19. Monroe

"Monroe!" Tessa called out to me from the inflatable pool we'd set up in the living room for her water birth. When my father had fallen ill and been put on hospice, she changed the plan from hospital birth to at home. Tessa wanted him to be a part of the labor and delivery process since he would already be missing the baby"s entire life.

"I'm here! You"re doing great." I rushed to her side. I took the wet rag I held in my hand and patted her on the forehead. She had been at this for several hours now, and I think everyone in the room had grown tired.

"Oh my God!" Tessa screamed as the midwife instructed her to push. I glanced over at my father. He was sitting in a nearby chair. The doctors said he could hear and see us, but he was not responsive.

"I need you, Monroe!" Tessa pleaded. We were all each other had now that my father was dying. I'd spent the last month going back and forth between the apartment London had gifted me and my father's home. Receiving the news of my father's failing health had been a lot to take in. Even with everything he'd done, I still wanted to return home to be with him in his final days. Besides, Tessa was in her final month of pregnancy, and she didn't need to be alone.

"Can I join her?" I asked the midwife.

"Please," Tessa pleaded. The midwife nodded. I slid off my sandals and joined Tessa in the tub.

"Thank you!" she gasped, grabbing her belly.

"Another contraction is coming!" the midwife informed us. I held Monroe's legs as she screamed and pushed.

"You"re doing great," I reassured her.

"I see the head!" The midwife screamed. My eyes shot to my father. He was looking right at us. His eyes held my gaze. I had no idea that my father had been using the very drugs he'd been selling. He hid it well just like his illness. It turned out that Kashus had been supplying my father with laced cocaine to weaken his immune system and kill him faster. Without the drugs, he could have had a better quality of life toward the end. He could have lived months or even years with his cancer. The cocaine he'd ingested in front of London that day had dealt him his final cards.

The sound of crying shook me from my thoughts, and I returned my eyes back to Tessa. My little brother had arrived. They took his naked body straight to my father. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched the midwife hold my baby brother on my fathers' lap. He wouldn't have a father, and a part of me was relieved for him. Maybe he would be better off without having a father like ours. I climbed out of the tub and trotted over to where my father was sitting. Water dripped from my body, but I wanted to capture this moment. My brother would grow up and ask about his dad, and I wanted to at least be able to give him a picture. I grabbed my phone from a nearby table and approached them. The midwife was holding the baby in his lap.

My fathers' breathing was sporadic. I think it was his way of expressing his emotions. I couldn't even begin to imagine what he'd been thinking. As I snapped a bunch of pictures of the two of them, my heart filled with sadness and regret for all of the things I had missed out on in my father-daughter relationship.

Our entire relationship had been focused on raising me to be someone's wife a… bargaining chip. There were no loving moments. No father-daughter dances. No cuddles and movie nights. I glared at him, and our eyes locked. The more we stared at each other the heavier his breathing became.

"I'm going to make sure he is nothing like you." I stared at him. Strangely, I felt a sense of closure and peace wash over me. Despite the pain he had caused me, I knew I had done the right thing by returning home to care for him in his final days. I removed the baby from his lap and returned to Contessa.

"He's so precious." I lowered the baby onto her chest. Her eyes immediately filled with tears. "What's his name?"

"Tyler. It's perfect." She whimpered as she held him in her arms. He was perfect, and I as I stared at him, I couldn't help but think about London and the baby I had lost.

"Oh my God! He's gone!" the midwife yelled. My head whipped around, and my eyes shot to my father. His eyes were closed, and his chest wasn't weaving in and out anymore. He was no longer with us. I stood there in shock. I wasn't expecting this to happen right now. Not today.

"Jacob!" Tessa cried. She attempted to stand up but quickly cried out in pain.

"Tessa, sit. You can't," I pleaded with her.

"This can't be happening, not today." She shook her head. I bent over and wrapped her and the baby in my arms. No words came out. Just tears. My father was gone.

"Watch your step."I alerted Tessa as we stepped into my high-rise apartment. We'd spent most of the day taking care of the baby and saying our final goodbyes to my father. My heart broke for Tessa. She gave birth and lost her husband on the same day. I couldn't leave her there in that house alone with a newborn and grieving so I offered for them to come here. The apartment London had purchased for me had two bedrooms. There was plenty of space for Tessa and the baby, Tyler, to stay as long as they needed.

"Thank you for allowing us to stay here." Tessa walked over to the couch and laid baby Tyler down.

"We are family, Tessa. We have to stick together." I moved around my home, turning on the lights.

"I'll get the room set up for you and the baby. You rest!" I yelled at her as I walked into my guest room. I had only begun making the bed when the tears started pouring from my eyes. I had just lost my father. I plopped down on the bed, allowing my emotions to take center stage. I'd been holding it in all day attempting to be strong for Tessa. Maybe I couldn't hold it anymore. My phone vibrated. It was Alyza. We had been talking every day since I'd returned to Bristol City. I thought about rejecting her call, but she'd just call back. Swiping her name, I answered it.

"Why are you crying?" Her voice came through the phone. I tried to muffle my sobs, but I guess I hadn't done a good job.

"He's gone, Lyza. He's gone!" I sobbed.

"Oh, Monroe. I'm sorry. Mom and I are going to be on the first plane there." I nodded as if she could see me. "How are you holding up? Wait, that's a stupid question."

"I'm doing okay. Tessa had the baby today, too."

"Oh my, how is she? Where is she? Where is the baby?" Alyza questioned.

"She's here. I was holding it together and then it just hit me." It felt good to vent to someone. I didn't realize how much I needed that.

"Have you called London?"

London. My heart ached at the mention of his name. I hadn't seen him since he dropped me off here after my first visit to see my father. He'd left and hadn't reached out to me at all. He was serious about giving me my space, but I didn't need space. I needed him. I missed him. He still had been planning weekly dates for me, but when I would call to thank him, he wouldn't answer.

"London doesn't answer the phone for me, remember?" I replied somberly.

"Maybe shoot him a text. He wouldn't leave you alone at a time like this."

I wasn't in the mood to discuss London. I didn't believe that my heart could take it.

"He left me this far. I… um… I need to get this guest room ready for Tessa and the baby. I'll see you later."

"Okay, I'll call you before our flight leaves." Alyza rushed. "Call me or Ma if you need anything."

"Okay." I hung up the phone. The tears picked up again and the notification dinged on my phone.

Reminder: Meeting with Bristol City Funeral Home at 9am.

More tears came down my eyes at the realization that I had to plan my father's funeral.