33. Ashley

33

ASHLEY

“Thank you so much for helping with all this.” Skylar patted Mason’s back, burping him as she held him against her shoulder.

“Don’t thank me yet.” I blew a stray strand of hair off my forehead as I opened the oven, pulled the bottom rack that the turkey was on, and inserted the thermometer into the thickest section of the thigh. “We don’t know how everything tastes.”

For some reason, Skylar had gotten it in her head that she needed to host Thanksgiving this year even though she’d given birth six weeks ago. Today, all of Hank’s siblings and their spouses were coming over. Since I’d become the default co-hostess-with-the-mostest, I had also invited Stella, Dorothy, and Fred to the occasion. They hadn’t arrived yet, but they were set to show up any minute. I invited Nadia as well, but she was spending the holiday on a cruise with a hot guy she’d met on an app.

“What can we do?” Reagan, who was married to Hank’s brother Billy, asked as she and Isabella, who was married to his youngest brother Jimmy, entered the kitchen.

“I think we’re just about ready in here,” I relayed after the number stopped at one hundred and seventy degrees, indicating the bird was cooked. I slipped on the novelty pinup girl oven mitts that read, Too Hot To Handle, that I’d given Skylar when we took a cooking class in Seattle for her twenty-fifth birthday, and lifted the turkey out of the oven then set it on the counter. “But you can corral the men to the table.”

Hank, his brothers, and his sister’s husband, Cash, were in the front room watching football.

“Don’t you want to wait for Stella, Fred, and Dorothy?” Skylar asked as I carried the turkey to the dining room so Hank could do the carving honors.

“No. Dorothy messaged me that they were running late and not to wait for them.”

I was happy that Stella had accepted my invitation and was going to be joining me for Thanksgiving since it was her first without her husband. Declan was out of town on business, and Derek was in rehab again. Skylar’s ex, Luna’s dad, had addiction issues, and I knew how hard it could be on the people closest to them. I sympathized with both Stella and Declan. Even if Declan wouldn’t admit it, even to himself, I could tell that he loved his brother, and his behavior and his illness hurt him.

Within about five minutes, everyone was gathered around the large farm table, which was filled with delicious-looking and smelling dishes. I had to admit I was proud of myself for the spread I’d managed to whip up, and by “whip up,” I mean slave over in the kitchen for the past three days, take four trips to the Piggly Wiggly, have two mini-meltdowns, and get up at five this morning. Hopefully, my efforts were not in vain. On the table, there were mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, two different stuffings, maple-glazed carrots, cornbread dressing, turkey, ham, macaroni and cheese, and two dozen dinner rolls made from scratch. For dessert, I made two pumpkin pies and two pecan pies, all from scratch. Did I mention that in addition to her wanting to host, Skylar was also on a ‘from scratch’ kick after binging Great British Bake Off while she was on modified bed rest.

I didn’t mind it, though, because I was definitely in my ‘wifey’ era, even though my wife status was really in title only. I had to admit over the past month, I did feel different. I felt domesticated, which was ridiculous, considering I wasn’t living with my husband. I wasn’t even wearing my ring, for the obvious reason that only a few people knew I was married.

I assumed that Jimmy had told Isabella that he’d performed the ceremony of our wedding, and all of the Comforts had seen Declan at the hospital the day Skylar gave birth, which meant they knew, but I trusted they would keep it to themselves.

Gossip spread around Firefly Island faster than a cold at preschool, but the Comforts followed the same rules as Fight Club : you never talked about family. They fiercely protected their own and would never betray a confidence. Even though I wasn’t technically one of them, I was Comfort family adjacent.

As Hank did the honor of carving the turkey and everyone began filling their plates, I held out my hands to Skylar.

“Here, let me take Mr. Man while you eat.”

“Are you sure? You cooked.”

“Yes, I’m sure.” It was strange, but sometimes, when I cooked, the last thing I wanted to do was eat the food I’d just made.

Her shoulders sagged in relief. “Thanks.”

Skylar handed me my nephew, and I snuggled him close to me as I watched all the loved-up couples sitting around the table talking. Hank and my sister. His brother Billy and his wife Reagan, who had been a lawyer in New York before settling in Firefly Island. Jimmy and Isabella, and their little sister Cheyenne, who married Cash, Billy’s best friend. All of them had what I’d always wanted. They had their soulmate, lobster, once- in-a-lifetime, twin-flame, other half, ride-or-die, meant-to-be, in case of emergency, forever love.

