17: DANICA

It rained hard last night, but this morning the sun is shining in all its glory. The streets glow brightly with the beads of leftover rain droplets and rocks, making the road appear to be paved with jewels.

Zenon has let the top down on his rental, and the wind is blowing through my hair. I close my eyes and turn my face up to receive the sun's kiss. That's when I hear Zenon's gentle laughter beside me.

Opening my eyes with the same goofy smile on my face, I turn to look at him, and I notice that he's smiling as well.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"What were you laughing about just now?" I ask.

"I just love seeing that joy on your face. For a moment there, you were so open. Innocence and pure happiness were shining through on your face."

Shrugging, I say, "I don't know. It's just such a beautiful day."

I stretch my hand out and turn my palm up as we pass through a grove of Spanish moss trees. I wiggle my fingers as I catch some of the rain droplets falling from them.

Zenon reaches over to grab my free hand and intertwines his fingers with mine.

I look at him, and I ask, "Is Zílda going to be okay sharing her father?"

"Of course, she will. I mean, she usually has me to herself most of the time, but not always. There are lots of times that she's shared me with my family whenever we go home to visit, and she's often had to share me with my friends in Italy."

"What about other women?" I ask.

Surprisingly, I don't feel an ounce of judgment or jealousy when I ask the question, and neither do I feel those emotions as I anticipate his answer.

"I've never introduced her to another woman that I was involved with or intimate with before."

"Then how do you know that she'll be okay with me?"

"She's different than most kids her age."

"Different, how?" I ask, genuinely interested in knowing more about his daughter.

In the past, I was so self-consumed that I only wanted to know about people who weren't directly involved in my life by what impact they could possibly have on my life.

"She's mature for her age and very loving and kind. Zee Zee's been pressing me for some time to get a girlfriend that would be good to me so that I could settle down and marry."

Smiling, I ask, "Is that what you call her, Zee Zee?"

"Yeah."

"Why does she want you to marry?"

Laughing, he shakes his head and says, "She claims that I'm the marrying type. Whatever that means."

For the first time, sorrow fills my heart. I'm not good enough for Zenon.

I wiggle my fingers free of his. "You are," I say softly.

He glances at me, back at the road, and then back at me again.

"Hey, are you okay?" Zenon asks, gripping my chin and turning my face towards him as we come to a traffic light.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just wondering if I'm holding you back from some great love that's out there waiting for you."

Zenon swallows, and his jaw clenches as he turns away from me and drives forward when the light turns green.

"Did I say something to offend you?" I ask.

"If you don't know by now," he mutters.

Sighing, he turns up the radio and doesn't say anything else to me again.

When we arrive, he pulls into a lot on Cumberland Street in the French Quarter, halfway between the market and the fountain at Waterfront Park.

Lots of people are out enjoying the beautiful day.

"Do you want me to stay inside and wait for you here?" I ask.

"No, come on," he says, glancing at me with a curious scowl.

I exhale softly and drop my head before I look up again.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking that maybe you should go and see her first. That will give you time to prepare her for seeing me."

"Why? She already knows that you're coming, and that we'll be staying with you."

"And she's really okay with that?"

"Yeah."

Sighing, I say, "Okay, if you say so."

"I insist," he says with a loving smile.

I exit the car, but I'm still wondering why he shut down on me on the drive over. As we walk down the block, he takes my hand in his.

"Are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you, Dani. I just wish that you understood that my feelings for you are genuine. I never stopped loving you or wanting you."

"Even after everything that I've told you?"

"Makes me want you even more," he says, slowing his steps and staring at me. Taking my chin in his hand, Zenon stares into my eyes. "Everything you told me makes me want to protect you and hide you away from the world. It makes me want to care for you, not throw you to the wolves."

Tears prick my eyes just as I hear someone say, "Papochka! Papai!"

Zenon turns, and I see a long-legged, beautiful, willowy brunette girl running in our direction. She throws herself into Zenon's arms, and he spins her around. He plants a kiss in the center of her forehead and then buries himself in her hair, inhaling her scent with his eyes closed.

The love between the pair is evident to anyone for miles around. A peaceful smile rests on his lips, and when his eyes finally flicker open, he glances at me and then back down at her with pride shining through.

