DANICA

"When did you learn to cook, Dani?" Mama asks, impressed as she pushes away from the table.

She has cleaned her plate, and so has Daddy, but he's been quiet mostly throughout dinner.

He's spoken to Zenon a lot, and they're getting along well. Zenon openly shares with him about his professional career and the route that it took.

"You seem to care about Danica a lot," I overhear my dad when Mama and I step out onto the deck.

"I love that woman more than life itself, Mr. Maxwell. I'm not saying that because she's your daughter."

Zenon turns and smiles at me as I step beside him. Wrapping his arm around me, he says, "I'm saying it because it's been true almost from the beginning."

"Zenon, Dani was telling me about a bookshelf that you built," Mama interrupts.

"Yes, since I retired from soccer, I learned that I have woodworking skills. I've had time to hone them over the years, especially since I have been here. I did the bookshelf inside of the house and a few other things."

"Please, come and show me. I would love to see what you've created," Mama says, taking Zenon's arm and looping hers through it.

"My pleasure," Zenon says, giving my shoulder a little squeeze of encouragement with his other arm.

When he releases me, I stiffen just a little. My father is standing with his back to the deck, staring at me.

Clearing my throat, I ask him, "Are you thirsty, Daddy?"

"No."

"Well, this is awkward," I mutter, dropping down onto a chair and crossing my legs at the ankles.

My dad pushes off the railing and takes a chair opposite me.

"What? Your boyfriend taking your mother away to force us to talk?"

"Yes. You've barely said two words to me since your arrival, but you speak a lot to Zenon and Mama."

My father drags his fingers through his dark-brown and white-streaked hair. My father is a very handsome man with tan skin, silvery-blue eyes, and the white and brown scruff of a beard and mustache, but he looks miserable now, and I'm not sure if I've ever seen him like this.

We sit in silence for several minutes before I say something.

"I know this wasn't the life that you wanted for me. For far too long, we have been at odds, and I don't want that anymore."

"Well, you haven't worked towards giving us anything else."

"I know that, Daddy. I needed to go out into the world and forge my own path."

"Against my word? Against my better judgment? You weren't even seventeen yet when you left home!" he says with so much venom it shocks me.

"I was with family. It wasn't like I wasn't with people that I didn't know or couldn't trust. I didn"t leave the country until I was eighteen, and by then, you'd stopped speaking to me completely."

"You defied my word, Danica."

"How could you say that when you gave the approval for me to stay for the entire summer to pursue my career that year?"

"I didn't think you'd make it!"

I inhale deeply, blink back the tears, push past the hurt, and ask, "You didn't believe in me?"

The anger that was previously etched on the planes of his face dissipates. In its place is shame.

"I believed in you. You were beautiful and smart. I knew that you could make it, but I also knew what that world was all about. I had many connections in that world that would have opened doors for you. But I didn't want that for my princess, my only daughter. So, instead, I went behind your back and reached out to those connections, making sure that they closed doors and kept you out. That's what I mean when I said I didn't think you'd make it."

"Daddy," I whisper in shock and pain. "How could you?" I gasp.

"I didn't want that for you. I was scared, and I knew that once you stepped into that world, I would not be able to protect you, Dani. You and your brother were my world. I loved you immensely, and I wanted you to be safe and happy and protected. I guess you were determined to get what I tried to deny you."

"I was, Daddy. I was so determined to get what you could have made easy for me that I basically sold my soul to get it. I don't like the person that I became, nor the person that I have been, but I wasn't going to let anything or anyone stop me," I say through my tears.

My father drops his head.

"A parent is supposed to love their child, protect them, and bring out the best in them. They're supposed to guide them and help make their dreams come true, not make life harder for them than it already is."

When my father looks back into my face, he says, "You didn't deserve what I'd done."

"Does Mama know?"

"No. I...she...no, she doesn't know," he says solemnly.

I swipe my hand across my face and scoff, "This day was supposed to be about me making amends with you and Mama. I made mine with her when she arrived. That first hour that we spent together was needed and has set us on the path of healing. But you and I..." I sniffle and shake my head. "With that revelation, I think you just set us back several years. I don't know what we can do to make things right between us, Daddy. You betrayed me."

"I know, Dani, and I apologize."

He clears his throat as I look away from him.

"If I'm being honest, the anger that I've held against you has more to do with the fact that you succeeded where I failed to steer you away from. It was that and my guilt over what I'd done that has had me so defensive against you through the years. I love you, Dani. I love you, and I tried to do the right thing for you, but I guess I failed."

"You guess?"

"Look, I know that this is all a shock to you—"

"It makes me wonder what else you've done that I don't know about."

"That's it. I wouldn't lie to you. I didn't have to tell you that much, but you deserve the truth, and I've given it to you."

"What do you want from me?" I cry.

I don't see my daddy move from his seat. I just feel his arms around me. And when he speaks, I know that he's crying too.

"Danica, I cherished you, and I always did. You were too good for that world, and I didn't want you damaged the way that so many others have been. That's why I tried to stop you. When I first told you about how dangerous that world was, you didn't want to hear what I had to say.

"So, I did the only thing that I knew how to do. I used my power to try to influence your path. From what you're telling me, it seems that I screwed that up big time. I know that it won't happen overnight, but Dani, I want my daughter back. Please, can we work on healing our relationship?"

His tears dampen my hair, and while he was wrong for what he did, I know that my daddy loves me. I've done so much wrong to so many people. How can I expect them to forgive me when I can't forgive my own father?

I lean further into his hug and squeeze him tightly.

"Yes, Daddy."

It won't happen overnight, and it will require a lot of work. There may be some heartache and anger involved, but I will work with him on our healing. My daddy was my first love.

How can I love anyone else if I can't make it right with the very first man who loved me and taught me about love?