Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

DALLAS

What was he doing? What was he doing ? He was word vomiting for damn sure, but the more Kylen looked at him with his big eyes and soft mouth, the more Dallas couldn't hold back. He'd told himself to put distance between them. To stop flirting. To quit toeing the edge of something real when he didn't even know what he wanted.

He'd already crossed lines when Adele had taken him out for drinks and he'd gotten a bit too tipsy, but this was…this was something else.

Something new.

And he was sober, so he had nothing to blame except maybe a little sleep deprivation and the fact that he was rearranging who he was in his head. He'd come to the conclusion he wasn't straight, but he wasn't sure where he fit. Greysexual was the most comfortable because it made sense.

Every time he'd ever wanted someone, it was because they'd triggered something in him emotionally. And it could come and go at a whim.

He had no idea why that feeling of desire hadn't been triggered by any of his friends, but he knew for damn sure it had been awakened on the plane when Kylen—a total stranger—had gone out of his way to comfort Dallas. He'd made him smile and did everything in his power to ensure he didn't feel foolish for being so afraid.

And then serendipity brought Kylen back into his life again, and how was Dallas meant to ignore that?

But he was terrified to go any further than acknowledging he wanted Kylen. The man had been through enough, and what would happen to him if Dallas's feelings suddenly switched off? Dallas didn't want to be responsible for hurting him like that.

He couldn't live with himself if that happened.

So he was resolved to keep it to their agreement. And then Kylen had looked at him with his gorgeous eyes and had touched his hand, and Dallas cracked. Kylen was breathing a little heavy now, his hand holding Dallas's like he was afraid to let go.

His lips were parted and spit-slick, and it was all Dallas could do to keep himself from pinning the man to the couch and kissing the breath from his lungs. All he wanted was to reenact the scenes from his late-night fantasies, but that would break something between them, and there would be no way to fix it.

So he closed his eyes and let Kylen absorb everything he'd just said.

"It…it made sense," Dallas added after a long beat of silence. "Having some truth to the lies."

Kylen cleared his throat and carefully drew his hand back. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess it does. I'll look through my flight logs and see which one makes the most amount of sense."

Dallas opened his mouth to tell Kylen they should leave it to the one he was just on, and then he realized Kylen had lied about how long they'd been together, so he shut it again.

"And I've never really been big into PDA, so we won't need to worry about that," Kylen added.

Dallas's stomach sank, but he nodded. "Just some hand holding, but we've practiced that already." He could feel the echo of Kylen's palm against his own, and he wanted to reach for him again.

Kylen laughed softly. "Exactly. My family might…they probably won't be very kind about our relationship." He sounded like he was fumbling with his words. "They're going to want it to go badly because they'd prefer me to be single for my entire life than queer."

Dallas winced and shook his head. "I'm sorry. My family can be complicated, but they've never been like that."

Kylen shrugged, then grimaced. "It is what it is. But it might be a good idea to have my sister see us together once or twice since she's already seen you out with another man."

Dallas groaned. "Adele isn't?—"

"I believe you," Kylen said, interrupting him. "Really, I do. I've met some of your friends, and I get it. I'm honestly pretty jealous. But my sister will look for any holes—any soft spots—so we might want to, you know, have dinner with her or something."

"I can do that. I only have Audra on weekends, but if you don't mind babies around, I can bring her over."

"I'd love that," Kylen breathed out. He looked almost excited by the prospect, and if Dallas hadn't seen the same look on his friends' faces, he might have been a little concerned. "I miss that. I miss the baby smell and their little four-toothed smiles. Flora was such a hard baby I feel like I didn't get to enjoy it."

Dallas frowned. "Really? She's such a good kid. I mean, she's a little fussy about things, but as long as she has a routine, she's amazing."

"Yeah. Well, tell life to get better about keeping things routine, will you?" Kylen sounded a little exhausted and a little bitter.

Dallas gave in and reached for him again, giving him a careful pat on the arm before pulling away. "I don't know if it gets easier. Adele's son is in high school, and sometimes, he gets drunk and cries himself to sleep on my couch. But I like to think that we're doing the best we can, and at some point, we stop losing so much sleep."

Kylen nodded, then smiled. His top teeth poked over his bottom lip, and fuck, Dallas wanted to kiss him. "So. Boyfriends who met on a plane?"

Dallas chuckled and shrugged. "Not the weirdest meet-cute, right?"

Kylen wrinkled his nose. "No, but don't call it that in front of my sister. She'll definitely know I'm lying then."

Dallas clapped his hands three times, the signal for the kids to put away their free-time activities and get ready for reading. He'd taken some flak from the other kinder teachers for starting the kids on Lemony Snicket so young, but they were riveted, and he felt good in his choices.

He hadn't wanted to stick to the status quo. He wanted to push the kids a little further, teach them that he thought they were capable tiny humans where so many people tended to dismiss them as babies. He'd seen a lot of parents treating their kids as accessories and pets instead of cognizant, growing, future adults, and he hated it.

It was one of the motivating factors for him getting into teaching, and he could only hope that one day when Audra was old enough, she'd have someone who believed in her.

"Mr. Reed?"

Dallas glanced down at Flora, who was chewing on the collar of her shirt. He reached down and carefully plucked it from between her teeth. "What's up, kiddo?"

"Are you…if you…" She fidgeted, struggling with her words.

"Take your time," he said, dropping to a knee.

"If you could like chicken nuggets?"

