Chapter 21

We lost.

Monday’s high of telling my boyfriend I love him feels so far from this tight feeling in my gut as the bus pulls out of the stadium parking lot and the overhead lights shut off.

The mood on the bus is somber, quiet, as we rumble down the highway. In our regular spot near the front, Cam and I sink down into our seat with our knees braced against the padded barrier in front of us. My blanket is tucked around our knees and up above our shoulders, offering some protection from the cold glass and metal of the bus window next to me.

I scoot in closer to Camden, using the weather as an excuse, and watch his face as the lights of the highway flash over him.

“Tonight sucked,” I mutter slowly, the first words we’ve spoken since Coach gave us the gruff instructions to text our parents that we were on the way home.

“Eh,” he shrugs. “It’s just a game.”

“I know that,” one side of my mouth tilts up. “But everyone seems to be taking it pretty hard, after our winning streak.”

“You win some, you lose some,” I feel Cam’s fingers search for mine and then lace them loosely together. “It was just our turn to lose.”

We sit quietly for a minute, thinking over that. A few rows behind us someone coughs, and feet shuffle, but the crowd of rowdy boys is still eerily quiet. I tilt my head towards my boyfriend’s, and he leans back to meet me in the middle.

“As long as we win the next game, we’re guaranteed a spot in the playoffs.” Cam says quietly. “It’s been a great year! Tonight’s loss doesn’t change that.” Under the blanket, our fingers tighten. “Let’s go do something tomorrow, you and me.”

“Okay,” I nod. “I’d like that. What do you wanna do?”

“Well,” he traces the lines on my palm with his finger. “There’s this pumpkin patch a few towns over, and they’ve got like a whole thing going. You can go through this corn maze, and pick out a pumpkin, it seems really romantic… I don’t know,” I feel his skin warm as he flushes. “It’s probably stupid.”

“It sounds perfect.” I whisper, bringing his hand up to kiss the back through the blanket.

I have been staringinto my closet for far too long. I’m fully aware of this, but I really want to make today special, and that starts with putting a little more effort into my appearance for my boyfriend. Finally, I settle on a soft blue and black plaid flannel over a black tee, and after much deliberation I decide to tug on some jeans. My canvas shoes wait for me at the end of the bed, and I wiggle my feet into them without untying them before making my way into the bathroom. Heat rises to my cheeks as I think of Cam running his fingers through my hair… I think he likes the curls.

Instead of trying to tame them down, I spray some water and try to encourage them to curl in some kind of order by wrapping them around my finger and then shaking them out some. When I’m satisfied with the results I brush my teeth, then sneak into Dad’s bathroom and use a spritz of the cologne he saves for special occasions. I try to slip through the living room without attracting attention, but of course it doesn’t work.

“Elliot, honey,” Mom calls. “Come taste this pumpkin bread, tell me what you think!”

“I’m sure it’s great mom,” I grab the edge of the doorway and pop my head through. “But I’ve really got to go.”

“You love my pumpkin bread,” she frowns, cutting a slice anyway.

“I know, I do, but Mom, I’m going with Camden remember?”

“Bring him a piece!” her expression brightens. “Camden loves my bread. Here, take some on a plate. I’ll cover it with foil, so it stays warm,” she turns to look over her shoulder, one perfectly manicured dark brow raising. “You look very nice,” she said, like it’s an accusation.

“Thanks,” I feel a flush rise to my cheeks as I reach for the plate, but she ducks out of my reach as she spins for the drawer with the foil.

“Where is it you’re going?”

“To the pumpkin patch,” I mumble, gesturing to the loaf of bread. “You know, Cam loves fall.”

“A pumpkin patch?” Beth sits up straighter in her seat. “Can I come?”

“No!” I nearly shout, then try for a more normal tone. “No, it’s just a boy’s trip.”

“It is just you boys going?” Mom’s eyes narrow, like she’s suspicious of me. “Why can’t your sister join you?”

“It’s just, you know, a long trip crammed in the truck. That’s all.”

“You know, you’ve kind of been a jerk since you and Casey broke up,” Beth sniffs.

“You can’t come this time, Bethie,” I grit through my teeth. “We already have plans.”

“It wouldn’t kill you to take your sister along sometimes,” Mom chides as she turns with the covered plate in her hands.

“We literally just took her to the movies!” I shake my head, reaching for the plate before I land myself in trouble. “Thanks for the bread, Mom,” I peck a kiss to her cheek and hurry towards the door. “Next time, Beth. Love you guys, bye!”

