11. Chapter 11
Chapter 11
On Sunday morning, Rocco reluctantly left Taylor’s warm bed and left a note next to Taylor’s unconscious form and slipped home, grabbing a quick shower before heading downstairs to get the morning’s baking started.
He’d hated to leave Taylor but the sheer joy he felt overrode any disappointment and by the time Rebecca walked in at eight, he was still smiling so hard his cheeks hurt.
When he got a text an hour later—a selfie from Taylor, shirtless, his face adorably scrunched up with disappointment—his smile only grew.
“Aw,” Rebecca said, pinching his flushed cheeks, “you’re adorable. And in love.”
Rocco didn’t know if he wanted to be in love .
He and Taylor were so newly on this different path of this might be something more than just a fake relationship we’re playing at. What would really dating look like?
If it’s anything like last night, really fucking good , Rocco’s subconscious supplied.
“It’s a crush for sure,” Rocco admitted.
A strong one.
He ignored Rebecca’s knowing wink when Taylor popped in just after noon, a smile on his face that equaled or maybe even exceeded Rocco’s, carrying a takeout bag from The Snowflake Shack.
Rocco made them a pair of marzipan lattes, and they shared sandwiches at the corner table, knees knocking together and feet brushing up against each other, before Rocco totally let Taylor lure him upstairs.
His mouth tasted like almond and Taylor , and Rocco didn’t complain one bit as Taylor pushed him up against the door and then went to his knees.
On Monday, an enormous poinsettia arrangement arrived at the shop, just when Mrs. Lil was there, grabbing her favorite pumpkin spice latte, and she oohed and ahhhed over the flowers.
Rocco knew the news would be all over Christmas Falls by sunset and decided he didn’t mind. They’d wanted everyone to know when their relationship was all fake, and now that it had morphed into something true, why wouldn’t the same apply ?
At four, when Taylor stopped by, ostensibly to grab a coffee, but really, Rocco was beginning to figure out, to take full, glorious advantage of the fact that he had a bed upstairs, he decided he should say something. Make sure Taylor knew what he was getting into.
Sure, Taylor had lived here for four years, but maybe he’d lost his mind, right alongside Rocco.
Lying on Taylor’s naked chest, his fingertips sweeping up and down Rocco’s bare back, he said, “The flowers were gorgeous. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Rocco could hear the smirk in Taylor’s voice. “And here I thought you already thanked me.”
The way Rocco had blown him this afternoon—slow and wet and deep—had had nothing to do with the flower delivery and they both knew that, but Rocco still smiled against Taylor’s skin. “Mrs. Lil was here when they showed up.”
“Ah, so the prodigal daughter returns,” Taylor teased, but Rocco could hear the deep pleasure in his voice, and he knew it was all for him.
“Yep,” Rocco said. He knew he should keep going and say, so if you were wanting to keep this under wraps, it’s not gonna happen. And by the way, what are we doing here?
Rocco’s heart thought it knew the answer, but his brain was working overtime, worrying that maybe he didn’t .
But before he could figure out how to phrase the question less bluntly, Taylor’s phone dinged, and he disentangled himself, rolling over with a groan.
“Shit, I gotta go,” he mumbled.
Rocco stared at the ceiling, the bubble of happiness inside him too solid to burst, even if the questions peppering it threatened its integrity.
“Sorry,” Taylor added, with a little bit of a wince as he slid out of bed. “I wanted to stay, but Mona wants to meet last-minute with Harvey about something.”
“No worries.” Rocco shifted his focus to where Taylor was pulling on his work clothes. “Watching you get re-dressed is almost as fun as undressing you.”
Taylor flushed. “Maybe one of these days I can make it twenty-four hours before I have to have you again.”
Rocco smiled. “Ditto. But it’s alright. Rebecca only gives me a little bit of shit about holding down the fort during our ‘community development meetings.’”
“Is that what you told her we’re doing?” Taylor laughed as punctuation.
