Chapter 32

Megan

"I've still got some energy to get out. I'm going to go for another run. Two legs this time." Sam grinned. "Wanna come?" We were standing right inside the cabin door after the last pack member had gone.

Neither of us had said a word about our kiss that afternoon, and I really wanted some alone time to process it. Besides, I was beat after such an emotional day and then my time as a wolf.

"No, I'm pretty tired. I think I'm going to go grab a shower and then maybe read for a bit." I smiled up at him, so he'd know it wasn't a rejection. Even if I did plan on doing more over-analyzing than reading.

"Okay." He smiled back and touched the small of my back briefly. "I'll probably be about a half hour or so. You okay for that long?"

"Of course. I think even my wolf is worn out after today." I willed myself to keep from blushing.

With another smile he was out the door. I grabbed my pajamas and sports bra and headed to the bathroom.

The hot water never felt better than it did beating down on my recently exercised muscles. I was lightly pinked by the time I shut off the water and got out. I had just finished wrapping the towel around my head when there was a knock at the door.

"Just a minute!" I called. I grabbed my purple robe from the bed, but then threw it over the back of a chair when Tammy's face peeked through the window.

"Hey, Tammy," I said as I opened the door. She brushed past me into the kitchen. "What's up?"

"Is Sam here?"

"No. He went for another run. Is everything okay?"

She whirled on me, her black hair fanning around her head.

"No, everything is not okay. Do you plan on staying a wolf?" She bit the words out.

"Um, no," I stammered, taken aback by her question and her attitude.

She ran both her hands through her short hair making the tufts spike up even more.

"Then what are you doing kissing him?" she thundered.

I blinked. Was wanting to kiss Sam such a bad thing?

"You're his mate," she continued without a breath as I tried to catch up and process.

Mate?

"Do you have any idea how much you're screwing with his head? Bad enough biting you was an accident—but then to find out you're his mate? For life! That's the way wolves do things. We aren't fickle like humans. Like you. You have been given the ultimate gift, and you're trashing it! But before you reject perfection, you're going to make this a thousand times harder for Sam by kissing him? You ungrateful idiot! You keep making the mate bond stronger with no thought of what it's going to do to him when you leave on two legs! It'll be all fine, well, and good for you on your happy little human way, but Sam will never be the same after you leave! For sure, he'll never be able to forget you. You selfish son of a—"

"Did you say mate?" I interrupted her, my heart a cold lump in my chest. The fight suddenly left her and her face paled. We were silent for a long minute.

"You really didn't know," she whispered. She was white as a sheet, and I thought she might be sick.

Without another word, she bolted for the door.

"Tammy, wait! Come back!" But she was gone.

Mate. The word rolled over and over in my mind. I needed to know exactly what that meant. With my head in a jumble, I put the kettle on and made myself a cup of tea. I was sitting at the table with my hands wrapped around the steaming mug when Sam came back through the door ten minutes later.

He took one look at me, and his muscles tensed. "What's wrong?"

I took a breath and plunged in. "Sam, am I your…mate?"

His face immediately became an unreadable mask.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Tammy was here."

His face fell, and he dragged a hand through his sweat-dampened hair. "Yeah. Okay. Let me get a quick shower."

I watched him as he grabbed his stuff and went to the bathroom. Though his movements were quick, he moved stiffly like an old man. I busied myself and made Sam a cup of hot chocolate with a big marshmallow on top the way I knew he liked it.

The shower shut off, and minutes later Sam emerged wearing a light blue T-shirt and his loose-fitting gray pajama bottoms. His hair was darkened by the water and stuck out a little where he'd run the towel over it. Even in a tee and PJ bottoms, he could have been a model on the cover of any number of magazines. Why did he have to be so gorgeous?

He sat in the chair opposite my forgotten mug of tea. He sighed. I put the mug of hot chocolate in front of him, and he grabbed my hand.