Just before the door closes behind me I hear my dad’s bemused voice.

“Was that my cologne?”

I carry the plate in both hands as I power walk down the street, thwarting my best efforts to force the red flush from my skin as I hurry to Cam’s house. There’s a piece of me that worries that if I linger too long near my house my sister will come tearing after me with orders from our mother that I have to let her tag along. It’s not that I don’t like Beth, because I do. I love her. I’m so lucky to have a sister I actually like spending time with. But sometimes I just want to be alone with my best friend turned secret boyfriend, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

When I finally reach his front porch I look around, considering the best way to let Cam know I’m here. I wind up leaning forward, nudging the doorbell with the edge of the plate, then rocking back on my heels. In seconds Camden is there, throwing open the door, and my breath catches in my throat.

A creamy white cable knit sweater covers his chest, cuffed at the wrist. His jeans are tight, washed darker along the edges and nearly green in the middle, and show off his muscular thighs in a way that should be illegal. But it’s when I meet his eyes, framed with those damn glasses, that I almost melt into the welcome mat.

“Hey you,” he grins, his glasses scrunching slightly higher on his face.”

“Hi,” I breathe, running my eyes over him again. “You look very nice.”

“So do you,” he grins, bringing his lips to meet mine for a second before pulling back and glancing at the plate in my hands.

“I brought pumpkin bread,” I say, too loud. “Mom made it. She sent some for you.”

“Yes!” Cam takes the plate from my hands, raising it to his nose for a sniff. “I love your mom so much…”

“Me too,” I laugh, raking my eyes over him one last time. “You know you’re going to be dying, like, right away,” I murmur, running a hand down the raised stitching on his chest.

Cam shrugs, smiling in a way that sends warmth straight through my body and makes my toes curl.

“You ready to go?”

“Oh yeah,” I pat his chest, turning away so he can slip past me and lock the door.

We head to the truck where she waits in the driveway. Cam reaches around me, pulling the handle on Glory’s door to open it for me. A grin spreads across my face as I slip past him, then scoot closer to the middle. He deposits the plate in the empty seat at my side and shuts the door, jogging around to his seat to hop in and crank the engine to life.

The pumpkin patch is nearly two hours away, so we snack on our slices of pumpkin bread on the way. I keep my hand on my boyfriend’s knee as he drives us down the highway, singing along to the radio as the miles flash by. As we get closer we start seeing signs advertising the farm, and I begin to shift eagerly in my seat.

“What all are we going to do today?” I ask, rubbing the top of his leg as I sit up straighter to look out the window.

“Well,” he begins. “We’ll get to pick out some pumpkins, but we should probably wait to do that until the end so we don’t have to carry them around. It said there was a corn maze, and some fall treats. Like, you know, caramel apples and stuff.”

“Caramel apples?” I grin. “You sure know the way to a guy’s heart.”

“I do my best,” he shakes his head, smiling as he puts on his indicator and turns off the highway.

We go down a country road for a few miles before the trees clear to our left and we see a huge archway advertising the pumpkin farm. Picket signs encourage us to drive the correct path as Cam makes his way to the front of the parking lot, which is surprisingly empty for a weekend this far into the season. I guess maybe we’re still early enough to have beat the rush, which I’m happy to take advantage of.

Camden fits Glory smoothly into a parking spot at the end of a dirt row. He shifts into park and we hop out, meeting at the tailgate. He takes my hand with a smile, swinging our arms between us as we turn to the front gate. It feels like I float my way across, barely touching the ground as his hand shifts against mine. For only a moment I wonder if anyone we know is out here too, but that concern quickly leaves my mind to be replaced with excitement as we get to the ticket booth. Cam drops my hand and steps forward to take care of our tickets, and we are ready to start our adventure.

I walk behind him through the narrow gate, looking around with wide eyes. To the right of the entrance is the pumpkin patch, with stacks of colorful pumpkins and hay bales arranged for photo opportunities. Kids scramble across the tops of the bales, tired parents reaching after them, while a young couple in the corner picks through a stack of near-identical orange pumpkins to find the best one. Signs pointing to the left indicate food stalls ahead, and we start off that way.