Rocco groaned a little, sliding out of bed and sorting through the clothes on the ground, looking for his briefs. “She knows the truth. I think the pretense is more for me than for her,” Rocco said. “We’re friends but not good enough friends for me to say, by the way, I really need Taylor’s dick. Like right fucking now. ”
Taylor straight up cackled as he finished buttoning his shirt. “I was pretty sure the flowers were a pretty obvious example of that.”
Rocco had thought so too—but he’d also thought they were a statement that also said more, like I was thinking about you and I hoped you were thinking about me, too .
And maybe Taylor had meant that, but ugh , Rocco thought as he headed downstairs, lips still flushed from the last deep kiss Taylor had given him before he’d left, why hadn’t he said so?
Nothing stopping you from asking . Rocco ignored this voice that sounded too much like his cousin Luca for comfort.
Because yes, that was true.
But Rocco was so goddamned happy. Every moment with Taylor pure perfection that he was increasingly worried about bursting that bubble.
On Wednesday, he took the afternoon, after Taylor had texted that he couldn’t make it over—there’d been another emergency, this one about the upcoming holiday lights tour that required his intervention—to test the almond cookie recipe that Rocco was sure had been Teresa Hall’s.
He wanted to surprise Taylor with them. A personal gift that he hoped might express how much he was feeling these days, maybe without actually saying the words.
Say the goddamn words, Moretti . This voice sounded suspiciously like Oliver’s, and Rocco wanted to ignore it, like he’d ignored all the others, but it was becoming harder and harder .
Especially when Wednesday evening, as he was just coming back from Rudolph’s after eating a chicken salad wrap for a quick dinner, Rocco saw Taylor leaning against the closed and locked door at Jolly Java.
“Wondered where you’d gotten to,” Taylor said, greeting him with a warm arm wrapping around his middle, tugging him close enough to kiss.
Rocco tilted his head back and pressed his lips to Taylor’s. Taylor didn’t hesitate, just leaned right into the kiss. It got intense fast, Taylor groaning in the back of his throat as his arm tightened around Rocco.
“You could’ve texted.” Rocco was breathless when they finally broke apart, his fingers trembling as he pulled his keys from his pocket.
“I didn’t mind waiting for you. Knew you’d be back sooner rather than later. And maybe,” Taylor added with a grin that made Rocco’s heartbeat accelerate even further, “I was hoping to surprise you.”
“You accomplished your goal,” Rocco admitted. He unlocked the door and Taylor followed him up the stairs. He’d considered grabbing a decaf cappuccino when it had been just him, but the almond cookies were cooling on the kitchen counters downstairs, and he still wanted to preserve his surprise.
Taylor nuzzled into his neck as he unlocked the door to his apartment, at the top of the stairs. “Missed you this afternoon,” he murmured into Rocco’s skin .
Rocco’s heart skipped another beat, and he swore it tumbled right out of his chest and into Taylor’s waiting hands.
Okay, maybe Rebecca wasn’t wrong, after all.
Rocco had had crushes before. Rocco had been positive he’d been in love before, too, but it had sure never felt like this.
Like he’d die if he didn’t get skin-to-skin with Taylor as soon as possible.
Taylor seemed to be on the same page, because he was already pushing Rocco’s jacket off and tugging up his sweater.
“God,” he groaned after they kissed again. “You smell so good. Like sugar. Like cookies. Like fucking magic .”
Taylor smelled like pine and fresh air. Like he’d spent all afternoon outside, doing the wrangling that he was so good at. And from how cold his nose and cheeks were, against his newly exposed warm skin, it seemed like he probably had.
Rocco pulled back. Trying to find the brakes, even though he didn’t know if he actually wanted to slow down.
“So do you,” he murmured, reaching up and cupping Taylor’s cheek, slightly rough with the scruff that had grown in since the morning. “I missed you, too.”
Taylor seemed to get that he wanted to slow things down and flopped down onto the couch, his jacket and shoes off, digging his socked toes into the rug.
