Chapter 6

Primrose

Honestly, in a way, it was kind of exciting when Giselle carried me. I’d never had one of the boys I was playing with pull that one on me before, and I ended up giggling like an idiot and it was only, like, seventy percent acting.

Girl was seriously strong. I could see why we went this route to bring her down instead of anything direct, or she’d march in and take us all in a fistfight.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I said, and Giselle didn’t even look at me, keeping her gaze straight ahead as we walked past the ag-sciences building and up towards November, but she smiled.

“Perfectly okay. I’ll let you know if my arms get tired and need a break, but I don’t expect it.”

“You’re so good.” It was a strange feeling in my gut as I let myself rest my head on her shoulder—I should have been happy it was working so well. And conflicted about being like this with a girl. Instead, I mostly just felt nervous about anyone else seeing—like we were in the middle of something indecent, instead of just your average weird Sunday-night college campus antics. I didn’t want anyone thinking I was actually gay. Nobody except Giselle.

Still, I rested my head on her shoulder. And the way she tightened up a little at the touch said it was working.

“I don’t know about that,” she murmured.

Yeah, I didn’t know about that, either. She was involved in a thousand tiny cuts against FIRE, and I still remembered Veronica’s face streaked with tears as I helped her pack up her things. But I couldn’t let myself dwell on things like that right now, or it would show through on my face. “What did Ava say about me?”

“Oh, that.” She laughed. “Let’s see. She said you have terrible taste in food…”

“I do not. I’m just an adventurous eater.”

She flashed me a grin as we came onto the garden path that led to the back entrance at November. Looked like we were on the same page—I took the back path so often, I forgot what the front looked like. “I’m a pretty adventurous eater, too, so I’m on your side.”

I knew that perfectly well. That was exactly why I’d given it as one of the things for Ava to complain about me. “Thank god,” I said. “What else?”

“That… you get into new hobbies and passion projects and talk about them for ages.”

“Oh…” I looked away. “I know I get annoying like that.”

She shrugged, turning her gaze away. “There’s nothing wrong with passion.”

“Yeah, but people get tired of hearing me ramble… and then get bored just like that…” I shook my head. “God, I’m rambling all over you. Please forget I said anything.”

She gave me a soft little smile, but she didn’t get to say anything because—apparently someone was earning her keep working some overtime, because we came around the corner to the back entrance, and Ava stood in front of us, her arms folded, leaning back against the door with one foot kicked up against it. Giselle froze, and I managed to turn what was almost a laugh into an awkward noise of surprise.

“Your new friend’s a terrible listener,” Ava said, giving me a look.

“What? Listener about what?”

Giselle cut in before Ava could respond. “Am I running into you two everywhere today?”

Ava shot back without a blink of hesitation. “If you pick up my roommate and carry her to my doorstep? Yeah, probably.”

“She hurt her ankle. It’s kind of my fault… I turned a corner blindly and plowed her over.”

“Uh-huh.” Ava sighed, looking back at me. “I was wondering where you went. Going out for more random late-night strolls looking up at the stars?”

I scoffed as Giselle set me down, testing my weight tenderly on my bad ankle—well, it was perfectly fine, but Giselle didn’t need to know. “I know, I know. I like to pause and take in the beauty of the world around me, sick freak that I am.”

Giselle squeezed my shoulder, giving me a look of concern. “Are you going to be okay?”

“It’s feeling a little better…” I tested my ankle. “I should be able to get upstairs just fine.”

She pursed her lips. Honestly, the concern seemed genuine, and not just from a place of liking me or thinking I was cute. She seemed like a softie. Easier to break that way.

I decided to go for the blow. I ducked my head, looking up at her through my lashes, and I said, “It’s a bit much for you to walk me into my apartment and tuck me into my bed.”

“I wasn’t—” She pinched her lips together, flushing a little. Bullseye. This critical anxiety she had around not being too forward, not looking like she was making a move on me—it made it all too easy to get through to her. She looked away. “Sorry. I’m not trying to be creepy. I just feel guilty for knocking you down.”