I stop in my tracks, eyes widening as I catch sight of a large yellow sign advertising ‘Pony Rides’ strapped to a large red metal round pen. In the center of the pen there’s a pole with a spinning top that has four rings. The leads of four sturdy looking ponies lead to the middle, clipped onto them. The smallest, a brown and white spotted thing with bushy blonde hair over its eyes, is currently stopped nearest to us. On either side of them are two slightly larger ponies, one mostly white and the other dapple gray, with slightly neater manes. Cam follows my gaze to the far side of the pen, where the largest of the ponies is clipped. Brown with a smooth black mane laying flat on his neck, he taps one stockinged foot as if he’s eager to get moving again.

“You want to ride him, don’t you?” I hesitate and he grins “Well come on then, Cowboy. Let’s go.”

“Nah,” I blush, rubbing my left forearm through the flannel shirt. “I shouldn’t. I’m probably too big, anyway, these things are meant for kids.”

“Come on, let’s just go ask,” he shrugs. “Worst they can say is no.”

He holds his hand out, and I lace our fingers. The action feels so instinctive, so natural, and I smile as he tugs me to the man standing at the front of the gate. I eye his full cowboy getup, sure I’m practically glowing as I take in his faded denim overalls and the red bandana tied around his neck. A wide brimmed hat is perched on his head, and when he smiles his bushy gray mustache covers the action. I swear to God, if he had a piece of straw in his mouth I would just die.

“Hi there,” the man drawls. “You boys wanna ride?”

“Yes sir,” Cam answers confidently. “My boyfriend does.”

“If I’m not too big,” I add hastily, a flush riding to my cheeks. “If I am, it’s okay.”

“You’re just fine,” the old man chuckles, pulling the gate open. “Tonka can hold ya. Come on in, now, and stand right by that black bucket.”

My hand flies out of Cam’s as I dart forward, bouncing on my heels as the man greets the family behind us and guides their two young children to stand beside two other sets of steps. A man with a toddler in his arms follows, and the owner directs them to each stand beside an animal. He then brings us each a pressed apple cookie, which I turn over in my palm with delight.

“Alrighty, now we’re gonna get to know each other a little better before we get this ride going, sound good? Go ahead and give your pony a little treat and lovin’, and we’ll be ready to go.”

“Hey, Tonka,” a wide grin sprawls across my face as I rub the side of his neck with my free hand and offer the cookie on an open palm. “You are such a pretty thing. Such a good boy, aren’t you? Oh my gosh, you are just the cutest…”

His skin twitches under my fingers as I scratch the warm short hair, and he snorts wetly into my palm as he licks up the cookie. The crunches and snuffles coming from his snout startle a laugh out of me as his lips scrub over my hand. There’s a weird sensation of long hairs scratching and soft flesh pressing into my palm and the slightest delicate pressure from yellow teeth as they seek to confirm that no crumbs have been left behind. I laugh again and shift my hand to rub the top of his nose where a yellow halter crosses over.

Tonka shifts his weight between his feet and swishes his tail, then leans slightly lower into my hand. I scratch under his mane and he tilts to the left, as if he wants me to do it more. My head pops up to look at Cam, who is watching me with a dopey smile and a raised phone. He waves with one hand and I twiddle my fingers back, laughing again when Tonka nudges my arm like he’s ordering my attention back to him. I continue pouring my love onto him until the man in overalls comes around again, instructing me to get onto the steps and helping me step into the stirrup closest to me and pull myself into the saddle.

This is it. I’m riding a horse, a real horse. I feel the power of his muscles under my thighs; even if we’re barely plodding along in this little ring. I can’t wipe the smile from my face, and when I seek out Cam his is just as wide as he watches my joy in action. The reins are firm in my hand, and though they’re mostly for show I hold them together in one hand as I raise the other to wave excitedly at my boyfriend.

People gathered to watch and wait for their turn smile at our interaction, and I feel light enough to float off of this saddle. There are no harsh words, or stares, just people enjoying their day here as much as we are. I let my hand fall back to Tonka’s strong neck, rubbing back and forth as we finish our ride. When the owner clicks his tongue and pats the side of the pony in front of me, they all four slow to a stop. He goes around the circle, helping us each off and offering a carrot for us to feed our pony as a parting gift.

“Goodbye, Tonka,” I whisper, watching him crunch the treat with fascination. “You’re such a good boy.”

I drag myself away from his side and bounce to the gate, throwing my arms around Camden and knocking us several feet back.

“Did you see me?” I ask. “I was riding a horse!”

