7: DANICA

I look in the mirror for the thousandth time, and I don't know why. It's just a bonfire with some of the locals. Still, there's a competitive streak in me a mile long. And if I know anything, I know that Zenon is hot!

Women love him. The combination of his dark, good looks, from his thick, jet-black hair, beard, mustache and eyelashes to those full, kissably soft lips, it's hard not to stare at the man for hours on end.

"You ready?" he asks, stepping into the open door of my bedroom where I'm checking myself out in a long mirror.

I turn to look at Zenon, taking in those muscular, hairy legs.

"You're wearing swim trunks?"

Shrugging, he toys with the diamond stud in one of his ears and says, "Why not? We're at the beach."

"Are you going swimming?"

"I might. It was suggested that everyone might be going."

Nodding, I say, "Give me a sec?"

"Okay," he says, closing the door.

I go through my bags and pull out three swimsuits and four bikinis. Taking my turn with each, I settle on a burnt orange two-piece. I'm frowning at myself when he knocks once more.

"Come in," I call out.

"You ready?"

"I don't know. I can't find anything that looks good on me."

Inhaling deeply, he glances at his watch and says, "Dani, you look great, as always."

I turn to look in the mirror again and say, "I look frumpy."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? Your body is beautiful, Dani. It always has been. Women work out excessively, go on diets, pay surgeons, and get implants to have a body like yours. The curves of your body and your beauty are all-natural. You haven't had to pay a dime for any of it. It's who you are. You're flawless."

Rolling my eyes, I mutter, "I've heard that more times than I care to hear."

"What's that?"

"Nothing," I say, shaking my head.

"Let's go," he suggests lightly, but I know that he's getting irritated.

"Okay," I reply, grabbing my sunglasses and a large floppy hat.

When we arrive at the beach, there are ten other people down there. I make up the fourth female, and the rest are guys, including Zenon. Everyone seems excited to see him, especially a brown-skinned woman with long, brown and blonde braids.

The woman grabs his hand and tugs him into a chair that she's reserved for him. Some guy hands him a beer, and then another one hands one to me, but I shake my head.

"I'm good."

"You sure."

"Yeah, I've got water," I say, removing a bottle of water from my bag.

Zenon introduces me.

"Guys, this is my friend, Dani. Dani...this is everyone."

Laughing, they all take turns introducing themselves by name; Cady, Amaris, Allyson, Tobias, Jeremiah, Mike, Steve, and Leo.

They all sit around and talk for a while about the upcoming July Fourth holiday, and what their plans are and then launch into talk about their kids and marriage.

Cady and Jeremiah are married to each other, and Allyson is married to Tobias. Amaris, Mike, Steve, and Leo are single.

Eventually, someone breaks out the music on their phone, and people start dancing.

I pull out my phone, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible, and take a selfie with nothing but a midnight blue blanket of stars behind me as my backdrop, flowing into the inky black ocean.

When I finish, I post it to all my social media accounts with the caption:

Need a break from life, guys. So, I'm taking a hiatus.

Nica

My social media manager will have a fit. She's been handling all my accounts, logged in as me, and responding to the numerous inquiries about my health by saying that I'd been working out too rigorously and that my caloric intake wasn't as high as it needed to be.

According to Lana, I had just worked out before the show on an empty stomach with the promise of eating afterward. She stated that my schedule was so demanding that I hadn't slowed up long enough to eat anything.

After I post the picture and message across all my social media accounts, I make sure to turn off my notifications, and subsequently, power off my phone. I know that I'll be getting messages from both her and Jade soon or, more likely, a phone call from Jade.

Mike comes and invites me to dance, which I decline, and then ten minutes later, Steve does the same thing. By the third offer, I give in to Leo who seems to be the life of the party and doesn't give up.

"Come on, you have to dance. It's a rule," Leo says.

"A rule?"

"Yeah. We have a rule that the most beautiful woman at any of our gatherings has to dance with the most charming man. That would be you...and me," he says, gesturing from me to himself.

Laughing and unable to decline that invitation, I allow him to tug me to stand. The music washes over me and the stars shining above help me to let go of all my cares for a while.

We dance and laugh, and I have so much fun that I kick myself for all my earlier reservations. Everyone gathers around the bonfire again, and we just chill and talk about life.

"Hey, you're unusually quiet," Zenon says, nudging me with his elbow.

