Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

DALLAS

Kylen: Cabin confirmed. You sure you want to do this with me with everything you have going on?

It was a fair question. It was one Dallas might not have been able to answer so easily, but things were calm. The emergency custody hearing had gone better than he'd expected. Katie didn't look at him, but she was calm. Her attorney read an apology on her behalf, and it said everything Adele had told him prior to the hearing: she'd panicked. She was afraid of losing her daughter.

Maybe that was her way of admitting she thought Dallas was a good enough parent to pose a threat should he ever go after full custody, and that was something. But what hurt him most was realizing she believed he'd do that to her. It was a profound, painful moment to face the fact that she'd never really bothered to know him.

In all the years they'd been together, in the short time during their marriage, it wasn't just unhappiness on her part. It was also that she never understood who he was .

The judge appointed Katie's mother and Lane as supervisors for handoff. Lane had volunteered since he was the one amongst them all with the most flexible schedule, and the judge hadn't even questioned Dallas about whether or not it was logical for him to have more custody with the hours he worked.

That was also something, he supposed. The guys all promised to chip in for childcare until Bronx and Lucas arrived, and Dallas realized he was able to breathe easy again. He could go on the long weekend with Kylen and help him with his family now that he had help and now that Katie—for the moment—seemed to be rational.

He still had to speak to her about it, but he would do whatever it took to keep his promise to the man he was madly in love with.

Dallas: I'm a thousand percent sure. I already have plans to buy new hiking boots.

Kylen: Babe. We are not a hiking boot kind of family. It's the woods, but it's totally glamping. Just make sure you take off your shirt if you play volleyball, and kiss me a lot.

Dallas: Marking that down in my itinerary.

Kylen: Nerd. See you soon?

He would. Dallas was back at his place now, but Kylen and Flora had been coming over that week for dinner, and Dallas didn't hate it. He would go so far as to say he really, really liked it. He was just trying not to push too far too fast. Both for his sake and for Kylen's.

But Dallas was starting to feel the press of those three little words against the back of his tongue. A feeling he thought he'd once had with Katie, and now he was realizing it hadn't been love at all. It had been something, back when they liked each other.

But it was never like this.

His heart never skipped beats whenever she walked into the room. He never craved her the way he craved Kylen. He never once closed his eyes and saw his distant future, standing close to her, arms wrapped around her tightly.

With Kylen, it was more than just a mental image. It was a certainty. A prophesy.

It simply was.

"You're smiling at your phone. That is straight up disgusting," Bowen said, throwing something at Dallas. He looked down at his lap and saw it was one of Rex's socks.

Dallas just grinned at him and shrugged. "I should feel like throwing up. I have to talk to Katie about keeping Audra longer so I can go with Kylen to his family thing, but I just…I don't know. I feel good."

Adele elbowed him gently. "You definitely shouldn't feel like throwing up when you have to talk to your ex. Those are bad signs."

Dallas heaved a sigh. "I know. We just haven't talked since the whole…incident." It had been three weeks since she'd lost it at his front door. Three weeks since he'd seen her in court the following morning and the judge didn't take her side. Three weeks of silence and icy handoffs in grocery store parking lots.

But he was desperate to prove he could do this with her. That they could co-parent and figure out a way to make it work because Audra deserved a life where they didn't hate each other.

"Why don't you call her now," Bowen said softly. " Frey's got all the kids out back. You've got space and support."

It was a good idea. But that was when the nerves started kicking off again. He took a deep breath, then pushed himself off the couch and headed out the front door. In the distance, he could hear the kids squealing in the back, and he thought about what it would be like once they added Audra's voice to that.

He prayed to whatever god might be listening that this whole thing stuck around for her. That they collected new parents and new kids she could grow up with. That this would always be his safe space—and, more than that, his family.

His hand was steady as he swiped his phone screen open and tapped on his ex's contact. There was a long pause before it started ringing, and then her voice came onto the line.

"You're calling me." It was more an accusation than a question.

"Yeah. So…" He took a deep breath. "We need to talk."

"Suing me for more custody?" she snapped.

Dallas took a beat, making sure he remained calm. He wondered if he should be recording the conversation, but in all honesty, he didn't want that kind of relationship. He wanted to trust her again. He had once—before everything fell apart. Before she stepped out on him. The cheating almost felt like a gift though.

It had crushed him at first, but his life was so much better now. He was so much happier.