"Thanks." His eyes met mine briefly as he released my hand. The chair squeaked as I sat down across from him so we could talk face to face.

"So. I'm your mate?" I ventured.

"Yes." The tension in my belly coiled tighter at his admission. I wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but it sounded very permanent, and Sam's reluctance to talk about it made me nervous. Strangely, the wolf inside me was quiet.

Sam took another deep breath and then turned the full force of his blue eyes on me. I bit the inside of my lip.

"It's not a bad thing," he started. "It's a good thing. Really. Totally normal, though this sort of mate bond is somewhat rare. It's just a thing I didn't want you to have to deal with on top of everything else. What did Tammy say?"

"Not a lot, actually. I think she thought I knew. Something about being your mate and that kissing you at the theater made things a lot harder for you—a lot worse." Mortified, I felt tears pricking my eyes. "I'm sorry. I, I had no idea. I didn't mean to make anything more difficult."

He reached across the table and gripped both my hands in his.

"Meg, none of this is your fault. There's nothing for you to feel guilty about. As for kissing me, you can do that anytime you want." He smiled. It was a sad smile, but a smile that reached his eyes. I felt the tension in my belly uncoil a fraction of an inch.

"What exactly does it mean in the wolf world—that I'm your mate? Are you…my mate? How does that work if I stay human? Or if I stay wolf?"

"Well, it's a little complicated with the human-wolf factors, but I'll try to explain everything. Firstly, yes. You are my mate. When I bit you, I felt a little bit of tingling, but when you phased that first time, I knew you were my mate." It was a happy memory for him. His smile stretched across his face.

"Why didn't I feel anything? Besides the shift, I mean."

"This is the complicated part. When you phased, you should have felt it, too. But because I was human when I bit you, there's still a chance your body will fight off my toxins. That's the best guess I've got for it. Your wolf probably thinks of me as her mate, but obviously the human part of you doesn't. If you stay human, any of those lingering wolf feelings will fade." His eyes grew sad. "So no. I'm not your mate. If I were, you'd know." I felt myself blush as I thought about how my wolf responded to Sam. How much she wanted him sometimes. I cleared my throat.

"Tammy said that kissing you made the mate bond stronger, and that it was making things harder for you."

His thumbs rubbed over my knuckles. He still held my hands, and I found myself wanting him to wrap his arms around all of me.

"Tammy has a big mouth, but she was at least partly right. Any physical contact you initiate with me strengthens my bond to you. When you kissed me, the mate bond definitely intensified. Don't look so worried." I was biting my lip again. His expression turned sheepish. "Although that was why I jumped up so fast. I didn't expect…I mean, I knew kissing you would be amazing. Believe me, I've thought a lot about it; I just underestimated how amazing."

My cheeks bloomed with color, and Sam chuckled.

"You're not so bad yourself," I mumbled, my face flushing even darker.

"I hear practice makes perfect." He winked. I smiled, embarrassed but flattered, then sobered.

"Tammy said I was messing with your head. Leading you on is the last thing I want to do." I bit the inside of my cheek as I remembered how I kissed him at the theater. "I…we agreed this would only be for show…" I drifted off then cleared my throat. "I mean, I still want to be human." Wolf snorted at me, and I swallowed hard.

He was thoughtful for a minute and let go one of my hands to take a drink of his hot chocolate.

"Unless you stay wolf, this is going to suck for me one way or the other. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. I'm just trying to get it all out there. But I think I'd rather enjoy my time with you, however long or short that might be, and however much you're comfortable with, instead of trying to deny this. What I feel for you. Obviously, you feel at least a little something, too."

We were quiet a minute, staring into each other's eyes—searching.

"What do you feel, Sam?" I whispered.

His answering smile was gentle. "I fell for you a long time before my wolf did."

My mouth made a silent O, but he moved on without waiting for me to respond. I couldn't decide if I was relieved about that or not. I had no idea what I actually felt for Sam Wolfe.