Rocco settled down next to him. “Did you get the light tour all figured out? ”
Taylor sighed. “Yeah. Mostly. It’s like wrangling a whole bunch of naughty cats.”
“Aren’t all cats naughty?” Rocco wound his hands around Taylor’s shoulders and his neck. Maybe he’d wanted to take a breath, but he also didn’t want to stop touching Taylor either. His heart craved him, worse than any drug. Worse even than his highly developed caffeine addiction.
“I’m going to tell Meredith you said that,” Taylor teased, leaning in again, cold nose brushing against Rocco’s neck. “And you know, she likes you.”
She hadn’t been sure of him, at first. The first time he’d spent the night—the first night they’d slept together—she’d eyed him suspiciously. But then two days ago, he’d woken up with a mouthful of fur and a single disdainful eye as she’d given him a look like how dare you jostle me from my chosen throne?
“I like her, too. Her and her owner.” It was the most Rocco could say without confessing everything, without letting himself word-vomit out, Actually, it’s so much worse than that. I think I’m in love with you. Please be in love with me, too.
“Like you, too. I thought I’d go nuts this afternoon.” Taylor’s voice was hushed. Intimate. “Every time I leave, I think, I can go twelve hours without kissing you, and I can’t. I’m—”
Maybe Rocco should’ve let him get the rest of the sentence out. Maybe Taylor would’ve said what he himself was struggling not to confess, but instead, he leaned in and kissed him, hard. Taylor’s lips lush on his, his heart racing as their kiss deepened .
“I want you,” Taylor murmured into his mouth as one kiss slid into the next, one after another in a never-ending chain. “Want you so bad.”
Rocco, sliding into Taylor’s lap, could feel just how much he did, his cock hard and throbbing in his slacks.
“I want you too,” Rocco said, even though that was hardly a surprise.
“I just don’t want you to think I’m only here for—” Taylor’s voice broke into a gasp as Rocco’s hands slid down, palm pressing against his erection. “For that. Don’t get me wrong. I love that. But we can . . .”
Rocco applied more pressure, in a way that he knew Taylor liked, and Taylor’s words devolved into groans.
“How about this,” Rocco said, undoing Taylor’s belt and then unzipping his pants, “we do this first , and then we can pretend to watch some TV while I’m thinking of how to lure you to my bed?”
“No luring necessary,” Taylor said with a gasp as Rocco’s hand closed around his bare cock. He gave an experimental twist of his fist and then let go, guiding his fingers into Taylor’s mouth. He sucked them deep, eyes fluttering closed, cheeks hollowing out, and Rocco’s heart gave another feeble gasp of complete surrender.
“God, that’s so fucking hot,” Taylor groaned as Rocco wrapped his now-wet fingers around Taylor’s erection .
He stroked him tight and firm, the way he’d learned Taylor liked. He wanted to be overwhelmed. Then to be edged, until he couldn’t take it anymore and begged to come.
“Honestly, everything you do is so fucking hot,” Taylor continued, babbling now, in that loose, uncontrolled way that meant he was already reaching that place, the one where Rocco liked to lead him to and then pull back, just enough .
Rocco slid down off Taylor’s lap and took Taylor’s spit-slick cock into his mouth, tonguing at the head, gratified at how it twitched in his mouth. Then he slid it deep, sucking hard.
“God, yes, please,” Taylor said with a long drawn out groan.
But that was always the cue to Rocco to pull back. He did, and Taylor groaned even louder. “I hate it when you do that,” he complained, fingers deep in Rocco’s hair now.
“No, you don’t.” Rocco teased the head with a few light licks. Keeping Taylor right there on the edge.
“No, I don’t,” Taylor agreed breathlessly. “Every time you do it, I want to bend you over the nearest flat surface and make you scream.”
“Exactly why I do it,” Rocco said and then sucked him deep again.
He repeated his actions a few more times, until only nonsense pleas were falling from Taylor’s lips, his chest was flushed all the way up to his chin, and his fingers dug hard into his skull .
