22: DANICA

"Hey, why are you looking so down? I thought you were excited about this? When you first told me about the camp, you were looking forward to it. Now you're looking like it's going to be the worst two weeks of your life."

"No, it won't. And I still am looking forward to it. It's just...these last four weeks with you and Papai have been awesome."

"Well, you're pretty awesome, too, kid," I say, running my hand over Zee Zee's head and smoothing her damp hair back from her forehead.

She just returned from a swim to come in and pack.

When she keeps staring at the clothes that she's packed and not closing the suitcase, I ask, "Well, what is it?"

Sighing loudly, she says, "It's been like a family being with you and Papai this last month. I mean, like a real family, and I guess I've never experienced that before."

"I thought your dad said that you often visit family on his side and your mom's."

"I do, but not that kind of family. I mean, like having a mom and dad in the house with me. A house full of laughter, joking, making me take on responsibility even though I'm just a kid, and..." She hesitates for a moment as if she's unsure if she wants to continue. But she does. "And love."

My heart is about to freaking explode in my chest. I swear it is. But before it explodes, the tears prick my eyes first.

"Zílda," I whisper. "That's the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me."

She pops off the bed like a kernel of popcorn popping in a pot and throws her arms around me where I'm sitting on the other side of the bed. For a moment, I'm uncertain of what to do as my arms are extended out to my sides.

But gently, Zee Zee squeezes me, meshing her cheek against mine, and says, "It's called hugging, Dani."

Smiling, I blink back the tears, wrap my arms around her, and say softly, "I know. Thanks, kid."

When she finally pulls back, she stares at me with wet eyes, and she furiously rubs her eyelashes.

"Sorry about that."

"No need. I think I needed that as much as you did."

When she takes her seat on the bed again, this time beside me, I take her hand in mine.

"You know that you can come and visit me whenever you'd like."

"Are you still going to be here?"

"I plan to be. Right now, I haven't set a particular date to leave, so...until I do, you're welcome here. And once I leave, you're more than welcome to visit me in Charleston."

She smiles, and those deep dimples dance merrily in her cheeks.

"Dani, can I tell you something?"

"Anything, sweetheart."

"I was on social media, and I saw all the things that they were saying about you."

My heart plummets, and I want to disappear in the comfort of this yellow and white down comforter. But I can't, so I force my face into an impassive mask of stoicism.

"I'm so glad that I got to know you. Because I don't see the person that they have portrayed in the media. I see a smart, loving, kind, and strong person. You make Papai happy, and that's all that matters to me. But you also make me happy."

This time, I'm the one to initiate the hug and rest my chin on the top of her head. Tears fall like rain from my eyes, and I sob, "You make me happy, too, Zee Zee. I love you."

"I love you, too, Dani," she proclaims, squeezing me tighter.

A clearing of the throat from the doorway causes both of us to look up and pay attention. Zenon is standing there with a scowl on his face, but with a look of worry in his eyes.

"Are you two, okay? What's going on in here?"

Zee Zee and I wipe our eyes and smile. This amazing little girl speaks up before I can.

"Oh, just girl stuff, Papai."

It's been a week and a half since Zee Zee discovered her father and me having sex. She's so amazing as she didn't make anything awkward at all. After I'd told Zenon about it, he did grow weird, unable to look at his daughter directly and struggling to be anywhere close to my presence when she was around.

It wasn't until she finally said, "Papai, I'm no baby. I know that you and Dani love each other and that part of that love comes in physical expression. It's okay that you two have sex. You don't have to go all weird on me, you know."

That had turned both our faces red and launched us into having a sex discussion with her. She received it all pretty well and knew most of what we had to tell her. When Zenon asked how she knew all that she did, she shared that her mother, Zenon's sisters, Graciana and Uxia, and Larisa's sister, Oksana, had all had discussions with her.

It took some of the discomfort out of it and helped him to release his anxiety. I reassured him that it was a great thing that his daughter had such a well-rounded village to support her.

"Well, do you have everything?" Zenon asks now, jutting his chin towards Zee Zee's luggage.

"I do. Are you sure that you don't want to ride into town with us?" she asks me softly.

"Sweetheart, I promise that I'll call you on FaceTime, and you can call me whenever you'd like," I tell her.

