Chapter 25

Primrose

Igot a lot of questions from people about since when I’d played for that team. But mostly, everyone there seemed to feel weird not because I was dating a girl, but because I was dating the perfectly-polished figure-skating princess who was the daughter of a banker.

I was just as confused, frankly. But I couldn’t deny this feeling in my chest when she was around was the feeling of actually dating, and when we’d talked earlier about our relationship, it had been a lot more than an act.

I caught Tan sitting at a table with eight other people squeezed in all laughing like they were the best of friends, because of course he was, and I caught Ava sitting alone in a corner with a vodka soda, because of course she was. And as the girl my friend’s friend invited here sat up at the mic with a guitar and alternated talking between songs, I got to introduce Giselle round-robin style at Tan’s table, but I felt Ava’s eyes more keenly on me than Tan’s. And I wasn’t getting away from her—Giselle had just nipped out to the bathroom when Ava got up and moved over to our table, sliding into the spot Giselle had been.

“Job’s going well, huh?” she said. I lowered my voice.

“This isn’t a private space, Ava.”

“Not so worried now about people getting the wrong idea and thinking you are gay?”

I looked away, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Just get to the point.”

“Never seen you like this with someone. Don’t tell me you were upset about the job because you’re a lesbian and you know you’ll only be faking it with men?”

I knew what the hostility was about. Ava was one of the few who knew the truth of the Chris Torres incident—me and Zach, Matthew and Ava, all privy to how I’d fucked up the job, taken enough of a liking to the target that I couldn’t go through with sabotaging him before the big competition, and it led to Chris Torres losing it all instead of getting the job that would have been a ticket up for all of us. Zach had hated my guts, Matthew had defended me, but Ava had been this cool neutral where she never made it clear what she really thought, and I was seeing the shadows of those same things in her face now.

But I didn’t want her to be my enemy. I needed us to work together.

I looked down. “Not a lesbian.”

“Just bisexual and this is the first time the target’s gotten to you?”

“Yeah. Turns out.”

It caught her off guard, and she furrowed her brow, studying me. “What, you… you didn’t know?”

“Nah.”

She sighed, slumping over the table, her hoodie falling over her face. “Guess I can see how it blindsided you, then.”

“I’m not letting this go like last time. I still know what I have to do. I don’t like it, and I’m really, honest-to-god hoping Zach takes me off this whole thing…”

“Thought it gave you life. The feeling of power.”

“Used to. But I’ve changed.”

“Changed by love.”

“Fucking sucks.” I shook my head. “We pull this project off right, we’re all rising for it. I have to believe I’ve paid my dues at this point, that Zach will let me do something that doesn’t get me like this.”

“Now that you’ve gotten weak. Athlete’s retirement.”

“Hah. Yeah, pretty much.”

She scowled. “You’re supposed to get pissy when I jab you. You’re boring like this.”

“Dammit, Ava, I’m sad. Preemptively heartbroken. This fucking sucks. I don’t have it in me to jab you back.”

She pursed her lips, shaking her head, before she said, “Really, though? Someone finally does you in, and it’s some snobby figure-skating…”

“She’s just… different.”

“Ugh. Gag me with a cliché.”

“I know.” I folded my arms, looking down at my drink. “But she is. I mean, look at her. She cut off her rich asshole friend for being a snobby dickwad—the one who was actually responsible for bullying Veronica out—and she’s doing skating for herself. Her parents don’t even like it. And she comes to events like this, too. Feel like she’s not too different from you and me. So I didn’t have my guard up, for… multiple reasons.”

She pushed her hood down, studying me, before she settled into a tired smile. “You know, guess I can say it, then. I hate myself for it, but I kinda like her. Think she’s just got that knack for winning people over.”

“Sooyeon said something similar. Tan, too, just now. And Andrea had also been set up with her and Zach figured he’d let her stick around with her because Andrea ended up liking her too.”