“I mean, he’s technically a pony,” I raise an eyebrow and he laughs, raising his hands in mock surrender. “You rode a horse.” Cam concedes. “You were wonderful,” he adds, reaching a hand up to tuck a curl behind my ear. “I got some pictures and videos for you.”

“I love you so much,” I smile. “Thank you.”

“Do you love me more than you love the horse?”

“Don’t push it.” I shove him away playfully, skipping a step ahead as I head down the marked path. “Come on,” I call over my shoulder. “I was promised a caramel apple.”

Cam rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he follows after me. The smell of melted butter and sugar fills the air as we approach the clearing where they’ve set up the food stalls. Everywhere I turn there’s another fall treat. Kettle corn, caramel apples, candied nuts, and funnel cakes. There’s turkey legs roasting in a wooden building along the far side, and nachos being dispensed on the other end piled high with chili and cheese.

When we get to the front of the line I order a caramel apple and a plastic knife, and Cam orders a funnel cake. We wait for our treats to be ready, then find a spot on a picnic table under a tree. In unspoken agreement, we each cut the snack in two pieces and shift the plates into the middle. I grin at Cam, who laughs as he pops the first bite of funnel cake onto his tongue. He moans as the greasy sweet treat dissolves, and I feel a flush rise to my cheeks. I keep my eyes fixed on my plate as we finish eating. When they finally dart up to meet his, Cam has a devilish glint in his eyes.

“Ready to check out that corn maze?”

“Sure,” I side-eye him, trying to interpret his look, as he snatches my hand and tugs me along after him.

He startles a laugh out of me as we trip along, and I try not to run into him with my long gangly legs. Cam confidently enters the maze, turning to the left. We hurry through the field, and I stick my hand out to brush along the stalks as we pass.

“No, right here!” I shout, grabbing his elbow to pull him back at a corner.

“Are you sure?” Cam raises an eyebrow, spinning around.

“Nope.” I grin and take off, hearing his heavy footfalls behind me.

I’m hopelessly lost within minutes, and I lean back against one wall with a breathless laugh as I grin at my approaching boyfriend. His glasses glint for a moment in the sunlight, and I bite my lip. He’s pushed the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows, and I can see his muscles flex as he puts his weight on one leg and rests his hands on his hips.

“Come and get me, Holt.”

Cam raises an eyebrow. He is dangerously still, and my eyes dart to his feet to anticipate his movements. I note the shift and try to launch out of the way, but not in time. I yelp as he snags me around the waist and pulls me back to his chest. With a laugh I spin in his arms, tapping my hands against his chest.

“Release me, you brute!”

“Not so tough now, are you?” Cam’s voice is gruff.

I raise my gaze to his, and my laughter stops. His eyes sparkle through those glasses, and I’ve never felt so many butterflies in my stomach as I do right now. My breath hitches, and I swallow hard. Camden raises one hand to the back of my neck, leans down, and I surge up until our lips meet like fire and gasoline. It’s an instant explosion as endorphins flood my brain, and I pull myself impossibly closer to his broad chest. His right arm drags up my side to my arm, squeezing my bicep as I raise my arms around his neck.

Time loses its meaning as he curls his body around mine, backing me up more firmly against the thick wall of corn stalks behind me. I lose track of where my lips end and Cam’s begin as the push and pull takes over, tentatively slide my tongue over his bottom lip and almost pass out when he parts those lips to give me access. Rising onto my tiptoes, I take the lead. It feels like my soul might be sucked out of my body through my tonsils, and I fear I’m going to lose feeling in my knees and pass out, when he gently breaks the kiss.

Cam’s lips trail down my jaw, dip down to my neck, and press firmly at the juncture between my neck and shoulder. A hiss of air escapes between my teeth as he noses my flannel to the side, trailing his tongue across my flesh before suckling over my collarbone. I’m restless in his arms, holding onto him desperately, his name floating from my lips with a puff of air. His hands squeeze at my hips as he sucks my skin through his teeth and tugs.

“Jesus, Hoover,” I gasp, shivering against him. “Careful, you’re gonna leave a mark…”

A huff of laughter escapes against me, cool air puffing over the wet flesh and sending another shiver through me. I duck under Cam’s jaw, running my nose along the stubble there, and take his mouth again. One hand cradles his jaw, sliding my thumb across the stubble I’ll never admit I’m jealous of as I hold him in place. The stalks of corn rustle behind me as we shift for position, but they hold firm.