The way the men looked at their partners was as if no other woman existed in the world. You could see that they would do anything for them. Their love was palpable; it was tangible. Maybe it wasn’t visible to the naked eye, but I could see it with my eyes, I could feel it in my heart, I could hear it in my heartbeat, and I could sense it in the air.

I wondered if I’d ever have that for myself—that intangible-tangible love.

My memory went back to Declan promising to be the Clyde to my Bonnie. I knew he’d only done it as a joke, a way to make the ceremony seem less clinical and more personal. The problem was that it felt too personal. Just like him buying me a new car had felt. Especially since he hadn’t bought me a new, new car, he got me a new used car.

I knew if he had his way, I would have the model that hadn’t even been released to the public yet. But he knew that I wouldn’t ever feel comfortable driving something that cost more than a house, more than most of the population made in a year. So, instead, he bought me my dream car. And my dream car just so happened to be a used, new car.

Mason cooed up at me, and I snuggled my face into my nephew’s neck. I inhaled his new baby smell. There was nothing better. I couldn’t wait to become a mom. I felt like Luna had been my practice run. She confirmed for me that I wanted to have kids. Mason confirmed to me that I wanted kids sooner rather than later. Every time I held him, my ovaries ached.

It might sound crazy to some people, but I’d always been so sure that I’d be married and starting a family by my age. Technically, one of those things was happening, but not really. On the bright side, I had the career I’d always dreamed of having, and just like Luna had been a dry run, I did enjoy being a wife, just like I always thought I would. Even in the limited capacity that I was.

Once this marriage was dissolved, I was seriously considering hiring a matchmaker. Clearly, I wasn’t having any luck on my own and needed professional help. And now I knew more than ever that I wanted to be married. I wanted to have a family and have my forever person. The Hank to my Skylar. The Jimmy to my Isabella. The Billy to my Reagan. The Cash to my Cheyenne.

The Clyde to my Bonnie , I repeated the vow that Declan had made to me in my head as my heart broke just a little bit more.

He would never be that to me. How could he? He didn’t believe in love, or at least not the kind of love that I did. And I didn’t believe in marriage without it. That was quite the crossroads to be at.

There was a knock at the door, and I stood cradling Mason in my arms. Everyone continued eating, not noticing the indication of guests arriving.

As I walked across the room, I leaned down and whispered to my nephew, “Let’s get the door. Do you wanna get the door?”

His only response was more cooing. I opened the door and lifted my head. When I did, my heart slammed against my chest. Stella, Dorothy, and Fred were on the porch, but they weren’t alone. My husband was with them. He was wearing a beige sweater and dark trousers with a long camel overcoat that looked like it was tailored to his body, which it probably was. He could have easily stepped right off the pages of GQ magazine or off a runway in Paris. His style and air were equal parts sexy, sophisticated, timeless, and trendy. I really didn’t understand how he pulled it off.

Without waiting for an invitation, he stepped into the house, kissing me on the forehead before leaning down and saying hi to Mason, who grabbed his finger. Seeing Mason’s tiny fingers wrapped around Declan’s thick forefinger made my already ticking biological clock explode.

As soon as he entered the house, the space felt different. Every room he occupied, he commanded attention by his mere presence. It was as unnerving as it was hot.

These past six weeks, I’d seen him over FaceTime, but there was something about him in person that was so much more formidable. His pheromone game was unmatched. All of the oxygen escaped my lungs. Our eyes met, and everyone else just disappeared. It transported me back to the first time I saw him in the bar. I forgot where I was, who I was, and that anything else even existed.

“Are we late?” Stella asked, her voice popping the bubble I’d been floating in.

“Oh, sorry. No, not at all. Come in, come in.”

I greeted Stella, Dorothy, and Fred, who all followed Declan inside and said hi to Mason. Once they all took off their coats and hung them up, I then ushered everyone to the dining room, where I did a full round of introductions.

Stella, Dorothy, and Fred all took seats at the opposite side of the table next to Billy, Jimmy, and Reagan. Declan pulled up a chair next to me. There hadn’t been a seat open, but he’d made one.

As we sat around the table, everyone was talking over everyone else. There had to be a minimum of four conversations going on at the same time. I was doing my level best to pay attention to at least one of them, but with Declan seated so close beside me, looking so good, smelling so good, it was really hard to concentrate on anything else.

He leaned over, pressing his hand to my lower back as he whispered against my ear, “Hello, wife. Sorry to just show up like this. I hope you like surprises.”

The heat of his breath warmed my neck as the raspiness of his voice sent a thrill down my spine. I looked up at him and wanted to speak but wasn’t sure I could over the arousal clogging my throat. Instead, I just grinned. Lucky for him, I loved surprises.