“Huh. Looks like we underestimated her, then.”

“You can say that again…” I swirled my drink, listening to the ice clink together.

“You sure you’re gonna be able to pull the plug?”

I hesitated. “Yeah.”

“Doesn’t sound like confidence to me.”

I looked up at where Tan was now chatting with Sheila close to the stage—one of our quieter members, hadn’t seen the girl in weeks. Didn’t even know she was here. Didn’t know a lot of things outside of Giselle right now… “I’ll do it,” I said, finally, my voice low. “I just… I just hate it.”

Ava softened, just a bit. “You really do like her, huh?”

I winced at her. “I don’t even recognize myself, Kittycat. It’s so humiliating. I’m constantly thinking about her.”

“Don’t count on anything mushy and emotional from me, but I’ll be there for you once you pull the plug. I’ll cook for you and shit if you’re too sad to get up.”

I sighed. “It really means a lot…”

She smiled slightly. “Only for, like, a week, tops, though.”

“Uh-huh.” I tented my hands on the tabletop. “So, you wanna tell me what’s going on between you and Sooyeon? I asked Butterflies and she got all cagey and wouldn’t say anything really.”

Ava scrunched up her face. “What? What’d she say?”

“Forget what she said, want to know what you say. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. She starting shit?”

“Just you two being real happy on Saturday, that’s all.”

She rolled her eyes. “Got nothing on how well you and Skates handled it.”

“Yeah, well fuck off. Doesn’t really help your case after this whole conversation that I’m actually into her. Now that I’ve fessed up, you can do the same.”

“Nothing to fess. Suck a dick. Or a clit, I don’t care.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Should I go ask Butterflies some more? I bet I could get something out of her, if you’re too shy to talk.”

“I’m not fucking shy, asshole. You take one look at me and try describing me as shy.” She flicked her hood back up, looking away. “And stay out of my and Sooyeon’s business.”

“Bit protective, Kittycat.”

“Just because you’re gay now doesn’t mean we all are.”

I leaned forward. “Why’d she say it wouldn’t be able to work?”

“The—” She shot me a look, before her resolve withered, and she looked down. “Fucking hell. How much did she say?”

“Couple things.” I was bluffing to hell and back if it meant I could get more out of her. Ava rubbed her forehead.

“Do not fucking tell anybody. Okay?”

“Okay. I promise.”

“I mean it. I haven’t told anyone but Susu, so I hear it back anywhere, I’ll know it was you.”

I put my hands up. “Ava. I’m not telling.”

She looked away. “I’m engaged.”

I blinked, slowly, twice. “What?”

“Yeah.”

“Since fucking when?”

“Bleh… basically since I was eighteen.”

“Oh, ew.” I wrinkled my nose. She hunched her shoulders.

“Yup. Guy’s thirty-one. Met when I was barely seventeen. But he’s pretty loaded, so… been helping my parents financially.”

“So basically buying a wife. Just had to wait for her to turn eighteen.” I swallowed the sick feeling in my throat. Ava rubbed her forehead.

“Where’s your girlfriend at? Didn’t she just run to the toilet?”

“Probably made a friend in the girls’ room. Forget that. Are you—do you even like the guy, or are you with him so he’ll help your family?”

She looked away. “You look at my bare-ass hands and tell me I like him. But my parents have never been able to find more than shitty part-time work, and I’ve got three little siblings, and the youngest keeps racking up hospital bills. So it’s fucked up, but it’s whatever. He’s at least done me the big fucking favor of letting me finish college before we get married.”

“Jesus Christ, that’s awful.”

“It is what it is. It’s got benefits. His friend’s the one in November management, so… that’s why we pay next to nothing.”

I shifted anxiously in my seat, my stomach heavy. “So… what? Just planning on marrying this creep and resigning to it forever?”

“Figure I’m getting to have my fun here… nothing else I really can do.”