She wraps her arms tightly around me again, and I kiss the top of her head.

Zenon and I decided that I should stay behind while he returned her to her mother. We didn't want to risk another fiasco with the paparazzi or Zee Zee's safety.

"I'm going to miss you so much," she sobs in my arms.

"I'll miss you, too," I say, struggling to hold back my tears. "But we'll see each other again for Labor Day. Remember I told you that's the unofficial end of summer here in the US, and we're having a big party at my cousins' family cottage?"

"I know. It just seems so far off," she pouts.

"One month, love. One month," I reassure her, pulling back and kissing both sides of her face.

"I love you, Dani," she pouts.

"Honey, not half as much as I love you," I say, smiling at her as my heart almost bursts with emotion.

I meet Zenon's gaze over her head, and he turns and looks away. I know that this is getting to him, as well.

"All right, it's time to go," he says, grabbing Zee Zee's suitcase.

I walk with them to the car and watch sadly as they pull away. Zee Zee is in the backseat with her face plastered to the back of the window.

Turning around, I head down to the water and sit in the sun, reminiscing over the summer that I've had.

***

"There you are," Zenon says an hour and a half later.

"Hey," I say with a half-smile, looking at him over my shoulder.

Zenon drops down onto the sand beside me and wraps his arms around me. I rest my head on his shoulder, and he kisses the top of my head and rubs my arm.

"You don't have any sunscreen on. You're going to burn, Dani."

Waving off his concern, I say, "I'll be fine."

"Will you?" he asks, tipping my face up so that my gaze can meet his.

It comes out of nowhere. My face crumples, and the tears fall. I know that the face I'm making is ugly, not photographable at all as snot runs and the tears stain my face.

"Noooo," I sob.

"Aw, baby," Zenon says, wrapping me closely to him and rocking me against his body.

We stay that way for quite a while.

When we finally break the embrace I ask, "How did she react when she saw her mom?"

"She was happy to see Larisa but still sad that she had to go."

Zenon stares at me for so long that I grow uncomfortable.

"What?"

"You really do love her, don't you?"

"I told you that I do."

"I'm honored that you love my daughter so much. If it's any consolation, I think you would be a great mother someday. I know that you never wanted that, but you would be awesome. You have so much to offer a child, and so much you can teach them."

I lay back under the setting sun and close my eyes as I pull my sunglasses from my head and onto my face.

Zenon lies beside me and reaches for my hand, locking our hands together.

"What now?" he asks.

Turning my head sideways, I stare at him. I know that he can't see my eyes.

"I don't know. I was wondering the same thing."

"I don't want you to lose you, Dani."

"But you live in Italy. I don't want to go back there, Z. There are too many unhappy memories for me over there."

"Me too," he responds.

"And I've done a short stint in Brazil. I love it for visiting, but I'm not sure I want to live there again."

"Me either," he sighs solemnly.

"I need to make amends with my family and repair my relationships with them."

"And I've never lived in America," he says.

My head jerks in his direction.

"What are you saying, Z?" I ask as my heart swells.

"I'm saying that I'll be wherever you are, Dani."

I fall victim to my tears again.

"What did I do to deserve you, Z? Your love? Your perfection and your acceptance? I don't deserve you with all my baggage, guilt, shame and my ugly, imperfect past."

"Honey, in my eyes, you're flawless, Dani," he says, leaning over and pressing his lips against mine.

We lay that way for such a long time that neither of us moves. We don't press further into the kiss. We don't open our mouths or engage our tongues. We just lie with our lips softly pressed together.

Zenon is the first one to break away.

"I can make my camp anywhere in the world. I've already seen the interest of the kids here on this island, along with the locals and tourists."

"You would do that for me?"

"I would do anything for you."

After a while, I sit up and say, "God, you're right. I think I did burn."

I press my fingertips to the red, tender spots on my body, noticing that I'm already starting to peel.

"Come on, let me get you home," he says, sitting up and then standing.

Zenon helps me grab my things as we make our way up to the walk. I'm surprised to see Jade when we arrive.

"Well, hello, you two. I thought that I was going to have to call in the calvary."

