24. Jade

Sleeping has turned into an obstacle course.

I never know which nightmare I have waiting for me when I close my eyes. The sound of a chainsaw courtesy of Atticus’s sick habit of carving up people he views as things? The blue-haired girl with the hopeless eyes, shark-like teeth, and blood sliding down her chin. The thought of Atticus stealing my baby. Or my dad turning silver and dying from the bolt Atticus shot at him.

I have all that and more to choose from.

And now this gold firedrake dream.

Am I going crazy to have dreamed there were two of me? I could ask Dominik, but do I trust him to tell me the truth?

I leave Patten sleeping. It’s early, and my nightmares aren’t important. It would be yet another thing I’d be complaining about, and I’ve done plenty of complaining to Shep already.

I have a quick shower and pull on a pair of black cropped pants and a white linen blouse before closing the bedroom door on a still sleeping Patten. There are more creases on the shirt, enough that I should iron it, but it’s that or a blue cocktail dress, and I’m not about to wear a cocktail dress for breakfast.

The shower is running as I make my way downstairs, and I spot Isaiah napping on the couch. I keep quiet, trying not to wake him if he’s been up all night.

I venture out into the garden for some fresh air, smile as the sun warms my face, and move to lean on the wall. Instead, I come face to face with Dominik.

Shit.

He’s staring into the distance, hands buried in his pockets.

He hasn’t seen me.

Yet.

Which means I have time to do something about this situation.

I turn around so I can sneak back in.

“I thought we were going to be friends?”

I squeeze my eyes shut and pray for patience. “One day. I said maybe one day.”

Since sneaking away would go against my talk of being civil, I let the backdoor close and join the man I really don’t want to talk to.

He hasn’t looked at me yet, so I rest my back on the wall and peer up at the sky.

And to my surprise, even though Dominik is standing less than a foot away from me, I find myself relaxing as my thoughts turn to the biggest source of my nightmares.

Fear that I won’t be strong enough to save the people I love.

I recall the blue-haired woman from the compound. The hopelessness in her eyes. She had given up. I don’t know how long Atticus caged her, but she was so lost. I don’t want that to happen to me or my baby. I refuse to let it happen.

I lift my right arm, and this time, I don’t strain when I reach for spirit, I just envision it is there, a gossamer thin strand lazily circling my wrist.

Such a thin, insubstantial thing to have slammed a man—a demon—into a wall hard enough to dent it. Is this the start of my powers growing?

I hope so.

If Atticus threatens anyone I care about, I hope this power is strong enough to crush him.

Spirit whips faster, and I’m not sure if I’m seeing things, but it’s brighter. Not as insubstantial as it was a second before. Reacting to my fear? My anger? Or is it just doing what it wants?

“Your power is growing.”

I jump, startled at Dominik’s low comment.

And just like that, my blue ribbon friend disappears. Which is not the sort of thing I would ever want to happen in a fight, for someone to startle me, and for my only way of protecting myself to startle and disappear.

I lower my arm and face the sun. “I’m figuring it out.”

He angles his head toward me. “I could offer guidance.”

“Would that guidance come at a cost?”

I’m stupid for refusing his help. I know it. But I can’t let him lie to me and lock me up in his hoard again.

And he would.

“Make a Kaida fall in love with you, and she will destroy the world for you,” he murmurs.

His comment provokes my curiosity. I guess that’s the point. He wants us to be friends, and he knows I want answers.

I snort. “Is that what you tried to do when you locked me in your hoard? Make me fall in love with you?”

Before I’m tempted to ask him to explain his strange comment, or if it relates to my mom who died when I was a baby, I turn to go inside.

“I’m an Alarik. A long time ago, we would have been a perfect pairing. An Alarik and a Kaida, two powerful houses joined. We still can be.”

I stop. “But the world doesn’t work like that. My mom and my dad loved each other and built a life for themselves. Together. Just because you think something was supposed to happen doesn’t mean it was.”

“I can make you happy.”

I swing around, hands tightening into fists. It’s getting very hard not to want to knock some sense into this blockheaded man. “You keep saying that. I don’t believe you. Do you want to know why?”

He looks at me. “Why?”

“Because you can’t make someone feel a certain way. Or, I guess you can, but love is different. You don’t make someone love you by forcing a bond on them. It isn’t something you force. It’s something that happens.”

“So, you love those men?” He nods at the closed door behind me.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

How does a person know a thing they’ve never experienced before? What are the clues?

“You care about them?” Dominik’s expression is unreadable.

“Yes, I care about them.”

“I thought you just wanted to sleep with them.”

My god. How does he keep saying things that make me crazy?

“Did this have a point?” I bite out.

“Why do you care about them?”

“I don’t know.”

“You hugged the vampire.” His gaze sharpens. “Why?”

“Because I wanted to.”

“Because you find them handsome?”

That’s it. I’ve had enough.

I walk away from a man who I preferred when he did nothing but growl like a wild animal.

“Wait! I just want to know why.”

Maybe his confusion is so genuine that it compels me to stop. It certainly isn’t because I want to keep talking to him.