And maybe he was a fool, but he wanted that for her too.

"Hello?" she said.

"Sorry. I don't want to fight, Katie. I really don't."

"You should have thought of that before you?—"

"Asked for more time with my daughter? Asked to be able to make sure that you couldn't take my days just because you feel like it?" he interrupted. She met his words with silence. "I don't know if you're angry at me because you feel guilty for what you did?—"

"That's fucking bullshit."

"But I forgive you."

She went dead silent.

"I'm not angry. I don't understand why you cheated, but I understand why you were unhappy. I know I'm not like most men."

"No shit," she said with a bitter laugh.

He closed his eyes. "I'm asexual. I didn't…I didn't know when I met you. I thought if a person was asexual, they didn't want sex at all. Ever. I didn't know it could be complicated."

Her silence continued for a while, but before Dallas could speak again, she cleared her throat. "You're being serious right now?"

"Yeah." He rubbed a hand down his face, then leaned against Frey's porch railing. "I'm seeing someone. A guy."

She barked a laugh. "That figures. I can't get you off, but a dick can?"

He winced. He hated that she was still trying to hurt him, but he couldn't control her. He could only control himself. "I'm not going to discuss my sex life with you. That's not why I'm calling."

"What do you want, then? Other than to make me feel like shit?"

He laughed. "If you feel like shit, that's something you have to work out on your own. I do forgive you, and I want to figure out how we can be good parents to our daughter because she's amazing, and she deserves better than we've given her."

Katie let out a slow breath. "Okay. I…yeah. I guess."

He hesitated, hoping there might be an apology coming, but he knew that was probably too much to ask for. "I still want to go to court to finalize everything. I have to protect myself. My rights. But I'm not ever going to take her from you. I wouldn't trust you with my heart again, but I trust you with her."

Katie made a soft noise in the back of her throat. "And what? You want to hear the same from me?"

Dallas laughed again. "No. I trust myself with her, and that's what matters. But I want to be able to communicate. I want to know that if something comes up in my life, I can rely on you to step in. And I want to know that if something comes up in your life, you'll rely on me first."

"You want me to take her this weekend, don't you?"

She had always been good at seeing through him. "Yes, I do. My b-boyfriend"—he tripped over the word a little, but it still felt good to say—"he has a family thing, and he wants me to meet them. If it gets tense, I don't want Audra subjected to that."

"Are they homophobic?" she asked. It wasn't the question he was expecting.

"I think they are, yeah."

"That fucking sucks." She sighed, then said, "I can keep her. My mom and I were going to do some shopping, and she loves riding around in the carts. And I think it'll help me. I'm still a little freaked-out from when you kept her on my day."

Dallas pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know. And I don't want to point out how you kept her from me without my permission more than once, but?— "

"No, I…yeah. I know I did," she said very softly. "My mom kind of pointed that out, and I'm sorry."

He almost had to sit down. It was the first sorry he'd gotten since before the divorce. "Thank you. And if we can keep doing this, we can get better at this whole thing. We used to be friends once."

"Yeah. Then I was the asshole who slept around."

"You were," he said. When she made a noise of protest, he laughed at her. "I'm not going to sugarcoat it, Katie. I might understand why you did it, but finding you with him was one of the worst days of my life."

"But you didn't love me," she said as though she knew.

Dallas swallowed thickly. "I wasn't in love. But I did love you. And you're the mother of my child, so I'll probably always love you in that way."

"I don't deserve that."

Dallas shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. That's up to you to decide. Anyway, I'll be in touch, but I'd like to have Audra Wednesday night if I could. I'll be gone Friday to Monday, and I'm going to miss her."

"I'm working, but my mom can meet you with her after school," she said.

It was reasonable. Maybe almost too reasonable, and he was afraid to hope. But at the same time, in spite of everything, he couldn't help it.

"Would you ever want another?" Kylen's finger was tightly wrapped in Audra's fist, and she was fast asleep on her little cushion. The four of them had sprawled out in front of the TV for a dinner picnic, and Flora was dozing off in her little rocking chair near the corner of the blanket .

The question was one he'd asked himself a few times, and before this, the answer was always no. But now…

"I don't know," he admitted. He reached out and brushed the edge of his finger along Audra's hairline. She pursed her lips and squeezed down on Kylen's finger. "You?"

