Chapter 34

By the time Stella was making her way along the top prom the temperature had dropped, the wind had picked up and lumpen grey clouds had crept over the sky, smothering any last traces of sunshine. Now, large, chilly drops of rain were splashing down. A rash of goosebumps erupted over her skin, urging her to push forward, her long legs making short work of it.

Though her conversation with Pim was running through her mind, thoughts of Alex had started to nudge their way in the closer Stella got to home. She wasn't used to her personal life occupying so much headspace, her cases were usually responsible for that, leaving her emotions unscathed. But now…

Ughh!She sucked in a lungful of fresh salty air as she contemplated this new set of circumstances. Now it felt as if her emotions had been set adrift on a choppy sea and given a thorough tossing about.

Arriving back at Fitzgilbert's Landing, she ran up the stairs and headed straight for Alex's apartment, knocking urgently on the door, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. Her face speckled with rain, she didn't care that she'd look windswept and bedraggled. What was more important was that she spoke to him, cleared the air between them and apologised. If he'd let her, that is.

When there was no answer, she knocked again, disappointment squeezing tightly when she realised he still wasn't home. Pulling her phone from the back pocket of her jeans, she searched for his number and pressed the call icon, listening for sounds of a phone ringing behind his door. But all she heard was a frustrating silence, the call eventually going to voicemail.

Having changed back into her loungewear, Stella had been at her desk, working for the last hour and a half when her phone pinged with a text. She snatched it up, hoping to see Alex's name, but her eyes landed on Florrie's instead. Much as she loved her friend, she couldn't help but be disappointed. She opened the text, her eyes widening as she read it.

Hi Stells, just a quick message to say I hope your talk with Pim went well. Also wanted to mention that Ed and I saw Alex looking in the estate agent's window when we were at the bookshop earlier. Might be nothing, but thought you'd like to know. Fxx

With her heart thudding Stella reread the message, her mind running over the implications. He might have just been looking in the window out of general interest –or nosiness – she was no stranger to that herself. Or – the least palatable option – he might have been looking for property to move to. She couldn't deny the allegations she'd hurled at him that fateful night had been pretty unpleasant, and it didn't take a genius to see why he'd want to move house with his accuser living a matter of feet away.

She scrunched her eyes tight shut. Why did I have to wade in like that, adopting full-on barrister mode, accusing him and pointing the finger? I didn't even give him a chance to speak, didn't stop to listen. She huffed out a frustrated sigh. ‘Stella Hutton, you've been a complete and utter fool! You've let your fear of commitment take over and now you've blown it with the only man you've ever cared about!'

The need to speak to Alex had suddenly taken on a new urgency. She had to get hold of him. Had to make him understand how utterly sorry she was.

With her fingers flying over the screen of her phone and her heart pounding hard against her ribcage she found Alex's number, her hand shaking as she pressed the call icon. Unsurprisingly, it rang out before going to voicemail so she sucked in a deep breath and left a message, asking him to get in touch with a view to them meeting up, explaining how she wanted to apologise. Ending the call, and feeling she'd been uncharacteristically gabbly, she hoped she wouldn't have long to wait before he returned her call. If, indeed, he would.

Taking a break from her work, Stella stood at her balcony window, mug of coffee in her hand, watching as the rain lashed against it, running in rivulets down the glass. The sea had turned a dark shade of pewter, trimmed with frothy white breakers. The beach was now empty of people but for the odd foolhardy dog walker. In the distance, a small fishing boat chugged its way back inland, a swirl of seagulls following in its wake.

She'd managed to get more prep done than she'd expected, especially with her mind being all over the place, but she was still glad of the extra day off work thanks to it being the August Bank Holiday weekend; she'd be working through that.

The sound of her mobile pinging to life pulled Stella away from her thoughts, sending her pulse racing. Please let it beAlex. She hurried over to her desk, quickly setting her mug down and scooping up her phone. Her heart dropped to her cashmere socks when she saw that the message was from her clerk Allegra. Stella's brow crumpled. Allegra may be uber efficient, but she wasn't one for texting on a Sunday unless something of great urgency had cropped up.

Curious, Stella opened the text.

Hi Miss Hutton, I can't begin to imagine what's given you the impression that I've been stealing your underwear, but I can assure you I'm definitely no "knicker-nicker"! Hope you find the real culprit! Allegra

Stella pressed her hand to her mouth, her face burning. ‘Oh no!' In her haste to speak to Alex she must have tapped on the wrong name. She could see how it had been done with Allegra being the one directly below Alex in her list of contacts. She cast her mind back to the voicemail message, recalling it had been generic, giving no clue as to the identity of the person she was calling. Little did she know it was her clerk's number. What is wrong with you, woman? You're going to pieces! She consoled herself with the fact that it could have been so much worse. Imagine if it had been someone like her stuffy head of chambers. She doubted very much he'd have been impressed.

At least Allegra had taken it in good spirits, especially if all the jokey emojis were anything to go by. Allegra may be supremely efficient and professional, but Stella was glad of their friendly working relationship, with a generous dash of good-natured banter. That was something at least.

Stella sent a quick reply, her blushes fading.

Oops! Sorry about that, Allegra! Wrong number! I'll explain later. Enjoy the rest of the long weekend. I promise to leave you in peace! Stella

She added a couple of emojis and pressed send, smiling to herself; that was going to be an interesting conversation in chambers next week.

Despite her smiles, Stella took it as a stark warning to herself. She needed to clear her head, regain her focus and stop allowing herself to be so distracted by the non-work-related things going on around her.

But she'd be the first to admit it wasn't quite as straightforward as that. It hadn't been easy to accept just how deeply her feelings for Alex had run, how he'd broken through the many, hitherto invincible, barricades to finally reach her heart. Hadn't been easy to admit to herself that she'd fallen for him, and fallen hard. And then, after all that, accepting the idea that maybe they could develop a relationship, she had to go and hurl some fairly unpleasant accusations at him. Her stomach twisted at the memory and she put her head in her hands.

As if that wasn't enough, her father turning up the way he had, then finding out Pim was her half-brother, had all taken turns in chipping away at her famously rock-solid exterior in a way she hadn't expected or experienced before. Not to mention the fact she was being followed by some creep. Unlike the tough, unpalatable subjects she was used to tackling, it wasn't so easy to place these matters into an imaginary box and file them away for dealing with another day. They were too personal, and they were stacking up. She needed to face them, needed to get them out of her head.

Which was exactly what she was determined to do. And she was going to start by leaving a calm and composed message on Alex's phone, with no mention of her knickers whatsoever. She inhaled a calming breath and called his number.