Chapter 18 Jesse

S he was adorable. That wasn't a word I could ever remember using for someone I was interested in. In college, it was always, " she's so hot ." And Sam was stupidly hot. But right now, there were blotches of pink appearing on her collarbone and up her neck, and her moving her hair to cover it was adorable and I wanted to reach for her hand to—

"Yes... no?" she asked. "Did you want to eat first or something?"

"Oh, no, yeah yeah yeah, I want to see them. Obviously."

Smooth.

I unwrapped my sandwich while she turned her laptop toward me. The design that was on the screen made my throat tighten, which was not a sensation I'd expected to have while looking at logos.

"There are a few more options... you know, if you scroll," she said. My sandwich forgotten, I scrolled through several variations, and I honestly liked each one better than the last.

"These are fantastic, Sam. Like, exactly what I wanted, but I didn't know how to explain it."

"Oh, good. Your silence was a little concerning." She took a deep breath and pulled the laptop back toward her.

I knew what happened with Sam's job back in Rockford from Lauren, and I could have kicked myself for making her think I was judging her designs in any type of negative way.

"Hey," I said firmly, my hand reaching for her wrist this time. Her eyes lifted to mine, and I traced over her pulse point with my thumb. It should have been awkward to touch her that way after six years, but it was the opposite. "These are amazing. I was busy imagining how much better our ads are going to look, which was the reason for the silence. Honestly, I'm blown away."

"Okay, okay, they're amazing," she replied, rolling her eyes slightly. I stared at her pointedly to hit it home that she was ridiculously talented.

"Thanks," she added more seriously.

My thumb was still tracing light circles on her wrist and up to her palm until she shifted slightly, and I sat back.

"Why don't I load the software onto the computer? It should be done by the time we're finished eating, and I can show you how to enter all your inventory."

"That sounds like a hellacious amount of work," she groaned.

"Oh, it absolutely will be. Have a blast with that."

That earned me a full eyeroll, and I almost felt like I was talking to the girl I'd known at eighteen.

We ended up choosing my favorite logo, and she said she'd finalize it and then do the t-shirts to complement the design. I felt like I had a buzz from the whole thing. It was the first official thing to do with the business that was mine , and not something I'd inherited. Sam seemed to loosen up and at least be willing to banter with me. I didn't know if I could call it flirting yet, but it was definitely a far cry from our first stiff, awkward meeting.

"Well, even though you've now given me 87 thousand hours of work to do putting all our stuff into this system, I think I get how it works. It will be super helpful once it's up and going."

"It will, I swear. Better than ‘the notebook,' anyway." She grimaced, and I laughed. "And I brought you a present to help with the 87 thousand hours of work."

"A present?" A smile tugged at her lips.

"Don't get too excited; it's small," I warned her, reaching into the bag I'd brought. I handed her the box, and she ripped it open with a legitimate gasp.

"Is this like a beep-y scanner gun thing?!" She immediately took it out, pointed it at me, and pulled the trigger.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the industry term for it," I teased.

"Like at the library, and they scan the barcodes, and it makes that satisfying beep sound—I am now in possession of one of these?"

"You are, yes. You seem a lot more excited about it than I thought you'd be."

"Well, I take it you never played library with your friends growing up and pretended that your mom's spatula was one of these bad boys."

"I can say that I did not have that experience. There's a barcode printer in the box, too." I was laughing in earnest by then as she dove back into the box and gave an only slightly less enthusiastic reception to the sticker printer. "You just print out the barcodes for each item entry, and then you can scan one of them with this and enter the total number you have, so you don't have to enter or scan them all individually. And then obviously you just scan again on the sales screen when someone buys one."

"What if I want to scan them all individually?"

"Then you can. Whatever floats your boat, Marsh." She grinned somewhat manically at me. "Just let me know once you've gotten everything in, and then we can work on what you want to do with a website as far as just doing in-store pickup orders or if you want to ship places. You'll be able to do all of it; this is just sort of the foundational piece."

"That sounds utterly fantastic now that I have this special gun. I'll also have the t-shirt files for you then too. And lunch is on me next time." She shot me a smile that surprised me, and my eyebrows raised at the suggestion that we do this again.

