"So?"

"And she didn't actually find anything on us."

"What are you saying?"

"Just that if you need time to make shit right with her, I'll get the garage covered."

"It's not like that," I tell him. "She just needs to get better."

He chuckles. "I'll have someone walk Ruby home."

"Thanks."

I go back into Gemma and wonder how the hell she can sleep when she's piss-wet through. I head into her bathroom and put the plug in the bath. I search the cupboard and find bath foam and some scissors. Turning the taps on full, I pour the foam into the tub and give it a swirl. I wait until it's almost full and check the temperature.

Going back into Gemma, I shrug from my kutte and place it on the chair. Then I go over to the bed and carefully pull the sheets back. She doesn't even stir as I carefully take the hem of her shirt and begin to cut a straight line from the bottom to the top. She's not wearing underwear, so I pull the shirt closed and slide my hands beneath her, lifting her into my arms. She stirs, groaning, and then rests her head against my chest, settling into my arms.

I carry her to the bathroom and carefully lower her into the bubbly water. Her eyes shoot open, and she gasps in surprise, looking alarmed as she takes in her surroundings. I pull the shirt from her arms and dump it in the sink. "Morning," I say cheerfully. "Bathtime." She grips the sides and starts to push up, but I tug her hands away so she slips back into the water, some of it spilling out over the sides. "You're having a bath."

"Why are you here still?" I hate the hurt in her eyes as she spits those words. She hates me. She can't even stand to look at me.

"I told you, I can't leave you after what you said."

"Why?" she yells. "You hate me anyway, so what difference does it make to you if I die?"

"I don't hate you, Gem."

She wraps her arms around her shoulders and rests her chin on her knees. "Of course, you do. Why else would you do what you did?"

I grab a jug and scoop some water into it. I try to wet her hair, but she moves her head to one side. I sigh heavily, taking her hair in my fist and tugging her head back. I try again, this time, wetting her hair. "When I was eight, I would wash my mother's hair." Gemma remains quiet, her eyes staring up at me as I scoop up another jug and carefully pour it over her head. "She was so depressed and strung-out on meds that didn't ever really work, she couldn't do it herself. I'd run the bath, take her by the hand and lead her to it, and once she was in, I'd wash her hair."

I smile at the memory. "She wasn't always that way. Some days, she'd seem fine. She'd be over the top and loud, spinning me around and waking me at midnight to bake a cake. But there was never an even keel with her. She was either really, really high or super low." My smile fades. "She was diagnosed bipolar, but the doctors couldn't get her medication right. She met this guy at some kind of mental health clinic. Before I knew it, she was self-medicating with his help, and he'd be the one running her baths, but not because he cared." I give my head a small, sad shake. "His friends would give him more drugs if she was clean when he passed her around."

Gemma doesn't speak as I pour shampoo into my hand and begin to rub it into her hair. She closes her eyes. "Neighbours noticed I was playing in the garden at stupid times of the night and day and reported it to the social. I was taken from her and placed into a home. I soon learned how to survive alone."

I rinse her hair and run conditioner through, and once that's rinsed, I hand her a bar of soap. "Shout if you need me." I take the scissors and notice the way she stares at them longingly. "I'll be right outside."

Ruby arrives two minutes later, rushing upstairs, her expression full of worry. "Is she okay?" She pants like she's run a marathon.

I nod, tucking her hair behind her ear. It's the first time I've made a move to touch her, yet it feels so normal. She smiles, leaning her cheek into my palm. "You didn't yell at her?"

I smirk. "Can you strip her bed? Is there a spare room she can stay in while hers dries out?"

"Oh lord, what did you do?" Before I can answer, she rolls her eyes. "Yes. Just there," she tells me, pointing to another door. "I'll make up a new bed."

Gemma is staring straight ahead when I go back into the bathroom. She startles as I grab a towel and hold it open. "Ruby is home," I tell her. "Try for her."

She stands, and I watch the water running down her body. She's lost weight, and I hate that's because of me. As she steps out, I wrap the towel around her. She takes it, stepping from my arms, and stares down at the floor. "Ruby is making the spare bed up." She leaves the bathroom without a word and goes into the spare room without a fuss.

Ruby smiles. "It's great to see you up and about. Shall I make you some pasta?"

"No."

"You need to eat," I cut in.

She ignores me, keeping her back to me. Ruby gives me a small smile and follows me from the room, closing the door gently. "Thanks for looking after her. And for trying."

"I'm not going anywhere, Ruby," I tell her. "Not until she's better."

Relief floods her face, and it breaks my heart that she thought she'd have to deal with this shitshow alone. "We'll order Chinese, and Gemma will sit downstairs with us, even if she doesn't eat."

She begins to shake her head. "I don't think she'll come downstairs."

I grin. "Go and find a menu, we'll join you in a sec."

Once she's gone, I open the door, and Gemma is already lying under the sheets. Her eyes open and narrow when she spots me. "You'll sit with us while we eat."

"Jesus, take a hint. I don't want you here."

"Will you walk or should I carry you?"

"Don't think about touching me again."

I smile. "Great, walk it is." I wait for a beat, and when she doesn't move, I sigh. "Fine." I rip the sheets from her and discover she's still naked. I go back to her room and pull open a drawer. On top of her clothes is my shirt, the one I left here before. I take it, go back into her, and throw it at her. "Put this on or I'll carry you naked."

She growls, tugging it on and standing. "I can walk."

Gemma

The smell of the Chinese food makes my stomach growl, but whenever I think about eating, I get the urge to vomit. Fletch and Ruby chat like they've known each other for years, and I can't deny it pisses me off. She only started speaking to me because she was worried. She's treating him like her long-lost hero, and seeing them so comfortable around one another makes me wonder what I've missed out on.

"You hungry yet?" asks Fletch, and I shake my head. "Drink the water," he repeats, and I stare at the pint of water he placed in front of me ten minutes ago.

"I'm not a child."

He ignores me, turning back to Ruby and asking her about school. I snatch the glass up and take a few gulps. I don't know why I want him to approve because I fucking hate him, but when he offers a smile my way, I almost return it. Like in the bathroom when he called me ‘Gem'. After him being so cold, hearing that affectionate name fall from his lips made me swoon. I wanted to hear it again, and I hate that I'm so damn weak for him.

Ruby finishes her dinner and places her plate in the sink. "I have homework," she says in an almost apologetic tone.

"It's fine. We're good here," Fletch tells her, and she disappears.

"Water," he tells me again. "All of it."

"Why did you tell me about your mum?" I ask.

"If you want me to answer questions, Gem, you gotta drink more water." There it is again, that piece of affection. I drink more water, draining half the glass. "Good girl," he whispers, and something inside me sits taller under his praise. Fuck, I'm an idiot .

"I don't want Ruby to feel like I did. I don't want her to end up in care."

"She wouldn't," I whisper, frowning.

"Really? Who's on her birth certificate?"

I stare down at the table. "Sarah and my father."

"So, we have no parental rights. And your father is pissed at you, so who would stop her being taken into care? You have to fix up, Gemma."

"I will," I mutter. "You can check in daily if you don't believe me."

He smirks. "I'm not leaving until I know for certain you're not going to do anything stupid."

I scoff. "I already did that—I met you. I'm fine. Ruby will update you anyway."

He shakes his head. "I'm staying."

"Please, Fletch. I don't think having you here is going to make me better."

"I'm staying." His tone is so final, I give up and sit in silence while he begins to clear the plates away.