"I never thought the opportunity would come up," Kylen murmured. "I kind of thought it would just be me and Flora forever. And then when she goes off to college, me and some cats."

Dallas snorted and leaned over, brushing his nose against Kylen's temple. "You're too good of a man to spend your life alone."

"True," Kylen said, then winked at him, "but I also didn't want to waste my time settling for someone who wasn't completely right for me." Dallas wanted to ask if he could be that man, but things had still been a little tense between them. And they'd had almost no time alone to talk. "I don't think I'm opposed to having more. But I'm also happy with just this."

Just this. Just Flora? Or him and Audra too, and all the good and bad that came with them?

Kylen turned his head and smudged a kiss against Dallas's jaw before easing his finger from the baby's grip. "I have to get my little monster to bed in a minute, and you have to get home so you can get some sort of sleep before work."

Kylen was right. Dallas needed the rest because there was only one more day and one more night before it was time to meet the family. Before it was time to flaunt the hell out of what they had. He wasn't sure if Kylen was going to pretend, but Dallas wouldn't have to. He wouldn't need to act when it came to loving this man. He was already so far gone.

"Come with me for a moment," Kylen said as Dallas stood and prepared to pick Audra up.

Dallas glanced over at Flora, who was now snoring quietly in her seat, then down at Audra, who hadn't budged. Warm fingers took his and tugged gently, and he followed Kylen through the guest room door. He closed it, but not all the way, then pressed Dallas against the wall and cradled his face with his deliciously soft palms.

"I need to make out with you before you go."

Dallas laughed under his breath. "Yeah?"

Kylen surged in close, not taking the kiss Dallas knew he wanted. "Please?"

Dallas answered by closing the distance between them. Kissing for him wasn't always a way to something else. The pleasure he got from tasting Kylen's tongue didn't always travel to his dick. It wasn't now. Sex was an idea, not an inevitability, and the thought quickly left his head as Kylen groaned and pressed his chest against him.

He was hard against Dallas's thigh, but he wasn't moving like he was seeking more. He was simply touching because he wanted to touch. And it allowed Dallas to relax, to let himself give and take without worrying he'd need to make some kind of compromise or apologize for not being able to offer Kylen something he was asking for.

Their bodies moved together like a slow dance, a rhythm and steps only they knew. Dallas's fingers dug into Kylen's sides, and Kylen's hands moved to Dallas's hair, guiding the kiss the way he wanted it.

Eventually, it stopped. They came to a natural end, and Dallas pressed his lips to the side of Kylen's jaw and just breathed in the scent of him until he knew it was time to end it. It was getting harder and harder to walk away, and he let himself feel a spark of hope for a night he wouldn't have to.

"I'm scared," Kylen said after a beat.

Dallas pulled back. Guilt rushed through him because he'd been so fixated on his issues with Katie he'd all but forgotten that Kylen was letting himself bare his vulnerable spots to his family. That this was a risk because they could openly reject him and prove once and for all they wouldn't accept him.

Dallas had made good on his promise to be there, but he hadn't been the most emotionally available over the last week.

He wrapped his arms around Kylen tightly. "What can I do? Do you and Flora want to come back to my place with me? There's room for her."

Kylen smiled and shook his head. "She barely sleeps well at home. She sleeps like shit when we travel, and I know you need some rest."

Dallas bit his lip. "I could stay if you need me."

Pinching Dallas's chin, Kylen kissed him, hard and fierce. "Thank you, but I'm okay. I think I just needed to say it aloud, you know? Like, acknowledge it to the universe or something."

Dallas understood that deeply. Profoundly. "I get it. But I'll be there with you. And if it goes badly—if you're unhappy in any way, we leave. Okay?"

"Okay," Kylen whispered. He blinked up into Dallas's eyes. "You really like me, don't you?"

Dallas almost laughed at that, but then he realized Kylen wasn't joking. The question was honest and worried. He lifted Kylen's knuckles to his lips and pressed a soft kiss, letting it linger until he felt a line of tension leave Kylen's body. When his breathing wasn't so shallow, Dallas dropped their hands between them.

"I really, really like you. And I think we should talk about it when we get back."

Kylen swallowed heavily, then nodded. "Okay."

Dallas didn't know if Kylen had hope or if he thought the other shoe was going to drop and the whole thing would fall apart. But he was determined to get through this, and if he had any control over what happened at all, they'd walk away and leave Kylen's doubts in the dust.