"It's a date. I might even be finished with the pirate book by then and have my report ready. I can tell you I was woefully under-prepared for what the content of this book would be. You've expanded my horizons." I smirked at her, loving the pink on her cheeks, and packed up my laptop.

Happily, I walked to my truck, feeling more like myself than I had in a long time. I didn't know what this was, whether friendship or at least acquaintanceship.

Or something else? I dared to ask in my head.

That was a dangerous idea with much heavier consequences. But that thought alone was enough to catapult me back to one highlight of my adolescent life, in which Sam had a starring role.

By the Friday of that first week, we didn't pretend we were going to watch TV. We'd seen each other every morning, exchanged stupidly obvious glances every afternoon when she came to hang out with Lauren, and I had come by the store whenever she was there bearing gifts of coffee. I wanted to be in her orbit all the time.

"Sam," I got out between kissing her lips and her neck.

We'd simply gone straight to my bedroom that morning, and I felt like I was going to explode with how much I wanted her.

"Jesse," she breathed back, grinning against my lips.

"I want you. Like all of you. So, so very much. You are... So.Unbelievably. Hot."

I dug my fingers gently into the soft part of her hips, and I wanted to figure out how to explain to her it was my new favorite part of her body. I kissed her stomach and pulled her black tank top over her head. She was wearing a lacy purple bra, and I ran my fingers along the band before she pulled me back up to kiss her lips. She tasted like Wintergreen Lifesavers.

I'd only had sex with one person before, and I didn't think she had ever. I didn't even know if that's what was happening here. I just knew that I did not want to stop kissing her. She'd been quiet since I'd confessed how badly I wanted her, and my brain caught up to that fact as I drew circles on that new favorite body part.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, willing my thoughts to stop racing so I didn't freak her out. "I didn't mean to pressure you or anything. Is it too fast?" I slowed, intertwining our fingers and pulling hers up to my mouth to kiss lightly. I looked at her to see if I could gauge where her head was. "Is this okay? We don't have to do anything. I don't know if you've ever... or if you even want to."

"Jesse. Don't get me started on how virginity is a concept of the patriarchy, or we will be here all day, okay? Do you have condoms?" she asked, and I think my eyeballs almost fell out of my head.

I sat back slightly, searching her face for any sign of uncertainty. My brain didn't even have a response to the virginity comment, and I fell over my words.

"I... yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Are you sure? I want you to be sure. Like I want you to be out-of-your-mind sure because I am losing it thinking about being with you."

She laughed at my declaration. "I'm out-of-my-mind sure, yes."

I captured her mouth again, and she moved her hand to my chest, trailing it down my body until it rested exactly where I wanted it. She squeezed hesitantly, forcing a fuck to fall from my mouth. I pulled away to rummage through a drawer for a condom before I turned around and fumbled with the buttons on her jean shorts, exposing her matching purple underwear.

God, she is perfect. I traced new paths on her body, judging her reactions.

"Is this okay?" I asked, not wanting to rely only on her breathing to figure out what she liked.

"So okay, yes." I took a breath, intent on keeping myself in control. My hand found its way between her thighs, and I watched her intently to try to figure her out. Her eyes met mine, and her gaze was intense. I met the expression right back.

"You're so... beautiful," I murmured into her hair.

I should have had a better word for what she was. I felt high as she pressed her body into me and pulled me back to her lips. The way she grazed her teeth against my tongue was enough to almost finish me before I got started. I felt like my mind might never re-enter my body.

Her fingers tugged lightly at the roots of my hair, and I moved to her neck, letting her guide my actions. "Are you sure sure? Out-of-your-mind sure?" I asked against her ear.

"So so so so very sure," she answered.

I sat back on my heels to tear open the condom package and roll it on. My hands were shaking, and I couldn't decide if it was nerves or absolute wanting, but it didn't really matter. I leaned back over her and kissed her bottom lip gently, then the top.

"Tell me if I'm hurting you, and I'll stop," I said softly. She just nodded and kissed me in response.