"Do I like chicken nuggets?" he offered.

She nodded. "But Daddy said you could come eat dinner at my house with Auntie. And I said…I said I like to have chicken nuggets, but Auntie said no."

He closed his eyes and breathed out. Fuck, this could get complicated. "I do like chicken nuggets. I like the dinosaur ones."

Her eyes brightened. "I love…I have some dinosaurs! In my room. And some shirts. And my shoelaces!" She threw herself at him, and he wrapped his arms around her before easing her away. "Could you bring some dinosaur chicken nuggets?"

"Let me talk to your dad, okay? But tell your auntie I'm okay with the food that makes you happy."

She wrinkled her nose. "Eating makes me scared sometimes."

He'd noticed her anxiety around her lunches and snacks. Sometimes she went the whole day without having anything, and he was starting to wonder if he should suggest she get tested to see if there was something going on. He hadn't been teaching long, but he'd been there long enough to have seen several kids on different spectrums.

And it was hard to tell the parents because most of the time they wanted to believe their kid would grow out of it. It was worse now because of the situation he was in with Flora's dad. Would Kylen take it well? Or would he get angry?

It was just one more complication to add to his ever-growing list.

"Let's go read," he told Flora. "Go put your colors away."

She skipped off, and he walked to his desk, grabbing the book before settling in his beanbag chair. The kids all got their cushions, and he cleared his throat once they were settled, and he searched for his reading voice before he began.

"My kid told me you wanted dinosaur chicken nuggets for dinner."

Dallas choked on his iced coffee, and he heard Kylen burst into laughter on the other end of the phone. "Okay, I did not ask for dinosaur chicken nuggets. I said I'd be willing to eat them."

"Look, I'm not knocking your choice," Kylen said, still chuckling. Dallas could hear the sounds of the supermarket in the background. "I go to town on those things. Especially after long shifts of airplane food."

"They don't give the pilots something better?" Dallas asked, horrified.

Kylen snorted. "If you're nice enough, the flight attendants squirrel things away for you, but usually, I have to grab airport food, and it's not much better. I still get nauseous every time I see the Chili's sign."

Dallas kicked his legs up onto his coffee table and wriggled his toes. It had been a very long day, and he'd hit the gym right after he got out of work, so he was sore all over, though he'd been able to run out some of his frustrations, which was a help. He was missing his daughter and starting to feel defeated in how long it was taking to get help for his situation.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." Dallas rubbed a hand down his face. "Custody shit has my brain all upside down. But I promise I'll have it together for tonight."

"Look, if it's better to cancel?—"

"No," Dallas said quickly. While he knew that in spite of his attraction, he couldn't be with Kylen, he still wanted to see him. His presence was calming, and Dallas found himself smiling every time they spoke. "No, I promise I'll be okay."

"Alright," Kylen said very slowly, "but if we need to end this early, we can. I don't want to add to the list of things fucking you up right now."

Dallas's chest hurt, but in a strange, almost good way. He rubbed his sternum and closed his eyes, picturing Kylen's face almost perfectly. "Trust me, of all the things fucking me up, you're not one of them."

Kylen didn't say anything for a long while, and Dallas wondered if he'd crossed a line. Then Kylen cleared his throat. "I really like you. I mean…not like that," he said in a rush, like maybe Dallas was going to start panicking. "I just don't have a lot of friends, and you always make me feel good about myself."

"You should feel good about yourself. I like you too." Dallas knew he couldn't hide the whole truth from his tone, but he hoped maybe Kylen wouldn't notice. "So, about those chicken nuggets…"

Kylen burst into another fit of laughter. "I'm going to make you real food, don't worry. Flora's in some picky food phase. I keep waiting for her to outgrow it, but it's taking forever. It gets better, right?"

Dallas bit his tongue. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it the professional way. "Some kids are just built different. I wouldn't worry too much about her, Ky. She's pretty damn great."

Kylen sighed softly. "Yeah. I think so too. So…see you soon?"

Dallas checked the clock and realized he had just enough time to shower if he hung up now. "Can't wait." He let Kylen hang up first, and then he rushed into the shower and turned on the water.

He stepped in while it was still too cold, but it warmed up quickly, and his muscles began to unclench. He pressed his hand to the wall to keep himself steady as he washed his feet and legs, and as the sudsy bath sponge made contact with his soft cock, he felt a jolt rush through him.

His breath trembled in his chest as his eyes closed as he dropped the sponge and gripped himself. Would it feel like that if Kylen touched him? Would his hands be rougher? Softer? Something told him Kylen was attentive—that he was the kind of man who'd pay attention to the things that Dallas liked.

He was a simple man. When he wanted it, he wanted it tender and careful. He wanted to look into his partner's eyes and feel them with him. He wanted every whispered word to sink under his skin and tattoo him .

"I like you." Those three words in Kylen's voice echoed through his head, and he got harder.

"Ky," Dallas whispered aloud. His cock jumped against his palm, and he stroked himself faster, his hips moving in time with his arm until his muscles burned. "Please," he moaned. His orgasm sparked under his skin, but like it often did, as his balls began to tighten, it fizzled. He came, but it was unsatisfying and dull.

It left him feeling an almost hollow ache in his chest and the feeling like maybe he was wrong. Maybe there was something broken inside him. Why would he saddle Kylen with a man like himself who couldn't provide things that most partners needed?

No matter how much he wanted—and no matter how much Kylen seemed to want him back—he knew that his answer would always have to be no.