"Look at you, switching between Russian and Portuguese to call me daddy. Show off," he teases.

She giggles, and then they speak to one another in Portuguese briefly before he pulls her into his side, turning her to face me.

The sun shines brighter on her, allowing me to see the streaks of blonde highlights in her hair. It's natural, nothing that came from a bottle, but just the simple genetic pairing of her parents.

She's gorgeous with her round face and solemn brown eyes so like her father's. She has the most gorgeous pouty lips like her father, but wide with indentations at the end like her mother who approaches us now.

The woman, that I presume is Larisa, steps up and grips Zenon's upper arm possessively. She, like her daughter, is beautiful with caramel blonde hair.

Assessing blue eyes stare at me from a round face, much like her daughter's, but then she quickly turns her gaze to Zenon, and I watch as her wide mouth slowly tilts into a full-on grin as though she's genuinely happy to see him.

She's petite, about five-two, small framed but with generous curves that fit her stature. I feel like a giant in her presence, but I wouldn't be the only one. Zílda is tall like her father, approximately five-nine to my five-eleven.

I don't miss the sneer she gives when Zenon removes himself from her grasp.

"Larisa, Zee Zee," which sounds more like Cee Cee coming from his heavily accented voice. "I would like to introduce you both to Danica Maxwell. Dani, this is my daughter, Zílda, and her mother, Larisa."

Zílda steps from underneath her father's protective arm and extends a hand in my direction. "Pleased to meet you, Ms. Danica. You may call me Zee Zee. Papai knows this," she says, chidingly looking up at Zenon who smiles at her and winks.

"The pleasure is mine, Zee Zee. And you may call me Dani," I say, taking her hand in mine.

I turn to Larisa and extend my hand towards her. "Larisa, it's a pleasure to finally meet you."

Larisa looks at my hand, turns her nose up, and then glances at Zenon who scowls at her. Turning back to me, she pastes a fake smile on her face, accepts my hand, and says, "Danica," with a nod but nothing else.

"May I speak with you for a moment, Zenon?" she asks, turning and expecting him to promptly follow.

"Can you give me just a minute?" Zenon asks pleadingly.

I smile, assuring him that I'm going to be okay. "Sure. I can chat with Zee Zee while I wait."

I watch as he stalks off towards Larisa, and I see the tension all over his body.

"Forgive my mother. She doesn't do well with anyone she surmises is the competition."

"Competition?"

"For my Papai's attention. Don't get me wrong, I have never met a woman that he's been involved with before," she says, confirming Zenon's earlier statement, "but I have met plenty of family friends who I could tell were interested in him, along with friends of my aunts. My mother doesn't like anyone having his attention aside from me."

"And his family, of course," I add.

"Not even them," she says, shaking her head. "They're not even together, and she doesn't want to be with him any more than he wants to be with her. It's just her way."

Zee Zee says it so matter-of-factly that I don't question it. It amazes me how mature she sounds, and I think about what Zenon said earlier about her being different. It also makes me wonder what her mother has exposed her to.

"Well, I look forward to spending time with you and getting to know you," I tell her.

"And me as well. We spend a lot of time in different places, but I've never been to the Carolinas before. I haven't been anywhere on the East Coast except for New York and Atlanta."

"Well, your father will have to remedy that," I say just as someone from across the street shouts, "Nica!"

I turn in the direction of the voice only to see paparazzi coming my way. My heart slams in my chest, and tiny pinpricks of fear pop out all along my scalp and down my spine.

I glance at Zenon, where he's in a heated discussion with Larisa.

"Come on, let's go!" I say, grabbing Zee Zee's hand and tugging her behind me as I beeline for the car.

"What's going on?" she asks in fear.

"Nica! Have you just been in rehab? Where have you been hiding? Your fans are looking for you," he says, running in our direction as I pick up speed along with Zee Zee.

I hop into the car as Zee Zee jumps into the back seat without opening the door. Belatedly, I realize that Zenon has the keys, and we've left the car top down.

The guy is snapping pictures, and I'm turning away from him with my head down and covering my face as much as possible.

"What's going on?" Zee Zee asks again.

