3. Monroe

"Wait! What do you mean you not coming?" I pushed Kashus's head up from between my thighs. His sticky lips and low eyes stared up at me. An innocent, cocky expression etched across his face. I should have known he was up to something when he came home bearing gifts and being nice. I thought he was attempting to apologize for his disrespect last night by ducking off with Drea and Whitney.

Now it was clear he was attempting to send me halfway across the country to have the breast implants, a tummy tuck, and lipo surgery he requested alone. Kashus tried to ignore me and put his head back in between my thighs, but I pushed his head away. Eating my pussy wasn't enough to distract me from this. Glaring at him, I pushed my legs together.

"You can't be serious, Kashus."

"Shit too hectic right now, Monroe. I can't leave these niggas in charge." He attempted to part my thighs, but I swung my right leg over his head and climbed out of the bed.

"Kashus, this is the surgery you wanted me to get. How are you not going to come? Make it make sense!" I yelled. My heart was beating out of my chest with anger. This was crazy.

"The surgery I want you to have?" Kashus scoffed. He climbed out of bed and headed toward the walk-in closet.

"Yes, the surgery you want me to have!" I followed him, pulling down the oversized T-shirt dress I had on. Plastic surgery was one hundred percent his idea. He wouldn't do the arrangement without it. No one had consulted me about it. My fiancé and my father decided what I was going to do with my body. Nobody considered that I loved myself. Sometimes, others' views of my body made me rethink my acceptance of it. Kashus had been open about everything he disliked about my physical appearance.

"Are you not the one that requested it?" I was heated. This wasn't something he was going to sweep under the rug. When I'd booked my surgery date, he agreed to be there all three days for all my appointments. That was six months ago. He had ample time to clear his schedule. Husbands were supposed to be supportive, and he was going to be my husband in less than three months. Besides, this was a major operation, and he should want to be there to help with my recovery.

"Yeah, I requested it, but you should want this for yourself, Monroe. Not for me." He didn't even look at me as he pulled a button-down shirt off the hanger. He was getting ready to leave. I had a flight to Miami in two hours, and he was getting ready to leave. I stood there for a minute, watching him get dressed. A million thoughts ran through my mind. I wasn't doing this alone. He had me fucked up.

"I'm not getting the surgery if you not coming!" I blurted. Kashus knew I didn't have any friends to tag alone. He knew I was nervous about the surgery.

"Your call. You want to be fat and sloppy? Be my fucking guest, Monroe. You can do that shit without a husband." He pushed past me, throwing our arrangement in my face. His words penetrated me deeply. It wasn't new for Kashus to talk to me disrespectfully, but calling me fat and sloppy was new. He didn't like my body. I was aware. He made me keep a shirt on when we would have sex. He didn't like for me to walk around the house in a bra and panties. He said my belly looked disgusting. Somehow, hearing him describe me as fat and sloppy had shocked me… Even more than him threatening to end our engagement. My knees wobbled, and my hands shook with anger. This man had me fucked up.

"Fuck you, Kashus, and fuck this engagement!" I pulled my engagement ring off my finger and launched it across the room. The ring hit him right on the side of his head before hitting the floor. Kashus whipped his head in my direction. He glanced at me then at the ring as it twirled around the floor. In one swift movement, Kashus was up on me, invading my space. His hand was on my neck as he pushed me into the wall.

"Who the fuck are you talking to?" His hand tightened around my neck. "I'm your future husband, Monroe. Show me some fucking respect."

"Show me some!" I shouted back. He glared at me. My heart was pounding with fear. Kashus had never hit me, but the look in his eyes made me think it was possible today. We eyed each other for a minute.

"The surgery is a nonnegotiable, Monroe. You know that. Your father knows that. I'm not about to be married to no big girl." He removed his hand from my neck.

"I have to get the surgery, but I'm not doing it alone, Kashus. It's three days. Clear your schedule!" I walked past him to the bed. Kashus wiped his hand across his face.

"Look, it's too much to handle here. Rah will be there. He'll make sure you are good. I can fly out Contessa to keep you company." He sighed. My head shook as I slid on my designer slides. Contessa wasn't in any shape to travel. She was seven months pregnant with my little brother or sister. Having Rah there would be okay, but I wanted my fiancé.

"Clear your schedule, Kashus." I folded my arms across my chest and poked my hip out. I wasn't backing down. "You want this surgery so bad, get on the plane."