But I turn around again. “I don’t have an answer for you.” Because I don’t know what this feeling is. I care about Shep, Patten, and Isaiah, but like is too tame of a word. I’m not sure what the right word is. “They saved me from something.”

“And that’s why? They saved you?”

It’s clear where he’s going to go with this. I bet the next words out of his mouth are that he saved me, so why don’t I have those feelings for him?

I give him more of an explanation than I’d intended.

“At the time I didn’t want saving. It was later. They just… see me, I guess. They see the parts of me I don’t think are anything but ordinary, but they think I’m more, and I see parts of them that make me care about them.”

“The handsome parts?”

My molars grind together. “You’re not listening.”

“I am listening.”

“Then you would hear that what I’m saying is this isn’t just about how we look. Yes, I think they are handsome. They think I’m beautiful when I’m not, but I’m glad they do. And there’s more. I can talk to them, and they talk to me. We laugh. But it’s… that’s not all of it. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

I’m aware I’ve rambled far longer than I should have, that Isaiah must have woken from his nap and be wondering what the hell I’m saying. But it feels good to get some of those feelings out.

“You are,” Dominik says, confusing me.

“I’m what?”

“Beautiful.”

I back up. His expression hasn’t changed, but I don’t need this confusion when all I need and want from Dominik is to be a good co-parent. That’s it.

No more.

“It won’t last.”

There it is again. That ability he has of saying things that make me crazy.

And angry.

I glare at him. “What does it have to do with you? Do you think that if things don’t work out, then I’ll go running to you? You forced a bond on me without my consent. At no point have you shown the slightest inclination that you’re sorry about it. You just expect me to forgive, accept, and move on. No.”

“I—”

“I preferred you when I thought you were feral. You know that?”

Surprise flickers across his face.

“In the compound, you actually seemed to care. Out here—” I sweep my arm around. “You only care about you.”

He takes a step toward me. “That isn’t true.”

I immediately back up, my hand flying up to keep him at a distance. “Don’t touch me.”

“Because you don’t like my touch? Or because you’re still attracted to me?”

Both.

I don’t say a word, but his expression subtly shifts. He suddenly looks more confident than he did before, shoulders lifting, and the line between his brow smoothing. “You liked my touch in the compound, and you still like it.”

My anger burns out from an argument that goes on and on but seemingly goes nowhere at all. I just hurt.

I’d trusted him. Believed him. Now, every time he opens his mouth, he proves how wrong I was.

“You betrayed me,” I say simply. “I can’t trust if any of the nice things you did in Atticus’s compound had any value other than to manipulate me later.”

I’d cried when I’d learned Atticus planned to take my baby and cage it. Dominik had quietly ordered me to our shared glass wall. We rested our heads against it.

We couldn’t touch or hug. But he had comforted me.

Now all of that feels tainted.

Like it had all been a lie.

I remember when he bit my throat and bound us together, and I think I understand why he did it then. “You didn’t like the thought of me being with someone else. You knew I liked Patten, so you tied us together so I would stay with you and not him. Didn’t you?”

He doesn’t respond.

My eyes burn. I force a smile to my lips, and I will myself not to cry.

“How am I supposed to trust you when you did something so selfish?”

“You act like you’re not still attracted to me, but you are.”

“What happened in the compound was a mistake.” I look away from him. Yes, I’m still attracted to him, but that’s not enough.

He scoffs. “You really think I buy that? Maybe it started off that way. It certainly didn’t end that way. There is something between us.”

I lift my chin. “That means nothing when I don’t trust you.”

His jaw hardens. “You’re not being smart about this, Jade.”

Fury coats my tongue, a bright, hot, bitter thing that tastes of ash.

“Before Atticus abducted me, my father left me with a man who I believed was my uncle who liked to lock me in his attic. I don’t want to be with someone who would lock me up.”

I didn’t try to escape when I know I should have. Fear held me back. I won’t let it continue to hold me back. The crazy dream version of me was right. I hide a lot, and I am scared. Always scared.

Because I do those things, people walk right over me.

I’m sick of it.

“I would not lock you in an attic,” Dominik denies.

“You locked me in your hoard.”

I swing around, away from Dominik. All we’re doing is going in circles. He says he’s listening, but he’s not. And I’m too angry to care.

His hand grips my forearm, halting me. “Stop. I am not like that man.”

“Please let me go.”

His grip tightens.

Before I have to wonder if spirit will attack him, a silky French accented voice drifts from the door.

“She asked you politely to do something. More politely than you deserve. I won’t ask so nicely.”

I meet Isaiah’s gaze.

His face is calm, seemingly amused. But his gaze is sharp. Almost as sharp as the fangs peeking between his lips.

Dominik leans close and says into my ear, “You can trust me.”

“No.” I pull my arm free. “I can’t.”

Isaiah steps aside as I walk inside, heading straight for the stairs.

Shep is on the staircase, hair wet as he glares over my shoulder. Patten is behind him, fully dressed, his eyes spitting with fury.

I should remind them not to kill Dominik.

But as I mutter something about needing the bathroom, my eyes continue to burn, and I can’t find it in me to care what they do to him.

I just want to be somewhere no one will see me cry.