"Who's this, Nica?" he asks.

I turn around, and as I fear, he has turned his camera on Zenon's daughter, and he's snapping pictures. I grab the door handle and jerk it open. I launch myself into the back seat, covering Zee Zee with my arms and shielding her as much as possible with my body.

"Get the hell away from here!" I cry out.

"We just want to know where you've been and if the rumors of your overdose in L.A. are true?"

Tears flow down my face as I scream at him. "Get away!"

A crowd is forming, and my vision is blurred. The next thing that I know, Zenon is there jerking the man away. He punches him in the face and throws his camera to the ground.

"Zenon!" Larisa yells from behind us, making things worse by publicly identifying him.

If she had not said his name, no one would know who he is.

"Let's go!" I cry out to him as the man struggles, holding his nose and trying to pick his camera up.

"Leave!" Zenon tells Larisa who turns and runs back to her car.

Zenon hops into the front seat and starts the car just as the man says, "Zenon, is it? I'll find out who you are!"

Zenon pulls out of his parking spot and takes off down the street following Larisa. The streets are pretty crowded as it is a weekend day in the summer when everyone seems to be going to the market.

Zenon manages to maneuver his way through the crowd. After a while, we lose sight of Larisa, and we make our way back to the island.

When we arrive at the house, he turns around in his seat and looks at his daughter. Placing his hands on her face, he asks, "Are you okay?"

Her large, watery eyes stare at him and then nod. "Sim, Papai," she affirms.

Relieved at her saying yes, Zenon releases her face and then gets out of the car.

"What happened back there?" she asks.

"Ask, Dani," he says.

Slamming his door, he heads into the house. He slams that door as well without bothering to look back at us.

I inhale deeply and turn to look at her.

"I'm so sorry that that happened to you. I also know that your father is very upset right now that you were not only exposed to that, but that your picture was also taken. That guy was paparazzi."

"No, I know who he was. They hound my father the same way at times. There's only been one time, that I was with him when it happened, though. It was my dad, my aunt Uxia, and me. She was knocked down to the ground. She had been holding my hand at the time and she was forced to release my hand because of the crowd.

"We were separated by a crowd, and Papai and Aunt Uxia were both trying to reach me, but they couldn't. I was scared and crying, and later, he told me that he felt that he hadn't been able to protect me. It made him feel helpless, and he never wanted to feel that way again."

My heart breaks for her and Zenon. I can't imagine what it might feel like to not be able to protect your child or someone that you love. My first instinct when we were downtown was to protect Zee Zee, and I had only been able to do that a little.

"I'm sorry, Zee Zee."

"What he said about the drugs and rehab...was that true?" she asks after a pause.

I inhale and close my eyes. How do I explain to a child the choices that I've made led me down a dark and dangerous path?

If she were my child, I would simply tell the truth, but she isn't mine. Alternatively, I don't want to lie either because she can easily look me up.

"I have made some very poor choices that were not in my best interest, Zee Zee. I cannot take them away. The only thing that I can do is learn from them, and that's what I'm in the process of doing now; learning to become a better person. All the things that they're saying about me on social media aren't true, but I haven't been a very good person either."

Frowning, she says, "A lot of us make bad decisions, and we have to learn from them. Kind of like when my dad head-butted that guy on the field a few years ago. His career ended after that, but he's learned from it."

"Well, that's probably another thing that he's not happy about; becoming physical with that guy back there."

"He deserved it," she says emphatically. "For the way that he treated you."

"No one deserves violence, Zee Zee. And I'm sure that's probably playing a part in your father's emotional state as well, right now," I explain.

She nods knowingly.

"Go ahead in the house and check out your room."

"Can I?" she asks excitedly as if everything else has been forgotten.

"Yep. I'm sorry that we didn't get a chance to pick up your luggage. Perhaps we can order some clothes and have them shipped to you right away. How does that sound?"

"Can I pick them out?" she asks with a tiny smile.

"Of course, as long as they have your father's approval."

"Great!" she says, leaping out of the car and running towards the cottage.

I sit in the car for several more moments, lying with my head back and closing my eyes.

This was not the way that I envisioned this meeting going.