“I’m really okay,” I laughed. “Well, guess I’m going inside so Ava can make fun of me for my terrible taste in food.”

Ava turned back to the door, opening it for me. “Get better taste in food, and I won’t.”

“I’m glad you’re doing okay,” Giselle said, and I paused at the door, giving her my best look I’d practiced a million-times—that soft, sweet little smile like the world was just for the two of us and she was the only thing that existed. It worked on everyone. Hadn’t used it on a girl before, but I was finding Ava was right—it had never actually been about love, so as long as I didn’t overthink it, doing all of this with a girl didn’t feel any different.

“Thank you so much,” I said. “For this morning and for tonight. You’re an angel.”

She looked away, furrowing her brow. “I’m nothing special…”

“I’m… sure I’ll see you around. Seems like you can’t avoid me or Ava.” I stepped in through the door, giving one last sweet smile Giselle’s way. “Have a good night, okay?”

“You too. Both of you.”

“Yeah, yeah, didn’t ask you,” Ava said, shutting the door in her face before she turned back to me. I relaxed, settling my weight back onto my feet normally, and she gestured towards the stairs. “C’mon, let’s hobble you upstairs.”

“I’m too wounded. Carry me.”

“Hilarious. I’m in stitches laughing at your humor.”

I waited until we were upstairs to ask, “How’d you know we were coming up, anyway?”

“Saw you out the window. Guess it’s going well, huh?”

I shoved my hair back out of my face, relaxing as I followed her up the second flight of stairs. “Yeah, not bad. Still playing the push and pull. Your encounter with her helped. Thanks.”

“Absolutely tore into her, telling her not to hit on you.”

“I’d guessed so. She seems so nervous about it. Pretty little perfect girl who can’t ever be perceived as doing anything wrong.” I stopped when she opened the apartment door and pushed into where Sooyeon sat on the couch, raising a hand in a casual, lazy wave. “Didn’t realize I was walking in on a party.”

“Butterflies just wanted a break from Andi downstairs. Now, I just cooked for me and her, so you’re not mooching food off me tonight.” Ava paused, giving me a look once I got inside, hanging my bag up by the door. “Oh, one more thing. Apparently Cassandra and Giselle are friends… family friends. Maybe you can use that.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah. Giselle already knew my name from her when I cornered her in the library. Cassandra’s a rich brat too, so it’s not the weirdest coincidence.”

“Interesting…” I kicked my shoes off by the door, glancing over at Sooyeon. “Anything Ava told you about that meeting with Cassandra that she’s not telling me?”

Sooyeon shrugged. “I know there’s snacks. But there’s no way Kittycat didn’t mention the snacks.”

“All right, sure. Well, I’m going to cram for my quiz in my room, and I’ll leave you two to your date.”

Ava called after me as I started down the hall. “Hey, I’m not the one trying to get into a girl’s pants.”

“Uh-huh.” I flipped her off over my shoulder, and I heard Sooyeon calming her down as I pushed into my bedroom.

I flopped onto my bed, pulled my phone from my pocket, and I checked through it. Nothing from Giselle, thankfully. She wasn’t supposed to take the bait, she was supposed to agonize over it.

The bad news was a text from Zachary instead.

Matthew says things are off to a good start with Lawson. Nice work.

Zachary did not just compliment me out of nowhere. He was angling for something.

Thanks. I know what I’m doing,I replied. He left me on read, which make my stomach churn more—not because I wanted a response, but because I had no clue what he was getting at.

And I didn’t like not knowing what Zachary was doing.

I dropped the phone, rolled over, and grabbed my laptop from by the bed, propping it up on my legs and opening my coursework.

∞∞∞

Giselle

“What’cha got?”

I crumpled up the piece of paper and shoved it into my bag as Jordan sat down next to me, her skates in hand. Bright and early at the rink, just the coach and the five of us here for practice, and the cold air was crisp and invigorating except for the panic of Jordan seeing right through me.