"Do you understand what a mate bond is?"

I shook my head.

"Wolf pairs—mates—form mate bonds. They're deep and practically unbreakable. Sometimes, they're instant like my connection to you. That kind is somewhat rare and usually pretty celebrated in the wolf world. Sometimes, they're forged over time. Wolves in the wild mate for life, and werewolves do, too. There's the occasional Casanova wolf, which is exactly what it sounds like, and there are those who don't pair off. But among those that pair, they mate for life. That was one of the reasons my dad was so angry with me—aside from the fact that biting you was a major offense—biting you also made you mine. Up until the last century, that's how mates staked their claims. With a solid bite. Biting is a big deal for a werewolf. Aside from that, I'm the Beta in the pack. It's my job to become Alpha one day. Having a bitten mate with no prior knowledge, no blood ties, or established bloodlines makes things more complicated. A wolf's dominance over other wolves in the pack is determined by the strength of their blood. My biting you also ruined Dad's plan to have me mated off with someone more of his choosing—probably another pack Alpha's daughter to ensure our bloodline stays strong. If you stay human, it's still another complication. I won't ever be able to bond completely with anyone else. I won't ever feel the same about anyone as I feel about you."

"But he's the Alpha. Couldn't he order you to bite me as a wolf and make me part of the pack officially?" I wasn't gunning to be a permanent wolf, but I was curious.

Sam's face got blotchy red spots on it.

"He did. Not to bite you again, but to make you stay a wolf."

I took in his red cheeks and felt a curl of unease in the pit of my stomach.

"Then why am I still human?"

"Because I refused. I'm Beta." He heaved a sigh. "I told him if he forced me to…keep you a wolf, that I'd defy him and fight him for Alpha right then. It was the only way I knew how to ensure that you still had a choice if the toxins don't change you permanently."

He'd defied his own father for me. And Mr. Wolfe was one scary Alpha. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but at the moment, I was thankful to still have a chance to be fully human.

"Wouldn't biting me have been so much easier?" I was grateful he hadn't but confused why he hadn't.

He was silent, and I noticed the tips of his ears getting red.

"It wasn't about biting me again, was it?"

He shook his head.

"Then what?"

"Sex, Megan."

My eyes bugged out of their sockets. "I beg your pardon?"

"Once a pair mates—literally—the bond is solidified in every possible way. If we were to sleep together before waiting for the next full moon, it would ensure that you stayed a wolf. My dad thought that was the best possible outcome. He wanted me to seduce you and make myself irresistible to you." He ran his hand over his hair again. "But you are not the sort of girl that is easily seduced or who crawls into bed with every guy you date. And I'm not that guy." His gaze fell to the table, not meeting my eyes. "I…it means something in the wolf world. That's something you only share with your mate. It's not something you do to manipulate a person. Anyway, I don't exactly have experience seducing women."

I wasn't sure what to say to that. He certainly kissed like he had plenty of experience.

"Are you a virgin?" The words erupted from my mouth before I could stop them. Red flooded my cheeks. His head came up, and he nodded slowly. A tendril of heat slid through me. Something else unexpected that Sam and I had in common. I felt a smile tip the corner of my mouth. For whatever reason, that knowledge made me glad. It was something else that set Sam apart. Most guys I knew were all about getting into bed with anything that had boobs and a pulse.

"Are you?"

I nodded back, and he let out a relieved breath. "That's hot."

Wolf puffed out her chest. "I was raised by grandparents from a different era. I always wanted to be like my grandma, saving that for my wedding night." I blushed darker, confessing all this to Sam. Neither one of us knew what to say after that. There was an awkward pause where we both consulted the mugs in front of us. My wheels were turning, and I snagged on one piece of information. My mug thumped down onto the table as the information took root.