Up until now, Amaris has occupied all his attention, ensuring that she stays draped over his arm or right by his side. I'm not sure how he managed to escape right now, but I see her and Allyson sitting in a corner huddled over a phone.

"Just enjoying the peace and quiet for a change, you know?"

"Yeah," he says, staring at me peculiarly.

"What?"

Shaking his head, he says, "Nothing."

"Oh, it's something," I say, nudging him now.

"I was just thinking—"

"Who's joining me for a swim?" Amaris laughs, removing her bikini top and bottom as she takes off, racing for the water.

"Damn, I thought we left that behind during our high school and college years," I mutter as the other ladies and the men follow Amaris' lead.

"Come on, lighten up and let's just have fun for the night. Sometimes, it feels good to act like a kid again, even if you have kids. Trust me, I know."

"Go ahead, Z. Have fun."

"Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"No, I think I'll just relax here for a while. Enjoy the peace and quiet and stare up at the stars. I haven't seen the night sky in such a long time," I say quietly. "Not truly seen it. You know?" I ask, looking at him.

Zenon stares at me for several seconds longer, and I think he's about to kiss me just when I hear Amaris say, "Zenon! Come on, you guys!"

He turns to glance at her and then back at me. Tweaking my nose, he winks and says, "Okay."

I watch as he takes off running, and those toned muscles ripple like the waves in the ocean.

I lean back on the palms of my hands with my feet stretched out before me. Their laughter and whoops reach me from where I rest in the sand. I lay back further and close my eyes, thinking back to the earlier days.

I sacrificed a lot to get to where I am. My modeling career didn't come easy, and hard work alone didn't get me to where I am. Unfortunately, I have been used, and I have been with more men than I care to share.

The guilt and the shame of that has brought me much pain and depression through the years. That's why I know that I'm not good enough for a man like Zenon. Although I don't much care for her, a girl like Amaris would be a better fit for a man like him.

When they return from the ocean laughing and shouting, I sit up on my beach towel, pulling my knees close to my chest.

Steve pulls out a stash of weed and rolls a joint while someone pulls out a bottle of liquor.

Okay, Dani. You've got choices to make. They've graduated from beer and cigarettes to weed and liquor. What's next?

I blow several breaths in and out of my nose, especially when Cady passes the joint my way. It would be so easy to just take a puff or two and relax in the lightness that it brings, easing away the stresses of my world.

Girl, these last three months weren't for nothing. Don't let them go down the drain,I warn myself.

Shaking my head, I decline it, and Cady nods and leans around me, passing it to Mike. Allyson's on her phone, and Amaris is laughing at something that Zenon is saying to Tobias.

When I look around at the group again, I catch Allyson staring back at me and tilting her head. She narrows her eyes and then says, "Hey, aren't you Nica?"

That's the unfortunate part about who I am. As a former supermodel and now talk show host, I have one of the most recognizable faces in the world. No matter what I try to do to disguise it, it seldom works. Even when I'm plain faced, like I am today, with no makeup, fancy hairstyles, or clothing, I still stand out in a crowd.

I was lucky to get away with it for as long as I have tonight. No one has recognized me and if they have, they chose not to say anything, avoiding making this event uncomfortable for me.

I give a simple nod before Allyson launches into, "Damn! I was worried about you. I catch all your shows, and when they said that you were taking a break to nurture your health, I was wondering what the fuck happened. I think you had the world scared when you passed out on TV like that."

Falling back on Lana's excuse, I reply, "Just working out too much and not resting like I should. Cutting back on calories and trying to get my beach bod for the summer cost me."

"Are you kidding me? You have the perfect body. I wish that I was as flawless as you are," Cady says, puffing on the joint and then passing it again.

Flawless.

That's the word the modeling world and the media always use to describe me. I hated it because I was far from perfect. I placed so much pressure on myself in every area of my life to be this image that the world built me up to be instead of just being myself.

Flawless is the last thing that I am. People have no idea what I do to cover up all my flaws.

Labels, while meant to be flattering and complimentary, can actually be burdensome and destructive to one's psyche when they're not in the best place.

I need to get away from here not only because of the judgment but also because of the temptation. It's too great as they pass the joint around and everyone's drinking a cold beer. I should have removed myself from this environment the moment that they pulled out the beers, but I didn't.

I stand, tugging at my bikini bottom as Zenon's worried eyes find me in the dark.

"Are you leaving already? The fun hasn't really begun," Steve says, higher than the rest, making me wonder if the weed is the only thing that he's partaking in.