Kashus stood there silent for a minute before pulling out his phone. I turned to face the mirror. My eyes roamed my body. I was on the fence about this surgery. I loved myself. I'd always thought I was beautiful. At the same time, though, I knew I didn't look like a model. I had a low belly pouch, back rolls, and cellulite. I kind of wanted a little nip tuck, but being told I had to hit differently. I stared at my fiancé. He was so handsome. I once felt lucky to be the one he would marry; now I just felt blah. I would be lying if I said I wasn't holding out hope this surgery would make Kashus love and respect me a little more. I was beautiful now, but I would be stunning once the doctor took this stomach and back fat and added more titties. Kashus walked over to me. I could feel his heavy breathing on my neck before he placed a soft kiss there.

"You are beautiful, Monroe, and this surgery just gon' magnify that beauty." He turned me around to face him before placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

"When you look right on my arm, watch the type of money moves we'll able to make." Kashus slid the engagement ring back onto my finger.

"So that means you going?"

"Yeah, man." He sighed. I jumped into his arms with excitement.

"Great!" I smiled. I kissed him on the lips. Kashus dropped his head in defeat. In the back of my mind, I knew this wasn't normal. I knew this wasn't what love and having a healthy relationship was. With my circumstances, though, this was all I was ever going to get. Real love didn't exist for me.

"I'll have Rah come get the bags. Go get in the car. I'll be down in a minute." Kashus placed one more peck on my forehead before I walked away. My reflection in the hallway mirrors seemed to be taunting me as I headed to the stairs. The realization that I wouldn't look the same when I returned hit me. It was bittersweet. My hands ran down my body and landed on my lower belly fupa. I cupped the fat in my hand and mushed it. I'd had this lower belly pouch for years. Did I want to get rid of it?

"Hmph, I guess." I let go of my belly pouch and walked down the stairs to the car that would carry us to the airport.

I settledon the private jet in the recliner chair next to Kashus. My nerves had nothing to do with the flight. I'd flown a thousand times before, but my impending date with the operating table was turning my stomach. I'd never gotten plastic surgery before. The only surgery I'd ever had was when I'd gotten my tonsils removed at eight years old. My father hadn't been there for the procedure because he was away on business.

My mother was still alive and had been there by my side the entire time. It was one of my favorite memories of her. Looking over at an already sleeping Kashus, I pulled out my phone and went to the picture of my mom that I kept in my favorites. I often wondered if she had lived, would my life had been different? I never had to question her love. It wasn't conditional. Would she have let my father agree to this surgery? Would she want me to get this surgery? All plastic surgeries came with a risk. Was it worth it?

I sighed as I stared at my mother. I was the spitting image of her. Her chocolate skin mirrored mine. She was so confident and joyous, considering her situation. I stared at the picture until tears formed in my eyes. I needed my mother. I needed someone whose love wasn't conditional. My father's love was always centered around who I would add to his business. Kashus's love was contingent on what my family name could give him.

Closing the picture, I sat back in my seat and closed my eyes. Hopefully, sleep could find me and offer some relief from my wandering thoughts. When I awoke, Kashus was standing over me.

"Let's go." He shook my body. I hopped up and peered out of the window. We'd landed in Miami. Kashus led me off the jet and into the back of a black SUV. We didn't have much time before my appointment at Dr. London's office. Kashus didn't say anything to me as we drove down the highway. He pretended to be immersed in work. I enjoyed the silence as I let the beautiful views of Miami calm my nerves.

London's Plastic Surgery was only twenty minutes from the airport, but it felt like forty the way my thoughts were raging. My heart skipped a beat as the car stopped in front of the building. This was it. I opened the door just as Kashus rounded the car.

"Let's go get you that banging ass body." He held out his hand and walked me up the stairs and into the bustling office of Dr. London. I couldn't shake the nagging feeling of unease as I approached the receptionist"s desk.

"Hello, my name is Monroe… um Iris. I have a pre-op appointment today with Dr. London."

"Oh, hello, Ms. Iris. I'm Rebecca, one of the nurses here. Give me a second to get you pulled up in the computer."

I nodded my head and gazed around to take in the office. It didn't look like a typical doctor"s office. Everything was sleek and state of the art. My hand slid down the gold trim on the black counter. This place was nicer than the pictures online. My initial interest in this place was that the surgeons, along with much of the staff, were black. Kashus had recommended the surgeon who had done Drea and Whitney's bodies, but I declined.

"We have you right here, ma'am, and it looks like they're ready for you."

My head swiveled, and my chest rose and fell rapidly. I didn't expect it to be that fast.

"Um, can my fiancé go back too?" I looked between the receptionist and Kashus.