"That's why your dad insisted on this marriage agreement, isn't it? It's not necessarily a wolf-human thing, or a safety issue, it's because he wanted us to have sex." I was still working through the details, anger, confusion, and growing clarity steaming through me like a kettle working up to a boil.

"Yeah." His hand ruffled over his hair again.

"But why force us into marriage? People have unmarried sex all the time. Not that I plan to, but still."

"I'm eighteen," he said simply. It dawned fully on me then.

"I'm seventeen. I'm not legal."

"You nailed it. Dad the Alpha lawyer. He likes everything neat and tidy. In our great state of Delaware, I could be sent to jail for statutory rape if we slept together. If for whatever reason we did—" He cleared his throat. "—and something went wrong or whatever, this way Dad has legal grounds to protect me and by proxy, the rest of the pack." His cheeks reddened. "It keeps the pack safe from outside scrutiny."

"And Grandpa knew. He had to sign off on everything because I'm still a minor, and he's my legal guardian. That little toad!"

"Easy. Yes, he and Rev talked it over a long time that first night while you were asleep. But I wouldn't be too hard on him. It was a hard decision for him to make. In the end, he only did it for your safety, and because, as you said, he's from a different era and our current living arrangements aren't something he'd approve of without our being married. If something did happen to him before the next full moon, you'd be legally bound to the pack—to me—and he knew that we would take care of you no matter what."

I harrumphed, thoroughly irritated with Grandpa for having done this behind my back. I took a long drink of my now-cool tea and huffed a breath out through my nose.

"I'm glad you told me, Sam."

He nodded and a piece of his damp blond hair flopped across his forehead.

"Me, too. But where does this leave us, Meg?"

"I don't know. I…I still want to stay human. Is pretending to date going to work? I don't want to make this more difficult for you than it already is."

He snorted. "I think that ship has sailed. If I were a regular guy without fangs and fur, would you date me?"

"Yes," I answered without hesitation. Seriously. I might even consider dating him knowing he was a werewolf.

"If we were two regular people dating, which, for all intents and purposes, we are, if you're still okay with it, would you kiss me?"

I nodded, a smile tugging at one corner of my mouth despite myself.

"You could prove it," he said with a wink. He tugged my hand. I got up and stood in front of him. He pulled me down onto his lap, and I squeaked in surprise. He'd never been so forward. His hands draped my waist loosely. Unsure what do to with my hands, I laid them across his shoulders, our faces only a few inches apart.

"Really, Meg. I don't want you to walk on pins and needles around me. I think that would be worse than avoiding you altogether." His brow creased, his blue eyes deep and intense, mouth turned down at the corners.

I let my eyes rove over his face. His expression changed, watching me as I raked my gaze over his features. His thumb rubbed once against the soft cotton covering my bottom rib, my skin practically igniting beneath my tank top. I knew he needed my reassurance, wanted it tangibly. I wasn't sure what I was willing to give, but I wanted him to know that he meant something to me, even if I didn't know what that was yet.

"Okay," I whispered. Slowly and carefully I lowered my face and grazed my lips across his. His arms tightened around my waist, and his chest heaved as I pulled my head back.

"Okay," he whispered back. "Meg, is it all right if I kiss you every so often? You know, not just to calm your wolf? Like, we actually are sort of dating?"

I smiled and nodded, my finger absently twirling a piece of his damp hair. The thought of Sam Wolfe wanting to kiss me made my stomach twist with anticipation. Wolf was dancing around like she was doing the cha-cha. I ignored the rational part of my brain that told me this was not a good idea.

He closed his eyes. "Meg, if you keep playing with my hair like that, I'm going to kiss you a lot sooner, rather than later."

I giggled—actually giggled—and wiggled off his lap.

"We should go to bed." Once the words were out, I couldn't take them back. I peeked at Sam, smirk on his face. "You know what I mean," I stammered as my cheeks heated again.