“You can’t just—”

“Or fucking what?” She shot me a dirty look, and I shrank back instinctively. “And what else am I supposed to do?”

“I just…” I looked down, feeling heavy suddenly. “That’s awful. I hate thinking of you in that situation…”

“Yeah, me fucking too.” She clutched her almost-empty glass with both hands, looking down at the melting ice. “So yeah, you want the dirty details, sure. I, uh… I don’t mind Sooyeon. Seems like she doesn’t mind me either. But here we are.”

I clasped my hands together on the table. “There has to be some way we can help—”

“I don’t want everyone talking about it. Please. Just… just forget about it.” She looked down. “I’ll get used to it once it’s happened.”

I wanted to grab her, shake her by the shoulders, tell her there was no way she was just running off and resigning herself to a lifetime of that—to tell her she was not just a pretty face for an older man to lay claim to. But that wasn’t going to help anyone.

“You know, it’s nothing like that,” I said, my voice hollow. “But my parents wanted me to do the same thing. Even had their perfect guy picked out.”

She shot me a look. “You had parents?”

“I know. Shocking behavior. I did not just crawl out of a hole in the ground one day.” I sighed. “It’s, uh… it was one point of contention in why I left. Not the only one, but it was one. They didn’t need money so badly, though, just… the guy had connections. Country-club type. Thought I’d be a good trophy wife.” I laughed, suddenly, dry and rough around the edges. “Come to think of it—they’d probably love me dating Giselle. She just needs to be twelve years older. And a man.”

She pursed her lips. “You just up and left?”

It was the kind of thing people would say as a condemnation, but her tone was miles away—a small thing, almost in wonder, like she couldn’t believe that was possible. I pushed out a thin smile. “Things were ugly. My safety was on the line eventually. So I just… bailed. Told them I was staying at a friend’s house for a week in summer and ran for it. Never was easy since then, but I haven’t regretted it for a second.”

She sighed. “Sorry to hear that.”

“It’s better than the alternative would have been.”

“Wish I had the stones to do that.” She pushed out of the booth, standing up, her glass in hand. “I need another drink. And some solitude. But hey. Here’s to us.” She held her glass out, and I clinked mine to it.

“Here’s to tall, unobtainable athletic girls.”

“Ha. Fuck you.” She tipped back the rest of her drink, and she turned away, walking with her head low. I watched after her for a long time, checking my phone but my mind still elsewhere.

“Hope you’ll be okay, Kittycat,” I whispered, pulling up a message from Giselle, two minutes ago.

come get me out of this conversation?

Guess that explained things. I moved in a bolt, jumping up and hurrying out the door in the direction Giselle had gone, and she wasn’t far—just up the half-flight of stairs, on the catwalk overlooking the commons building, talking to this guy who was clearly not taking a hint. I took quick steps over to Giselle’s side, and I slipped my hand into hers before I went up on my tiptoes and kissed her cheek with all the subtlety of a dirty bomb.

“Hey, princess,” I said, before I looked over at where the guy looked like a kid whose favorite toy had just broken in half. “Friend of yours?”

“Oh—just someone I was chatting to. It was nice talking to you,” she said, forcing a smile at the guy, who muttered some niceties and left the two of us walking back. “Thanks,” she said, relaxing once he was out of sight.

I squeezed her hand. “Sorry it took me a minute to see your message. I was chatting with Ava.”

“Am I going to kill the fun if I just want to head back now?”

“Not at all. I’m getting pretty tired, too.” I rested my head on her shoulder. “Any chance I can go back with you?”

She turned to me with that impossibly sweet smile that always melted me, and she kissed my cheek. “I was hoping you’d ask. I have some work to get done, but maybe we can both—”

“Both get some work done together? I’d love to.”

“And you could stay over at my place if you, uh—if you wanted to.”

I squeezed her hand, leading her back towards the front doors of the commons complex. “I was hoping you’d ask.”