“You wanna come?” Rocco teased. He took one of his hands and pressed it against his own erection, feeling Taylor’s desperation.
Taylor’s only response was a broken moan.
Nevermind how hot Taylor thought Rocco was, he couldn’t be even close to as hot as Taylor was like this.
Rocco gave him one last long suck, letting his dick slide even farther into his throat, and Taylor pulsed down it, his hands clamped hard around his head.
“Fuck,” Taylor said as he finally stopped shuddering and his cock slipped out of Rocco’s mouth. “That was so good, I think I almost died a little there at the end.”
“Yeah?” Rocco had thought so too.
And as good as it was for Taylor, it was nearly as good for Rocco.
Just seeing him like this . . .well, he was more and more convinced he was in deep enough in this that he couldn’t have gotten out even if he’d felt the inclination.
And he didn’t. Not even close. Especially not after Taylor roused himself, never one to leave Rocco unsatisfied, and led him into the bedroom. Did exactly as he’d promised too.
Taylor sucked cock differently than Rocco did, but that didn’t mean his technique left anything to be desired.
Especially not when his long, perfect fingers were buried two-deep inside him, hitting him in a spot where Rocco could only hang on for the ride .
When he came, it felt like it went on forever, pulse after pulse of come falling onto Taylor’s tongue.
And Taylor thought he was hot, but could it be any hotter when Taylor tugged him into a hot kiss, sharing his own load with him?
After, they curled up on the couch, just as Rocco had suggested, the TV playing at a low volume, some holiday movie that Rocco didn’t recognize, but probably the rest of the town had memorized.
“So, you wanna talk about what went wrong this afternoon?” Rocco asked. “Or are you allowed? Are you bound by town secrecy?
Taylor chuckled, his arm warm and firm around Rocco’s shoulders. He dropped a kiss against Rocco’s bare collarbone. “Just a homeowner who’s unhappy at the specified order for the holiday light tour. They think their street should be first on the flyer, because it’s, according to him, ‘better decorated’ than the one that is first.”
“That sounds annoying.”
“Hey, you gotta deal with the anti-goat cheese contingent, I gotta deal with the jerks who believe because they’d spent all year planning and collecting lights and putting them up, that they deserve more recognition than the other guy.”
“I guess they take it pretty seriously.” Rocco should know that by now, but every time he thought he understood the intensity Christmas Falls residents brought to the festival, he was surprised.
“You’re beginning to get it,” Taylor said with a chuckle. “Seriously is an understatement.”
“But you got it all worked out?”
“Yep. I listened to them and then told them, very nicely, to take a seat.” Even though his eyes were on the TV, Rocco thought he could feel Taylor smile in satisfaction of a job well done. Was that taking care of the residents? Or was that taking care of Rocco? Maybe it was both.
“You’re good at that. Steve Mills wouldn’t have done nearly as good of a job.”
“Oh, did you hear? He’s moving back to Indianapolis. Withdrew his application for city manager today.” Now Rocco could feel Taylor’s smile.
“Good,” Rocco said.
“But I guess Mrs. Steve Mills will not be accompanying him,” Taylor said.
“Uh, that’s awkward.”
“Guess she likes it here.”
“Or she likes it away from him.”
Taylor shrugged. “Maybe both? Anyway, I’m not worried about the job anymore. I think I’ll be a shoe-in.”
“As you deserve,” Rocco said and yawned deeply.
“Come on, we’d better get you to bed,” Taylor said .
Caught between sleep and consciousness, Rocco murmured, “Stay.”
And the last thing he remembered was his head hitting the pillow, Taylor’s body warm, cuddled against his own.
Thursday morning, Taylor dodged the walk of shame by heading out the back door of Jolly Java, detouring to the kitchen for a moment to give Rocco a quick kiss goodbye.
They’d spent every night together this week, without him even meaning to.
Liar. You totally meant to.