“Nothing. Just something I found.”

“Found, huh?” She waggled her eyebrows at me. Jordan was a freshman, a blonde girl with a chin-length bob and blue eyes shimmering with that look like she was ready to start trouble, and she’d never disappointed. We’d skated together while she was still in high school, so now that she was starting here, I was her primary person to cause trouble for. “So there’s a new girl in town, huh?”

“What even makes you think it’s a girl? I don’t know anything about it.”

“It’s a phone number and a heart? And you’re keeping it. I don’t think you’d do that if a guy handed you that.”

Well, touché. I guess she’d seen it, even if only at a glance. I’d found it on the ground as I’d started away from November, dropped just behind me, a scrap of paper with a phone number and Primrose with a heart below it, and the label, for C. I was supposed to return it, but I didn’t want to go harass her again. So I was probably supposed to toss it, but… I’d just found myself looking at it instead.

Obviously, I knew I couldn’t text her. So why did I keep holding onto it?

Ugh.

“It isn’t for me,” I said, and Jordan rolled her eyes.

“Ugh, listen to you. Who believes that?”

I pulled it out of my bag and showed it to her. “Do I look like a C? I’m trying to figure out who it might be so I can hand it over for her.”

“Primrose, huh? That’s a pretty name. Where’d you meet her?”

“Ugh, you’re not listening.” I shoved the paper back in my bag, and I bent over to lace up my skates. “Forget about it, okay? I’m not dating anyone right now. I just broke up with Andrea.”

She hung her head. “C’mon, Giselle. You weren’t dating Andrea. You never did anything together. She didn’t let you talk to anyone about her and didn’t talk to anyone about you. Every time you spent time with her, you came back looking like you’d had your soul sucked out.” She gestured to the rink. “And despite all the promises and posturing, we never saw her here once. She could have supported you. She wasn’t dating you, she was just… squatting on you so nobody else could have you.”

I kept my gaze focused on my skates as I laced them up tighter. Thinking of helping Primrose lace her skates. What was wrong with me? “Regardless of what you consider our relationship to have been, we were in a relationship, and we just broke up.”

“Are you even sad about it?”

I paused, just a millisecond, but that was all the pause Jordan needed. Still, Coach Bailey came in before I had to figure out what to say, clapping a hand on my shoulder.

“Hear you got your crossovers in,” she said, giving me a studying smile. The woman read my mind… I knew I wasn’t hiding much from her. Coach Bailey had that kind of no-fuss attitude where she could see right through you—she was a shorter woman, curvy and Black with dark skin and her curls pulled back into a big bun, and her eyes were lighter than you’d expect, a brown that was almost a gleaming gold. Something about the light eyes on dark skin made it feel like her eyes were just about glowing and piercing straight through you.

“Yeah, got some pretty good practice, actually,” I said, finishing the lacing and standing up. “Feeling good.”

“Try the transition yet for your program?”

“A couple times. Got it perfectly once and then fumbled every subsequent attempt.”

She clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Because you’re overthinking it, that’s why.”

That and the fact that Primrose had been watching for the first time, and something about having her watch—having her actively admire and celebrate what I was doing out on the ice—it had felt like a kind of magic.

Or maybe that was me being weird about her in a way I couldn’t pin down and making her out to be some kind of magical miracle figure. One or the other.

“Will do my best to stop thinking today, then,” I said, and she smiled.

“That’s the spirit. Jordan,” she said, turning to her. “Off-ice exercises?”

Jordan giggled. “A… little bit.”

“You didn’t do a thing. Get up, you and I are doing warmups first.”

Jordan leaned close to whisper in my ear as she stood up. “Maybe Primrose is going to come watch.”

“Jordan—”

But she was off before I could say anything. I sighed, closing my eyes.

Crowds of people all around me talking about Primrose all of a sudden. It was getting harder and harder to keep her out of my head.

Especially since I didn’t really want her out of my head.