Chapter 30

CHAPTER THIRTY

R iding in the claws of a giant dragon over the highlands of Alba was as absolutely frigid and terrifying as Carys had thought it would be. She was clutched in the open-air cage of Cadell's massive talons, secure from falling but not at all shielded from the wind. She glanced below once, but luckily the clouds covered the landscape.

He won't drop you. He won't drop you.

The dragon gave a giant heave of his wings, and they rose higher in the air.

The cross human has upset you , Cadell said in her mind.

She could barely speak for her teeth chattering. "He thinks that s-since Seren and Lachlan l-loved each other in this world, that he and I should have f-fallen in love in the Brightlands." She wrapped her cloak around her as much as she could, grateful and also horrified at how fast Cadell could fly.

He is not wrong. Fate is not written in stone, but souls draw together on either side of the gates. Many Shadowkin marry the same person as their Brightkin in your world.

"That d-doesn't mean we're… f-fated or anything. "

Your fate is your own, Nêrys. And somehow you hold qualities of the sun and the shadow. This is why we can speak. That means your fate is far more fluid than most.

"So I f-fit n-nowhere. G-great."

You are cold.

"I am freezing."

This is why coracles were invented.

"Well, we don't have one r-right now, d-do we?"

A moment later, she saw Cadell's belly begin to glow with fire, and his skin radiated a massive heat that didn't cut the bite of the wind, but it did make the flight tolerable.

They flew over the hills and dipped down in the valleys, making the journey back to Sgàin in minutes rather than hours.

"Duncan said you were being petty, making us take horses to see her."

I do not know this word.

She had to smile. "Yes, you do."

They circled over the castle, but instead of landing in the courtyard like she expected, Cadell banked to the left and swung back, heading to the Tower Ridge where she saw three other dragons waiting. Beside them, standing near the tower, were two figures dressed in long, dark clothes and heavy cloaks.

Carys spotted Dafydd and Eamer from the air.

"He brought my aunt?"

Eamer insisted on coming with him. She has great concern for you.

Cadell swooped down and gently placed Carys on the ground before he circled again, landed, and went to settle next to Mared and the other two dragons.

"Cadell said you went to see a fae queen." Eamer was the first to speak. "Why would you do that? Did you bargain? What did you bargain for?"

"Seren's journal. Duncan said she can find lost things even if they were destroyed."

Eamer's eyes glittered. "Then you have spoken to the Crow Mother."

"Do you know her?" Carys remembered that Eamer had a greater knowledge of the fae realm than either Duncan or Cadell.

"I know of her. She takes many faces, and in Alba she keeps to herself." Eamer's eyes were troubled. "I have my suspicion about who she really is, but I don't want to speak that name unless I am sure of it. What did she ask for?"

"A year and a day of service."

Dafydd reached out and gripped her shoulder. "Tell me you didn't."

"Of course not." Carys looked between her uncle and Eamer. "She also asked for one eye and my firstborn child, but I traded one passage to the Brightlands."

The queen frowned. "I didn't know she had lost passage, but… maybe she is not who I thought." Eamer considered for a moment before she nodded. "It was a good bargain, Carys. The best you could have hoped for."

She felt relief at hearing Eamer say it. "Duncan and Darius went with me."

"Darius? The chief of the Blessing of Moray?" Dafydd asked. "How did you get a unicorn to escort you to the fae?"

"I saved his daughter from a kelpie," Carys said, "like on the first day I got here."

"You have seen many dangers in your short time here," Dafydd said. "I truly wish you would come with us to Caernarfon. You would be protected there."

"Robb will not let her leave." Eamer looked at Carys. "He may not be probing you for answers yet, but that is only because Lachlan restrains his curiosity and he fears offending Cadell. Plus he knows the servants are watching and giving reports to Elanor."

Carys blinked. "They are?"

Eamer gave her a withering look. "Always, Carys. Always ."

Dafydd looked at his wife. "Robb is convinced he'll find answers about Carys's magic if she stays in Alba, but her mother's Shadowkin must be in Caernarfon. Any answers that might be found would be in Cymru, not here."