I pushed into her slowly, kissing her at the same pace until our bodies were perfectly molded together.

"Jesus, Sam."

I had no idea how long I was going to last, but I assumed a shockingly short time. "Are you okay? Do you want me to—"

"I am perfect," she answered, her blue eyes gazing into mine.

Every part of her was touching every part of me, and I was on fire in the best way possible. I felt her hands in my hair, her mouth pressed against mine, and her thighs wrapped around me. I never wanted to stop any of it.

"You are... fuck " I said as I began to lose hold of my control.

I kissed her harder, wanting to stay connected, and my hand traveled to where we were joined. I needed to make sure she was taken care of. Her fingers brushed over my skin while I moved, and all at once I felt her body let go of all the tension, and she gasped against my mouth. Any semblance of reality ended at that moment, and I followed her over the edge wordlessly.

I rested my forehead against hers and tried not to crush her. I kissed her temple, her cheek, her nose, her lips, and she grinned against me.

Reluctantly, I left her to go to the bathroom, and also to get rid of the condom very far away in a trash can my mother wouldn't be emptying, ever. I grabbed us both some water, and I relished seeing her looking comfortable in my bed when I came back.

"Are you okay? Good?" I asked cautiously, snuggling up against her back and letting one arm fall comfortably over her stomach like it belonged there.

"I am better than good. Excellent," she murmured.

"I am also excellent." I smiled into her skin, pulling her closer to me, her curly hair tickling my bare chest. My fingers were tracing a path up her thigh when the telltale rumble of the garage door sounded from the other side of the house.

"Oh, shit!"

She jumped up, scrambling for her clothes, and pulled on her shorts as quickly as possible, running her fingers through her hair. She looked like she was thinking about jumping out my second-story window. I would have laughed if she didn't seem so panicked.

"Sam, it's okay," I said slowly, pulling on my own clothes.

"How is this okay!? I haven't told... just, it's not okay."

She hurled herself toward my bedroom door and flung it open, making her way to the hall bathroom and closing the door while I went toward the kitchen. I became very involved in filling up a glass of water when my mom and Lauren came in.

"Is Sam here?" Lauren asked immediately, obviously having seen her car out front.

"Hello to you, sister. Yeah, she just got here a bit ago, and I told her she could wait for you. I think she's in the bathroom."

As if on cue, Sam exited the bathroom, her hair pulled into a giant ponytail and a smile on her face as if we hadn't just taken a flying leap from having fun to something much more serious.

Lauren was droning on about baking cookies or something, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Sam.

She seems okay, right?

I hated that any type of conversation got cut short by the damned garage door. I should have planned better. She couldn't leave without me being able to tell her how amazing she was.

I took a long drink of my water and grinned at her before heading back toward my room. I heard Lauren complete her baking plans and say she was going to take a shower.

Thank god, I thought.

"Hey." I stepped out and caught Sam by the waist in the hallway on her way to Lauren's room. She jumped, and her eyes still held a bit of panic in them. I wanted to take it away.

"Don't sneak up on someone like that!"

"In my house... where I live?" I smirked.

"Yes!"

"Everything is fine, Sam. I can talk to Lauren if you want. Or be with you. Or we don't have to tell her at all. That's not really my concern, but I know it is for you. Just... I didn't want this morning to end that way."

She was avoiding eye contact, and I reached for her face to encourage her to look at me.

"Can I kiss you?" I stepped toward her and rubbed my hands up and down her arms. I felt her relax slightly.

"Mhm," she answered.

I leaned down and brushed her lips with mine.

"This morning was, like, incredible. I'm sorry it was interrupted, but it doesn't make it not incredible. Okay?"

"Okay, you're right. Yeah."

I placed one more light kiss on her lips before heading back toward my room, just in time for me to hear the water shut off in the bathroom.

It killed me to walk away from her while she was smiling at me like that, but I made it back to my room and fell into my bed that now smelled like her shampoo. I felt like I could kick a door off its hinges at that moment.

I didn't remember driving back to Garrett's Hardware , but I found myself idling in the parking lot, grinning like an idiot.