"Yeah, I'm tired. It's been an extremely long day.

As I walk away, I can hear someone say, "That's what they're saying on IG."

"I don't think it's exercise. CLM quoted an inside source as saying she's using," Amaris says.

"Using what?" Allyson asks.

"I don't know. All those celebrities are just alike. Thinking they're above everyone else, doing what most of us won't even consider, and then looking down their noses at us."

My heart breaks with each step that I take, knowing that Zenon is sitting in their midst and not even defending me. He knows the life celebrities live. Hell, he's a celebrity himself in the sports world. He may not be as famous as I am, but he's a celebrity in his own right.

Zenon's been in that life, too, maybe not as deeply as I have, but he's not innocent to it that's for sure. And yet, he won't even speak up to defend himself, let alone me.

By the time I get back to the cottage porch, I hear footsteps running behind me.

"Dani! Wait!"

I keep walking and ignoring him calling my name. If I can just make it inside before he does and to my room, I can shut him out.

Shut out their voices.

Shut out the noise.

Shut out the laughter and the ridicule.

"Danica!" he shouts as I make it through the living room and to my bedroom door.

I'm on the threshold when his hand grabs my upper arm and spins me around.

"What the hell, Dani?"

I just stare blankly back at him.

"What just happened back there?"

"Nothing."

"Dani, come on. It's me. Talk to me, please."

"I was just tired and ready to relax. I've been on go since I woke up this morning and haven't had a chance to sit down and breathe."

"You had an entire hour of meditation earlier. Did you forget that?"

Shaking my head, I say, "No, Z. I didn't. I'm just tired."

"What the hell were they talking about back there? When did you pass out? And what's this shit about drugs?" he asks in his heavily accented voice.

"I'm tired, and I don't want to do this with you, okay? It was simply a coincidence that we ended up here together. Don't pretend to care now," I reply in a tired, frustrated voice.

"Pretend to care? Dani, what's gotten into you? You know that I never stopped caring! It was you who..."

He breaks off his sentence, running his fingers through his hair. Why is it that I notice how his hair seems to fall perfectly back into place? Now is not the time to be thinking about those things.

"It was me who what?" I challenge.

"You who didn't want what I wanted. You who didn't care enough to stick around and try to make things work."

Looking pointedly at his hand on my arm, I grit out, "Just let me go."

"Not until you tell me what the hell has been going on with you in the last five years."

"I don't owe you anything, Z. You told me to stay out of your life."

"And you know damn well why!"

"It wasn't my fault, okay? It was part of my job! Part of what I was expected to do!"

"Show up at my championship game with another man? A man that you knew you were screwing behind my back? A man that the tabloids had a field day posting pictures of you within the days leading up to my game and you swore it was nothing? Then you showed up at my game with him. What's worse is that you didn't have the decency to stick around afterward and check on me. I came to your room afterward, using the keycard you gave me, only to find you undressing for him! Tell me who doesn't care now, Dani!"

I hear the brittleness in his voice, and I see the pain on his face. The look of disgust he wears can't hide the truth; that he's still carrying the weight of his pain after all these years.

He should be carrying it. I know that I do.

The hurt, the guilt, the disappointment, and the shame are carved on my heart. The things that I did to hurt him disgust me whenever I think about it. I could have just told him that I didn't want him, but that wasn't enough. I had to go and hurt him because I was hurting, knowing that I could never have him. It wasn't good enough until he was hurting the way that I hurt.

"I didn't think it was smart to stick around after you assaulted the man on the field. You and I both know that I couldn't have that associated with my career! The media and paparazzi were there! Everyone would have had a field day if they'd seen me visiting you at the locker room afterward."

"They had a field day anyway with the fact that you were there with Johan Jurgen while you were supposed to be dating me! You made a spectacle of us!"

"No, you did when you acted an ass out on the field like that throwing away the game for your team and Italy and throwing away your career like that!"

"As if you ever gave a damn!"

"You know that I did!" I shout as tears fall from my eyes.

"No, you didn't. You never cared about anything except your image. The ice princess was too flawless to care about anything or anyone except for herself."

"No! I showed you all the time what you meant for me."

"It was just another act!"

Zenon spins away from me and storms from the house.

"Damn it!" I shout, slamming my bedroom door and locking it.

I walk to the bed and fall onto it, curling into a little ball. Pulling the pillow to my midsection, I curl around it and bawl my eyes out like a little baby.