"Jade? What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Listen, I know that it took me longer than I said that I would, but I've made some phone calls and been in conversation with quite a few people. Now, it's not national...at least not yet. It's only local and would only air on the Southeast Coast, meaning the Carolinas, Georgia, and Florida. But I believe that in time, we could expand. And they wouldn't start taping until mid-fall."

She's talking so fast as she walks into the cottage with us that I can barely keep up.

"Wait, slow down for a second. I have no idea what you're talking about," I say.

Zenon grabs a pitcher of lemonade from the refrigerator and begins filling three glasses.

"I'm talking about your new talk show."

"What new talk show, Jade?"

"I told you that I wasn't giving up on you. Horoscope may not have renewed your contract, but that doesn't mean that someone didn't want you. I spoke with the producers at Low Country Studios and pitched the idea of your show to them."

"Wait. What show?"

"You know the one that you told me about last year when we were vacationing in the Bahamas?"

Squinting, I try to remember what she is talking about.

"You know the one where you said that you would talk about relationships, loving yourself, and healing yourself? Remember when you said that you would tell all the secrets about the industry and encourage young girls to find more productive and creative routes to go while connecting them with resources that would help them do that?"

That was one of the few moments of clarity that I had last year when I wasn't high as a kite or drunk as a skunk.

Laughing, I shake my head, "Honey, I was just blowing smoke."

"Well, that smoke has the producers and the network over at WGBTV – Athena high off your product. Pun intended. They want to do a pilot show with you on exactly what you're talking about. Apparently, the network has been looking for something creative and out of the box to turn this upcoming generation around, if you will and they agree that your show is it. The network is actually run by people who still have morals and values."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes!" Jade explodes, clapping her hands. "I'm telling you. I pitched it to the producers, and they pitched it to the network, and it's yours if you want it."

I sit down in amazement, staring at Zenon. He smiles encouragingly and lovingly at me.

"What do you think?" Jade asks.

"Z?" is all I manage to get out.

He walks to where I've sat down on the couch and sits beside me. Taking my hand in his, he says, "Baby, I think it sounds like a wonderful idea. It's a grand idea to get you back out there again, but small enough to keep you out of the national spotlight while you continue recovering. And it allows you to do what you were born to do. Ultimately, it's your decision. I say take some time and ponder on it and then give your final answer. No matter what you decide, I have your back."

"Girl, don't you ever screw this up again!" Jade stage whispers behind her hand while pointing at Zenon, who laughs.

I lower my head before leaning into him. He releases his hand to wrap his arm around me.

"If I do, lock me up for good, Jade, and throw away the key. I'd have to be clinically insane and not just a recovering addict."

Jade's eyes sparkle with unshed tears, and I know that my sis is happy for me.

"Here's the kicker. Guess what the name of the show would be?"

"What?" I ask.

Lifting an eyebrow, she smirks and tilts her head.

"Nica's Legacy?" I ask in astonishment.

When she nods, I bounce up out of Zenon's hands and squeal.

She runs to me and throws her arms around me, and we jump up and down.

After several seconds, I turn to Zenon and say, "I told her that if I ever had a show based on the things I thought most important, that would be its name."

"Kind of figured that out from your response," he says.

"Jade."

"Yes, honey?"

"Thank you."

"I told you that I was going to get this for you."

"Not for this, I mean, this too, but not specifically for this."

Scrunching her eyebrows, she says, "What then?"

"For believing in me enough to kick my ass and being angry enough to demonstrate tough love to me. I needed that. I wouldn't have gone to rehab if it had not been for you."

"I'm just glad that you did it, love. It took you being broken enough to agree to it. The thought of losing you scared me. I had sat back for much longer than I should have and watched you slip away from me. I couldn't take it another day."

She pulls me into her arms and hugs me tightly.

"I love you, Dani."

"I love you, too, Jade. And I apologize for putting you in those predicaments with your mother, your husband, and even your children. You didn't deserve that. Our friendship didn't deserve that, but I did not make it important enough to preserve what we built. Instead, I worked at tearing it down and you. Would you forgive me?"

"Of course, love. That's what true friends are for."

We talk a little longer before I walk her to her car, and she promises to give me at least a week to consider the offer. She says that she'll email me the terms of the contract for my attorney to look over.

When I return inside, Zenon is there waiting for me with a smile and open arms.

"I'm proud of you, baby," he says.

And I know that he is.