My fingers grappled with the mugs as I snatched them from the table and took them to the sink, my face flaming. I had just set them in the sink when Sam's hands slid around my waist, turning me to face him. My stomach dropped to my toes and butterflies swarmed in my gut. Wolf let out a contented sigh. Sam's hands were warm through the thin knit of my pink tank top. No guy had ever affected me the way Sam was now.

"Meg." His voice was low. A deep rumble from his chest. My hands rested on his forearms, wanting to walk up his biceps and slide down his chest. What? I blinked and focused on what Sam was saying.

"Was it you or your wolf that kissed me at the theater today?"

His gaze held mine, uncertainty, desire, and curiosity flashing across his face. This was Sam. The real Sam. Not that he hadn't been real before, but tonight he'd made himself vulnerable to me. He'd leveled. And the look he was giving me now pulled at my heart, and I felt another little piece break off. Was it possible that I could be falling in love with Sam?

"It was me." The words came out soft like a warm breeze on a spring evening. He closed his eyes and his face relaxed. Without opening his eyes, he spoke.

"Meg, unless you stop me, I'm going to kiss you right now."

His eyes opened, searching my face. I didn't move, my lungs freezing.

He brought his hands up slowly and cupped my face, his lips brushing mine lightly, again with more pressure, still light, but more deliberate. The third time his lips came down I moved into him, my hands sliding up his arms as I leaned my face up, wanting more. My brain piped up that this was not a wise thing to be doing if I wanted to remain human, but I shoved the rational side of myself back down, intent on enjoying this moment.

One of Sam's hands slid back into my hair; the other trailed down my back to rest at my waist, pulling me closer.

His lips. His lips!

It wasn't a fiery kiss of passion. It wasn't so urgent as the one at the theater. It was long and slow and deep and…intimate. I'd been kissed enough to know when a guy was kissing for his own pleasure. And I knew Sam was enjoying this, but it was more than that. This kiss was about me. The way his lips moved, the way he cradled my body against him. It was all about making me feel…loved.

I stopped thinking and let my body mold itself to the hard planes of Sam's chest, my hands wrapping around his sides. It was as if his lips were trying to speak to my very soul. Maybe they were.

For long minutes, we stood there in the kitchen kissing. It could have been an hour. I wasn't sure. There was no pressure to do more, no urgency to kiss as much territory as possible, no wandering hands.

It was the most intimate moment of my life. If I had been unsure of Sam's emotions earlier in the evening, any doubts were soundly laid to rest. Heat curled in my belly. Sam loved me. Without question.

Sam pulled back first and leaned his head against mine, his eyes closed.

"Good night, Megan."

I tiptoed up and kissed his cheek. "Good night, Sam."

He smiled at me, and for the first time since this whole ordeal began, Sam's blue eyes shone.

****

It was rainy and overcast Monday morning. I was dying to talk to Rachel, to get my emotional bearings, using Rachel as my ever-present sounding board. There wasn't a good way to do that on the phone when the object of the conversation was always within hearing distance. However, the rest of the weekend had been more relaxed. I'd baked, and we hadn't kissed again except for a quick good-night kiss Sam had placed on my cheek last night. He was more open with me. His smile came quicker; his touch did, too. He wasn't demanding, and he wasn't pushy, but he was consistent.

It was drizzling when we reached the school parking lot.

"I'll drop you off at the door so you don't get wet."

"Thanks," I said, genuinely pleased. I flashed him a quick smile and made to open the door. "I need to talk to Rachel. Is it okay if I catch you between classes?" I was confident enough with my wolf not to require Sam's presence every second.

He raised a blond eyebrow. "Sure. Hope it's something juicy." His lips curved into a devilish smile. I felt my face heat and jerked the door open, making a mad dash for the school.

Rachel was by our lockers, stuffing her English book into her backpack.

"Hey, Meggie!" she chirped, wagging her eyebrows at me. Rachel was always a morning person.

"Hey back. Time to spill." I cut right to the chase. We only had about fifteen minutes before the bell would ring for first period.