"That may be, my king, but she wouldn't be able to find Seren's killer if she leaves Alba." Eamer put her hand on Dafydd's arm. "And I am beginning to think we were mistaken in letting that offense pass." She looked at Carys. "I have heard from sources in Anglia. There are rumors swirling about Lachlan's future and about the balance of powers now that the throne of Cymru has no heir."

Carys remembered Duncan's words on the hill.

Robb isn't going to leave that political opportunity in the dirt. Lachlan will take another bride, and it's not going to be you.

Carys shook off the troubling thought. This wasn't about Lachlan and her—it was about Seren and her death. "Have they heard about me yet?"

Eamer nodded. "Yes, and word has spread that you have bonded with Seren's dragon, but many do not believe it."

She looked at Dafydd. "I need to stay."

"Carys, it's too?—"

"You deserve answers, Uncle. And Cymru needs answers too."

"Agreed," Eamer said. "I should return to Caernarfon to see to matters in the court, but Dafydd will stay here. I will tell his lords that he stays to visit his daughter's Brightkin. No one will question it."

Dafydd nodded. "And I will take my leave of Robb's castle with Eamer, but Mared and I will stay close. Cadell will be able to call for us if you need our help."

"A good plan, my king." Eamer turned to Dafydd and nodded. "Cymru will have the answers it deserves."

Carys had the urge to hug Eamer before the woman turned away, but she pushed back that instinct and nodded respectfully at the woman in the dark fur cloak. "I won't forget what you've told me."

Eamer opened her mouth, then closed it again. She nodded once before turning back to the castle, and the flame-colored dragon transformed and walked behind her.

The cross human knocked on Carys's door later that night.

She opened the door, saw him, and closed it immediately.

"Carys, please." He kept his voice soft.

Cadell was resting on the roof overhead. He is still your ally. If he comes to make peace, you must hear him.

She hadn't told Cadell about Duncan's kiss on the fairy hill or the tangle of emotions that was wreaking havoc in her heart.

You don't love that one. Not really.

Why were the words of a grumpy goat-man pinging around in her brain on a loop? She knew her feelings for Lachlan were complicated, and they had been ever since she'd discovered who his wife had been.

But to say she didn't love him?

Hell, maybe she didn't love him. Maybe she loved the memory of him. How he'd made her feel and the way that he'd charmed her back to life. The way he'd pursued her and the way he loved her friends and her simple life.

Everything about her life had seemed to delight the man, from her cozy house in the forest to her books and the paintings on her walls.

Was her life a quaint novelty to the prince?

And then there was Duncan.

Grumpy, horrid Duncan who was rude and pushy and angry more than he was charming. Who was constantly forcing her to eat food she didn't like and stuffing her feet into boots that didn't fit. Duncan who'd dragged her into a world that could easily kill her.

Because that's what you wanted.

Carys opened the door to see him patiently waiting, leaning on the wall across the corridor. "Hello."

Duncan pushed himself upright. "Hello." He looked to the left and the right. "Could we have this conversation inside instead of in the corridor?"

She stepped back and opened the door a bit, but Duncan still had to angle his shoulders through the narrow passageway. She closed it behind him and walked to the table where a bowl of forgotten apples was sitting in the center next to her journal.

"You didn't come down for dinner, so I ordered a tray for you." He eyed the apples. "You're still not eating enough."

"I'm not hungry." She noticed his face. "The cut is almost gone."

He touched his jaw with absent fingers. "Aisling is good at what she does."

"I'm glad." She waited for him to sit.

Duncan perched in the wooden chair, looking a little like a bear on a tricycle. "The leaving banquet for Dafydd and Eamer is tomorrow. You'll need to come to that one or it'll be considered rude."

"I know. I will. Bonnie already told me."

He grunted, then cleared his throat. "Carys, about this morning?—"

"We don't need to talk about it. We were both angry, and there was probably some magic swirling around up there and she messed with our heads." She swallowed. "Probably."

Duncan frowned. "The fae weren't interfering with my thoughts or my emotions."

Fuck you for being so damn honest, Duncan Murray. I was trying to give both of us an out.

"Right." She sighed. "Okay, so I don't know how?—"

"Will you forgive me for being so forward, Miss Morgan?"