"Sure—"

"Naw, I'ma stay out here," Kashus interjected. Before I could protest, he had already found a seat on a nearby bench in the waiting area. His eyes were on his phone. He was disinterested. Sure, this was only the pre-operational appointment, but this wasn't the support I wanted. Then again, what more could I ask for? He was here, so I guess I should be grateful.

"Follow me." A tall, light-skinned woman led me back to a patient room. The moment I walked into the room, things took off at hyper-speed. I had to pee in a cup, get my blood drawn, and be hooked up to heart monitoring machines. It was all happening so fast my head was spinning, and the reality that I was having a life-changing surgery for a man who couldn't even offer his support was starting to set in.

"We're all done with the pre-operation procedures. The last step is for you to speak with Dr. London. He likes to meet with all his patients before surgery, especially the patients from out of state." The nurse punched a few things on the computer before moving to the door. I nodded my head. "He'll be in shortly," she said before leaving the room.

"Okay!" I called behind her, letting out a deep sigh. I sat there for a minute, thinking about nothing and everything simultaneously. Pulling my phone out, I texted Kashus to let him know I was almost finished with my appointment. I watched as the speech bubbles appeared and then disappeared. I didn't know what was so hard about saying okay, but before I could contemplate it any longer, the door swung open, and my head darted up.

"Hello, Ms. Iris. I'm Dr. London." The surgeon entered the room. Immediately, my breath caught in my throat. Memories flooded my brain, and I realized this was the fine stranger from the club last night. The one that had poured tequila down my throat and made me wet the seat of my panties. What were the odds? I'd never actually seen my surgeon. His website pictures were patient photos of his work, and all my virtual consultations had been with nurses. My eyes roamed him. His features were gorgeous. His deep complexion coated his skin so well that the heavy tattoos on his neck and hands were nearly invisible. The white doctor's coat he wore didn't hide his thick arms and wide shoulders. I felt crazy for the way I was gazing at this man, but I couldn't look away.

"Ms. Iris… um." Dr. London stumbled over his words. His eyes were on me. The look in them told me he recognized me too. He cleared his throat, looking from me to the woman he'd walked in with. "This is Samara. She is the nurse practitioner here. She'll be in the operating room tomorrow for your surgery."

I nodded my head as he spoke.

"Nice to meet you!" Nurse Samara waved and took her place in the corner.

"I checked all your labs. Everything looked outstanding for the operation." His voice carried a smooth, professional tone. It was still laced with grit but a stark contrast from the rugged man I had encountered at the club. The man standing before me was professional. The switch up was sexy.

"Ms. Iris!" Dr. London called, shaking me out of the trance he had me in. I should have been focused on my surgery, but his presence was clouding my judgment.

"Um, yeah… I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I zoned out." I stumbled over my words, trying to regain my focus.

Dr. London cleared his throat. "It's okay. It's natural for patients to have nerves."

I nodded. I wondered if he was as shaken up about this as I was. He pulled out two large photos of my body. One was my current body with scribbles, and the other was a photoshopped version of what I would look like after the procedure.

"I've looked at your digital mock-ups. Let's look at your problem areas. Hop off the table, and let's have a look." He extended his hand to help me down off the table. "Lift your gown."

I did nervously. He'd seen my naked body in pictures already, but something about being naked in front of him, bearing my imperfections, made me feel nervous, and I didn't know why. Yes, I did. It was the magnetic pull I'd felt since he entered the room. Really, since I'd seen him at the club. I watched as he rolled over to me on his metal stool. His hand slid down my belly as he examined my body. Nurse Samara had moved closer. She was scribbling down what I assumed were notes in a notepad. Dr. London's hands gripped my lower belly. He gazed up at me and then back down.

"Samara, can you step out for a minute?" He instructed her. Samara gave him a weird look before she eventually exited the room. Confusion registered on my face as he stood and moved close to me before he lowered my hospital gown down, covering my naked body.

"I can't do the surgery," he blurted.

"Hm?" I had to be hearing him incorrectly. "What do you mean?"

"I see a lot of women in this office, none as naturally beautiful as you. So, I'm confused as to why you're here."

His words caught me off guard, and my body stilled.

"Huh?" I'd heard him, but maybe if he repeated it, I could wrap my head around what he said.

"Give me a good reason why you're here trying to fix something that ain't broken. Your body is perfect."

I couldn't respond. My words were caught in my throat. I didn't know if I would be if I wasn"t required to be here. I loved every flaw on my body, or at least I did before Kashus made me feel bad about them. I couldn't tell my surgeon that, though. I couldn't tell this man that I was contracted to change my body so my fiancé would like me. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out, and I dropped my head.

"I don't know," I mumbled a partial truth.