"Absolutely! Library?"

I nodded, and we took off at a decent pace.

"So…repeat of the theater? I need details!" Rachel prompted as we neared the door.

I grabbed her hand and carefully checked the aisles as I dragged her to the far back corner. No one ever bothered to check out the reference books that weighed as much as the quarterback of our football team. Things were dusty and undisturbed back here but right next to a large window. If there hadn't been a window to the outside here, it would have been the perfect spot for making out at school. As it was, it made this an ideal spot for a private conversation.

"Beyond that. Rachel, there has been a major development. Apparently, I'm Sam's mate."

Her eyebrows shot up her forehead like they were on fire. I quickly filled her in on the basics of the conversation. And about the kiss.

"I swear, Rachel. I've never been kissed like that before. Ever. It was like…defining. Only, I'm not sure what it defined. I can tell Sam likes me. In fact, I'm pretty sure he loves me," I admitted as I bit my lip. "I think there's credence to this mate thing. It all sounds far-fetched, but I believe him." I groaned in frustration. "But I want to stay human! I can't be a wolf forever. That would be a disaster of epic proportions. I'm not even good at being a wolf! And we want to start a baking business. Go to college. I want to travel. I want to go home with Grandpa. I…I don't know how to be a wolf and still be me. It feels like I'd have my entire future ripped away. And not to be totally selfish, but I have dreams. None of them involve fur and three-inch canines. But…that means giving up Sam. And he's sort of grown on me," I admitted.

"Wow. That's a lot to take in. At least this way, it's out in the open. And you know how he feels. Which is totally awesome, by the way, and even better that he's an amazing kisser. So the big question is, how do you feel about Sam?"

"I have no idea. That's what you're supposed to help me figure out."

She sympathetically patted my arm. "We'll figure it out. You'll figure it out. And no matter what, you'll always have me." She gave me a cheeky grin.

"Tell me you did not entertain the thought of me staying wolf."

Rachel winked. "Come on. We'll be late." The warning bell rang in confirmation. "We can continue this after school. I'll come to the cabin, and we can do more baking. We have ground to cover for HarvestFest! Maybe we can send Sam out for more flour or something." I smiled at her as we scooted to first period.

****

I had trouble focusing on my schoolwork. My thoughts kept straying back to staying human, now that I knew how Sam felt. Did that make a difference in my desire to stay in skin? Should it make a difference? I honestly felt more confused than anything. Wolf didn't help. Anytime I thought about Sam, she pushed up feelings and thoughts that were best left in the dark recesses of my mind if I wanted to survive this without a permanent side of dog breath.

Fourth period came, and Sam was waiting for me, gorgeous and muscled as ever, leaning against the wall in his green flannel shirt, sleeves rolled up to his forearms. It made his eyes stand out even more and they twinkled at me as I approached.

"Get things squared away with Rachel?" he asked casually.

"Not remotely." I grimaced.

"Hey, it can't be all that bad. Can it?" A note of uncertainty crept in.

"No, no," I quickly reassured him. "I'm stuck in my own head. If that makes any sense."

"Not a lot." He bent down. "But I'd be happy to distract you." His breath tickled my ear and sent Wolf scampering around. I felt myself blush even as a grin threatened the corner of my mouth.

"You're impossible," I whispered back, trying not to enjoy his flirting so much.

"You're tempting," he retorted. His hand grazed the small of my back, ushering me into the classroom and toward our seats.

I caught a few looks as we came in together, obviously together. Apparently, we weren't old news yet. Or maybe we appeared more together now. After all, we had kissed in a pretty major sort of way in front of half the student body at the movie theater, and we were on a much deeper level of communication now. Did that show in our body language? I knew I felt a lot more connected to Sam on some level, but that made part of me want to pull away. Not to get too close—when all the other part of me wanted to do was throw myself back into his arms. I was a mess.