When he let himself into his house, Meredith gave him the stink eye from her perch on the sofa, and despite her prickly look, he went over and gave her a quick rub, apologizing without words for his absence last night.
Somehow, without attempting to, they’d spent about half their nights tucked up in Rocco’s little apartment above the coffee shop, and half of them here.
They’d fallen into this routine without even discussing it, even though as Taylor fed Meredith and then headed to the shower, he knew they needed to.
But it was so good , he didn’t want to.
What if he was imagining the look in Rocco’s eyes just before he fell asleep? The one that proclaimed trust and affection and something deeper, too. Something that resonated inside Taylor too, a truth he kept shying away from. Not because he was afraid of it, but because it was too big, too bright, too hot for him to touch.
If it was just him, too? Ugh , Taylor didn’t know what he’d do if that was true.
Make him fall in love with you, the way you’ve fallen for him.
Taylor braced a hand against the shower wall and wanted to ignore it, wanted to deny it, but there was that truth again.
It followed him all the way into work, through the morning staff meeting, and there was no question of it not following him to lunch, because he was meeting Griff, the festival organizer, and if there was anyone who’d been transformed by that bright light, it was him.
Before last year, Griff had been gruff and short-tempered, the festival always seemingly winding him tighter and tighter, but then he’d met his boyfriend, Logan, and he’d changed.
He was still Griff, but he was softer. Sweeter. Less prone to frustrated outbursts. Even given to smiling sometimes.
And though he’d always been gossip-averse, he’d even begun to indulge in Christmas Falls’ second favorite thing.
“So, I hear you’re spending a lot of time at the coffee shop these days,” he said as the waiter at The Snowflake Shack finished taking their order.
“I thought we were here to talk about the cookie exchange,” Taylor pointed out .
Griff laughed. “We can do that. But I know why you wanted to. And I don’t know if I can swing it.”
“Listen, he’s not going to put goat cheese in the cookies,” Taylor said, chuckling. “He promises.”
Griff shot Taylor a knowing look. “I gave up lunch with my boyfriend for this, and we’re going to talk about goat cheese?”
“Oh come on, you and Logan are inseparable,” Taylor said. “Besides, you owe me a favor for defusing that ridiculous light tour issue.”
“True.” Griff leaned back in the booth. “So you wanna talk about it?”
“No.”
Yes .
But Griff seemed to understand that he’d actually meant the opposite because he just sat there, waiting him out.
Taylor gave in, saying in a rush, “Okay, fine. I guess I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t intend for this happen. Rocco and me, it was just supposed to be a means to an end.”
“And now you’re wondering how you got in this deep?” Griff chuckled. “Yep, sounds about right.”
“I don’t know if he feels the same way. We barely know each other but . . .”
“But it feels like you’ve known each other forever?”
“Ugh, you get it,” Taylor said.
So much for being afraid. He was all freaking in, now. Heart and soul .
“You need to talk about this,” Griff said.
“I know, but . . .” Taylor grimaced. “I feel stupid and I’m worried. What if I’m wrong, what if it’s just me? What if I’ve miscalculated this whole thing? I did that once before, and that really, really sucked. And as bad as that was, this would somehow be even worse.” He’d have to see Rocco all the time in town, a constant reminder of what he’d wanted and had never really had.
“You gonna let some dickhead in your past impact your future?”
“You suck.”
“I just tell it like it is,” Griff said reasonably. “Now, tell me what you want.”
“An invite for Rocco to be featured at the cookie exchange.”
“He gonna want to murder you for giving him all this extra work at the last minute?”
Taylor considered this. But then thought about the way Rocco’s face lit up every time the little jingle bells over the door at Jolly Java sounded. How much he craved a spot in this community. How dejected he’d been when he’d believed he was being pushed out. He remembered how upset Rocco had been when he hadn’t managed to win the festival committee over and return to providing the cookies at the tree lighting.
“Honestly, I don’t think there’s much Rocco can’t do,” Taylor said, knowing it was true.