I hear an intake of breath and then a nervous giggle from behind Camden. My eyes fly open and peek over his shoulder in time to see two blushing teenage girls who have come around the corner of the maze in search of the entrance. The redhead has her hands clapped over a smaller girl’s eyes, face flushed over her smile. The taller girl’s braid swings as she turns around, braces flashing through her amused expression.

“Sorry,” blondie giggles again. “Just looking for the exit!”

They hurry off to Camden’s right, laughing and jogging off for the next adventure. I feel myself grow red from my toes to my forehead, and am gearing up to apologize to Cam for not being more careful when I register his broad frame shaking beneath my hands in barely restrained laughter. I swat at his chest, and the laughter escapes in a loud open-chested show of happiness that sends butterflies swirling around my stomach again.

“Shit,” I burrow my forehead into his shoulder with a breathless laugh. “I can’t believe that just happened. I love you, so much.”

“I love you too.” Cam’s arms wrap tightly around my shoulder, and he rests his head on top of mine. “I’m so glad you’re my best friend.”

My head turns to the side to rest my cheek against his chest. His heartbeat slows along with mine, and I match my breaths to his as we both lean into the comedown. When we’ve both returned to a reasonable respiration pattern, Cam drops his chin to kiss my head and slips his fingers between my own.

“So,” he takes a step back and runs his free hand backwards through his hair. “Pumpkins?”

“We’d better,” I grin. “Before we get the police called for public indecency, or something.”

A surprised laugh barks from his chest, and we start off in the same direction the girls had gone. Now that we’re actually paying attention, listening for sounds between the walls and watching patterns people have tromped through the maze on their way to the exit, we are able to find our way there before too much time has passed. I keep my eyes averted as we pass a few clumps of people who are waiting for the last of their groups at the exit, not wanting to know if those kids are still around.

Just around the corner I gasp in delight when we return to the front of the property and the pumpkin patch. There are piles of pumpkins in shades of orange, green, yellow, and white. Cam and I drift all around for a while, picking up all of the ugliest warty ones and the squashes shaped strangely at first. The second time around we look for real, searching until we find the perfect pumpkins.

Mine is small and perfect looking, a lovely shade of cream with deep defined ridges and a curly stem. Camden found a warty green one that’s a little taller than it is wide, its short stem surrounded by little yellow bumps. He declares it’s perfect and even reminds him of me, and I shove him into a stack of hay bales. When he steadies himself, eyes glittering with amusement, I can’t help but pull out my phone to snap a photo. He reaches out and steals the phone from my hand, turning it around to face me.

“Say cheese!” he demands, sticking out his tongue and bending his knees in an attempt to get the angle just right, and I laugh with my head thrown back at his antics as he takes at least twenty photos of me and my beautiful gourd.

Stealing my phone back, I cajole my way against him and hold the phone in front of us, flipping the camera around so we can see ourselves on the screen. We laugh as I try to fit us both into the frame, first missing half of Cam’s face and then half of my own. Finally we squish our faces together, getting a shot of the two of us but missing our pumpkins entirely. Cam reaches over my shoulder to swipe through our attempts, laughing and shaking his head at each one.

“Hi, sorry,” I look up and see a young woman with short curly hair dyed teal. She smiles, bumping the bottom of her nose ring with her full lips. “Do you want a picture of y’all together?”

“Oh,” I glance back to Cam. “Yes, please, that would be great! Thank you!”

I hand her the phone and then stand straighter, holding my pumpkin with both hands, and smile as my boyfriend slots himself perfectly behind me. His chin rests on my shoulder, and his arms wind around my waist to hold his pumpkin stacked just under mine. I feel myself relax, leaning into him slightly, and tilt my head to the side. My grin feels like it might split my face as the girl smiles and twists the camera, taking several for us before handing my phone back over.

“Go ahead and take a look at those,” she adds helpfully. “Make sure one’s okay?”

My thumb swipes up on the screen and I open the photos app, and pull up the most recent image. I swipe through the pictures, seeing me in my boyfriend’s arms, looking so happy, and I feel hot tears well in the corners of my eyes. This is what we look like, to other people. Like I belong there, like there’s something so right about his arms around me and our matching smiles. Pinching my fingers, I zoom in on our faces. The warmth and happiness in my eyes is only outdone by Cam’s, his wide smile showing all of his teeth. We look so in love.

“Yeah, thanks,” my voice cracks, and I clear my throat. “They look perfect.”