Carys blinked. Duncan's tone had lost his usual roughness, and the overt lairdly accent was back in force. She pictured him in the drawing room of his mansion back in Scotland, dressed in luxurious knitwear and freshly showered with the stern countenance of his ancestors watching over his shoulder.

"Forgive you for being so…" She blinked. "Did you suddenly turn into a Jane Austen character or something? Forward? I kissed you ."

His green eyes turned stormy. "Aye, that you did."

Aaaaand the courtly laird was gone again.

Carys stood and started to pace. "Angus said I didn't love Lachlan, and maybe the old goat-man is right, but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings for him even when I'm severely pissed off at the man—which I am. I'm pissed off at both of you for different reasons, and honestly?" She turned to face him. "I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling like an emotional ping-pong ball, and I'm… tired. I'm just tired." She swallowed hard. "And I'm sad that I found out that I had a sister I never knew because I was a really lonely kid. I wish I had known her."

The corner of his mouth turned up. "She was easy to love. And irritating as hell, but she was a cracker."

"Yeah." She blinked back tears. "And someone killed her. Someone she thought was a friend. And this isn't a Jane Austen novel, and someone could definitely kill me even though I have a giant dragon literally sitting on me right now." She pointed to the roof where Cadell was resting.

I am not sitting on you.

"You're sitting on my roof, Cadell. It's kind of the same thing."

Duncan smiled and looked at the table. "I never questioned the bastard's taste. That's for damn sure."

"What?"

"Nothing." Duncan stood. "You're right. The important thing is to find out who killed your sister. And the political maneuverings of the royal courts here aren't your problem either. I'm sorry I dragged you into this."

"You tried to convince me to forget him. It's not your fault." A thought froze Carys and glued her feet to the floor.

Duncan had tried to get Carys to forget Lachlan. He'd tried to convince her to go home and move on with her life, undoubtedly knowing that if she'd done that, he never would have spoken to her again in his life.

The woman he thought might be his destiny.

Duncan would have given up any chance with her to keep her from the Shadowlands. To keep her safe.

"Carys, what's wrong?"

She shook herself out of her frozen realization. "Nothing." Her voice was barely over a whisper. "I forgive you. I mean… there's no ne ed to even ask. It's fine. It's just not the time to think about all this and?—"

"Exactly." He nodded. "I agree. The priority is finding Seren's killer." He rose and started walking to the door.

"Yeah." She nodded. "That's the most important thing right now. And after we figure out what happened?—"

"It's not important." He glanced at the table. "Please make sure to eat something tonight. It's only been a week and a half, and I can see you getting thinner. This place is hard on a body."

"I will." Her voice caught a little bit. "And I think it's important."

Duncan turned at the door, his hand on the bronze latch. "What is?"

"Figuring out how I feel about you. And about Lachlan."

His face went blank. "You don't owe either of us anything."

She frowned. "Aren't you worried about me getting my feelings about you and your brother confused? I mean, right now I wonder if Lachlan fell in love with me or just with the woman who looked like Seren."

Duncan couldn't stop his smile. "Oh, I don't worry about that." He walked slowly to where she was standing by the table and gently lifted a hand to her cheek.

She could feel the heat of his body in the cool room, the subtle humming of his massive energy, vibrating within his stillness.

He didn't touch her skin, but he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, his hand hovering at her temple. "You never liked me from the beginning. If you ever give me a chance, Carys Morgan, it'll be because I earned it."

Carys walked to the library the next morning, looking for a book in English that might tell her more about Briton history and the Queens' Pact.

Or a spy novel, but that was probably hoping for too much .

She was trying not to think about how much she missed her mobile phone and what that said about her. She'd thought she had a healthy balance with technology when she was at home—not being one of those people whose face was always stuck to a screen—but she was starting to realize that when you had hours and hours of nothing but your own thoughts swirling around your head, solitude could be tedious.

She opened the double doors to the massive castle library and caught Aisling rummaging around in the stack of crated books.

"Carys!" She looked up with a slightly panicked smile. "How are you? I heard you had an adventure with a bear yesterday." She wiped her face, only to leave a smudge of dirt behind.