Griff smiled. “Spoken like a man in love. ”
And Taylor didn’t think he was wrong.
After lunch, his afternoon was packed with meetings, but he managed to duck out of his office just before five, when he thought he might be able to catch Rocco before he headed out to the cocktail hour he’d said he was going to attend with Rebecca and a few of the other regulars he’d met at Jolly Java, including Emerson, the writer.
Sure enough, when Taylor peered into the windows, he could see the faint light emanating from the direction of the kitchen.
Pulling out his phone, he shot Rocco a quick text, asking if he had a minute to talk.
A few moments later, Rocco appeared at the front door, wiping his hands on a flour-dusted apron. “Hey, you,” he said as he unlocked the door and ushered Taylor in.
His curls were rumpled, and there was a smear of flour on his cheek, and Taylor couldn’t do anything else but lean in and kiss him. Sweet and hard, pouring all the passion he didn’t know how to deal with, all that bright light that terrified and enchanted him, into the kiss.
“ Really, hey, you,” Rocco teased as he finally pulled back. “What’s the special occasion? Thought you had meetings this afternoon.” Thought we were meeting up after the cocktail hour . Rocco didn’t say it, but Taylor didn’t need to hear it for him to know it was true. But for the first time, he felt like maybe he should say it .
“I do, but I ducked out of one of them a bit early, ’cause I had some exciting news.”
“Yeah?” Rocco’s eyes sparkled.
“I got you an invite to the cookie exchange,” Taylor said.
Rocco looked floored. “You mean, the cookie exchange that I’ve been trying to get invited to for weeks now? For a freaking month ?”
“Yep, that one,” Taylor said.
“Really? You got me in?” Rocco waited a second until Taylor nodded, and then he threw his arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.
But it wasn’t tight enough for Taylor, who pulled him in even closer, until their bodies were pressed together.
“God, you’re amazing,” Rocco murmured into his neck.
Which really was ironic, because the amazing one was Rocco.
“I just asked—well, begged, really—Griff. And he owed me one, ’cause I handled that issue with the light tour.” And I think he took pity on me because he sees just how crazy about you I am.
“Well, he’s amazing. And you’re amazing. Even more amazing. For thinking of me.”
It would be so easy to just say, I think about you all the time. With Rocco gazing at him like this, his dark eyes full of affection and gratitude, it should be easy. After all, it probably wouldn’t be news .
But he’d been afraid for years, and even though he didn’t want to do what Griff said and let his past ruin his future, it was hard to get past that lump in his throat.
Then it didn’t matter, because Rocco was kissing him fiercely, and if their kiss a minute ago had been passionate, this one topped it easily.
Taylor groaned into Rocco’s mouth and they stumbled backwards, Taylor’s hip hitting one of the stools in front of the big bay window.
Rocco’s tongue stroked his, insistently, and a second later, he pulled back. “Do you have time to . . .”
Taylor’s cock was pleading that yes , he had time, and he really kind of did, and it wasn’t like they didn’t want each other. They had barely been able to keep their hands off each other all week.
But he also wondered if this sex was about more than just wanting each other.
It killed Taylor, but he took a breath and then another. “Not right now,” he said.
Rocco pouted. “But I wanted to give you a—”
That had been exactly what Taylor was afraid of. “Yeah, and believe me, I’m not ever going to turn you down, but that’s not what this is. A . . .favor for a favor.”
“It’s not?” Rocco frowned.
Taylor’s heart started beating a little faster. “No,” he said firmly. He was still afraid, but he cared about Rocco enough that he couldn’t let him believe that was true. They weren’t just doing a favor for a favor. They were having sex, they were goddamn together , because they liked each other.
Because you love him. And you hope he might love you back, someday.
“Okay,” Roco said, smiling, and his eyes were full of that same feeling Taylor was full of, pressing against his breastbone. “I like the sound of that.”
It wasn’t everything Taylor should say, he knew that much, but it would be enough.
For now.