"Yes." She looked at the pile of crates, which appeared to be the same ones where Seren's journals had been stored. "Can I help you look for something?" Why was Aisling looking in Seren's books?

"Oh, could you?" Her quick relief dispelled Carys's suspicions. "Ages ago, I loaned Seren a book about fae history and I think she forgot to return it, and now Regan is asking for it and I don't know where it is, and books here aren't like books in the Brightlands." She sniffed and started to rummage around again. "They're still mostly handwritten, so they're very valuable."

"Sure, I'll help you look." She walked over. "Point me to a crate."

"Try this one." She patted a wooden box. "It's mostly books on dragons and flying and such, so it's probably not in there, but she wasn't the most organized person."

"Right." Carys pulled the crate over to a stool and started to sort through the books, none of which were labeled on the spine. "What language?"

"Anglian." Aisling nodded. "So anything not Anglian, just set to the side." She started digging through her crate again. "Regan is moving forward on helping me with my grimoire. Finally."

"Good." Carys glanced at her as she set aside something that was clearly in Welsh. "So after that, you'll leave Alba?"

Aisling nodded. "Yes. It's time. It's past time, of course, but… "

Aisling won't be here forever. Our mother will only allow her to be lovesick for so long.

Regan's words came back with a vengeance along with the memory of Lachlan and Aisling at the banquet.

"Won't you be sorry to leave?" Carys asked. "You've been here your whole life."

"Exactly. It will be better…" She shook her head. "It will be better for me to leave. Seren and I used to talk about it all the time. Once I'm a mage, there will be positions available to me in other courts."

"That would be amazing," Carys said. "Everyone here raves about your work. You would be an asset."

"Exactly." Aisling's nod was a little desperate. "We used to talk all the time about what I could do away from Sgàin. I'd meet new people. I might even travel to the continent if I could fly by coracle. Seren promised…" Her smile was bitter. "I always said I wasn't brave enough for sea travel, but if that was the only option to get away from Alba, I?—"

"Is it Lachlan?" Carys kept her voice quiet.

Aisling's face went pale, and she stared at the crate. "I don't know what you mean."

"It's terrible to love someone when they don't love you back." Any doubt that Aisling was in love with Lachlan fled when she saw the poor woman's expression.

Aisling couldn't look at her. "I promise you nothing ever happened between us."

"I didn't think?—"

"Of course not. He loves you," Aisling's voice was barely a whisper. "He loved Seren. And I loved them both. I would never…" She looked up at Carys, blinking rapidly. "I only wanted them to be happy. I promise."

It was a lie, but Carys couldn't judge her for it. Aisling was probably lying to herself. How could she not have hoped that Lachlan would someday turn to her —to the woman who had loved him constantly—and suddenly see that yes , she was the one? How could she not have wanted Lachlan to return her feelings?

"I know." Carys nodded. "I don't blame you. I understand."

Aisling's delicate features crumpled in pain. "How could you? You have a good man who loves you. I just want to get away from this place, and my aunt" —she let out a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a cry— "my aunt is too busy meddling in the Anglian court to train me. She's finally agreed, and it's only because…" Aisling glanced at Carys. "It's not important. I'm sorry I'm unburdening myself on you."

"It's fine." Why was Regan meddling in Anglian politics if she was the daughter of the éiren queen? Is that what mages did? Why was Regan now willing to move her niece from the attentions of the prince of Alba?

Would Regan have killed Seren to give her own niece a chance with Lachlan?

Maybe, but she was the only one besides Duncan with an alibi.

Carys nearly missed it with her mind whirling, but she looked down to see a green leather-bound volume with the title Fae Martial History through the Third Age when she opened the cover.

"Found it."

Aisling looked up, wiping her eyes and spreading more dust on her face. "Oh, that's it. Thank the gods." She reached for the heavy volume. "Regan would murder me if I lost it." She snatched it from Carys's hands. "Bless you. For everything. And I'm sorry."

"For what?" Carys felt the urge to reach out and take Aisling's hand, but she knew it wouldn't be welcome. "We can't help who we love, can we?"

Aisling nodded, looked at the book, and tried to smile, but it was painful. "No. We can't."